resolutions

Proud of Myself 2023 – Surviving Not Thriving

January 4, 2024 4 Comments

I’m doing things a little backward this year. Usually, I spend my first post of the year talking about goals. I’ve never been much of a “resolution” gal, I’ve liked to reframe as “goals” instead. I talked about this wayyyy back in 2017. Then in 2018 I posted my top goals, and again I did that in 2019. Then the world fell apart, both for everything, and for myself.

This year, I am throwing my goals in the trash. Goals are for people with certain futures, or people who want to plan. Me, I’m just trying to get through the day.

So while most people are future-tripping through 2024 on day 4 of the year, instead, I want to pay homage to myself, and to the 365 days of 2023 I endured. I’m proud of myself. Let’s be clear, I wasn’t proud of myself every day. Many days where I cried 4 times before noon and couldn’t scrape myself out of the corner of my U-shaped couch I never would have said, “yes, I’m proud of me.” But now, in retrospect, I think I have things to recognize. Since this is a personal blog, I’m going to make y’all recognize ME with ME.

So, here are some things I’m proud of myself for in 2023:

I’m proud of myself for surviving. I did it. I got through. Some days I wished I hadn’t. It would have been way easier if a bus somehow made it to the 3^rd floor of my apartment building and drove through the window, but that didn’t happen, and I’m still here.

I’m proud of myself for remaining married. Relationships are hard in the easiest of times. Relationships are even harder in extremely rough times. Some studies say 80% of marriages end after child loss, some studies say 16%. I must admit, I didn’t fact check these, and they are clearly wildly different statistics. That said, I know it’s hard. No two people grieve a loss in the same way, and in the case of a baby who was carried and birthed by only one of the spouses, it makes sense that their experiences would be extremely different. The experience of grief is a lonely one, and when you feel like you’re the only person in the relationship experiencing it in a specific way, it’s even more lonely. In 2023, I was not the perfect spouse, not even close. But I tried. I set up a special surprise for our anniversary. I suggested a trip as a belated birthday gift. I tried to leave the house for a date night here and there, even when it was the last thing I wanted to do because I hated people and the outside. And somehow, through communication and a lot of Chris listening to me cry, we have weathered part 1 of the storm. There’s still a long way to go (like… forever), but I’m proud we made it through months 1-10.

I’m proud of myself for reading. I love to read. It never occurred to me the concentration it takes to sit down, get out of one’s own head, and enter another space for a period of time. When I first left the hospital, I thought I’d never read again. I took the book Someone Else’s Shoes out from the library in mid-February, and usually I’d finish it in a week. I brought it to the hospital with me when I thought I was going for a routine check, and that I’d have to kill time in the waiting room for a while. But I was immediately whisked into triage, and then didn’t pick up that book again for a month. I got a few late notices from the library. But eventually, I picked up reading again, and somehow I got through 36 books in 2023. For me, that’s not any sort of record, but I’m still proud.

I’m proud of myself for remaining active. I love to move my body. I like to feel strong and accomplished. But most of 2023, I wanted to move into a closet and live in darkness. But I didn’t. Somehow, I walked 4,319,734 steps. You read that right, I walked 4.3 MILLION steps. The only month I didn’t average over 10,000 steps/day was March, when I was in the hospital. And that month, I averaged 8,705 steps/day. I went to 116 classes at Orangetheory and I got 2,376 splat points, despite being pregnant for a few months of the year AND not being allowed to go for 6 weeks. I am proud of myself for prioritizing my health, even when my brain was screaming not to.

I’m proud of myself for keeping my friendships (although changed, and not all credit goes to me). I truly can’t believe I have any friends left. I tried my hardest, really, to keep up with my friendships. I tried to text back, I tried to recognize birthdays, send baby gifts, I tried to peel myself off the couch to go out on coffee dates. I was sometimes successful. Sometimes I was not. But somehow, I haven’t lost any friends in the last 10 months. Credit does not all go to me, except maybe in that I choose amazing friends. But a lot of credit goes to them. For checking in periodically, for offering alternative 1:1 plans when they knew a birthday brunch was just not going to happen, for Amazon-ing me 5-pound bags of gummy bears to keep me afloat. I have an amazing group of friends and I don’t take that for granted. I’m proud of me for trying my hardest, but even more, I’m proud of them for accepting my not-as-great-as-usual friendship.

