If you’ve been here since the beginning, you have known my husband since the aughts (nearly), back when he was emoji-bf. We’ve come a long way; today, we are now married two whole years. And it’s a happy occasion!
I feel the need to say that because a lot of times in the past year when people wish me Happy Something, it’s not happy at all. Birthday? Not happy, a cruel demarcation of time and my waning fertility. Hanukkah and Christmas? Not happy, as my matching PJ sets (mom, dad and baby) sit in my parent’s basement because I can’t have them in my house.
But anniversary? Definitely happy. I’m so, so happy that I found a partner, and that he has been everything and more to me.
Last year on our first anniversary of marriage, I was on a hiatus from the blog, and kind of on a hiatus from life in general. But this year, I need to celebrate it. In fact, I had a completely different blog scheduled to go out today and I delayed it because this is more important.
There’s a trend on TikTok at the moment that says “please explain to me what you mean by marriage is hard,” and then people stitch together moments of their husbands leaving food on the counter, or leaving their dirty socks beside, not inside, the hamper.
All of those things are hard. But you know what’s REALLY hard? Having your first child die in the first year of your marriage. That is brutally hard. And you know the tough part? In the second year of marriage, your child is still dead. Hard.
But we’re still here.
I’ve seen a meme on Instagram before that says you can predict how badly a relationship is going by how much the couple writes mushy stuff about each other on social media. I consider myself exempt from that. My sweet husband had literally no idea I was going to write this. Hell, I didn’t know either until I couldn’t stop reflecting and decided to put my thoughts in a document at midnight last night. To be honest, he probably won’t love this post (way too many private feelings on the internet!), but it’s all true.
Marriage is hard. But it’s also the best thing ever.
We chose to get married at a resort in Mexico, and we knew we probably wouldn’t be the only couple with the same idea. The resort was like a well-oiled machine, they clearly hosted weddings there often. But when we arrived, we realized there was actually only one other couple getting married the same day/weekend as us, and coincidentally, the groom had the same name as my husband! We ran into them after each of our ceremonies, when we were both walking around the hotel with our respective photography teams taking pictures. We even made our photographers take a photo of the four of us together!
Three months after our wedding, we were on our belated honeymoon in Curacao when I got a text from the bride. Her husband was in a horrific accident, and he had died. She told me to “cherish every day.”
I won’t say I have been cherishing every day, some of them have been really, really shitty, but I have definitely been trying my best to cherish my relationship.
In classic wedding vows, you say, “in sickness and in health.” I never realized how much that would be necessary in our first few years of marriage, both in physical and mental health. I used to cringe when I heard brides say to their grooms in their vows that their husbands-to-be were their best friends. How strange, while surrounded by their real best friends up at the altar!
Now, I get it. Not only do I get it, I say it literally every day to my husband, “you’re my best friend in the whole wide world.” Like, probably 5 times a day. He is the only person who has been there every day, and there are many days when he is the only person I talk to.
He was not just there with me in the hospital, but he’s there with me at home. He has seen the many times I’ve been crying in the corner of the couch. He has talked to me on the phone during a panic attack. He has left the room because his presence was making me nervous while I was taking my blood pressure. Sometimes he leaves me alone, especially at my request. But sometimes, he knows I could use a distraction and he plans a staycation, or a vacation, or he just calls an Uber and takes me to Brookfield Place so I can walk around and get some physical activity without getting sweaty. He gets me, he accepts me, and he’s there for me.
Every relationship has trials and tribulations. I didn’t realize our first bout of them would arrive so quickly, but they did.
I don’t think anyone in the world would come to me for relationship advice. Mostly because I’m a hot mess and I don’t think anyone would come to me for any kind of advice. But if anyone ever asked me, I would say communication is key. This seems obvious, but especially in our relationship where we are so completely different in our personalities and communication styles, it’s important that we keep open lines of both talking and listening. We’ve done a lot of both over the past two years, and I hope it continues.
I know our next year will be even better. Not because I know we will have a living baby, that is very much out of our hands. But I know, because we love each other more every day. Happy anniversary my love (if you ever read this). I love you to the next galaxy and back.
Well guys, we got married. I guess that means we are now in the “honeymoon phase.” However, we have been together nearly 7.5 years so I think that era is long-gone (sorry, babe).
Good news is, getting married did give us a great excuse to take a vacation! And I know what you’re thinking, wasn’t your wedding in Cabo? Wasn’t that vacation enough?? And the answer is clearly “no.” Cabo was gorgeous and we had the most amazing time with family and friends, but we wanted time to hang out with each other and relax, and a wedding is not that.
When choosing where to go on a honeymoon, I was thinking of far-flung, once-in-a-lifetime places. Like Africa. Or the Maldives. But my husband, Mr. Finance, wanted a place that was in a relatively similar time zone in case he needed to check emails, and preferably with a nonstop flight since the flight delays and cancellations this summer have been terrible. Also, we planned to go in August so we had to think about hurricane season, and try to avoid it. Since we went to Aruba last summer, we decided to go to Curacao, its slightly larger next-door neighbor. The ABC (Aruba-Bonaire-Curacao) islands are below the hurricane belt, and JetBlue flies there direct 3 times per week!
The best part about a honeymoon is the feeling that you can splurge. And yes, I probably should have started this blog with an acknowledgment of our privilege but, yeah, we were not thinking about money at all during our trip. That said, things are not too expensive, so we didn’t spend a crazy amount. We did upgrade to EVEN MORE SPACE seats, though. BALLIN!
We decided not to stay at an all-inclusive resort. There are certainly pros and cons to both, but not having food included in the price opened up our budget to try new restaurants, new neighborhoods, and to be honest, it meant I drank a lot less! There’s this feeling at an all-inclusive that you need to eat and drink your money’s worth. At a regular hotel, there was all-day availability of drinks, and when I wanted one, I got one! I had an Aperol spritz almost every evening while getting ready for dinner. That said, it felt less like a booze-fest because I was more thoughtful about getting drinks and there was no alcohol in the room. Another big advantage of no all-inclusive was that we felt we could be more flexible about when and where we ate. For example, after jet-skiing (more on that later), there was a little bar at the pier and we decided to stay and hang out and do happy hour there. Since the drinks weren’t included at our hotel, there was no feeling of having to get back to “take advantage.”
More about the hotel, since we didn’t stay at a crazy all-inclusive resort, we were able to book the BIGGEST suite in the entire hotel. It was wholly unnecessary for 2 people and we felt like king and queen of the resort. I even filmed an MTV cribs-style video of the whole thing, it took 3:15 to walk around!! We had 2 separate wrap-around balconies, two full bathrooms, a living room, a kitchen, a bar, a dining table, a soaking tub, it was MASSIVE. And it was $200 less per night than the cheapest all-inclusive.
Our suite had double doors, that’s how you know it was big.We both took advantage of this tub. Me with an aperol spritz of course.The private beach at the hotel. absolutely gorgeous!
It’s no secret that Chris and I like to vacation differently. That’s why you see me always going on vacation with my friends. My friends and I love to explore and do ALL the things. I usually come back from vacation and feel like I need another immediately. Chris, on the other hand, likes to take vacation to RELAX. As in, he likes to stay in the room. In bed. Hang out. Watch tv. Be on his laptop. The good news is, we’ve been together a long time so we know this about each other. I tried to be respectful of his ideal vacation when I was looking at activities for our honeymoon. I tried to think of our top 3 activities we were both interested in doing, and then mixed in days between where we relaxed. Extra perk – I got a great tan reading on the beach and I finished two books! I also spent a lot of time on Alabama Rushtok. Typical honeymoon, amirite?
Last summer when Chris and I went to Aruba, we went on an ATV tour and had a blast. This year, we wanted to do something similarly adventurous, but a little different so we decided to jet ski. To be completely honest, it was not great. We chose to go at 4 pm so between the sun setting in our eyes and the salt water spraying in them, the visibility was abysmal. Also, I had never been on a jet ski before and the instructor didn’t really want to instruct. To make matters worse, my jet ski was broken and started to beep uncontrollably when I slowed down, and then stalled out. This meant I had to constantly go very fast, on a vehicle I’d never been on before, and when I couldn’t see. Not ideal. Halfway through, the instructor switched jet skis with me, which was terrifying on open water, but definitely helped because I never stalled out again! I pulled my adductor gripping on to the thing for dear life, which is still recovering, but I don’t regret doing it. It’s a story!
