Big City Living

Oktoberfest NYC

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According to the almighty Wikipedia, Oktoberfest is the world’s largest Volksfest, aka beer festival and travelling funfair. Since I don’t love beer and barely ever drink it, I turned down an invitation to go to Munich with some friends a few years ago to experience it in all its glory. However, this year my friend told me about an Oktoberfest in NYC, and SURPRISE, it was FREE. My favorite price. Beer or no beer, I am all about the free entertainment. (Third installment about my student loans coming up this week).

Oktoberfest runs from mid-September to the first weekend in October. Yes, Oktoberfest is not really an OCTOBER-fest. Germans are strange. Anyway, there are still a few weekends left of the event so if my blog below sounds fun, check out the event for yourself! General admission is free, or you can choose to buy tickets that include two hours of beer tasting for $60. Since I don’t like beer, and since I am poor, I chose the free option, duh.

The weather in NYC has been pretty gross: 80-90% humidity and 85 degrees Fahrenheit. However, last Sunday it was at least sunny and there was beer to cool down with. They didn’t accept any cash inside the event, so you had to purchase tickets to buy beer and food. The tickets were $9/piece which is hefty, but at least the beers were sizeable. Also, they had a “buy 11 tickets, get 2 free” deal, which we found out about too late. Serves us right for not reading the signs and streamlining to the bar.

The event was outside at Pier 15, with awesome views of all of the bridges, and of a few military planes landing. Some people thought they carried the President, but I personally could not care less if he’s in town, if you catch my drift.

There were ping pong tables, corn hole games, multiple “head in hole” boards, aka Cutout Boards. I tried one of them out. Not as many as this guy with 2,400, but still. And I couldn’t resist, I had two beers. I didn’t love the taste, or the carbonation, but it was very refreshing! Did I mention they had bratwursts and pretzels the size of your head? They did. They also had chicken nuggets, although I’m not sure the German connection to those. The bartenders were all wearing traditional dirndls and lederhosen, as were some of the patrons. Some of them were Halloween-costume-style, and not “traditional,” per se, as noted by my friend who has been to the real Oktoberfest. They looked real to me. And silly. Clearly we had to take a pic with one of the guys.

My favorite part of the day was when a member of the event staff began speaking in a terrible fake German accent and announcing a stein-holding competition. Guys, if you didn’t know about this before, there is literally a US Steinholding Association. They have official rules and FAQ’s like,

Q: How much does the stein weigh?

A: A full one-liter stein should weigh approximately 5.5 pounds.

Q: How do you practice for a competition?

A: Everyone is different, and being in good athletic condition helps, but to put it bluntly, you basically just practice holding a stein a lot.

Q: How long should a normal person expect to last in their first competition?

A: Your typical guy can usually last somewhere in the 3-5 minute range, with ladies lasting between 1-2 minutes. If you can go longer than that, following all of the rules, you should definitely find out where to compete in masskrugstemmen so you can take a shot at qualifying for a national level competition.

Q: What is the world record for steinholding?

A: There isn’t currently a world-level competition, so we don’t know of any official world record, but the US national record is currently 19 minutes, 15 seconds, set by Deryk Lindsey at the 2016 National Masskrugstemmen Championships at the Steuben Day Parade and New York City Oktoberfest.

Anyway, the gist is, you hold a very heavy and large glass that is filled with beer and you do not tip, spill or drop it. Longest holder wins. Everyone was video-ing and cheering and the event host was heckling the guys to try and make them drop the steins. I even got a photo with the winner while he was wearing his winning hat and holding his winning beer!

No girls participated, and in hindsight I should have entered, even if I only held it 20 seconds! FREE BEER. If only I liked beer. When is the Oktoberfest for vodka?