I’m proud of myself for doing “the work.” I tried my damndest to “get better.” It has not been easy. Also, I’m not sure if it “worked,” but it’s not for lack of trying. I exhausted so many avenues. I had a peer counselor. I tried three therapists. I tried EMDR. I tried two different support groups online, multiple times. I tried a yoga class and art workshop. I tried a writing workshop. I reached out to random loss moms on the internet. I went to coffee and breakfast and happy hour with local loss moms. I joined Facebook groups (back when I was on Facebook). I followed innumerable Instagram accounts. I listened to hours and hours and hours of podcasts. I wrote many blogs. I kept a journal. It’s hard to say whether any of it “worked,” but I knew I needed support, and I sought it out. I’m proud of myself for that.

I’m proud of myself for trying to figure out and take care of my physical health. Unfortunately, this wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. Sitting in the uncomfortable uncertainty has taken an extreme amount of patience (and tears). I found out this year that just because you want answers does not mean you will get them. Just because you are seeing the best doctors in the country, they may not be able to solve or explain everything happening in my body. There is still a lot that is a mystery. But I didn’t give up, and I have continued to seek answers. I followed doctors’ orders, I took all of the medications they suggested, I had all of the blood tests (and there were a LOT) and ultrasounds and I took my blood pressure every single day. These things may seem simple or easy, but when you endured severe trauma, even taking a medication twice daily that reminds you of that trauma is difficult. But I did it (and I still do it) and I am proud of myself for that.

I’m proud of myself for keeping my job (even being good at it?) This floors me. There were days I forgot the entirety of the work day. Like I had meetings and 1:1s, I went to conferences, I had work trips, I moved projects forward. And yet, I don’t remember a majority of the year. It’s almost as if I dissociated. I still have a job, and I often get positive feedback. This seems like a strange miracle? I guess I am a compartmentalizer extraordinaire, but I have somehow kept my job, continued to go day after day, and somehow I have been successful at that. While I’m flummoxed, I’m also proud.

I’m proud of myself for still doing my nails. This one is lighter, but equally as important. Somehow, I continued to have a hobby. This one for sure was part of my “fake it ‘til you make it” plan. On March 5^th, I was discharged from the hospital, and on March 10^th, I decided I needed to do my nails. I have completely fallen off posting them on my nailstagram (@manisinmanhattan) but my nails were done almost all of 2023. I am proud that I tried to have/feign interest in something (while not really caring at all about anything).

I’m proud of myself for having my most successful year for my side hustle, Braid in Manhattan. Again, if you’re surprised, I’m even more surprised. I talked a bit about this in my post about Burning Man Braids, but somehow despite my extreme grief, dissociation and disinterest in life in general, I managed to have the most successful year to date in my business. I somehow braided over 100 girls’ hair while thinking about my dead daughter and the hair I’ll never braid. I somehow did hair for birthday parties thinking of the ones my daughter will never have, for family portraits of mothers and daughters that I’ll never take, and for Hanukkah parties of which I had no child to bring. I truly don’t know how I did it without crying in front of a single client (many tears after), but I am proud of all of that.

Finally, I am proud that I tried to find joy. I tried and tried and tried. I met up with friends. I went on walks. I did things I used to love. I traveled. I spent time with my husband. I did crafts. I went to the beach. I saw family. I tried. I can’t honestly say I was successful most of the time, because joy was excruciatingly hard to find, but it didn’t stop me from trying over and over again. I think there’s some pride to be had in the process, despite the mostly failing results.

2023 was not the year to start new things. It was a year to survive, not thrive. It was a year to persist and get through. It was trials and tribulations, not resolutions or celebrations. With all of that in mind, when I reflect, I think I did a damn good job. I’m not going to say, “this year will be even better!” because maybe it won’t. I don’t plan or even opine about things like that anymore. But at the end of this year, maybe I’ll reflect again and be pleasantly surprised. We shall see.

Most of my year, glued to the corner of my couch

Long Legs and other Personal Problems

2022 Goals (besides surviving)

January 28, 2022 5 Comments

Let’s talk goals. January is almost over, which means the year is 1/12^th over. 1/12 of my goals should be completed right? Not exactly. I’m in the middle of a course to become a Certified Salary Negotiation Specialist, and the other day the instructor said, “if an employer says yes to every one of your requests, you didn’t actually win. It means you probably left money on the table and should have asked for more. You want to actually get to ‘no’ because it means you got everything they had to offer.” That’s the approach I’m taking to my goals this year. Yes, I want to achieve my goals and I want them to be achievable, but I also want them to be a reach. If I achieve every single one of them, then I probably didn’t set them high enough. It’s ok if I don’t cross off every single one of them as long as I’m working toward them.

