It’s ok to not be ok.I hereby welcome you to my Pity Party.
I saw a tweet the other day that said “physically i am two days away from july, emotionally i am still processing February.” This could not be any more real. Like… what the F*&K happened to 2020?? I looked at the calendar the other day and I was like wow… back in January, WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK?!
And here’s the thing, there are a lot of terrible things going on in the world. There is a police brutality crisis, mass incarceration, unemployment, world hunger, and Russian dictators putting bounties on American soldiers. Not to mention 503K deaths worldwide from Covid, and more every day.
But you know what else is going on? NOTHING. At least in my life. And to be completely honest, I have good days and bad days. Last weekend? A lot of bad days. But I had ice cream, which made it a little bit better.
I’m in mourning for the year I thought I was going to have. I had really high hopes! I had goals to visit three new countries. Remember traveling? Another goal: to go to 100 bootcamp classes. Ya know, at the gym. Remember those? And another goal: To book hair for 2 weddings. Remember weddings? Where people attended IRL and got their hair done?
Speaking of weddings, how about mine?
This is usually around the point where I start to unravel. Not to be overly dramatic, but my entire plan for my life has come undone at this point. And yes, I know it’s only been 4 months of quarantine (so far), but the reality is, we have a LONG road ahead of us. No vaccine on the horizon, no idea when it will be released. When it is, will it be safe? Will it be unfathomably expensive? Will it be widely available? Should it be? We won’t know the long-term side effects; we won’t really know what side effects there are at all. Will you even feel comfortable taking it? And how long until we do feel comfortable? What happens in the meantime?
Back to my life plan – it’s out the window at this point. I feel like Rachel from Friends when she turns 30. (That whole clip is worth watching, by the way.)
In Rachel’s words, “I realized it was stupid to get upset about not having a husband and kids, all I really needed was a plan!” Well we all know what they said about the best laid plans. If you guys don’t watch the clip, the gist is that she wants three kids, starting to have the first one at 35 so she counts backward from there and… spoiler alert, she is already too old for her own plan.
I’m not going to say I live by the Rachel Green’s plan, but the annoying part about this whole pandemic is that a LOT of things have been postponed. Weddings can be pushed off, travel can be rescheduled, engagement parties, brunches, celebrations of all kinds. But you know what Rachel had right? Time marches on and fertility still has an expiration date. Wtf!
Now, this is not a blog about having a baby, and I’m not having one right now anyway, but I’d like to have time before I do. Time to travel without kids. Time to enjoy my engagement. Time to celebrate it. Time to plan a wedding and actually visit venues, to have the opportunity see them with my own eyes. Time to enjoy Girls Nights Out.
When we got engaged, for the three glorious weeks post-engagement and pre-pandemic, people asked if we had a wedding date. (Why? I have no idea. Don’t do that, guys.) Anyway, when I said we didn’t, invariably they said, “That’s great! That’s fine! Enjoy your engagement! It’s the best time.”
Is this “enjoying our engagement?” Is it “the best time?” Living in a house that is not our own, halfway across the country, without the ability to go out on dates, have an engagement party, show off my ring, see my parents? I can’t even get my nails done to show my ring off on Instagram!
So yeah, I’m not ok. Not today, at least. I spent the last three days watching TV and trying to forget real life. It didn’t really work but the ice cream was good. I realize that things could be worse. We are lucky to be employed, safe, healthy, etc. But sometimes I need to throw myself a pity party. Y’all are invited to the next one. It’ll be on Zoom. BYO ice cream.
Oops, I did it again. I wasted my time, got lost in the hype. Oh baby, baby.
That’s right guys, my failed 2018 resolution and I had another go-around. I am happy to say that with some major adjustments, I had slightly more success, which was largely because I changed my mindset and stopped caring about succeeding. Of course, I’m talking about bullet journaling.
For those of
you who are new around here, a bullet journal is “a way to track the past, organize
the present, and plan for the future.” Sounds awesome. Unfortunately, it is
VERY time consuming, especially if you want it to be cute! Which, of course I
do.
If you are too lazy to read my blog from last year, the TLDR is that in 2018, I went down the BuJo Youtube rabbit hole, got obsessed with many different “habit trackers,” I got behind, I was tired of writing down everything I did, and I basically gave up on both the journaling aspect, the “tracking the past” aspect, and decided I would just use my google calendar to “plan for the future.” I decided to ditch the BuJo since it became a time-wasting method instead of a time-saving method.
But then I got
a 40% off coupon for Michaels (seriously, I get one every 2 weeks, how does
that store make money??) so I decided to buy a new notebook and start again
with some adjustments.