The steinholding winner with his winning stein in hand!
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Big City Living, Miscellaneous

Solar Eclipse of the Heart

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In case you live under a literal rock and never come out, yesterday there was a full solar eclipse across the United States. A solar eclipse is a celestial event in which the moon passes between the sun and the earth, and blocks the sun from view. We are in a unique position on Earth because it only happens because the sun is 400 times the size of the moon, and also 400 times further away. No other planet can enjoy this phenomenon, not  like anyone is planning to travel to Neptune any time soon (remember when we had a space program? LOL). Anyway, if you are in the path of totality, it gets dark like nighttime in the middle of the day, and it lasts approximately 2 minutes and 40 seconds. A LOT of people I know traveled long distances to see this awesome event, the first full eclipse in the USA since 1979.

I didn’t leave the state (or the city), and unfortunately, we were only able to see a partial eclipse from New York City, but it was still a pretty amazing experience. One of the best things about this eclipse, IMO, was the full-out frenzy for eclipse glasses. According to NASA, you should never look directly at the sun (duh), so you needed these “ISO 12312-2 compliant pair of these special shades!” Quote from NASA, not me. There were different vendors like Warby Parker, and certain public libraries that were giving them away for free. There were some satirical conspiracy theories about how it was all an Amazon scam to get people to buy them. Again, in case you live under a rock and haven’t seen a million photos of these on social media, they basically look like the crappy paper glasses they used to give out at 3D IMAX movies, the ones that never actually stayed on your head, before they started using the actual plastic, recyclable ones. FYI, if you have extra eclipse glasses after yesterday, you can click here and learn how to donate or recycle them!

I loved the people crowdsourcing for eclipse glasses on Facebook and Twitter. Who knew we all loved astronomy so much? Honestly I hadn’t thought much about it since my Astronomy for Dummies class, freshman year of college to satisfy my GenEd Science credits. But as Monday got closer, my social media followers and followees starting ramping up for the eclipse, and I am totally guilty of getting wrapped up in it.

When I got to the office, I immediately went to NASA’s facebook page, where I heard they would be live broadcasting starting at 11 am. As the countdown to the first totality in Oregon went down by each second, I got more and more excited. I originally didn’t care about procuring glasses, I figured I’d just look straight at it, like an idiot, or use one of the other ingenious contraptions to see the sun’s shadow. Of course, I didn’t bother to make one of those contraptions. Once I had the NASA live feed up, I started to worry about not having the correct equipment. I walked down the hall in my office to ask around to see who had super special 3D movie glasses. THANKFULLY, a girl whose father loves science sent her 5 pairs. I made sure to have her come pick me up on her way to watch.

As the morning went on, my best friend on the west coast was sending me photos of the partial eclipse in Seattle, where she is, and of the total eclipse in Oregon, where her friend with an amazing photography hobby was. I was giddy with excitement. When I got outside, I was not disappointed. The sidewalks were filled with people with all different viewing contraptions, from cereal box pinhole viewers, to double paper plates, some colanders, a printout from the NASA website, and of course, the handy-dandy 3D movie/eclipse viewing glasses. Regulation, as per NASA.

Overall, I was incredibly impressed. It left me super jealous of my friends who traveled to see the totality, and I’m already thinking about how to get to Texas or Maine on April 8, 2024, when the next total solar eclipse is visible in North America.

My favorite part of the eclipse was possibly the social media aftermath and memes. And of course the fiasco and ridiculous memes after our Commander in Chief looked directly at it. Some of my favorite tweets:

https://twitter.com/thetylersopland/status/899701811166158848

 

https://twitter.com/lewiscurtwright/status/899703369861877762

And of course, some of my own. My memes were fire:

Other non-social media highlights of the eclipse:

  • Leaving the office for 15 minutes in the middle of the day, with an excuse no one could argue about.
  • The temperature dropped for a few minutes. Any respite from this heat, I will appreciate.
  • I got to socialize and meet other people in my office building, and strangers on the street.
  • Seeing Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse of the Heart go to #1 on the iTunes chart. That’s a 2,859% increase in the U.S. and an 827% increase globally.
  • Seeing New Yorkers, in general, socializing with one another.
  • Looking at the packed streets in midtown via social media.
  • Forgetting for two short minutes that our entire country is going down the you-know-what.