So what are my goals? As usual, I separated them into categories: Health, Work, Relationship, Finance, Other, and of course the all-important: Social Media.

For some reason, the health ones come easily to me. Maybe that means I’m not aspiring high enough. I don’t believe in calorie-counting or “dieting,” so my goals are generally more about fitness and wellness. My first goal: get 8 hours of sleep at least once a week. I kind of assume I will not achieve this. But I can try! One less Netflix binge-a-thon a week. Will that episode of Too Hot To Handle be there tomorrow? Yes. This sleep goal is even less likely to occur later in the year if I succeed in getting pregnant. More on that later.

Also related to health, last year, I set a goal not to order in food more than twice a week, which fits well into my finance category. Last year, I found it was an easily achievable goal, so I didn’t even mention it this year although it continues to be an ongoing goal. Sometimes when I come home from vacation and the fridge is empty, I fail here, but I have learned to stock up the freezer before I go, and first thing when I come home, I move chicken/salmon/turkey burgers etc. into the fridge.

With fitness goals, I love to work out, so I tend to do well in this area. But I set some serious reach goals here. This year I am setting the goals of 100 Orangetheory classes, 200 Peloton cycling and strength classes, and a 52-week Peloton streak. That’s right, I want to do at least one class every week on Peloton, but this streak includes sleep meditation and stretching. Even so, as for the 200 Peloton cycling and strength classes in addition to Orangetheory? That may be a reach. But I often do a 30 minute class and a 5-minute cooldown, and that counts as 2, so ya never know! I also set a goal to “try” yoga. I should have probably been more specific there. It’s January 28^th and I have not yet “tried” it. I hateeee yoga. I’m so inflexible. Which makes me hate yoga. And I am so inflexible because I hate yoga. It’s a vicious cycle.

My work goal, as I already mentioned, is to become a Certified Salary Negotiation Specialist. I am happy to report that I am well on my way there. Considering there is a course deadline of February 17^th, that is good news.

As for finance, I have a lot of goals. Many of them are based on retirement savings. I would like to max out my 403B and my Roth IRA. I may need to move some money around to do that, but I am going to try. I don’t have many other savings goals because I’m getting married this year, and even with a small wedding, it’s likely to make a dent in my net worth. My other finance goal is to understand American Express Points. I know this seems like a weird, small goal, but I want to be able to maximize or at least use them wisely. For years they have been pooling in my account, and in theory, if I can use them well, I have over $5,000 of points in there. I am trying to convince Chris to talk me through this whole concept, but he knows too much and I seem to get confused easily. Hopefully by the end of the year I will understand.

My relationship goals are BIG. I mean BIG. Like the biggest that a relationship goal can be. Wedding, kids, the whole thing. Well maybe not multiple kids. Actually, probably not any kids this year, because #science, but I would like to start attempting to have kids. That’s the fun part, right? Not necessarily the easy part, but I do need to take some initial steps, like taking my IUD out. Remember when that sucker disappeared? That was a fun blog post. Anyway, it’s still in there now, so that would be step #1. My other relationship goal is to have at least one date night per month. We failed on this one last year, but this month we already went to see Come From Away, which was a lot of fun. There’s nothing quite like grabbing a $10 cab to Broadway, ah, New York City life.

My Social Media goals are pretty lofty regarding my braiding business. I want to work on my TikTok skills because everyone says that is the best way to grow an audience. That means both posting regularly, increasing my followers, getting better at video transitions, all of it. I am in my 30’s so this is not easy. Just this week, I pulled something in my neck making one. I am clearly not the demographic of content creator they had in mind. But it’s kind of fun so I plan on continuing to try. My goal is 500 followers and posting at least once a week. I gained 9 followers last week, so I’m off to a good start. I also want to gain followers on Instagram (5000 would be ideal, but a reach), which means posting more reels. Everything is about video these days! I also want to continue to post on my blog more. Ideally twice a month. January is going well, since this is my third post, but I tend to fall off on posting later in the year. I’m going to work on it! You all need to comment and keep me accountable.

My last category of goals is “Other,” which means leftovers. And not necessarily the good kind like lukewarm pizza or cold Chinese food. My first miscellaneous goal is to make the bed every day. Especially now that the Peloton is in the bedroom, I HATE getting on the bike and seeing a mess. Plus, I’m hoping that getting into a made bed will entice me to sleep earlier, helping me reach my 8 hours of sleep goal. Another random goal: go to 3 Broadway shows. So far, I’ve been to one and it’s January, so it’s going well! I keep entering the lottery to get cheap seats and I win probably 10% of the time. Not bad odds! I also have a goal of traveling to two new countries. Considering the amount of weddings I have this year, and the hope to get pregnant, I’m not sure if this will happen. Maybe we will go on a honeymoon? But maybe not. We’ll see. My last goal is to make $2000 braiding hair. Considering I was supposed to have my first 2022 client tonight and she canceled because she has Covid, it’s not looking good. We’ll see.

