Miscellaneous

NYE Party in the Living Room

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HAPPY NEW YEAR!! We were all looking forward to 2021, and I’m hopeful it will be better than last year. However, we were still stuck at home for New Year’s Eve. TBH I hate NYE. It’s always overhyped and ends up being worse than you imagined. It ends  in fights with your significant other, sloppy drunks, vomiting, fried food indulging, and beginning the new year with a hangover. Not my favorite. If you’ve been following for a while, you know I MUCH prefer Practice New Year’s Eve. It leaves my real NYE open to run races in the below-freezing temps. But none of that was happening this year. No parties, no races, etc. Personally, we didn’t do anything festive for Thanksgiving or Christmas. There was no turkey cooking, no tree in our living room or twinkling lights. I was canceled from the Macy’s Parade.

I wanted to do SOMETHING for New Year’s Eve. I started brainstorming my favorite parts of the holiday. Watching Rockin’ New Year’s Eve on tv (RIP Dick Clark) with friends, eating lots of hors-oeuvres that are fried (shoutout pigs in a blanket), drinking yummy drinks, kissing at midnight, wearing sequins and taking lots of photos. When I reflected on my favorite things, I realized the only thing we COULDN’T do was see friends. So, I set about to make the rest of those things happen.

First, a stop at Trader Joes for many, many fried frozen appetizers. Unfortunately, they were out of pigs in a blanket, but I got truffle flatbread, mozzarella sticks, buffalo chicken popovers, spanakopita, and LOTS of dips. Not to mention the makings of a charcuterie board. After about $70 in food, I figured it was probably enough for 2 people. Spoiler alert, we only ate about 20% of that food. But it was fun to have choices. And leftovers.

  • Pandemic Food Spread, never far from hand sanitizer
  • YUM. Warm spinach artichoke dip.
  • Just a sampling of the fried/baked goodness.

Next stop, Party City. I only came up with this idea last-minute, so I went to Party City on December 30th. It was pretty picked over. It seemed I was not the only person with this idea for an at-home party. I picked up a few things that were leftover, including a hat that was broken so they gave it to me for $2.50. SCORE. It was good as new with some hot glue gun magic. When I found an over-the-door streamer thingy, I knew it would make the perfect backdrop for my “photobooth.” They only had blowers in packages of 24 or more left, which gave me hope that people were not having large gatherings. I waited on the blowers with hopes that I could buy some off the street, in addition to more photobooth props, and I was right! The morning of December 31st, I was first at the table of vendors on the corner, so I got my first pick of pre-packaged and individually wrapped glasses, blowers, 2021 masks, poppers etc. I was almost ready. All I needed was an outfit.

  • Home-made Photobooth
  • Props for the photobooth & cheers

I wanted to take full advantage of our stay-at-home NYE and wear an outfit I’d never wear out. First, a dress that barely covered my bum. It was 100% sequins, which I’d totally wear out. But it was too short to dance comfortably in. Perfect for photos and couch-eating. Next, shoes. In New York, you always need shoes you can walk in. I have thrown away most of my heels. But I kept these crazy knee-high boots because I couldn’t part with them. They live in a bin deep in the recesses under my bed. They were the perfect addition to my outfit. It’s only 9 steps from my bedroom to the kitchen/photobooth. Don’t ask how I know this. I walk this route often. I could do 9 steps in these boots. Spoiler alert again, I switched into slippers at 10:30 pm.

  • Photobooth success!
  • Headwear! Featuring Chris’s hot-glued hat.
  • Trying to take normal photos
  • More props, 2021 glasses and a 2021 mask.
  • It’s harder to get a New Year’s Eve Kiss in a mask
  • Slippers.

And to top off my outfit: LIPSTICK!! If you live in New York, you know why this is in capital letters. I haven’t left my house without a mask in months. So, lipstick is not something in rotation. Makeup in general, but definitely lipstick. But it seemed like a festive addition to this not-opening-my-front-door outfit. Chris and I got ready separately so we could surprise each other with our outfits. He came out in a very snazzy suit freshly shaved.

We took a LOT of photos. I drank four berry Moscow mules and added as much vodka as I wanted. And spent $0 on booze. I sat on the couch, danced around, counted down, and got my midnight kiss. First (but not last) engaged New Year! How did you guys spend your evening? Did you dress up or stay in sweats? And most importantly… which of you guys bought all the TJ’s pigs in a blanket??

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Long Legs and other Personal Problems

How To: Professional Wedding Guest

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In the past 3 years, I have attended so many weddings, I call myself a professional guest. In the past 2.5 years, I’ve had emoji bf on my arm, and we have gotten it down to a science. This upcoming Saturday, we are attending yet another wedding, and in honor of it being the last one on the books for 2017, I am doing all of my readers a favor and imparting my sage advice.