The next adventure we did was a full day boat trip to Klein Island, or little Curacao. This was way more our speed. We showed up to the dock, and they drove us around. The waters on the way there were ROUGH, but I had read about that in a lot of the reviews. I am not exaggerating, we ran out of barf buckets and had multiple people just heaving into plastic bags. Once Chris and I went to the top level to get away from the vomit, things went a lot smoother. We spent a leisurely day at the beach, on the boat, snorkling, and hiking to see an old lighthouse. It was a great day and while it was technically an excursion, it didn’t involve too much energy expenditure.
Our final big excursion was a day of beach hopping. We went to Grote Knip, where we heard the beach was one of the most beautiful on the island (it was). We went to Playa Forti to jump off of a cliff. By “we” I mean “me.” But my husband did an excellent job of watching our towels and filming the content for Instagram. An equally important role. We also went to Playa Piscado to snorkel with sea turtles, and I actually saw two! The water was SO clear it was amazing. We attempted to see wild flamingos on the way back to town, but unfortunately they were hiding from us, or from the heat.
Jet Ski Adventure!Post jet ski, happy to be able to see again.Boat Day and Klein IslandSelfie AshoreAdorable and flattering photo of us bothOur ship!Chris in his element. In the shade.Hike to the LighthouseGetting suited up to search for turtles.Found one!! TURTLE!Do you see me jumping off the cliff?HAIR UP!
Throughout our trip, we ate at great restaurants, and being on a small island for a week meant we had time to revisit some of our favorites. We had breakfast twice at BijBlau, where it was inexpensive, delicious, and you could sit literally on the beach. We had dinner twice at Rozendaals; Chris still dreams of the apple tart dessert. We had lunch and snacks twice at Gouverneur de Rouville and watched as the Queen Emma Bridge swung open and closed for boats. One night, we went to Coconut Night at Shelterrock Paradise, where they cooked our dinners in coconuts over an open fire, and ended with a lively night of karaoke led by both staff and guests. Chris impressed the crowd with his version of Frank Sinatra’s My Way, and I killed it in a song fitting for a honeymoon: Let’s Hear It for the Boy.
My honeymoon outfits were *chef’s kiss” if I do say so myself. I brought a combination of outfits I had bought specifically for the honeymoon, dresses I bought for our wedding in Mexico (look at me, so thrifty!), and I also subscribed to a month of Rent the Runway so I could have fun, new-to-me clothes. Unfortunately, despite my research prior to the trip, while the airport had plenty of American-style electric outlets, our hotel had zero. So my hair tools did not work and my hair… has definitely looked better. I tried my best using my limited resources, and I’d say we still had a great time despite my hair looking awful.
Our favorite breakfast spot on the beachOur dining partner at breakfastBest part, climbing on rocks while waiting for food.Instagram Husband GoldOur favorite drinks spot with A+ viewSelfie on Queen Emma Bridge<3 <3 <3Coconut Night!YUMFollowed by Karaoke
Since we went to Aruba last year, a lot of people have asked me which island we preferred and it’s tough to say! We had very different trips. For one, in Aruba we stayed at an all-inclusive and did not rent a car. While we did a few excursions, we mostly stayed on the hotel grounds. Also, it’s much smaller so a car isn’t needed as much. In Curacao, we were there longer, we explored more, we drove around the island, and we ate all of our meals outside the hotel. There was no room service at all, so we really explored restaurants and snacks/drinks places. It also felt a lot more foreign! The first language in Aruba seemed to be English. Everywhere we went, people greeted us in English and took US Dollars. In Curacao, it seemed we were the lone Americans. Most tourists were Dutch and spoke Dutch, and the menus were all listed in Antillean guilder (ANG), or NAf. Both islands had gorgeous beaches, perfect, sunny days, and amazing Aperol Spritz. And of course my adorable husband!
Now we are back to real life and already dreaming of our next vacation.
One of the first questions I get about our wedding is why we chose to have it in Cabo, and why we wanted a destination wedding in general. We chose Cabo because there were direct flights from New York, it was a bit different and more romantic than Cancun, and because the resort answered my email quickly and they had our requested weekend available. Our initial choice was Ixtapa, on the Pacific coast of Mexico, but the resort ghosted me for a month after our initial 2 emails.
As for why we chose to have a destination wedding, the honest answer is that we didn’t necessarily want a destination wedding, and Chris was really on the fence. But after weighing the pros and cons, it seemed like the only logical choice and, as Chris will get used to in our marriage, I was right. He even admitted it! If you are considering a destination wedding, my advice would be: DO IT. You’ll see from the grossly uneven list below that it is the correct choice.
Pros:
Why Not?: At this point in my life (mid-30’s – yikes!), almost everyone has moved away from “home.” That means every wedding is a “destination” wedding in terms of having to pay for a flight and a hotel. So why not make it a vacation, too? I have only been to one wedding in my life that did not require a hotel stay, and a handful that didn’t require a flight. And I have been to a LOT of weddings. The flight + hotel for my wedding in Cabo was honestly less expensive than many other weddings I have attended in Cleveland, Bozeman, and Las Vegas. And all of the food and drinks and entertainment were included! There were things to do during the day, like aqua aerobics, trivia in the pool, and line dancing on beach, and there were activities at night like live music, and foam parties at the club. And of course, lots of drinking.
Budget: Destination weddings are CHEAP! Relative to having a wedding in the United States, especially in a city, a destination wedding is a fraction of the cost. Labor is cheaper in Mexico, but also, having everything in one place meant we did not need to think about bringing in vendors like catering, table and chairs rentals, and of course the dreaded transportation costs. None of that was needed and it was all on-site.
Wedding Planner Included: This is related to budget, but when we were thinking about planning a wedding, it was extremely overwhelming. We both have full time jobs and adding a new title of “party planner” to my resume was not something I had the energy to do. Also, since we knew we were going to get married outside of New York City, we would need help finding vendors in that place and a wedding planner would need to make those connections for us. For that reason, we knew we would need a wedding planner, and not just a day-of coordinator. We realized we were going to be spending ~$8K-$10K on a planner at a minimum. At all-inclusive resorts, the planner is part of the package.
Where do we want to get married?: Most couples nowadays meet online, or meet in a city that is neither of their hometowns. Historically, a wedding takes place where the bride grew up, but my parents don’t live where I grew up anymore and I have no more ties to Florida, nor would we have anywhere to stay while we looked at venues. Chris and I didn’t have a single place in common besides New York City, where venues start at $15,000 just for the space. Since we didn’t have a place we really wanted to get married anyway, we decided to pick somewhere beautiful.
Scenery: When I was planning our wedding, I said to my friends that we were not paying for any extras they offered, like special plates or tablecloths or paper lantern lighting. I joked and said the beach was the decoration, but you know what? It was. It was GORGEOUS. I showed my friends the photo below and one of them said it looked fake, another said it looked like a magazine. The background of every photo is stunning. At zero additional cost!
GORGEOUS.Minimal decorations at the party with my bro.I mean come on. This pic!?The not fake photo. Even the wind was perfect for my train!
They know their sh*t: Perhaps that wasn’t the most eloquent wording but it’s true. These resorts produce weddings like a well-oiled machine. They know what they are doing because they do it every day. Things run smoothly, on time, flowers are where they are supposed to be, there are contingency plans in place, and it is easy. We planned our entire wedding with about 30 emails back and forth. We booked our florist by email (the one they recommended) and we used their DJ. We filled out a music questionnaire by email. We filled out our cake order online. Everything was done in a few quick spreadsheets and it came to life seamlessly. We met with the wedding planner 2 days before the wedding and reviewed all of the details. She assured us she knew what she was doing, and it went perfectly. Also, there’s a huge benefit to working with vendors who know the venue like the back of their hand. Our photographer knew every spot in the resort where photos would look amazing. The one of me below was the outside of the Indian restaurant. And that random window and hallway shot… none of those could have been done without a skilled photographer who knew the space. There was even a wedding 2 hours after us, and we met the other couple in the pool the day before. We ran into them while we were both taking photos and snapped one with them. It was so fun to have another couple experiencing it with us.