Those are my goals! Do you have any lofty or not-lofty ones you want to share? Let me know in the comments.

Miscellaneous

2021 – The year that was a decade

January 16, 2022 1 Comment

Is it just me, or does every year now feel like a decade? I sat down to try and begin a blog about 2021 and I got so overwhelmed I put it off for 2 weeks. I don’t want to bore you with all of the ups and downs – after all, we kind of went through them together. Remember allll the way back at the beginning of 2021 when the vaccines (that’s right, more than one! We had options!) were proved effective and safe? And we thought “wow, this pandemic is going to end! FINALLY!” And then fast-forward to a “decade” later, at the end of 2021, when we had yet another variant and went back to checking positivity percentages every day. Yea, that part kind of sucked. But the good part about living a decade within a single year is, we had some pockets of time that were great!

I usually do a year recap in the form of a bullet journal goals check in. Bad news, I kind of gave up on my bullet journal in June. Oops. Good news, the reason I gave up on it was because I was doing too many fun things and couldn’t keep up! More bad news, I started another bullet journal because I guess I’m a masochist.

Anyway, I was able to achieve a lot of my 2021 bullet journal goals, despite the fact that we lived on the cusp of anxiety attack every day of the year.

Health

Mental health? Precarious. Physical health: not too shabby!

I was able to complete 260 Peloton cycling classes, which was 60 more than my goal. Also, I completed 100 strength classes and 100 stretching classes on Peloton. Not to mention, I joined Orangetheory and I got 10,000 steps/day all but 9 days of the entire year. Remember those mental health walks from 2020? I’m still going on them. I walked a total of 4,986,793 steps.

Also, I achieved my goal of only ordering in food once or twice a week. I know that may seem easy, but in New York, not so much.

Here’s what I didn’t achieve:

Going to a dermatologist. I tried, but when I got there I discovered they didn’t take my insurance despite their assurances on the phone. Then I gave up because I was pissed.
Drinking water every day before coffee. We have limited joys now, coffee is one of them. I threw this goal down the drain in February.

Work

Honestly, I didn’t write down any work goals. And work has been… CRAZY. My main goals were to get through every week without screaming at any coworkers or shooting myself. I sort of succeeded.

Social Media

Well guys, I failed you again. Every year I try to publish 2 blogs/month and every year I fail. I posted 13 all year. I am going to try and do better! I also failed at getting 5,000 followers on my braiding Instagram, despite going viral for the NYC Marathon. I have been hovering JUST under 4,000 for 3 years now. *shrug*. This next year I’m focusing more on TikTok, but more on that in my next post.

Finance

Crazily, this is the main place where I achieved all of my goals. Despite my major return to international travel, I was able to max out my Roth IRA, reach my goal in my 403B, AND get to a net worth of 60K! This is huge considering the amount of student debt I am still carrying around. Not having to pay any student loans for the entire year definitely helped my finances.

Relationship

I’m still in one, so yay! He tells me he loves me every day, even after I yell at him 900 times for leaving his dishes in the sink. We didn’t go on one date/excursion per month, but Covid made that difficult at times. We almost made it, though! We did some at-home baking with a zoom class, we traveled to Aruba and France together, and best yet, we set a wedding date!! It’s soon. Yikes. Maybe I’ll write more about this, maybe I won’t. So far, I’m the worst future bride I’ve ever met.

Other

These miscellaneous goals were hit or miss. I DID see 3 Broadway shows. Impressive, considering Broadway wasn’t even open all year. I didn’t achieve 3 things on my NYC Bucket List. In fact, I didn’t even complete one of them. I tried to see the Nutcracker but the show was cancelled two days before because of Omicron. I did travel to three new countries (four if you count Monaco). I tried to call a friend once a month, but I really hate talking on the phone. I braided clients for a musical festival, a wedding, Halloween, and two races. Not too shabby considering I spent most of the year avoiding strangers’ faces.

2021 was a wild ride. It felt like 60% of the time, my butt was melded with my couch, and 40% of the time I was out of the country. We moved apartments, we went snorkeling and ATV-ing, Chris ordered from Amazon 100 million times, I did my nails 55 times, and collectively we got 6 new credit cards. 2022 is guaranteed to be a crazy year, too. We already have 4 weddings in the next 5 months, and we are hoping to start trying to have a baby (what?!?). Next week I’ll let you know what my 2022 goals are. Do you have any suggestions?