The main parts of the bullet journal concept remained: the index to keep track of where everything was, the future log to put things for later in the year, the monthly log, weekly logs and collections. My main addition was a lot more scrapbooking. I kept little mementos from things I attended and attached them to the pages with Washi tape. For example, many many playbill covers, “Beat” stickers from football games, my ticket from the Belmont Stakes, tickets to Knicks/Heat games, and bus tickets and mementos from my travels.
The main changes in 2019 were to my collections and to the way I tracked my weeks. Between those changes to my actual bullet journal, and the change in my attitude about keeping up with it, aka my “IDGAF mentality,” I was able to successfully keep up with my journal all year long.
Collections:
Last year, I got reallllllyyy behind in tracking my moods. Also, it felt repetitive (yay for being happy most of the time), useless (why does it matter in December that I was sad for 2 days in January?), and also it was difficult to track if I fell behind. There’s actually a psychological phenomenon about this called rosy retrospection, and when I was a week behind, I just assumed I had been happy the whole week. Which is dumb and pointless. The first thing to go in my 2019 BuJo was the mood tracker. I decided to keep my 10,000 steps a day tracker, because it was easy to fill in if I got behind thanks to my FitBit app, and I kept my daily workout tracker, because I wanted to see the distribution of my workouts as I tried to add in more strength training to my routine.
Steps and Workouts
Blogs Posted. MUST write more!
SO MANY BOOKS.
Impressive travel for the year.
Savings goals all hit!
Never looked at this.
Social Stats.
Marathon Training Schedule
Marathon Training ACTUALLY
I chose to get
rid of pages I either didn’t use, or pages that were repetitive because I was
tracking the data in some other way or in some other app. For example, I got rid
of my “To-Read” page because it was easier to add them in the Good Reads app,
and I always had my phone with me to add books as people recommended them to
me. I also got rid of the ratings on my Movies Watched page, because I could remember
how I felt about a movie without writing it down. I got rid of my “braids to
learn” page, because they were bookmarked in my Instragram. I also got rid of
my “Key” because after a year of bullet journaling, I didn’t have to remind
myself what the symbols meant anymore.
The last thing
I wanted to do was make my life MORE difficult, but I did add on a few new
collections of pages for my 2018 layout. First, marathon training! I added my
training schedule based on the Hal Higdon method, and I added pages to track my
training and miles. I liked seeing it all together, instead of scrolling
through my Nike+ app. Also, I liked writing down how certain runs felt to me, so
I could remember that I sometimes had bad days, but they were often followed by
much better ones. I also added a Braiding calendar at the beginning of each
month. The “braiding community” often puts together “twins” for people’s
birthdays, where you do a similar style or type of style for someone’s special
day, or you just have a certain hashtag to add. This was hard for me to keep up
with because they are often planned in advance so I reserved a page each month
for this. I may not do this next year, because I often forgot to check my BuJo
before posting for the day, anyway, and they are often planned early for the
next month, so I couldn’t write them down anyway. TBD if this collection makes an
appearance in 2020. I also added a collection of “hair hashtags” but I never
ended up looking at it, so I think it will also get the boot in 2020.
I LOVED my
Savings Goals page. Not only did I get a chance to draw my adorable piggy bank
again, but it gave me a lot of pride and a sense of accomplishment to see that
I was making my goals for the year. Speaking of goals, I also loved my goals
page and will continue that for 2020. Also staying in 2020? My social stats
tracking page, my blogs posted page (really trying for 24 this year), my spin
themes page, and my reading stats page. I read 35 books last year, and
definitely met my goal of non-fiction v. fiction, with 9/35 non-fiction! Only
6/35 were written by men, though. I need to work on that.
It was super
fun to see my travel summarized on one page, so I will keep that for 2020, as
well I was away 90 days, traveled 23,965 miles x 2 (there and back! 47,930!!),
and I took 18 trains and 18 planes.
Weekly Log:
I think I was better able to keep up with my BuJo in 2019 because I changed the way I journaled my weeks. I often got behind by a day or two in 2018, so in 2019, I decided not to split up my weekly logs by day. I just gave a single page for a week, and jotted down a few memorable things about the week. The main reason I use my bullet journal is to remember goals and tasks I want to complete for the week that may not be incredibly important enough to set phone reminders, but make me feel good to check off and save me money. For example, for my tasks, I wrote down when I needed to cancel my Clear membership before the free trial was over. Or I wrote down that I needed to make a dentist appointment. Book a hotel for a wedding I was going to, buy more paper towels, frame my diplomas, RSVP to a wedding, Venmo request my bf for the electricity bill, buy a wedding gift (lots of wedding-related tasks). I also grouped my goals in this category, for example, publish a blog about my BuJo, apply for 3 jobs, finish my continuing education class final project. Writing down these small goals and tasks reminded me to do them, and also incentivized me to complete them. There’s really nothing like ticking a box or crossing something off of a list.