Our buddies, the other bride and groom (also named Chris!)How adorable is this window shot. He knew all the spots!Taken outside the Indian restaurant.Look how beautiful these flowers were!
Spending quality time with everyone: This is by far the biggest positive of having a destination wedding. My main gripe with spending a lot of money to travel to weddings is when I don’t even get to see the couple. This has happened to me a few times, where I fly somewhere, get a hotel room, and I’m not even in the bridal party so I don’t go to the rehearsal dinner. I just show up at the wedding, see the couple when they walk around to greet each table, and I also dance with them on the dance floor for 5-10 minutes. Then I fly home and send a gift. It’s the worst and I always go home feeling like I wasted my money and time. When you have a destination wedding, it’s like going on a family reunion/friends vacation. You have DAYS to hang out with everyone at the pool, have breakfast and coffee, do shots at the foam party, and pretend to do aqua aerobics while sipping pina coladas. The best part is there is zero pressure to chat with everyone at the reception and greet each table, because you’ve already been spending days with them. It’s a win-win, and you can go home feeling like you had quality time with each of your guests. I left Mexico feeling closer to the people I already knew, and feeling like I forged real relationships with those I had just met.
Cons:
I warned you up top that there are very few negatives to having a destination wedding, but after racking my brain, I could only think of 4, and you will see below that I don’t even truly believe all of them.
Not everyone will be able to attend: If you want a huge wedding with everyone in your family in attendance, then you should not have a destination wedding. Having a wedding outside of the country does require a passport, so you will be cutting out some of your guest list by having a wedding abroad. However, as I mentioned above, every wedding will have a cost for guests unless you live in the same place where you grew up, so there will always be some people who cannot attend.
You do not want your guests to spend a lot of money: Again, I don’t truly believe this is possible and there are ways around this. For example, we told our guests they did not need to give gifts because we knew they were spending a lot of money to come. We also paid for some of our close family’s hotel rooms if we knew they couldn’t otherwise afford to come. Personally, the Cabo wedding was not even the most expensive one I went to this year!
You have a family with food issues/special requirements: All-inclusive resorts are nice because they have unlimited food available at all times. They also usually have a lot of different kinds of food. But if you have family with food requirements, like if they are vegetarian, vegan, kosher, etc, it may be difficult for them to find food. For a normal wedding, you only need to worry about one meal for them. At a destination wedding, you have DAYS of meals and with limited options, it can be repetitive and non-nutritious for those family members.
You want a SUPER UNIQUE wedding: It’s true, most resorts are “wedding machines.” This means there will be many other brides and grooms out there who had a similar experience to you. As I mentioned, there was another couple who got married on the same exact day as us! However, this also means that things are well-planned and run smoothly. Also, if I’m honest, I’ve been to around 30 weddings and I’m sure the couple always thinks they are unique – they are not. A wedding is a wedding. It may be an expensive wedding, but it will not be as different as you think it is. Sure, there’s an ice sculpture or a chuppah draped in flowers, but at the end of the day, it’s a party.
As you can see, I think the pros extremely outweigh the cons, but I’m interested to hear your thoughts. Have you been to a destination wedding? Do you think it was better or worse than a regular wedding? Did it cost you more money?
I promised you another installment of wedding content and this one may be the most important one. If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I have been a wedding guest A LOT. I’m a pro. But now I’ve also been the bride and I have picked up a lot of tips and tricks along the way.
My first tip: Have a glam team. I know not everyone is like me, but hair is IMPORTANT. Having bad wedding hair is listed as a regret on every single Betches Brides Wedding podcast episode. As you know, I flew in Alli from @playbraids to do my hair for my wedding. This was by far the best decision I made, aside from picking the husband. Not only did it make it easy because she was able to do multiple looks on multiple days, but she was friendly and fun for all of my friends to hang out with (and me, of course!). And most importantly, it took away a HUGE piece of wedding stress for me. The less stress, the better. I felt pressured to have amazing hair, and Alli understood the assignment. She was a huge trooper, helped me film multiple tiktoks, styled my mom’s hair and my best friend’s, and put up with/loved the Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion vibes. There’s this amazing video she took while the photographer was taking serious portraits of me, and you can hear WAP blasting in the background. Special bonus, my family also fell in love with her, and my mom announced that she’s another honorary daughter of hers now. Almost every person who has seen photos of the wedding has commented on my amazing hair. #WORTHEVERYPENNY
Casual Photoshoot and Rehearsal Dinner HairWedding morning!I wish I could wear those extensions every day.Finishing touches!Alli and my Momma, new BFFs!
Here’s a tip for your guest list: keep it small. Some people with large families don’t have this option, but I recommend it. With this pandemic becoming a part of our everyday lives, the trend of “micro-weddings” has continued and I couldn’t love it more. We ended up with 51 guests (and a wedding crasher, more on that later) and it was the perfect amount to feel like we had close friends and family, a full dance floor, and people all over the resort. In fact, the morning of the wedding I was trying not to run into anyone, but sure enough I ran into one of Chris’s best friends at the coffee shop. It felt intimate and small, but also like we were surrounded by everyone in our lives.
Regarding toasts and hand-written vows: do them. Both. First the toasts. Choose these people wisely. No one wants to be bored while they are trapped at their tables and far from the bar. Choose entertaining people who will also have unique perspectives on the bride and groom. You don’t want 8 friends all talking about the same things. Chris’s dad told a story I had never heard before about him as a kid. And it was so fun to hear about his childhood from his siblings. For my side, I had one speech from my family (a poem – so funny) and one from my best friend (also hysterical, I cried and laughed). Having different types of people (siblings, parents, friends) makes for different types of speeches and keeps things interesting. Our speeches went a little long, but I think everyone enjoyed them, although I may be biased.
As for vows, I know it can be time-consuming and stressful to add this on top of other wedding planning, but it’s worth it. I understand that not every person enjoys speaking in front of a crowd, but if you pretend it’s just you and your future spouse, it makes it easier. Almost everyone at our wedding knew one of us well since it was a small guest list, and it still made the wedding an engaging experience to include our guests in our love and reasons for choosing to be with this person for life. The day after the ceremony, I had one couple (who is getting married this weekend!) tell me that they planned to read their vows to each other in private, but they were reconsidering because it felt so special to hear ours. Also, the practice of writing your own vows is so special. It forces you to think of when you knew they were your person and what you love and cherish about them. The whole point of inviting people to celebrate with you in your love is to explain those reasons to them. It makes it feel more personal.
Family poemBFF toast… so funny!
Here’s a tip for the anxious brides: only control the things you want to control. If the bridesmaid dresses don’t really matter to you, don’t worry about them! I just wanted my bridesmaids to be comfortable, so I let them pick. Granted, I only had 2 bridesmaids, so it was easier for them to coordinate themselves, but I did not want to sweat the small stuff. Another thing I didn’t care about was the groomsmen, so I let Chris pick. Yes, I was a little nervous when 2 months prior he said he hadn’t picked outfits or communicated with them, but my husband is bit of a posh spice (yes, I called him that in my vows), so I knew I could trust him to figure it out. And he did! Less stress for me.
One more tip about stress: there are some things that will be out of your control. You can’t stress about them because you cannot change them. Flight changes? CHECK. They are going to happen. Our flight to Mexico was canceled the night before. We booked another flight that night. Was it way more money than the original? Yes. But we didn’t really have a choice and I chose not to stress about it. Our MC got stuck in traffic and never arrived. But the photographer’s assistant offered to step up, and what was I going to say? No? Of course not. I said sure! And we went through the list of names for speeches and dances and she killed it. No one even noticed. These things happen and you need to make a conscious decision to just go with the flow. Having an open bar helps.
