Subway Dwellers

Recently, there have been so many problems with the MTA and public transit that I don’t even feel like talking about it anymore. Check my twitter, it’s littered with tweets about the terrible trains. Examples:

https://twitter.com/LongLegsBigCity/status/1022229438333939713

https://twitter.com/LongLegsBigCity/status/1014131211869057024

Also, if you missed my post about the non-air-conditioned subway of death, check it out. Anyway, enough about the actual trains, for today, I’d like to talk about the PEOPLE I hate on the subway and in the subway station. I try not to do too many “list” posts, but it is required here. This is in no way an exhaustive list; I hate a lot more people.

  • People who don’t know how to use a Metrocard. Fine, I hate tourists, you caught me. But is it really that hard? Not too fast, not too slow, swipe it just right. It’s like the Goldilocks of the metrocard swipe. And for those of you who swipe the card with the magnetic strip up?? I have no words. Have you ever used a credit card? A debit card? A food stamps card? What good will it do if the magnetic strip is NOT IN THE READER?! If you tried twice and you haven’t figured it out, step out of the way, I’ve got places to be!
  • People asking for money. I could do a whole post on this one, but I’ll start with my least two favorite categories:
    • Special category of hatred: SHOWTIME. We know it, we’ve seen it; even the MTA has ads that try to combat these juvenile hooligans that believe the subway is their training center for acrobatics. I happen to like my eyes. Both of them. My nose too. I’d like to keep them intact, and your flying cartwheels are making me think I will not keep them that way.
    • Special category of hatred: man with a drum. This guy pulls out a massive drum, sets it on the floor and starts to retell some long history of drumming. Do I care? No. Has the long history changed since last week? Also no. Here’s the main problem with this particular busker, the drum is LOUD and it shakes the ground! I am here trying to read after a 12 hour day and I really do not need to have my head literally pulsating with each of his drum beats.
  • People who put a cigarette behind their ear the minute the train pulls into the station. I do not need to see that advertised. Also, you’re a bad influence for the children. There are a lot more fun ways to die than self-induced lung cancer via cigarettes. Is it that difficult to wait 2 full minutes until you exit the train and go up the stairs? Or will it take you 4 minutes to ascend due to decreased lung capacity? Either way, just wait. And while you’re at it, pull up an old D.A.R.E. commercial on Youtube.
  • Manspreaders. You have something between your legs. We get it. 
  • Smelly People. Do I really need to elaborate here? Shower and WEAR DEODORANT. It’s really that simple. Obviously I know there is nothing you can do about sweating. It’s 100+ degrees outside. It happens. But please do the rest of your fellow commuters a favor and shower daily. It should be a prerequisite before the subway turnstile. Not sure who would want the job of sniffer enforcer though…
  • People who try to get into the subway car before letting people out. I know, I know, you don’t want to miss your train. But where do you think you’re going to stand if you don’t let people off? Common courtesy here. And here’s a little known fact: they actually won’t leave the station if you’re still boarding the train. This is not Japan. Calm down.
  • People with baby strollers that are so large I can fit in them. Y’all. I am 5’11” and I should not be able to fit in your stroller. If your baby needs a stroller, they should be small enough that your stroller need not take up half of the car. If you can afford a $3,000 baby-mobile/miniature car, then grab a cab. Did you run out of money buying the stroller? Then trade it in. I hear ebay has a great black market.
  • People whose loose hair touches me. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. I have literally offered someone a hair tie before. It is JULY for god’s sake. Please, just tie it up. I am so happy for you that you took your biotin and niacin and your hair is silky smooth, but GET IT OFF OF ME. It is sticking to my sweaty arms and that is not fun for either of us.

That is my non-exhaustive list for now. I have many more people I hate, it depends on the day. Do you have any other particular categories you’d like to hear my thoughts on? Let me know below in the comments.

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Reading in NYC (Read Across America Day – Part 2)

Last Friday was Read Across America Day, and in honor of that, I’m in the middle of a short series on my passion for books. A few days ago, I talked about reading in general. Now, I’ll write about the challenges of reading in New York City (there are a lot). And stay tuned for the final segment coming soon about my experience with Goodreads.


Picture this: You’re inside a steel tube, traveling anywhere from 10-55 miles per hour, standing, possibly holding on to a pole nearby, or possibly just bending your knees slightly to keep from falling onto the other 180 passengers in your rush hour car that are smushed like sardines. Now imagine all of that, and add a 500-page book in your hands. What do you do when you need to flip the page? Do you wait until you’re stopped? Is it worse then, because people are pushing past you to try and exit? Do you try and flip the page while in motion and just hope the subway doesn’t screech to a halt at the exact moment you take your hand off of the wall?

