Big City Living, Miscellaneous

Breakfast Clown Comes to Town (a poem)

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It’s the day before THE PARADE, so I think it’s time,

To talk about Macy’s and write a little rhyme.

You know my obsession with the parade runs deep,

I’m out on the streets while you’re all still asleep.

I’ve been watching for decades and some may say I’m obsessed,

But the parade runs in my family and I’d say I’m (hashtag) #blessed.

In rain, sleet or snow, I line the street at 6,

To get my giant balloon and Santa Claus fix.

6:30 am in the streets with my siblings, anxiously awaiting The Parade!

Last year was special and you know why,

For the first time, I marched WITH those characters in the sky.

I was a part of the action as a Viking Clown,

You probably know this, I wrote 8 blogs, I need to calm down.

But I’m not done yet, there are more posts to come,

I’m now officially a Macy’s Clown Alum!

This year is my SECOND one marching downtown,

This year I’m not a Viking, but a BREAKFAST CLOWN!

Butter, eggs or toast, the choices were tough,

Luckily for me, they were all delicious foodstuffs.

Unfortunately, my exact costume I don’t get to pick,

And I was sort of hoping for the butter stick.

However, the one I got has more mobility,

To prance 2.5 miles of Manhattan, I need my agility!

Tomorrow I’ll be on the streets as a PIECE OF TOAST,

I’ll be throwing confetti and doing the most.

Do not fret if you can’t find my bread,

There’s another way to find me – the butter on my head!

I’ll be in a yellow beanie and a gingham suit of red,

I’m not the full butter stick, but I’ll have a pad on my head instead!

Last year’s breakfast clown group. Don’t they look warm and toasty and eggcellent? WINKWINK

If you’re tuning in from home, here’s how to find me,

After the turkey float, Macy’s Stars, and Snoopy.

If the balloon doesn’t fly because of bad weather,

You can find me after the Peanuts float, they travel together!

I’ll be in the first ten minutes if you’re watching from the street,

But if you’re at home, on the couch, and off your feet,

I’ll be an hour after that, because it takes time to walk,

There are 40 streets and many, many roadblocks.

Don’t forget to set your alarm clocks,

Turn on the TV and watch like hawks,

Some clowns are weird and easy to mock,

But my bread get-up is the SEXIEST frock.

All those years I was warned “you are what you eat,”

I’m 5 foot 11 – I’ve never been petite.

I love all the foods, sweet, savory and an occasional treat,

But in my year-long quest to be a marathon athlete

My carb-loading journey is finally complete,

I’ve TURNED INTO BREAD, I am LITERALLY wheat!

Have an amazing Thanksgiving, I hope you have cable,

Or watch live on Youtube, if you’re able!

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Big City Living

Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade

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Tomorrow is one of the biggest days of the year for my family. Not because we gather together, not because of the food, def not because we are thankful. Because of one thing and one thing only: THE MACY’S THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE.

Note to Readers: This post is solely about the importance of the parade and my history with it. This is NOT about this year’s parade. Do not fret, I will post about the 2017 parade after it happens.

My family has a LONGGG history with the Macy’s Parade. That’s right, it’s the Macy’s Parade, not the Thanksgiving Day Parade, and NEVER the Macy’s DAY Parade, as some incredibly ignorant people call it. My dad used to work for Macy’s. In fact, he started at Bloomingdales as a seasonal employee, and stayed on with Macy’s for 17 years. He worked in the offices in Herald Square above the massive flagship store. That is also the store where my mom showed my dad which ring she wanted as her engagement ring, and also the store where he bought the ring, when he came down on his lunch break. Like a said, we have a longggg history.

When I was growing up, my dad got tickets to watch in the grandstand through work, so we would make the annual VERY early pilgrimage to NYC from New Jersey to watch in the stands. There is a classic photo of my mom and sister and I bundled up watching the parade. My mom is in the photo holding a bundle of blankets aka my baby brother at the time, who was 9 months old. I told you we take this parade sh*t seriously. Ain’t no baby holding us back! That puts me at 2 years old, a pacifier in my mouth, and another pacifier in my hand, JIC. Obvi. And my sister at 8 years old, having the MOST fun.

When I was 10 years old, my family moved to Florida and we had to continue our annual tradition from 1,200 miles away. We would wake up early (8:45 am was early when I was a teenager), and watch it on the TV. It was a very different experience sitting in the living room of our central AC house, watching people standing and shivering for hours on the street. TBH, I really missed it! But we created new traditions of watching on TV, having my mom cook eggs and bagels (THANKS MOMMY) and then having her join us to watch the real parade at 10 am, after all of the show performances in Herald Square that happen from 9-10.

Then, after college, my parents moved to Philadelphia, which is so close, but so far from NYC. The one year when I was still in Florida, I flew up to for Thanksgiving. Did I fly to Philly where my parents live? NO. OF COURSE NOT. I flew to New York for The Parade!! My brother took a redeye train from Philadelphia to New York to meet my sister and me for some Macy’s fun. After 12 years of Florida Thanksgivings, I was not used the cold and I was freezing my bum off. But I loved every minute.

Fast-forward a year. When I was choosing a law school, my main concern was proximity to The Parade (caps intentional). I chose Brooklyn Law School because it was just a subway ride away. Ok, maybe that’s not entirely true. But I WAS very excited to come back to Parade proximity!

Since moving back to the big apple, I have had many Parade-viewing experiences, from good, old-fashioned street viewing (the most legit), to a swanky, invite-only NBC watch party with unlimited mimosas and food, and free pillows (the most comfortable, warm and bathroom-friendly option), to actually having tickets to the Uptown 76th Street Grandstands (the most celeb-spotting spot). All of them were fantastic experiences for different reasons.

Last year was the year I was in the Grandstands, and I don’t know if I will ever be able to beat that view. Unfortunately, it meant waking up before the crack of dawn to arrive by 6:30 am, and it meant no bathrooms once admitted. However, we had an amazing view and we had SEATS! Also, we made friends with the people around us and played many rounds of taboo waiting for it to start. Better yet, I had MULTIPLE sightings of my oldest true love, Al Roker. <3 <3 <3

How did I get tickets to the Grandstand?? Welllll, better even than the grandstand, my sister was IN THE PARADE!! She was a handler for the Diary of a Wimpy Kid balloon! As they say in Today, “Though it’s a volunteer position, being a balloon handler is not an easy gig to get. Many volunteers land their slots through recommendations from Macy’s employees.” In fact, you must be a Macy’s or Bloomies employee or friend of an employee to get a spot! Last year, my sister asked the right people, and they put her in touch with someone who made her lifelong dream a reality. My sister loves me, so she asked if I, too, could be a balloon handler. Unfortunately, there were no spots left. But because I am her sister, I got the consolation prize, which was not a consolation prize at all: tickets to the grandstand.

One may say I even got the longer end of the stick because I got to sit down the whole time. Being a handler is not easy! But still, over 3,000 people do it. In fact, there are physical requirements and even training sessions. After all, it’s a 2.5 mile walk in the cold, while holding 100-foot balloons. And everyone who does it is a volunteer! That’s how I know I am not the only one obsessed with the parade. There are thousands of balloon handlers out there who live for this.

I’m pretty psyched. I will be posting my ultimate guide: Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Watching Tips later today. And if you’re already too busy in transit on the biggest travel day of the year to read my blog, then HAPPY THANKSGIVING. I’ll say hi to Matt Lauer, Savannah Guthrie, and Al Roker for you!! #IBelieve

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