Here’s a tip regarding an expensive cake: save on the cake, splurge on the cake topper! By the time cake hits the table, most people will be up dancing. And if they aren’t, they’re probably drunk. Hell, if it’s a good party at all, probably everyone will be drunk. People are not going to appreciate the flavor and moistness of the cake. But they WILL appreciate an aesthetic. We were lucky enough to have my aunt make us a cake topper that looked just like us on our wedding day. She made the bride wear my dress, carry my bouquet, she even put highlights and a braid in her hair! Chris also looked dapper in a blue suit and white boutonniere. Everyone LOVED it. We have a google album of guest photos, and there must be 15 different people who took photos of the cake topper. And the best part: it now sits in our living room smackdab in the middle of our bookshelf. Our cleaner saw it last week and was in SHOCK she loved it so much.
Here’s another unconventional trick: do a fun (not slow) father-daughter dance. My dad and I started out slow with Lee Ann Womack’s I Hope You Dance, and after 1 minute we transitioned into a zydeco number, Daddy Lessons by The Chicks and Beyonce. It was a HUGE hit. People were laughing and clapping, and my dad and I had a blast. I heard comments about it from our guests all weekend long! It was engaging and it sped up the tedious first 30 minutes of watching dances and speeches.
Our gorgeous cake (could not tell you what it tasted like)HOW CUTE!?!Me, Chris, our mini-mes, and my crazy-talented aunt who made it for us!We started out slow.Then… all zydeco broke loose!We had an absolute blast.
One of the more controversial points in this blog is about welcome baskets. I think that whether you need them depends on where you have the wedding. If you know people are flying in, not renting cars, and the hotel is in an isolated place, then I would recommend them. Water and snacks are not always available, and when they are, they’re crazy expensive. If you can’t walk down the street to a bodega or a Walgreens, I’d say it’s a nice thing to offer. However, I think they can be simple. If your wedding is local, or in a city with many things around, they’re unnecessary. And welcome baskets are definitely not necessary at all-inclusives. For my wedding there were beverages included in every room (alcoholic, non-alcoholic and water), and I made sure everyone knew that I had Advil, ibuprofen and sunscreen for everyone. Also, there was food and room service available 24/7 for free if people got hungry. We gave out engraved reusable straws as favors, and I don’t think shipping boxes of crap and snacks to Mexico and forcing people to carry it home in their already-stuffed carry-ons was necessary.
My final tip, and the perfect segue into the next installment of wedding content: Have a destination wedding. I won’t delve into it too much here since I am going to write a whole other blog about this, but suffice it to say, it was the right decision for us. I know some people say this isn’t an option because of family pressure or cost of travel but let me tell you, it was not that expensive. It was beautiful. And it was FUN. More on that next time!
Do you have any tips or tricks you’ve picked up from being a bride, groom, or repeat guest? Let me know in the comments!
I’ve been on blog hiatus, but the good news is, I’ve been so busy that I have PLENTY of material now. SURPRISE I got married! Ok, not a surprise because I talked about dress shopping, a hair trial, and other wedding-related things for the whole 4 months while we “planned.” I use that term loosely.
I’m going to do a series of blogs about the wedding. Here’s what you have to look forward to:
NO RAGRETS. Ok, I have a few. I’ll write about those today. Read on!!
Tips and Tricks: coming out this weekend!
Destination Wedding – do or don’t? (Spoiler Alert: the answer is DO): posting next week
Wedding Recap (and the things that went wrong): later this month.
First, a quick wedding summary: It was amazing. It was so special to have all of my friends and family in one place. It was a week-long party. It was GORGEOUS. The weather was literally perfect. Some would say it was too cool at night but since my internal temperature is roughly the same as an oven, it was perfect for me. The toasts/speeches were PHENOMENAL. I really would barely have changed anything. But since that is a very boring blog post, I decided to start off with a bang and tell you about the things I would have changed.
The good news about my regrets is that there aren’t many. I’ve been reflecting for a few weeks and despite the contemplation, I still have a short list of regrets, which is great!
My main regrets are regarding the photographer, but it’s not that they were bad, they were actually great. However, I probably asked them to cover the wrong times (my fault). Since our speeches ran late, they only could cover 15 minutes of dancing and I probably would have preferred an hour. I haven’t seen the photos yet but hopefully they got some good content! And to be fair, it was nice to take as many shots of gin as I wanted and know it wouldn’t be captured on film for my future children to see. The timing also affected the photo booth, which was another regret. We had it out for people to use during cocktail hour and then the first hour of the reception. Again because of speeches and mingling at cocktail hour, no one really got to use it! I kind of wish we just hadn’t paid for it. We didn’t need it and we had fun without it. Thankfully, we had plenty of friends with phones taking pictures of dancing at the reception and the after-party. Some of those will never see the light of the internet.
Despite the many podcast episodes I listened to, I didn’t pay attention when the experts insisted a bride should have a shot list for the photographer. I didn’t have one, so it was disorganized after the ceremony as I was pulling random groups for photos. A lot of people were waiting around in the sun and people were getting antsy and sunburned. I also wish we had taken photos with every guest. Since we only had 50, it would have been totally feasible, but I didn’t think about it at the time.
The only people I saw use the photobooth!I only had a few friends who specifically asked for photos and they came out so great I wish I had them with everyone (and these are the unofficial ones!)Post-reception at the clubDancing the night awayAll photos thanks to iphones
Another thing, as I look back – I wish we had a second shooter, at least for the ceremony. I didn’t realize that since there was only one person taking photos, they could only capture one angle of the ceremony. They got the most adorable photo of Chris as he turned around and saw me for the first time walking down the aisle, but since the photographer was behind me, I don’t think he got any of my face as I walked down. Again, I haven’t seen the photos yet (they sent us 10 as a teaser), but I’m not sure how they would have captured me, except maybe far away as we were walking down to the beach. Thankfully, my friends took a few photos and videos of my parents walking me down. Also, the photographer managed to get some great far-shots as well as some great close-ups, like of Chris putting on my ring.
Photo from friends of me walking down the aisle with my parents.How cute is this one????Very close photo, he must have changed lens.
My next regret should be filed under #SaveOrSplurge and for this one, I would say SAVE on bridesmaid bouquets. Full disclosure: I am not a flower girl, so these were on rock bottom of budget needs for me. Honestly, I would have gone without a bouquet myself, but it was included in the resort package. And don’t get me wrong, my bouquet was gorgeous. It’s just that it was BIG and difficult to hold! I kept asking the photographer to take photos without it. If you have a lot of bridesmaids, those bouquets can add up! The resort package included a “maid of honor” bouquet, and since I had 2 bridesmaids and no ”maid of honor,” I just added on one additional bouquet, which was a minimal cost, but a cost nonetheless. People always say, “it gives you something to do with your hands,” but the groomsmen didn’t have anything in their hands and they did just fine. I could have done without it, but I haven’t asked my bridesmaids what they thought. I guess matching bouquets do bring the pictures together in terms of cohesiveness, especially since they were in different dresses, but in my opinion, it was unnecessary.
Pre-wedding detail shots of the bouquets, they were massive!You can see my bridesmaids here with their bouquets.
My next regret is a true #firstworldproblem, but I wish that I had stayed longer at the resort after the wedding. I’m very thankful that we had another full day after the wedding (we got married on a Friday and left on Sunday), but it still felt too quick to return to the real world. I would have liked one or two extra days, but Chris couldn’t get the time off of work and it felt strange to stay there alone without him. It didn’t help that I had a few friends who stayed on, and I had serious FOMO! I would recommend a slower come-down for someone traveling to their wedding. I guess this is why people go on a honeymoon directly after, which brings me to my final regret – not planning a honeymoon before the wedding.
I wish I already had something to look forward to. Also, it’s incredibly awkward because once our registry was purchased (we didn’t ask for much – we’ve been together for almost 7 years!), people gave us money for specific funds for our honeymoon. For example, someone gave $50 for the honeymoon flight, or $100 for a couples massage etc. It’s extremely awkward when people ask where we are going, and I have to say “I don’t know yet.” Soon… hopefully! Stay tuned!!
I’ll be posting my wedding tips and tricks this weekend. I wouldn’t say I’m a pro now, but I have been to a LOT of weddings and now I’ve planned one, and I would like to think I have learned along the way!