Long Legs and other Personal Problems, Miscellaneous

2020 Recap and Accomplishments

January 21, 2021 4 Comments

It’s January, which means RESOLUTION TIME!! Now, I understand it’s January 21^st so I’m a bit behind, but if you’ve been following along for a while, you’d know I actually hate resolutions. What I do love, is goal-setting. In the past few years, I’ve been keeping a list of goals in my bullet journal. Flipping to them periodically has helped keep me focused.

Unfortunately approximately 80% of my 2020 goals were unachievable because, well… ya know. Did I work out at 10 new fitness studios? No. Did I attend 100 bootcamp classes? No. Did I visit 4 new countries? Nope, not even one. Did I spend less than $400 on buying lunch for work? Sorta… because I didn’t actually GO to work for 5/6 of the year.

Anyway, I prefer not to talk about all of the goals I didn’t achieve. Yesterday was the beginning of a fresh start for our nation and for me. We are now focused on positivity. Therefore, I’d like to recap some of the amazing moments and achievements from 2020. Not all were planned, but I’m still proud of them! I invite you all to celebrate your 2020 accomplishments, big and small.

I Got Promoted

This is huge! Technically, I got the promotion in 2019, but my boss retired at the beginning of 2020 and I took on the reigns of the entire department alone. If you didn’t know, I work in career services so to say that my job was tough during 2020 when EVERYONE was seeking work and facing furloughs and pay cuts? Well, that would be the understatement of the century. It was hard. There were days when I felt 100 hours behind. But I did it! I was even rewarded with a raise.

I Got Engaged

Again, HUGE. Did we pick a date yet? No. Are we planning a wedding at all? Also no. Does it make living in a 500 square foot apartment with my fiancé any easier? No again. But I do have a gorgeous rock on my hand, and it looks FABULOUS in photos. Sometimes I look at it sparkling in the fluorescent lights and it makes me smile.

I Learned How to Do My Own Manicures

This may not be on par with the engagement and promotion, but it’s pretty darn cool. No one ever sees them IRL, but I do get comments about them sometimes on Zoom. Also, I started a 4^th Instagram for my nail photos, ManisInManhattan. I was looking for some home hobbies, and I found one plus I learned a new skill. It’ll probably save me money someday… after the initial investment of buying all the supplies.

I Achieved Net Zero

Speaking of saving money, somehow I achieved Net Zero. This is a massive feat if you know anything about my student loans. Not only did I achieve Net Zero, I surpassed it by many many miles. How? By barely spending any money. Getting a promotion. Not eating out. Not traveling. Not paying student loans thanks to Covid forbearance. Compound interest in my 401K (and maxing it out for the very first time!). Sure, I wish I had been traveling and eating at restaurants instead of saving money. But since I couldn’t, I am excited to have a much bigger pot for compound interest for the coming years.

I Kept Up with My Bullet Journal

In 2018 I gave up and swore off my Bujo. Then I tried it again in 2019 and liked it a bit more but also slacked. In 2020, I thought it was important to keep up with journaling for my sanity, to mark the difference in days, the passage of time, the seemingly endless weeks and months. Now, I appreciate my own tenacity because someday I’ll be able to look back on this crazy year and understand my headspace. I wasn’t perfect 100% of the time. Sometimes a week went by when I didn’t write at all. But in general, I kept up and made it 148 pages to December 31^st. Not only did I use it as a journal, but it let me track lots of stuff like these last four achievements.

I Published 26 Blogs

My goal was historically 2/month, so I achieved that. Also, it was not easy to write blogs when you DID NOTHING AND STAYED INSIDE EVERY DAY. Hopefully I didn’t bore you guys too much. Mommy, are you still there? Are you my only follower?

Some weeks I kinda fell behind, but that’s ok!

I Watched Movies I Had Wanted to See

Last year, I started the year with a massive list of movies to watch in my Bullet Journal. When I heard we were going to quarantine, I ordered a DVD player from Amazon, and I took 4 DVDs out from the library. I even brought them with me to Texas. I slowly made it through 84 new movies. That’s right, 84. I got through many on my list, like the Godfather, Casablanca, One Child Nation, Steel Magnolias, Frozen, and My Best Friend’s Wedding. And also watched some movies I didn’t plan to watch but loved nonetheless, like Ugly Dolls, The Princess and the Frog, The Social Dilemma, and 21 Jump Street.

