Home free for the year! The Last Wedding of 2017 is over, and I think we can all breathe a collective sigh of relief that I don’t need to find another “formal but not black tie” dress to wear. Oh, just me? Ok fine, I’m relieved. Don’t get me wrong, I had one of my most fun nights of the year last Saturday, but I am happy to be finished with travel. JK I am actually writing this from 34,951 feet, according to the television screen in front of me. Anyway, more on this next trip another time, but at least I am done with wedding travel.

I have a trouble saying no. Perhaps this is why I have been to so many weddings. But this last one, I had to say yes, because I knew both the bride and groom, it was the FIRST of my New York friends to get married, and most importantly, it was local. As in, it was in the tri-state area. As in, I did not need to get on an airplane to get there. I did, however, need to figure out how to get to Point Pleasant, NJ, which proved more difficult than I originally thought. There was a lot of NJ Transit time tables and googling to be done, and Uber-estimates to be made, and logistical text messages to be sent. We decided to take a train to Long Branch, and then split a 40-minute Uber with another friend who met us on the train in Newark.

When I first received the wedding invitation, I booked a hotel room, but ultimately, I decided that spending money on a hotel for a “local” wedding would defeat the purpose. We planned to take the last train home at 11:38 pm, which was set to arrive back in New York City at 2:07 am. WOOF.

Who it “we?” Well, of course it’s emoji-bf and me! It’s a real shame that his face turned out yellow in all of the photos, he looked absolutely smashing! We rocked that photobooth.

And did I mention that I created the hashtag?! #NoFomoForComo. I’m a poet and I know it. (Remember when I wrote a whole poem for the Pub Crawl?)

The wedding was held at Clark’s Landing Yacht Club, which is a stunning venue. Luckily, we got there just as the sun was setting so I got to enjoy the marina views and snagged a few photos of the bride and groom, while the bride was changing into her sneakers after their photographer was done, and she was scurrying inside because it was 28 degrees and she was wearing a strapless gown. Hopefully they can photoshop out goosebumps.

The ceremony was short and sweet. My friend I rendez-vous-ed with on the train had only ever been to Indian weddings before, and he was FLOORED by how quick the ceremony was at a “white person wedding.” His words, not mine. From the procession to the kiss, it was 20 minutes. I loved the bridesmaids’ dresses, which is incredibly rare. All other brides-to-be… take note: they were navy, lace, knee-length, flattering, and could totally be worn again.

I know this may sound incredibly sappy and so un-longlegsbigcity, but the sweetest part of the wedding was watching the bride and groom kiss! They had been together for 11 years by Saturday, and they were already dating for 8 years when I met them, playing NYC Social Volleyball. I played an entire season with them before I knew they were in a relationship. I don’t say this in a bad way; they are so comfortable with each other, and they clearly are best friends, but I had no idea they were a romantic item! I later, obviously, learned this. Anyway, Saturday was extra special because I got to see them dancing together and acting like an adorable newlywed couple. Also, although there were upwards of 200 guests, they seemed to be having a BLAST. They were both on the dance floor the entire time, partying with the guests, instead of the typical meet-n-greet, boring, table-pictures mingling. It was a true celebration.

I would be remiss if I did not mention the cocktail-hour-to-end-all-cocktail-hours. This thing was IMPRESSIVE. I entered the hall to find a sushi chef fresh rolling sushi, with an accompanying 6 different kinds of sake. There was a guy specifically stationed to explain the sake and serve it with your sushi. Then I turned to the left and I saw an ice sculpture with the couple’s names on it, and an ice luge inside it specifically for martinis. It was like the super classy version of a beer bong. There were tables all around the room, on multiple tiers, with themed food stations. There was a pizza station, a middle eastern station (fresh shawarma, hummus, babaghanoush, olives), a wine and cheese station (more than 20 bottles of wine), a mashed potato bar (5 different kinds of potatoes, innumerable toppings), steak carving station, sausage carving station (6 different kinds), seafood station (two kinds of calarmari, oysters, shrimp) etc. It took all of the restraint I had in my body to remind myself to stop eating because A. there was still going to be dinner, B. I did not want to vomit on the dance floor and (most importantly?) C. I’d never get drunk if I had too much food in my stomach!

I know what you’re wondering – did I manage to stick to all of my “top tips for professional wedding guest success?” YES! Well, mostly.

• Never agree to be a bridesmaid: CHECK! I wasn’t asked. But still.
• Find the open bar ASAP. HELLO?! Obvi.
• Learn the bartender’s name: Hell yes. Dok, emoji-bf was lucky he was there to chaperone me because you had my heart at “Moscow Mule.”
• 2 drinks on the table before toasts: As soon as I saw those copper mugs, I had a Moscow mule in each hand for the rest of the reception.
• Photobooth? Hell yes. So many props!
• Selfies? Duh.
• Flip Flops? No, because it was 28 degrees, but I did bring sneakers! They are featured in many of my photobooth pics.
• Borrow a dress: No, but I did get mine at TJ Maxx! $39.99 baby.
• Registry Gift or cash: The registry didn’t have much left but that is because I didn’t have my sh*t together until the last minute. Cash worked.

Overall, the Last Wedding of 2017 was a smashing success. They gave us zeppole as we left, so I had a snack while we waited for the train back to New York. And you will all be happy to hear that the morning of the wedding, I received an email with Save the Date and wedding website information for a wedding in August of 2018! No one else better get engaged this holiday season. And if they do, whose dress am I borrowing??