Now back to our normally scheduled programming of antisocial behavior, looking down at our phones instead of up to the sky, and shielding our eyes with expensive shades instead of free paper ones from the library. Until next time in 2024!!

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Big City Living

NYC Date Night

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Saturday I went on the most epic NYC Date Night. Spoiler alert, Broadway was involved. This is my first blog post where I actually rave about living in New York, so get excited.

Back Story: My bf told me I am not allowed to write about him on this blog (hence why I always cover his face with an emoji), so I won’t give much detail about the back story. But, suffice it to say, I had not spent any meaningful amount of time with him in weeks, unless you count hours of sleep, and I told him he owed me a date night. If you don’t say what you want, how will you get it, AMIRITE? My emoji-bf’s idea of a date night is almost always the same: dinner at a restaurant where the cheapest aperitif rings in at approximately $25 and you are expected to have a glass of wine to pair with each course. Now don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate a good meal every once in a while, but I’m more likely to appreciate a dinner at the Meatball Shop, where I can go Balls to the Wall and still end up with a total bill of $20. I simply told my emoji-love-of-my-life that a fancy dinner would not do for date night, and I wanted to do a “fun activity.” I was thinking mini golf. Maybe bowling.

But no, he ended up surprising me with tickets to Book of Mormon on Broadway, and a dinner afterward! With 4th row orchestra seats. It was amazing.

If you are an avid longlegsbigcity reader, you know by now that I complain about New York more often than I rave about it (disgusting hot summers, terrible rainy days, smelly, non-air-conditioned subways, mystery slush lagoons in the winter). But I must say, Saturday was a day where I was incredibly thankful to live in the city that never sleeps.

Here is a rundown of the day that made me fall in love with NYC again:

Morning: I taught a spin class in my neighborhood, meaning, 30 blocks away. It was hot so I hopped on the subway (free with my unlimited Metrocard) and for once, the train came on time. I got there in 10 minutes. I made $50 and got my workout in. I picked up my new spin shoes on the way home, at the bicycle store that is conveniently located on the same street where I live.

Afternoon: I did 4 loads of laundry while I tanned on my rooftop. I am one of the lucky New Yorkers with both laundry in the building AND a rooftop for tanning. More on the #RooftopDweller Lifestyle later this week.

Later Afternoon: I asked Emoji-BF what I was supposed to wear for later, since he had told me he had planned a surprise date. He said “semi nice” which is not a thing. So I asked him more specifically and he said “we are going to see a show.” Keep in mind, he had never been to a Broadway show before, so I wasn’t sure if he meant show like, comedy club, or what. I showered and put on a sundress, and we walked to my sister’s house to hang out. Did I mention my sister and her husband live 11 blocks from me? It took us 10 minutes to get there by foot. Another great advantage of NYC.

Evening: E-BF (“emoji boyfriend”) called a Via and the two of us got down to midtown for $5.95 total. (Use my code to sign up for Via, and you can get super cheap rides too!! Use the code emily5s6e to get $10 free!) Anyway, we got to midtown and he handed me a ticket for Book of Mormon. I was ecstatic. Not only had I wanted to see that show for years, but we are going to Utah in 10 days! Perfect time to brush up on my Mormo-trivia. Not a typo, I call them Mormos.

Anyway, we entered the theater and the ushers told us to proceed down the aisle to the “front section usher.” What?! OUR TICKETS WERE IN THE FOURTH ROW. Guys, these seats were amazing. It turns out that there were 3 seats together, and they were still available that morning because you are not allowed to book 2 seats together on Ticketmaster when only 3 are available. However, E-BF tricked the system. He reserved (but didn’t purchase) one ticket, which holds it for up to 8 minutes, and doing so opened the other 2 up for purchase. Then he opened another browser window to purchase. BAM. I date him because he is so stinkin’ smart.