My to-watch list. Look at all those check marks.

I Read 61 Books

That’s right guys, SIXTY ONE. 20,665 pages according to Goodreads. Back in 2018, I set myself a goal to read 4 non-fiction books a year. In 2020 I read 14! I also discovered audiobooks. I mean, I knew what they were before 2020, but I was never able to focus on them. In 2020, I took so many long walks that audiobooks were the perfect way to escape my endless thoughts and Twitter doomscrolling. I absolutely love them now and changed my reading tracker for this year in my bullet journal to track these.

Note, one book is missing from here from March, woops! (It was I Like to Watch and it was terrible)

I Discovered New Ways to Move My Body

It’s no secret I like to work out. Unfortunately, my two workouts of choice were teaching Spin classes and attending group bootcamp classes. Both of these were not options in quarantine. So, I had to adjust. First, my mindset. Maybe one day I couldn’t motivate myself to do a burpee. Ok, NO days I could motivate myself to do a burpee. But at least I could go for an hour-long walk. I got to know the Texas subdivision very well. I listened to podcasts. I listened to music. I zoned out. According to my Fitbit, I only didn’t make it to 10,000 steps/day 14 days all year! And 6 of those days were pre-Covid! That means I walked 10K+ steps 352/366 days. 96% of the year. If you don’t count the days pre-Covid, it’s 285/293… 97%! I walked a LOT. 5,019,509 steps according to my Fitbit. Five million, nineteen thousand, five hundred and nine.

I also danced. I discovered the freedom of moving my body to music. Dancing like no one was watching because… no one was. Well, Chris’s nephews sometimes but they already thought I was crazy. I did so much dance cardio; it became my escape. I’m moving next week, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to continue my dancing because I’ll officially have downstairs neighbors, but I’ll keep you posted. I did buy a Peloton so I’ll have to tell you all about that, too!

So many things to blog about. The Peloton, the move, the new apartment, maybe I’ll beat my 26-blog-post record.

What did you all achieve in 2020? Anything unexpected? New skills? Tell me in the comments!

Long Legs and other Personal Problems, Miscellaneous

2019 Resolutions & Goals – A Recap

January 2, 2020 1 Comment

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you had a night filled with champagne and a next day filled with naps and recovery. At least, that’s what I did.

As you may know from years past, I don’t totally believe in resolutions, but yet I make them every year. This past year, instead of calling them “resolutions,” I instead called them goals, and I tried my best to work toward them all year. As I said in my previous post about resolutions, they don’t have to be negative or painful, like, “starve self to lose 10 pounds in a month.” Mine tend to be more positive, like “use all of my vacation days.”

One of my failed resolutions 2018, as you may recall, was starting a bullet journal. Well SURPRISE, I decided to actually try my hand at BuJo-ing again in 2019, and I switched up a few things about it to try and set myself up for success. I will dedicate an entire post to my semi-successful BuJo next week, but for now, I mention it because it’s where I wrote down my goals! That’s TIP #1: write your goals down!

I decided to split my goals into categories both for organization purposes and also because it helped me focus my thoughts and think meaningfully about them. Also, I tried to follow the ultimate goal formula, to make them SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Based). My categories for the year were: Personal (a little vague), Social Media, Relationship, Work, and Financial.

Ironically, although I feel like I spend a majority of my time on social media every day, that is the sole category where I did not reach any of my goals. Lesson learned is TIP #2: Make sure you are being realistic in your goals. And TIP #3: Don’t be demoralized by failure, just reevaluate if that goal is still something you would like to achieve, decide if it should be adjusted, and then roll that goal over to the next year.

So what were my 2019 goals and did I achieve them? I’ll break it down for you.

Personal

Travel to 2 new countries – Check! I planned to go to Italy for my friend’s wedding, and Greece as a girls’ trip in the Fall. Sort of on a whim, my emoji-bf and I decided to add a 5-day jaunt to Paris for Labor Day, so I actually checked 3 new countries off the list! I LOVED this goal (who wouldn’t!?) and I think I’ll roll it over to 2020 to do again.
Learn to do a Dutch infinity braid on myself – Success!! I am not PERFECT at them, but they are presentable. I will continue to work on this one.
Film a tutorial video/learn how to edit video for Braid in Manhattan – FAIL! Or rather, I should say, I decided in around March that this was no longer a goal of mine. I reevaluated my business and decided it was more important to focus on getting clients and less important to give people tutorials on how to do it themselves and essentially undercut my client base.