Alternative situation: You actually get a seat on the train! MIRACLE! And then you look up from your book because the bass from a portable speaker wakes you from your reading reverie. And you hear the dreaded words, “IT’S SHOWTIME!!” All of a sudden, you can’t see the words on the page because some youngster’s sneakers are dangling in front of your face as he swings from the pole above your head.

These are a few of the perils of reading in NYC. It’s not easy. Yet 8 years later, I consider myself a master.

When I was in law school, I used to read textbooks on the train. This is when I honed my skills. I managed to balance enough to read, highlight, AND make margin notes. I mastered the art of finding a vertical pole, instead of a horizontal one, and hooking my elbow around it, so I could hold the case book open in one hand and make notes with the other. From that point on, I knew if I could do that, I could read anything. If I could understand corporate law, I could easily read a YA novel while in motion.

One essential key to being successful at NYC reading: earbuds. A (non-NYC resident) friend recently remarked that she couldn’t believe I read while I listen to music. It’s less about the music, and more about the blocking of other background noise. For example, the constant barrage of people begging for money. Another example, the other day I was on a train from 72nd to 14th street on a weekend, and there were announcements the entire time about service changes. I couldn’t understand half of the announcements, but the staticky sound is worse than a little background Pentatonix in my ears while I read about Hillary Clinton. Earbuds keep me in the zone. I can tune out everything around me. This may also be why I’m so bad at celebrity-spotting – I’m in my own world!

It should follow that I like audiobooks, but that is not the case. Every once in a while, you do need to take out your earbuds to hear an essential announcement. For example, your train is skipping all stops between 59th street and 125th street. This has happened multiple times. If I’m listening to an audiobook I can miss a crucial part, and it’s not easy to rewind and find the spot! I find myself staring into space, reading the subway ads (doesn’t everyone LOVE the new OKCupid campaign?), and of course, people-watching. I prefer to stick with paper books, so I can see where I left off and find my spot after observing the many colorful people and their various face tattoos.

Speaking of paper books, wouldn’t a Kindle be easier? YES. The answer is invariably, yes. First of all, New Yorkers don’t have cars to leave their stuff in. If you bring anything with you, you will be carrying it all day long. The preference is always “less is more.” A 500-page book is never the first choice. Also, it’s easier to flick to the next page than to balance and deftly page-turn. However, nothing beats the feeling of a real book. Also, it’s easier for me to focus on paper than on a screen, but that is my personal preference. To give my shoulders a rest from heavy bags, I generally switch back and forth between real books and kindle books, depending on which is available from the library. This brings me to my next point – the amazing, fantastic, best library system ever: the New York Public Library System.

The NYPL currently has 92 locations including four research centers and a network of neighborhood libraries throughout the Bronx, Manhattan, and Staten Island. The Library serves 18 million patrons who come through its doors annually; in addition, the Library’s website receives 32 million visits annually from more than 200 countries. WOAH. That needed its own paragraph.

I love the library. How else could I go through 4-5 books/month and still have money to pay astronomical rent?? There is almost nothing in this city that is completely free of charge, but the library is one of those things. Sort of. I tend to rack up overdue fees because I get carried away and check out too many books at a time. I never mind paying overdue fees, though, because I feel like I’m supporting the library, 25 cents at a time! Also, you can pay online with a credit card and get points! Love me some credit card points. The flip side of overdue fees is yet another positive part of the library – eventually you need to return the books. Some may not view this as a positive. If you think this is a negative, you must not live in New York. In 500 square feet or less. Where would I keep all of the books!? It’s great that I can keep 2 or 3 at a time and then swap them out. I feel like Matilda where she brings her books back and forth to the library in her red wagon, except it’s me on the subway.

The best part about the library, besides it being my favorite price, is their hold lists. You can go on the NYPL website, put any book you want on hold and tell them which branch you want to pick it up, and you get an email when it’s there. The book is set aside, at the front of the library, labeled with your library card number, and you are in and out in under a minute. They even have self-checkout kiosks (when they’re working). It’s so easy, I never understand when people tell me they don’t use the library. The number one comment I hear from people is that they don’t use the library because they only use e-readers. Well guess what? They have those, too. Not the actual e-reader, but the e-books! They have Kindle format, overdrive format, 3M format… everything! FO FREE. It’s amazing.

Overall, the best part of reading in NYC is the fact that you can read during your commute. I complained a lot about the subway distractions at the beginning of this post, but I remind myself often that if I drove to work, I’d never be able to read in transit. The fact that I can read, and on good days, SIT and read, while I get to where I’m going, is a luxury I must address. I remember the years of sitting in traffic to commute, trying to distract myself by listening to the corny morning radio host, but nothing beats reading a book while someone else does the driving for you. If it wasn’t for New York, I’d read a lot less. That being said, it can be a challenge, but practice makes perfect.

Stay tuned later this week for my experience using Goodreads, how I use it to find my next books, rate my favorites, and keep track of all of the ones I’ve read – there are a lot!

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