The show was absolutely AMAZING. Probably one of my favorites I have ever seen. And I have seen a lot. In order of most recent to least recent: Fiddler on the Roof, Porgy and Bess, Jersey Boys, Chicago, Aida, Riverdance, Bring in Da Noise Bring in Da Funk, Miss Saigon, Phantom of the Opera, and possibly more that I don’t remember. Anyway, HIGHLY HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend The Book of Mormon. I was laughing out loud within 1 minute of the curtain rising. I was smiling the whole time. My face literally hurt by the end. And the songs were so catchy, I have been listening to it on Spotify ever since. More importantly, I feel completely prepared for Utah.

Minor spoiler alert if you know absolutely nothing about Book of Mormon. The main characters, Mormon missionaries, get stationed in Uganda for their mission. This was a tiny bit awkward since my boyfriend is of African heritage. They make fun of African issues in a very satirical way, but it goes on for quite some time. Aids, people who think they can have sex with virgins to get rid of their Aids, dysentery, war lords, etc. I think E-Bf was a pretty good sport, but there were a few times I was worried to look over at him. He was born in New Jersey though, so I thought I was pretty safe. Maybe less safe at Jersey Boys.

When the show ended around 10:25, we were hungry and guess what, it is NYC so every single restaurant was still open. We went to Dutch Fred’s for dinner, one of E-BF’s fav spots. Then we took another $5.95 Via home.

What a successful NYC day/night. In what other city can you just decide on a whim at 11 am that you are going to buy tickets to a world-class production for that current day and take a 10 minute, $6 car there? Sometimes it’s really cool to live here.

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Fitness

305 Fitness/305 FitnASS

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In the past week I have been to two dance-cardio classes, 305 Fitness and The Dance with Amanda Kloots, and I have never had more fun. In fact, after The Dance, the instructor came up to me and told me I was “cute” and she liked all of my smiles. I couldn’t help it, I had a blast! And when I was 2 beats behind, I was still having fun laughing at myself. I even went to one of the classes FOR FREE (SEE BELOW!) So what’s the difference and which one is for you? Check out my review below of 305 Fitness, and my review of The Dance coming later this week.

305 FitnASS

Metaphor: Zumba on crack. This place is all about fun, funk, sass, feminine positivity and CARDIO. Like woah. I left that class completely drenched and feeling all of the positive vibes. 305 Fitness, named for Miami’s area code (even though it was started in NYC) is all about Miami-inspired high-intensity rhythmic cardio with a LIVE DJ, sprint intervals, sculpting, and a stretch cooldown.

I’m not going to lie, I am a bit jaded about 305, because I have a rough history with them: Two years ago, after taking 3 classes and falling in love, I interviewed to be their studio manager. At the time, I had 9 years of experience in the fitness industry, management knowledge, I’m a girl, I’m sassy, AND I’m from South Florida (5-6-1, not 3-0-5, but close enough). I was sure I was a shoo-in. Sure enough, I had three interviews, culminating in a 2.5 hour meeting with a panel of three, including the founder, Sadie Kurzban, where they insisted it be in the middle of the day so I had to take a day off of work. Ultimately, they gave the job to someone else. That alone would not have put a bad taste in my mouth, but what happened after, did.

The Director of Operations called me, left a voicemail asking for me to call back so he could speak to me in person to “talk to me about the position at 305.” I thought I got the job! But no, instead, he told me that in exchange for my time interviewing, he would gift me 2 free classes, and he offered for me to join their “work-study team,” to work FOR FREE at their front desk in exchange for free classes. BOY, PLEASE!!! I actually waited a minute to see if he was kidding. Not only am I a licensed ATTORNEY IN TWO STATES, I already have a full-time job where they pay me, I also have a part-time job, working for a gym, where they PAY ME to teach classes AND I get all the free classes I want! This is New York City, the land of the hustle, not the land of indentured servitude. I am 10 years and 3 careers past accepting an unpaid internship. Needless to say, it left a bad taste in my mouth and I did not even take advantage of those free classes. In retrospect, if they weren’t paying their front-desk people ANYTHING, they probably couldn’t have paid me enough anyway.