Social Media

100 Tweets/Month – Fail!! Every year I make some sort of goal about getting better at Twitter. This was by far my best year yet, but I only tweeted about 650 times total. This is another roll-over goal. I think I will attempt the same thing again.
10,000 Followers on Braid in Manhattan – For my first year of BID, I gained over 1,000 followers from 500, and I thought that the growth would be exponential. I was wrong. I think Instagram also changed the algorithm so I was getting less likes as the year went on. However, I still did gain 2,080 followers over the year so that’s a nice bump! I’ll need to reevaluate my goal on this one. Maybe 6,000 is a more achievable goal.
Post at least 2 blogs/Month – Fail again! As much as I try to be consistent on here, things keep popping up (like surprise trips to Paris) and I lose my momentum. I started the year strong with 3-4 posts/month last year, but tapered off and only totaled at 17 for 2019. This seems like a feasible goal though, and I think I will try for 2/month again.

Relationship

Date Night once a week – Success! I am so happy this worked out, and we really tried to maintain it. I even put a calendar reminder at 7:30 pm every Tuesday night so we would remember. It didn’t need to be a date out, but we tried to switch between Netflix and home-cooked meals in, and fun nights out. Since our weekend activities often don’t line up with work travel and other responsibilities, we agreed to Tuesdays and have stuck to it.

Over the summer at one point, we let it slip and realized we weren’t spending any time with each other so we reinstated it and were much happier. I recently found out that one of my bf’s friends instated their own weekly date night and also love it, and that made me so happy!

Work

Successful Interview Week – Check! This is a week-long event I run every year, and for the second time, it was in LA last year. It was a huge success with a record number of participants.
Title Change – Career Center Director – Success! My actual title is Director of Career Services, which I like even more, but it’s important to really visualize what you want, so I wrote that title down on January 1 and kept looking at it every day!
Raise! $$ – Done! I went through a LONG job search process this year that was originally unplanned (perhaps I need to write a recap of that whole thing in a blog post), but ultimately I decided to stay at my current employer with a new title (as seen above) and new salary!
Run Session at Continuing Education Event – Success! I ran a session this past summer on the Johari Window and Covey Window/Time Management Matrix. It was great practice being in front of a group, and I think my group teaching skills are improving.
Begin Career Coaching Course – Not only did I begin this, I finished it! I submitted my final project last week and I am waiting for the grade so I can begin the credentialing process (a 2020 goal).

Finance

$38K in Retirement Account – Surpassed! Due to a good year in the markets, and a raise in the autumn, I surpassed this goal and I’m almost at $40K. I also maxed out my Roth IRA the last 2 years. That makes my overall net worth about -$50K! LOL
Pay off Private Student Loans – DONE. As I talked about in a previous blog, I transferred these to a credit card to give myself 20 interest-free months to pay them off. And I did! WOO! Of course I still have about $100K in Federal Loans but I’m trying to still run the clock off on those. 4.5 years to go!
Monetize Braid in Manhattan, Make $1000 – Surpassed! This was a great one to track and I had fun with it, filling in segments of a bow on my savings page in my BuJo. I can’t wait to see what 2020 has in store for my fav hobby/side hustle.
Bring Lunch 3x/week – Surpassed. I brought lunch 4-5 times a week! This was a TOUGH one. It was very time consuming, but I saved a LOT of money, and I felt like I was eating healthier meals. It was semi annoying to always be carrying containers with me, but I think it was worth it. I’ll be trying to continue this one. It helps if your coworkers also bring their lunch. I love to go for a walk so I would often go with my coworkers and then get jealous and want to buy something. If we instead just go for a walk without a lunch destination, I save more money and have less FOMO.

Overall, it was a great year for me and I achieved a majority of my goals/resolutions. I am still forming my goals for the coming year. Who says they need to begin on January 1? Mine will probably begin around January 12. Brainstorm a few for yourself and let me know what you’re aiming for in the comments!

Long Legs and other Personal Problems, Miscellaneous

December 28, 2017 4 Comments

Christmas is behind us, which means New Year’s Day is upon us. And nothing says January 1^st like a resolution that will fail by February 1^st, amirite?? As a fitness instructor of 11 years, I can tell you for a fact that the gym is about to be PACKED for 3 shorts weeks. And then it will empty out again.