There aren’t many things going on in my life right now besides work and planning my wedding (and attending 4 more weddings this year). So as much as I don’t want to be “that girl” who only posts about her wedding, that’s all I’ve got for you! At least for now.
The countdown is on; and the wedding is in under a month. That means that this month it was finally time to think about the thing that matters most: my hair. Every bride is allowed to have one “thing,” at least that is what I have read in all of the blogs. Hair is definitely my thing.
I would be lying if I said I just started thinking about it. You know how some brides have been adding wedding dresses and reception décor to their Pinterest boards since before they were engaged? That was me with favoriting bridal hair on my Instagram. I’ve had a folder for about 5 years. BUT it was finally time to think practically about what needed to happen to make my hair dreams come true.
I knew I needed fresh color, a fresh cut, new extensions, and the PERFECT stylist.
First: color. I decided to travel to Pennsylvania for my color, which is your first tip that I am going to be super EXTRA about my hair. But here’s the thing, I’ve lived in New York for 11 years and I have never gone to a colorist I loved. I’ve had some good color, but it was never the color of my dreams. When I had my hair purple, that was the color of my dreams, but she lives in Texas! Proving my point. Anyway, I knew I couldn’t mess around with color for my wedding, so I booked my color appointment with my bridal stylist of my dreams in Pennsylvania. Her styles are 85% of the styles in my saved folder, and she is a wizard with color, too! That appointment is in 2 weeks and I could not be more excited. Take one look at my grays and you will know that I haven’t colored my hair since September!
Purple hair of my dreams. I miss it every day.
Next: hair extensions. You may say “But Emily, your hair is long!” Well, it’s NOT LONG ENOUGH. But in reality, it’s more about volume. Most bridal styles you see online have extensions. Actually, I would say 90% of styles you see online on brides have extensions. I considered doing tape-in’s or sew-ins, but since I sweat so much and work out, and wanted them to last AND I wanted to be able to use them again, I went with clip-ins instead. I bought VERY long extensions from Luxy Hair, the brand my colorist-of-my-dreams recommended, and she said she would make sure my hair matched them perfectly.
Next step: the stylist of my dreams. Note the trend here about my dreams? I do, honestly, dream about my hair a lot. Some may say it’s a sickness. OH, and let’s stop everything right now because if you’re only reading this thinking you will see spoiler photos of my hair inspo, you will not. I’ve shown less people photos of my hair than photos of my dress.
Approximately 4.5 years ago when I started my hair Instagram (@braidinmanhattan go follow me now!), I met a woman with the same ridiculous sense of humor as me. Her name was Alli and she lived in Florida (@playbraids, go follow her now!). She made funny/sarcastic comments, and most importantly, she did not live in Utah and was not afraid to curse. If you’re new here, a majority of the braiding moms on Instagram are Mormon, have 4+ children and are younger than me, and/or are far more prim and proper than I will ever be. Nothing against that, but we have very little in common. Anyway, Alli and I clicked. And by “clicked,” I do mean in the virtual computer/phone sense, since we never met. Ever since we started chatting, I always joked, “if I ever get married, obviously you’re doing my hair!” But of course, I wasn’t engaged, so it became a running joke.
Fast-forward 2 years of constant DM-ing and we were FINALLY supposed to meet. We had both somehow got on the radar of a hair product company called Style Factor, and they hired us to braid at a hair show in NYC at the Javits Center! Alli was going to come all the way to the Big Apple and braid with me. We were psyched. Guess when this was? March 2020. Guess what happened instead?? Covid. Javits was converted into a field hospital, and the hair show was canceled. Hell, the whole world was canceled. So, we never met and we kept DM-ing. Alli started a “friends” salon where she braided kids’ American Girl Dolls that the neighbors dropped off contactless on her porch, and I left for Texas and got very good at braiding my own hair.
Fast-forward another 2 years, and I finally set a wedding date! Alli and I still hadn’t met, but I kept up my end of the promise. Alli now works for a legit salon, and I said “you better block off your calendar because I am flying you to Mexico to do my hair.” I’m not sure if she thought I was kidding, but I was not. I called her and got her info, and booked her a flight and hotel. It was the first thing I did after setting a wedding date. And I’m glad I did, because that $750 flight is now $2500. I am not exaggerating. Even with the cheap(er) flight, I am still spending more on my hair than I did on my weddings dress. By far. Is it worth it? YES.
The funniest part about spending big bucks on hair is that a hairstylist is literally included in the wedding package at the resort where we are getting married. As in, I could get my hair done for free. But I do not trust a random person to do my hair for the most important hair day of my life! I would be so upset if they did something worse than what I could do myself. Plus, I don’t want the stress of worrying about it.
You may be saying, “but Emily, Alli is a random person, too, and you’ve never met *her* either!” This was true… until last week.
Weeee!!!Alli and Me in my wedding hairstyle.Me really feeling myself.
When I knew I was hiring her as my stylist, I also knew I needed a hair trial. For a day as important as this, I needed a dress rehearsal. So, I booked a flight to Florida and stayed at her house with her family for Easter weekend. In the words of Drake, “I went from 0 to 100 real quick.” Her son said, “what if she robs us?” and I said, “what if they murder me?” But good news, no one stole anything and no one died, and I even got my very first Easter basket!
Before we started the hairstyle trial, I asked her if she was nervous and if I was her most nerve-wracking client ever. I think she said yes, but I was only half paying attention because I was nervous myself!! I knew I would be very picky. The good news is, she KILLED it. We have a few minor adjustments we will make for the big day but overall, I’m more excited for the wedding because I know my hair will be FIRE. Bonus, she will be a very fun wedding guest.
Now I just need to write my vows…
Started the day with my first-ever Easter basket outside my room! (and no, I didn’t rob her for that $20 bill, I gave it back).Obviously, we needed a stop at Wawa.Catching as many rays as I could in her backyard (with rose!)
As my wedding draws closer, I think it’s time to talk about it again. It’s been six weeks, I feel like I’ve earned it. Today’s topic: bridesmaid proposals. I know what you’re thinking: WTF is that?
Ladies and gents, the bridal industry has done it again. They have created yet another needless thingamabob. But this one I was excited to get behind because it involves giving presents to people who mean the most to you. And I love giving presents.
However, it’s important for me to start by saying: I didn’t care about bridesmaids. I felt very strongly that I didn’t care. I told my best friend a year ago not to be offended if I ended up not having any. And then, like much of the wedding planning, I left it up to my fiancé. I said, “do you want our parties to match in size? And if so, how many do you want and I’ll match it.” So he chose two, his brother and brother-in-law, and I chose two, my sister and best friend.
Now the proposal situation. I think in years past people used to just approach their friends and say, “will you be my bridesmaid?” Eventually this morphed into a card that said, “will you be my bridesmaid?” Now, Etsy has an entire section of the site dedicated to these proposal boxes and they include everything from personalized champagne flutes to $80 embroidered robes.
SPOILER ALERT: They said yes. Would they have said yes without all of this hullabaloo? Probably. Ok, definitely. But was it fun to put together and scheme? Also definitely.
Ideally, I would have asked them both in person, but since my BFF lives across the country, I needed to ask my sister in person when we went wedding dress shopping, keep it a secret, and then send a box across the country and depend on the USPS. Yikes!
I wanted to send something meaningful and fun, and include things that would actually be used. This was especially true as I thought about the gifts for my sister who lives in New York. The last thing we need in NYC is tchotchkes. The theme of the gifts was loosely: beach, travel, love, all-inclusive resort.
In general, I gave my two bridesmaids the same things, including heart-shaped dark chocolates, heart-shaped sunglasses (counts as “beach” and “love”!), travel toiletry containers and a carrying case, and a luggage tag. I also included a few “primping” items like under eye patches and foot scrub. I personalized those a bit; my BFF who works nights got special eye patches with caffeine infused. And my sister who loves her calluses did not get a foot repair kit.