Monthly and weekly layouts, including braiding calendars. Featuring my terrible doodles.
IDGAF:
The main reason I was more successful in 2019 than in 2018 was because I did not give a f*ck. Here’s an example. In September, I went on a vacation to Paris with my bf. I brought my bullet journal. I did not write in it one single time despite already having laid out the pages. In 2018 I would have been upset with myself. In 2019, I just kept on going. In October, I went on a vacation to Greece. I was determined to keep up with my Bujo. Again, I brought it with me and I collected little mementos throughout the trip, and I didn’t write in it once. I just taped my bus tickets and winery pamphlets onto the pages and continued on. My lack of self-loathing for being behind in my bullet journal helped me continue.
The clarity for WHY I was journaling was helpful. For me, it’s to keep track of things I need to do, and to have a little reminder of my year at the end. And if I forget to write something? It’s not the end of the world. Has anyone out there tried their hand yet at bullet journaling? I bought some new Mildliner “creative markers” and I can’t wait to see how things change in 2020!
P.S. I still cannot doodle to save my life, but my piggy bank drawing is still adorable!
Sometimes you have to throw in the towel. Or admit defeat. That’s what happened to one of my 2018 resolutions to keep a bullet journal. I realized that there was just not enough time in the day to both do things, and then write about them. Let me explain.
Bullet Journaling, or #BuJo for short, has a cult
following, especially in the crafting/online community. Basically, it was
invented by a guy, Ryder Carroll, to make up for the things he couldn’t do
using an app. It is an analog way to “track the past, organize the present, and
plan the future.” He has a handy 4-minute YouTube video about it here. BEWARE of the YouTube black hole, guys.
My story began by watching that 4-minute video, and next thing you know it was
5 days later and I was at Michaels purchasing 5 types of felt-tip pens and 8
tubes of washi-tape. But again, I’m getting ahead of myself.
In theory, Bullet Journaling is great. You can use any notebook, although Bullet Journal sells their own, because #capitalism. But the point of a BuJo is that anyone can do it, in any notebook they want. Of course, the internet has favorites (the Leuchtturm, Moleskine etc.), but you can use any book. That’s because you do all of the work yourself! You write it as you go. You do most of the work when you first set it up, at the beginning of the year. If you had never heard of bullet journaling, but all of a sudden, you’ve seen it on your social media, that’s because the first week of the year just finished and people were rushing to set up their new “layouts.” In fact, the YouTube black hole contains HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS of bloggers showing their 2019 setups. DON’T CLICK IT. IT’S A TRAP.
My gorgeous Bullet Journal (#RIP). I used it enough that I broke the elastic!
Here’s the main gist, and what is included in all bullet
journals:
Index: This is a running list of your pages. Remember that you can do this BuJo thing in any plain notebook. That means you need to write your own page numbers and refer back to this Index as you add pages and update it.
Future Log: This is usually a quick monthly separation of your year, where you add the events that are coming up in the months ahead. This is necessary because you only write the current week’s tasks. You can control how many pages you use this way, or if you need to add anything.
Monthly Log: Includes the days of the month, and the letter of the day (M for Monday etc.). This is a “Birds Eye View” of your monthly appointments and tasks.
Daily Logs (usually done by the week) – Tasks, Events, and Notes for each day, in bullet form, and sometimes starred for importance
Collections: Lists of tasks or other things all grouped together by topic. This is where the Pinterest/internet community gets carried away, but more on that later.
At the end of each month, you set up the next month by looking at any leftover tasks you didn’t complete. You go to the previous month’s tasks, check off the ones you completed. With the leftover ones, if you don’t want to do it anymore, you cross it out. But if it’s still worth your time, “migrate” it by drawing an arrow, then writing it in the next month’s monthly log. If the task is not due for a few months, then you can instead write it in the future log, for the month when it’s due.
This is all meant to reduce distraction and be more productive,
basically a “Konmari method for your thoughts,” according to Vogue. (Marie
Kondo is so IN right now.)