Fast-forward 2 years, and I was ready to pop back into their new studio (they added one in midtown), where I would hopefully not be recognized. I figured I had talked enough sh*t throughout 2 years (maybe not enough, since I’m talking more sh*t here), and plus, I was in the mood to DANCE! Classes are $32 a piece, but you can get a 2 for 1 deal if you are new, OR you can get a completely free class, compliments of a lululemon collaboration, before August with the code: 305xlululemon17. I cannot turn down a free class, so I sucked up my pride, and became a “junkie” last Friday night.  They call their clients junkies because they “can’t get enough.”

Walking into the studio, I already knew I would have fun. The vibe was fun and flirty, hot pink and bright orange, and even their trash cans sported their tagline “Make Sweat Sexy.” The chandeliers were made of SmartWater Bottles, and they had shirts for purchase that said “Beyoncé Tubman Ruth and Steinem.” They also had a graphic tee that said “MY BITCH FACE NEVER RESTS.” Love that.

The class itself was an epic sweat-fest, as I said before. The first 30 minutes were straight jumping and dripping, with arms flailing, DJ spinning, and heart pumping. My instructor was Destiny, and she sort of seemed pissed off when we weren’t getting all of the moves, but maybe that’s just her RBF. She was an amazing dancer, and I was not taking myself too seriously, so I disregarded the look on her face. Also, she was sick so her voice was almost gone and it was difficult to hear her. Most of the moves were easy to follow with non-verbal cues and clapping, like in Zumba, and I definitely got a good workout, even if I missed a move or two.

After 30 minutes, we switched to 6 minutes of butt-toning with ankle weights (we chose the 305 FitnASS class), and then back to 20 more minutes of partner cardio, disco lines, and twerking across the floor, including a segment on our hands and knees. I think my face got a workout as well as my body, from laughing at myself so much. At one point, Destiny came over to me and we partner twerked, butt-on-butt, for a full 20 seconds. First, I was focusing on how my sweaty butt was probably getting her legs wet since she was in tiny, tiny booty shorts, but after I got over that, it was pretty fun.

Overall, it’s a great cardio-dance class, with a strong emphasis on cardio, and I highly recommend this class for anyone, dancer or not. Maybe not recommended if you have bad knees, since we were basically jumping for 45 minutes straight! I had a lot of fun, I got a great workout, and I was sore for two days. Should you work for them for free? Definitely not. Is one class worth $32? Probably not, but there isn’t much I would spend that money on. Is it worth a subway ride and a free class code? Absolutely yes.

Extra tip: I recommend bringing a friend so you can laugh with and make fun of each other, and so you have a built-in photographer to take twerking gifs of you in the black light. #MAKESWEATSEXY!

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Big City Living

Drinking in New York (while not breaking the bank)

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New York is the City that never sleeps. It’s also the city that never DRIVES. Which means we drink. A LOT. Going out with colleagues? Happy hour. Meeting some friends? Wine bar. First date? Lounge with drinks. College Football? Dive bar. Girls day Saturday? DRUNCH. REALLY have to pee and the closest Starbucks is 5 blocks away? Hop in a bar for a quick drink (and pit stop).

But how does one go out to drinks 4-5 nights a week when a single drink can cost $18? Especially someone who went to law school and does not use or think about her degree (except to calculate her debt on mint.com?) There are few ways to get cheap/free drinks, all of which I have taken advantage of over the years.

First, make friends with people who get work perks. My best friend happens to work in media, and I have taken her up on open bar invitations more times than I can count, and had more drinks than I can count (… literally, I could not count by the end of the night). If you are not in a field that has drink perks, find a friend that has them. I have seen the Knicks from box seats, the US Open with free-flowing sushi platters and champagne, attended a pre-party with a rented-out bar for the Sweet Sixteen… you absolutely MUST have friends with benefits. Alcoholic ones.