Travel Kits and Luggage Tags, necessities for Mexico!I wanted sunglasses they MAY wear again so I didn’t choose bubblegum pink.Two eye patch kits, one foot scrub. Although I could use one now too…
And because I’m obsessed with hair, they also both got hair ties. I got them in their favorite color palettes, and of course the hair ties came on a piece of cardstock that said “Will You Help Me Tie the Knot? To have & to hold your hair back.” I got those from Etsy. I told you, there’s a whole industry for these things!
I also got personalized straws from Etsy that I had engraved. If you don’t know my love for straws, you do now. I ONLY drink from straws. Exclusively. And one of the biggest problems with all-inclusive resorts is that they have gotten rid of straws. It ALMOST makes me not want to go at all. Almost. Anyway, I tried to fix that problem by giving reusable ones to my bridesmaids and their spouses.
Loved these hair ties and the fact that I could pick the colors.These turned out even cuter than I expected.SO SOON!
Last but certainly not least, the cards. In fact, this was my favorite part of the gift. I saw an influencer (*eye roll*) get these cards and they were too amazing to pass up. You can personalize every aspect from the items held in the bride and bridesmaids’ hands, the hairstyles, the hair color, the skin tone, the robe color, the text, the names, everything! And the artist on Etsy was SO accommodating. I asked her if she could create some sort of head covering for my sister and we went back and forth twice to create the perfect head scarf. I was obsessed with these cards. I chose drinks that I thought my bridesmaids would order in Mexico, and I picked their favorite colors for the robes.
Oh, did I mention I also wrote poems for each individual item in the box and scrapbooked them because I am a crazy person? Honestly, this is definitely the craziest thing I have done so far pre-wedding. I won’t share all of the poems because there were A LOT, but I’ll share my intro poem to them:
Six years have come and gone and now it’s finally time,
To tie the knot and seal the deal, so that deserves a rhyme.
This wedding stuff is dumb, it’s just a lot of things,
I’m mostly here for lifelong love (and of course those gorgeous rings).
The thing that matters most to me is being with my favs,
My sister and my BFF in front of breaking waves.
My bridesmaid count is only 2 and one of them is you,
One a Shiksa Goddess, and one an Ortho Jew.
What color dress? Should they match? I really do not care,
You know the only thing I’ll control is the quality of hair.
I’ll leave it up to you to pick a color you both like,
Assuming before May, the Covid numbers again don’t spike.
I hope I’m not a bridezilla, I’m trying my very best,
All I know’s I want you there as a most important guest.
So SHALL you be my bridesmaid and stand with me in Cabo?
We can eat and drink unlimited until I am a blob-o!
I know I’m supposed to bury the lede but… I SAID YES TO THE DRESS!!!!
That’s right, I am one step closer to completing my checklist. The last item being: getting married.
If you read my post last week, you know I was not looking forward to a weekend of wedding dress shopping, but a lot of things about my experience surprised me and it was actually a super fun weekend.
On Saturday, I took a train to Philadelphia. It was my first time in Moynihan Station, which was a fun start to the trip. It was GORGEOUS in there! Although my train boarded 30 minutes late, I still got to the city of brotherly love with plenty of time to spare. It was so great to see my mom for the first time since before Thanksgiving. We headed out to our first bridal appointment where I had an entourage of my mom and her friend Randi who happens to be younger than me, despite being my mom’s friend (now my friend, too!). I really wanted a younger perspective and she’s been married 6 years so I knew she had been through this before.
My first appointment was at a salon called Sabrina Ann, a consignment bridal store with once worn and never worn dresses. A lot of the inventory comes from bridal salons and floor samples. While I was super excited about the idea of a more designer-quality dress at a lower price, I was most nervous about this store because I didn’t know if they would have anything that fit me. We were greeted by my consultant, Judy, who set the tone. She said “Is this our SUPER TALL VERY TALL bride?” At first, I was offended. But then I remembered that when I scheduled the appointment I had emailed ahead asking if they’d have inventory for me because I was “very, very tall.” They had assured me that it would be fine.
Something I didn’t know? At bridal appointments they never greet you by saying “hi,” they always say, “congratulations!” After we got the many “congrats” out of the way, Judy got to work. We talked sizing, and as I suspected, she pulled dresses 1 or 2 sizes larger than my street size. But they had many in my size! Since this was my very first appointment, I wanted to try on dresses in styles I had in mind, but I was also open to trying other styles just to see. It turned out my mom had made “Yes” “No” “Maybe” signs like what I mentioned I had made for my friend, which was super fun. These came into play a lot throughout the weekend.
Mommy and me!Entourage Day 1 with my consultant, Judy.Just Say No to the Dress.Randi and Me
To be honest, the first thing that surprised me so much about the whole process was how decisive I was. There were many dresses where the second I put them on, it was an immediate no. It was still kind of fun to put on lots of different things, though. Some were boho forest fairy, some were Cinderella, some red carpet, some Greek goddess. It was like playing dress up! Out of all of them, though, only 2 were contenders, but they were serious ones!
There was one dress that immediately stood out to me on the rack. Sure enough, it was one of the final two contenders, both of which I loved. But ultimately I went with a different dress that would need some alterations on the back, but overall fit extremely well and was very flattering (and long enough!).
I was able to Facetime with Chris’s older sister in Texas while I was in the dress to see what she thought. It was fun to have her and her husband’s opinions! I stayed with them for six months at the beginning of Covid (remember my time in Texas?), so I feel very close to them, and their opinions were important to me.
Since each dress was one-of-a-kind, the store gave an option if I wasn’t ready to buy yet, to put a dress on hold for $30 to take it off the floor for 3 days. I made a decision out of my final two dresses I loved, and we left the store feeling very successful. The pressure was off! I had two appointments the next day, but I knew I already had a dress I loved on hold so I felt like the rest of the weekend could be fun.
Day 2, two more appointments, and I officially had a family entourage. My sister and my future-sister-in-law took the train/bus into Philly, and we headed to appointment number 2: David’s Bridal. To make it even more fun, my sister came bearing themed attire. Y’all know I’ve never met a theme I didn’t love. I strutted into David’s Bridal in my “Bride To Be” sash and Bride Headband (duh hair accessory) like I owned the place. I had heard some horror stories about DB, like the zippers breaking and having to be sewn into a dress, but I had also heard that MANY bridal success stories, and they have dresses at very reasonable prices.
We got off to a rocky start, since our assigned consultant was 20 minutes late. They checked us in and told us to just walk around the salon and pick dresses we liked, and “turn them to the side.” This quickly became a sh*tshow because there were 8 brides all around the store, turning all types of dresses, lots I would not be caught dead in. Some were in garment bags, some were not, and we were very lost and confused. But then our consultant Melissa arrived, and it was a 180. She. Was. Awesome.
The first thing she said was, “Listen, I didn’t make any of these dresses, I just work here. So I need you to be brutally honest. If the dress is ugly, say, ‘the dress is UGLY’ I will not be offended.” She told us that the goal was to find a dress. But if we didn’t find a dress, the goal was just to leave the store with a way better idea of what I liked and what I didn’t. She said if I left with a better idea of material, silhouette, etc, then she did her job. She said she would make me try on each of the classic silhouettes and really listen to what I liked and didn’t, and start to whittle it down. And DAMN she was good. She heard things I was saying and things I wasn’t even saying, or didn’t think I was saying. Ultimately, I picked 5 dresses from the rack to try, she brought me an additional 4, and guess which was my favorite? A Melissa pick.
One of the things that really surprised me from bridal shopping was how much I needed to see myself in a photo. Thankfully, I had three people there taking pictures because it was difficult for me to get outside my body and really see the full picture. Not to mention, it was difficult to see the back! Sorry guys, but you’re not seeing any of those photos. After narrowing the dresses down to a final 2, I looked at myself in photos and there was really no question in my mind which was better after that. I had to look at my “on hold” dress photos from the day prior and compare it. But there was just no contest, the Melissa pick dress was far and above better. It was perfect. It had literally everything I wanted and a few things I didn’t even know I wanted (but Melissa did!).
This woman KNOWS her inventory. Huge shoutout to Melissa!My Entourage Day 2 (sister-to-be and sister). Not pictured: Mommy!