Well guys, I was so determined last year. Not only did I set up my Index, Future Log, and Monthly Log, (all of the photos in this blog are REAL excerpts from my bullet journal!), I also did all of the extra things that the crazy people on the internet do. I even wrote a yearly calendar at the beginning where I wrote out the numbers 1-31 for every single month in tiny little invisible squares. (I got the “dotted” notebook, which is loved by all internet BuJo’ers, because you can write straight, but you don’t have those UNSIGHTLY lines. Lines in a notebook? EW!) I tried to learn how to doodle, to make cute borders, I bought pens of different colors and thicknesses, I googled “how to draw a piggy bank” for my savings page, I really was all in.
My Index & Key (Note my Braid in Manhattan Business Card)
My Business Card is a fold-out easy-reference key!
Yes, I wrote all those numbers myself. I told you I’m nuts.
Yearly Goals (many pages have been redacted #Mueller)
Future Log!
Monthly Log for January (check out those fireworks doodles)
Monthly Goals and steps tracker.
Weekly Log (I was fastidious at this point!)
I even added some momentos with washi tape, like this playbill cover.
The most fun part was the collections, although it also became the most time-consuming part. As I quickly learned from my new internet-blogger peeps, you can make a collection for ANYTHING. The first type of collection is a “habit-tracker,” where you do exactly that. You can track your daily sleep, steps, exercise, food, etc. You can have a graph where you mark every day you successfully make breakfast at home, or go without caffeine, or make it to the gym! I had two habit trackers, for my gym sessions (color-coded by type of workout), and for my moods. The mood one quickly made me realize that I’m happy a large majority of days. Good discovery, I guess, but boring to track after a while. I would sometimes get a week behind on these, which was much easier to remember my gym sessions, but more difficult to try and remember how I was feeling on a particular day. Sometimes I think I faked it.
Habit Tracking! This did not last long.
The other types of collections were more like lists to keep a running tally of things throughout the year. These lists included books I read, stats for my books (gender of author, length, genre), movies I’d seen (there were a lot… this was in the heyday of Moviepass RIP) and also my social media statistics (followers, number of posts etc.). I also wrote about my many many trips and travel stats.
I was doing so well for a few months, especially with the collections. I am a very crafty person, so I was having fun! I used to scrapbook all the time when I lived in Florida, and although I still have most of my scrapbooking stuff, it sits in a box underneath my bed because as all New Yorker’s say, “ain’t nobody got space for that!” Anyway, bullet journaling was a great way to keep crafting, but keep it to one single book with a small(er) amount of supplies.
It was fun… until it wasn’t. It became burdensome. I hit my first hurdle in my very first month with my bullet journal when I went to Seattle and Vancouver. Should I bring my Bullet Journal? How many pens? Is it worth carrying in my backpack? Will I forget it anywhere? When will I have time to write in it if I’m busy hanging with my best friend, hiking and boozing it up? Ultimately, I did bring it with me, but it was difficult to keep up with. I brought it with me on MANY trips, even to Spain! I wrote in it on each train ride between cities to recap what we had done.
One of my trips with my BuJo!
My last trip with my Bujo… notice the blank space.
But eventually, it became a hassle. I didn’t feel like recapping my day. I had never been great at keeping a diary and making a note of each time I fought with my bf seemed stupid and useless. Also, did that make me sad? Angry? Tired? Or was I still overall happy for the day? What would I put in my mood habit tracker?
I also started to fall very behind on my collections. Although I thought it was a good idea and I did enjoy crafting, it felt redundant. When I heard of a book I wanted to read, I put it on my Goodreads “want to read” shelf. Why would I also write it in my BuJo? Also, as I progressed with my braiding, I was bookmarking all of the braids I wanted to try within the Instagram app. Why would I also try to describe it in words in my BuJo? Same thing with my travel: I was already writing about it on my blog (sometimes), so why would I also waste my time and write about it by hand? Everything seemed superfluous and time-consuming.
I spent a few weeks scaling back, and only writing the highlights of my weeks, but I realized I wasn’t even using the bullet journal anymore as it is intended, as a planner and organizer, but more as a diary. Again, why would I use it as a planner when I have Google calendar on my phone, in my pocket? There are some things I miss, like tracking my social media stats, but I may just keep a running list of that in the memos in my phone, instead of a full craft-stravaganza.
Weekly Log (I was fastidious at this point!)
Some of my last full weeks. Note how messy and quick I got.
I understand that some people enjoy bullet journaling as a
creative outlet, but overall, I don’t understand it as a time-saving method. To
me, it was a huge time suck. Although it was fun, I would probably never do it
again. I did, however, learn how to draw a SICK piggy bank! Have any of you
experimented with bullet journaling? What did you think?
Savings Goals! (I did much better than this but I stopped keeping track)