But to be perfectly honest, I don’t hate resolutions OR “resolutioners,” as I call the 3-week gym goers. I understand wanting to better yourself, and trying to set a benchmark and a starting point. You’ve all probably heard the phrase “diet starts on Monday!” Well a resolution is just a yearly “diet starts on Monday” with a more memorable date, because it’s literally the first day. I am generally pretty sarcastic about these people who make and fail at resolutions time and time again. But the reason I mock them is not because I think what they are doing is wrong, I just think they are using the wrong method. Also, TBH I love when the gym is full for a few weeks, it makes my Spin classes completely full and a lot more fun! But do I love showing people how to set up their bikes knowing that they will not get on one 48 weeks of the year? Not as much.

So in my very humble opinion, what is the right method, if I am so sure that this is the wrong method? The right way is to not set yourself up to fail. When I worked at lululemon, we did a lot of work in our orientation and training on goal-setting. I know, I know, so culty. I will post about my experience working there another time. Anyway, the goals of the employees are actually posted in the store on display for customers. It’s true, ask in any lululemon where they are, and they are happy to show you. What does this have to do with resolutions? Well for one, there is accountability. Your goals are literally on display! And secondly, they really do not want you to fail because then everyone will know. So they set you up to succeed. The four things they tell you before you brainstorm and write your goals are: make them concrete and measurable, start big, and then break it down to make the short-term ones attainable, make them positive, and begin making changes immediately. They also say to write them down and post them on the wall of your job. Maybe you don’t have to go that far, but it’s not a bad idea to write it down and stick it on your bathroom mirror, or on your desktop at work on a post-it. Anything to keep it in the forefront of your mind and keep yourself accountable.

My lululemon goals from 2015! I found them in my email. Most of them still stand. And I actually achieved (or am still working on) my 1 and 5 year ones!

I feel like it may come as a surprise to some of you that I am a fan of resolutions, but I am. I like to set goals for myself, and honestly, a resolution is just a positive goal to change your life for the better. Also, PLEASE remember guys, a resolution does NOT need to be body or health-related! And it shouldn’t be something you hate. This should go without saying, but people do it all the time. If you hated pizza, would you resolve to eat it? Ok, bad example everyone loves pizza… If you hated broccoli, should you resolve to eat it? NO. Eat another vegetable you like! If you hate running, do not resolve to run. It’s simple. And again, it does not need to be “eat healthy 5 days a week” or “work out more.” Plus, TBH, these should not be resolutions anyway. Eating to fuel your body, or working out to lower your cholesterol should just be things you want to do to live better and respect yourself. But I digress.

So what are my resolutions this year? I always make a few so I have a backup if I fail (LOL). This year I have one new one, and two rollovers from last year. I am writing them here to keep myself accountable:

Plan myself less; have 1-2 FREE nights/week.
Get back in the pool and start swimming again. At least twice a month, hopefully once/week.
Do more weight training to become stronger. At least once/week, hopefully twice/week.

The first one is my top priority, but I already feel like I may fail, especially since I just found out I’m already double-booked for weddings on September 2, 2018! I am going to work really hard, though. I feel like every single night of my life is planned, and I never get a chance to relax. On July 17^th I wrote a blog about how I did nothing that whole weekend. Not only was that a lie (read my blog to see why), but July 17^th was the last time that happened.

The second and third ones are rollovers. I resolved to do them this year, too. I failed. So what? Don’t be embarrassed by failure, just try again! Maybe this next year I will do better because I’ll live closer to a gym where I like their classes. Or maybe I’ll buy a swim cap and goggles to get one step closer to achieving my goals. Maybe I’ll do that right now so I can start making moves to achieve my goals. And I love to swim! See, these resolutions do not need to be painful.

Some examples of super not painful resolutions, all of which have been resolutions of mine in the past few years:

Use all of your vacation days.
Budget your money, or at least track it to start (I did this this year with mint.com! Success!)
Run a half marathon before you turn 30.
Travel somewhere internationally (even if it’s Canada, Montreal is awesome!)
Learn how to use twitter. (Follow me @longlegsbigcity, I finally have more than 500 tweets!)
Start saving for retirement. Put $50/month into an account/month, you won’t miss it!
Read 4 nonfiction books/year. Follow me on GoodReads for recommendations!

I love to work out, but I was tired of everything I was doing. So this past year, my main resolution was to try new things and find something new that I really enjoyed. And I did! Art runs. More on that later this week.

I want to inspire you guys to make a resolution and try to stick to it. Maybe it’s as simple as “put the laundry away on the same night as you fold it,” or maybe it’s tougher like “run a half marathon by year end.” Either way, it always feels good to achieve something, even if it’s something fun. Start using those vacation days, even if they’re staycation days, and start doing nothing! Resolutions can be fun. 😊

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