I was ready to say YES. BUT. When I first started looking at bridal gowns (like 3 weeks prior), there was ONE DRESS I kept coming back to. And it was at BHLDN, which was my next and last stop of the day. I really didn’t want to say YES before I saw that dress. I knew I would have the “what-ifs” if I didn’t try that gown on. So I said “yes for now” and I got Melissa’s card and said I’d call later. But I was 99% sure this was the dress. She said, “hold that thought” and brought over a bell. She said, “hold this bell, close your eyes, and make a wish for your wedding day. Then, open your eyes and ring it.” I did that, and sure enough the entire store started clapping and I started crying and it was just A MOMENT. I’m not gonna lie, it felt super anti-climactic to walk out of that store and not buy that dress right that moment, but I knew it would be there for me later.
NEXT UP: Stop #3, BHLDN, the wedding brand of Anthropology. We stopped for a bite to eat first, I ate a protein bar to keep my energy up, and then we headed to the final stop of the day. Trying on dresses is a lot of work! I had 6,000 steps just from many, many 15-step trips to and from a pedestal, and many shoulder presses, taking dresses over my head.
I’m not gonna lie, it felt WEIRD shopping for a dress knowing I had a dress to beat. But when I met consultant #3, Andrew, I told him the truth (mostly). I told him I had gone to one other store (lie) and that I had a dress I loved, and a dress to beat (true). He was totally understanding, and I explained that first and foremost I wanted to try on the one dress in my mind, but I was also very intrigued by the whole Anthro aesthetic boho fabulous IYKYK. I tried on about 8 dresses. This store was a bit of a struggle because the dresses were all BEAUTIFUL. But I didn’t love them on me. They reminded me of dresses I would drool over if I had a pinterest board (I don’t), seeing them on other brides prancing through fields of tall grass.
Andrew kept asking me what I didn’t like about the dresses, and for the first time all weekend, it was really difficult for me to articulate because they were all so pretty. I said that, and Andrew said, “Honey, wedding dresses are made to be beautiful. They’re all pretty. It’s not about which one is a beautiful dress, it’s about which one makes you feel beautiful in it.” At that, I said to him, let me go look at the photos, but I think I have found my dress at another store. I asked him if people come in a lot with a dress to beat and if he feels bad, but he said it happens often, which made me feel a bit better about wasting his time.
My Pedestal Pal Andrew. He held many trains to and from this platform, but none were THE ONE.
I sat down on the couch with my family, and made the decision, Melissa’s pick at store #2.
We went out to celebratory drinks and food (lobster mac and cheese YUM), and I called David’s Bridal to order my dress over the phone. It’s supposed to come in on March 6th and they will ship it to me for free!
It’s been 4 days since I said yes to the dress, and every day I have been looking at the photos on my phone. I LOVE my dress! I probably could have narrowed the dresses down to about 2 or 3 alone, but I never could have picked the one without my family’s opinions and approval. It meant a lot to have them there, and to have the signs. Sometimes their “maybes” surprised me since I was a definite no. Now is the hard part – keeping it to myself! It is KILLING me not showing Chris. It is killing me not showing you all! I live my life pretty publicly so it’s very bizarre to have this huge secret. I have to keep reminding myself that my wedding is actually quite soon, so I don’t have to keep the secret for long.
Oh, two more things. You may remember I was worried about body comments. Never once did I get a comment from a consultant about my body. Not once! Except for the initial tall comment, but that was my own fault. If anything, it was all “you look beautiful” “you’re gorgeous” “you’re the perfect height.” So, I had nothing to worry about there. And honestly? Most of the dresses DID fit perfectly! They didn’t all look flattering, and I definitely saw rolls in places I’d rather not see them (cough cough my back) but the dresses mostly zipped and it was just a matter of what I felt good in. And as for the cost, when I got home Sunday night, I told Chris that my dress was well below budget. And he said, “what was the budget?” and when I told him $1500 including alterations, he said, “Really? That seems low.” Which is a SUPER WIN.
On to the next decision! Well actually, on to my brother’s wedding, which is in two weeks. Too bad I can’t wear my wedding gown to that! I love it that much! But his fiancée probably wouldn’t appreciate it…
I’m going dress shopping this weekend!!! Those exclamation marks are how I know I am supposed to feel. Honestly, it’s how I thought I would feel! I do love to shop, and I like sparkly things and pretty things. Also, I LOVE judging other people’s gowns. I used to look forward to Friday Bride Day on TLC every week. If you live under a rock, TLC was a TV network that aired 7-8 hours of bridal content every single week, like the infamous show, Say Yes to the Dress (“SYTTD”) and the multiple spinoffs. I was a loyal viewer. I thought I would love to be a Kleinfeld bride, and I would love to have Randy come out and show me a one-of-a-kind Pnina Tournai gown and then I would love to meet the designer, and miraculously find $20,000 to pay for it with. But alas, none of those things are true. And in reality, I have aged decades since that show began and I have realized I don’t want any of those things anymore. In fact, I am dreading this weekend for three reasons: body image, expectations, and cost.
I was almost going to write a blog about shopping for a dress after the fact, but I wanted to be truthful about my feelings and not have it altered by however this weekend goes. Hopefully it’ll go well but my expectations are low. I promise to update you after.
I want to start by saying, there’s nothing I dislike about dress shopping in general, the problem is that it’s for myself. I went dress shopping with my best friend last year and we had a BLAST. It was her mom, her sister, and me. We went to two salons. We had champagne. I texted her fiancé in advance and made him send me selfies of himself being happy, meh, and yuck. Then, because he’s hilarious and knew what would make my BFF crack up, he also sent photos of her dog happy and angry. I made them into signs for us to show her based on our thoughts of the dress. The day was a super fun, ended in a celebratory happy hour, and even better, she said yes to a dress!! But, this was kind of like watching the show on TV, with the added benefit of champagne. I LOVE judging other people, I do not really love other people judging me.
CHARLIE!!!Color-coded facial expressionsCharlie was super happy when she found the dress.POP BOTTLES!
As I mentioned, the first reason I am dreading shopping is because nothing is going to fit me. Is there anything worse than going shopping and having nothing fit? I mean nothing will fit. When you go dress shopping, that is just the reality you have to prepare for. Dresses are made in sample sizes and SHOCKER, my body is not a sample size. Not only am I 5’11”, but I am not a small person. To make matters worse, most bridal gowns are known to be “2 sizes smaller than street sizes.” Someone please explain this to me. WHY?! I have read blogs about this, so I am technically mentally prepared. But really, can anything prepare you for 6 hours of having every single dress gape open at the back?? I think no. As someone who has struggled with her weight and with body positivity for a LONG time, I am simply dreading this. I am finally at a place where I am happy being my current size (more on toxic #sheddingforthewedding later) but I can just imagine that a day of putting on too-small clothes will make me upset, which is exactly the opposite of what I’m supposed to be feeling leading up to the “happiest day of my life.” Which leads me to my next point.
HOLY HIGH EXPECTATIONS. Obviously, there are high expectations for the wedding… happiest day of my life? Up until now, I think the happiest day of my life was the day I put in my 2 week’s notice at my law firm. But there are similarly high expectations for wedding dress shopping. You are supposed to be surrounded by an entire entourage of friends and family who sit around and tell you how amazing you look for hours. I don’t know who has 9 close friends who will drop everything for a day of sitting around and watching you try on clothes, but that is not me. Nor do I want that! Thankfully with Covid regulations, most salons cap out at 3 people per bride per appointment.
I distinctly remember every episode of Say Yes to the Dress, where the consultant sat with the bride at the beginning and said, “tell me about the love of your life.” Like… what??? It’s shopping. Yes, I want to look good, but like, it’s not THAT deep. With each bridal appointment I set up online, there must have been 10-12 questions with boxes allowing 1000 characters of text about the wedding and the dress of my dreams. My main concerns that I listed: I am tall, I want to be comfortable, and I don’t want to be hot. That’s it!
And what about the expectation that you will cry when you find the dress? That feels forced. I am a crier. I cry at every tv show and movie. I cried 3 times during Encanto. But I don’t know if I’ll cry looking for a dress. I feel like I won’t cry because I’m going to be so worried trying to cry. When I went dress shopping with my friend, she cried… and then ended up getting a different dress! I feel like it’s more likely I will cry from exhaustion when the day is over.