Never, I repeat NEVER , agree to be a bridesmaid. Being a bridesmaid is more than the title, it is basically indentured servitude. I know this from watching my friends as they perform their serf duties to the almighty Queen Bride, not from actual experience, since I have ONLY had to do this one time. Being a bridesmaid means a lot of things. For starters, it means you’re going to drop $2 grand on the occasion, at the very least. You are required to be at all events, you need to fly to a destination bachelorette, you have to go to the bridal shower, you have to buy a godawful dress you will never wear again and it will unquestionably make you look like a rotund banana, you have to shell our hundreds of dollars for hair and makeup, and of course, you have to smile the whole time and lie to the bride. Am I exaggerating? Maybe a tiny bit. But if you are a bridesmaid, you should probably just declare bankruptcy and block off all of your weekends for the six months leading up to the wedding. Also, being a bridesmaid means being in all of the photos. This takes away from valuable open bar time. Which brings me to my next point.

Always find the open bar as soon as you enter the reception. This is possibly the best advice I can give you. Keep your eye on it, and always know if the line is getting long. If you are assigned a table, but not a seat, it is important to position yourself at the table so you can view the line at the bar at all times. You will thank me for this.

Take selfies. If you didn’t take selfies, did the wedding even happen? Also, you can take many photos of the bride and groom, but they hire professionals for that. Don’t waste your time. Take one photo of the happy couple, then stick with the selfies.

Learn the bartender’s name. Also tip him, but knowing his name is key. Back when I was a wedding guest novice, I was embarrassed when the bartender remembered me and my drink order. Now that I am a professional, I realize how useful this is. Why waste a valuable second explaining to the bartender that your vodka soda should have a splash of grenadine? This is a second that you could be burning calories on the dance floor!

Always have two drinks on your table before the toasts begin. Once you’re on a first name basis with the bartender, this should not be difficult. You should be on a first name basis before the toasts, if all goes well. The worst thing at weddings is being stuck at the table during interminable speeches with no alcohol and no clandestine way to escape to the bar. Once the toasts begin, you are trapped at your table for 10-60 minutes. Always be prepared. I learned that in Girl Scouts.

Dance!! Nobody likes a downer wedding guest. Also, no one is judging your dance moves. If someone is sitting at his/her table judging you, it’s only because he/she is jealous of your moves. Plus, killin’ it on the dance floor is a good way to get into a lot of wedding photos, without having to be in the wedding party. Load up on the liquid courage (it’s FREE!) and get it moving. Limbo, electric slide, wobble, even a little Mambo #5. It’s all a blast. Also, the more Fitbit steps you get after midnight, the less you have to get the next day. Which will come in handy, since you will undoubtedly have a slammin’ hangover (see tips above about boozing it out).

Bring Flip Flops. This goes hand in hand with dancing, and it’s the “adult” version of bringing socks to Bar/Bat Mitzvahs as a 13-year-old. How can you break it down on the dance floor if your feet hurt!? If you bring alternative footwear, you’re sure to have a better time.

Photobooth. The more props the better. Photobooth pics are better party favors than anything that the happy couple will actually give out. Also, the photo quality in photobooths is usually better than a phone camera. Some of my favorite wedding gems of the professional guest couple, (that’s us), have been from photobooths!

Borrow Dresses. It’s inevitable that you will be in photos. And it’s also inevitable that you will have worn every dress in your wardrobe at least once if you go to as many weddings as I do. Luckily, I have a best friend who wears the same size! I often shop her closet when I am out of options in my own. Other possible options for cheaper dresses: TJ Maxx or Rent the Runway. But I am a bigger fan of borrowing because it’s my favorite price: free!! Another option which may not work for everyone – wear your prom dress! I did this for a formal wedding last year and it was a huge hit (See: the feature photo and the first and last photobooth photos above.) 10 years later, still rocking it! It finally paid off being overweight in high school; it’s a bit too big on me now!

Buy a gift off the registry or give cash. Never go off-script here. I’ll never forget when my sister received what everyone thought was an ashtray for her Bat Mitzvah. Now, logically, of course we did not think any of the guests would have purchased smoking paraphernalia for a 13-year-old, whether or not she was officially a “woman” in the eyes of the Jewish faith. But still, who would buy a mini silver tray for anyone, anyway? This is a tidbit I think about whenever I go to buy a wedding gift. If they wanted a small silver tray, they would have registered for it. And if they didn’t register for it, guess what, they didn’t want it. Don’t be a hero and find something obscure they must have “forgotten” to register for. They didn’t forget. Or, give them some cold hard cash. It doesn’t have to be enough to “cover your plate” anymore, but don’t give $20 either, only your 90-year-old grandmother can get away with that.

I will report back next week after the Final Wedding of 2017 to tell you if all of my tips worked out. As of right now, I only know two engaged couples, so here’s hoping I don’t have a single wedding in 2018! My wallet will thank me.

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