Last but certainly not least, the things I am not looking forward to: spending money. I know this is becoming a recurring theme in my bridal blogs but, it’s just inane the amount of money people spend on dresses. Women wear them one day and spend more money on them than any other item of clothing they have ever owned. Or worse: brides spend tens of thousands of dollars on a dress and then CHOOSE TO RUIN IT. Our photographer offers a special add on for a “trash the dress” shoot. Yes, that is a real thing. Honestly, you aren’t going to wear it again so it’s not a terrible idea, but yikes, the money!!
In my very cursory google search, I saw that a 2020 Brides American Wedding Study (whatever that is) found that the average cost of a wedding dress is $2,439. AVERAGE. Pnina Tournai dresses start at $4800. And that’s before alterations. If you watch a lot of SYTTD, you probably think that sounds low. Women on that show routinely spend upwards of $10,000 on a gown. Personally, I find this outrageous. I can’t even stomach spending $1000, but most bridal shops start their inventory at $1500, so I guess we’ll see what happens. I tried to be very cost-conscious in choosing my appointments, and I even called ahead to a few salons to ask about their price ranges. One of the main things I looked for in the reviews were if people said “consultants made sure to only show me dresses within my budget.” Again, it’s not that I don’t want to look good, I do! But I also don’t understand the point of spending an entire paycheck (or multiple) on a one-time outfit.
All of that said, I really hope I find a dress this weekend. I even put a goal for the month of February in my bullet journal: SAY YES TO THE DRESS. I hope I can check something off of my to-do list and get one step closer to marrying my person.
This is the last time I put on a wedding dress. A sample size my friend bought from Herrera on a whim at a sale. And guess why my arms are behind me… I’m holding it up/closed because it didn’t fit! Also, this was 6 years and many pounds ago.
We did it!! That’s right, after successfully skirting the “when’s the wedding” question for 23 months, we finally set a date! Woohooo!! That means I can start planning the day I have been dreaming about for my entire life!! **record scratch**
I have not been planning this day for even the 2 years we’ve been engaged. Hell, I haven’t even been planning it for a month! In fact, I really don’t care at all. And that, my friends, is why I am the worst bride ever.
When I not-so-slyly mentioned in my last blog that I was officially getting married soon, my friend suggested I blog about the journey. And she’s not wrong, so many brides are all over the internet blogging about their wedding planning. There’s a girl who went viral with her own Instagram account solely about planning her wedding – she has 264K followers! Here’s the issue, I don’t want to write about it because I have nothing to say, I simply don’t care. My friend said I should blog about just that, because there must be some people out there who feel similarly. So, here you go.
I want to start this off with a disclaimer: It’s not that I don’t care about being married. I’m actually very excited to have a partner for FOREVER so that I never have to be on dating apps again. I’m excited to have someone who can’t leave me without a tumultuous legal battle. Who is my built-in accountant and financial advisor to explain the 5/24 rule of credit card churning. To sleep next to me every night. To bring me Gatorade when I get food poisoning. And ibuprofen when I have a hangover. To start a family with! (In that order. Just kidding).
The marriage, I’m excited for. The wedding, not so much. I feel like I already did the hard part. I found a guy who can put up with me! And not only did he agree to be with me for the rest of his life, he actually SUGGESTED it. With a big diamond! I already won. We’ve been together for 6.5 years and we’ve been living together for 5. So like, what’s with this whole rigamarole?
I know this is an unpopular opinion. So let me explain.
Some of this is about money. And I know a lot of couples, especially on the interwebs, will say “THIS IS THE ONE DAY YOU SPLURGE! MONEY DOESN’T MATTER!” Ummm, maybe that is true… until the credit card bill comes. Would I feel differently about this whole wedding thing if I had unlimited funds? Probably. But I don’t, so it doesn’t make sense to think that way. And yes, my fiancé works in finance and yes, he could probably afford to splurge on a wedding, but why? For one day? I have friends who have spent over $100K on a wedding. The average is around 50K and that’s not even in New York, which always adds additional sticker shock. I feel like the main driver of wedding prices is usually the bride, at least stereotypically. And since I’m the one with less funding and I don’t care, I feel like I can’t push for this princess wedding concept. Which leads me to my next point.
What’s with this whole “princess” thing? The ball gown. The horse and carriage. The “turning-into-a-pumpkin-at-midnight.” Ok, maybe not that last part. But honestly, it’s kind of weird and creepy. I am 34 years old. I have known for at least two and a half decades that princesses aren’t real. And when they are, they are ostracized from their families and do exposés with Oprah. This is not a goal I am looking to achieve. Although, I’d love to meet Oprah… if anyone has the hook-up. Why are there girls out here trying to pretend to be a fairytale character in their 30’s? No offense, but, that’s weird (obvious offense).
For me, ever since we got engaged, I said that if we were going to have a wedding I cared about 3 things:
People should have enough food. Not necessarily AMAZING, Michelin-starred food, but I don’t want anyone hungry.
Unlimited alcohol. It’s not a fun party if you’re paying for your own booze or if there isn’t enough booze.
Good music that people can dance to. Dancing is a MUST.
Since I made that list, I have added one more thing: AMAZING HAIR. For myself, duh. All brides have told me you are allowed one “thing.” Mine is my hair. For obvious reasons. Namely, Instagram content. Follow me on BraidInManhattan! For this, I am pulling out all the stops. I’m buying extensions. Getting my hair colored to match. Flying in my hair-bestie and internet friend from Florida to do my hair.
The rest of the stuff to me is noise. Bridesmaids? Meh sure. Matching dresses? Definitely don’t care. Flowers? Meh. Bouquet? Don’t care. First look? Sure. Or not. Don’t care. Ring bearers? Don’t care. Toasts? If you want to talk, great. If you don’t, also fine. Rehearsal dinner? Meh. Flavor of cake? Don’t even like cake. Bridal gown? I feel like that one deserves a blog of its own. I have thoughts. Stay tuned.
This is why I have deemed myself the worst bride ever. We have picked a venue and we have a date. We have not planned much else. Over the weekend we discussed a registry. We feel like we don’t need anything additional in our home. We have lived together for 5 years! Whatever we needed, we have purchased. And I always feel weird about the whole concept of a “honeymoon fund.” I’ve never asked people for money before, so why would I do it, or feel we deserve it, because Chris and I are signing a contract? It makes no sense.
I feel like a lot of the wedding hype is a vestige of the past, when a woman was leaving her family to swear herself over to a man. It was a huge step. For me, it’s a minor one. I’m much more excited to have kids. If you want to send me adorable onesies or money for diapers then, feel free. The wedding part I’m mostly doing for my family. And for Chris. My best friend is actually getting married a month after me and if I’m being honest, I’m almost more excited for that. There’s no pressure and I already know she will be super happy.
This brings me to my final point: the additional events. WHY. A few years ago, I was invited to a friend’s wedding (not local). Then, to two separate bridal showers (one local, one not). Then, to a bachelorette party (semi local, but $1000/person). This is literally how I went into credit card debt. No single person should require this much celebrating on their behalf. It’s inane. My mom wants to have a wedding shower for me to celebrate, and also to have something semi-local for her friends. I said fine. But only because she is planning it! And I don’t want to invite any of my friends who aren’t local because at my age, we have all done enough of this. I don’t want to be responsible for anyone’s financial ruin. If it makes my mom happy, it makes me happy. The end.
Recently, my friend asked me if I wanted to do a bachelorette party. I shrugged. Obviously, I’m always happy to go on a trip with her. We‘ve had a blast together in Turks and Caicos, Costa Rica, Hawaii, Vancouver, Spain, and Portugal, and none of those required a wedding as an excuse. There’s no need to make an excuse to travel together. And especially there is no need to force people to travel in honor of my relationship milestones.
I will say this – I love the beach, and I love a party, and I love my family and friends. And I love Chris. The rest doesn’t matter. If anything changes, I promise to keep you in the loop. But I may just show up here in photos in a few months with a tan and an additional ring on my finger, and that’s fine, too.