If this plan does not work, then you must always find the oldest man in the bar. This is a fool-proof plan for a girl, and probably does not work the same way for a guy, but feel free to try. Old men love to buy drinks for girls. I know this is very “Samantha” from Sex and the City, but I swear it’s true. They may ask for your number, but always just say, “How about I call YOU instead.” This past St. Patrick’s Day, I had a 70-year old man tell me I was his soul mate and add me on Instagram (privacy settings are key here). Meanwhile, my tab for the night was $10 and I barely remember the subway ride home. Although I am speaking about drinking in NYC, this plan works EVERYWHERE. When I lived in Florida, we used to have contests to see who could find the oldest man in the bar. (We also had contests for who could find the sweatiest man, but that was mostly for the photo opps. I digress).

Another fool-proof plan: drink specials. In Florida, “Ladies’ Night” meant girls drank for free. In New York, it’s rare to find a Ladies Night at all. There are so freaking many of us, why would they want us to come out in droves any more than we already do? But there are other specials to be had. I TRY not to go out during the week, but BOGO drinks on Tuesdays? Ok fine. You got me. Friday night $6 cosmos and pig in a blanket before 7? I’ll skip the apartment pregame for that.

Which brings me to my last, MOST important drinking necessity: THE PREGAME. Not just for college students anymore. What’s cheaper than having 10 drinks out? Having 6 drinks at home and 4 at the bar. It’s simple math. 5 glasses of wine while you do your hair and makeup is 5 less vodka sodas you need to ask Old McDonald for at the bar. So what’s the difference between a 21-year-old pregame and 31-year-old pregame? Nothing but the hangover.

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Big City Living

Sizzling City Summer

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Yesterday was approximately 1009 degrees Fahrenheit. Who knows what that is in Celsius (really…  no one knows), but the point is, the second I left the house, I regretted it. And I started to count the hours until my next shower. 13. FML. If you haven’t noticed, New York City hates the heat. They also hate the cold, and love to complain about pretty much anything, but they especially hate the heat. That’s proven by our rise in violent crime in the summer. We get hot, we get angry, we literally kill each other. Seems logical.

There’s no avoiding the stifling heat. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s not even summer yet. That means it’s about to get EVEN WORSE. The heat is everywhere if you choose to leave home. And for some of us, due to our jobs, it’s inevitable on a Monday morning. The first sign of heat (besides the insufferable humidity and difficulty breathing) is the look on everyone’s faces. Gone are the friendly Christmas-in-New-York-Isn’t-The-Rockefeller-Tree-So-Pretty faces. New Yorkers are known for perfecting the RBF, but this version of Heat RBF is next level. Example of unspoken Heat RBF: “if you move one inch closer to me on this subway, I WILL CUT YOU.” No words are necessary. The eyes say it all.

Although the heat is undeniable and unavoidable, some places are worse than others. Here’s a list of the worst places to be in the heat:
  • Outside. We already covered this. Avoid at all costs. But if it’s impossible to avoid, reduce your outside time to small doses. That means if it’s more than 5 blocks away, it is now out of your “summer radius.” Enter Seamless/GrubHub/instacart. It’s worth the delivery fee. You’ll save that money in the amount of water you’ll save by not having to shower for the fourth time that day.
  • Rooftops. Plainly speaking, they are closer to the sun. Also, heat rises. It’s science. Some of us still believe in it. If someone asks you to grab drinks and chooses an outdoor rooftop in summer, with no air conditioning, they clearly hate you. Decline politely. Or not politely. Automatic swipe left.
  • Subway Stations. Now guys, I know this is unavoidable since we are already not walking more than 5 blocks. But if at all possible, avoid this. Can you take the bus? Subway stations are notoriously hot. Standing on the street in the heat and sun, though counter-intuitive, is actually much cooler than descending into this Hades-like death trap. It’s comparable to the depths of hell, I’m pretty sure. When people tell me I’m going to hell (happens a lot on the phone at the rabbi job), I generally tell them I am well prepared because I’ve been in a subway station in the summer. If it’s a subway station that has the option to wait upstairs, do that until the last possible moment. TRUST ME. Is it worth a cab? With MTA fares increasing every month, the answer is, probably yes. Or use Via. It’s only 5 bucks! (And you can get $10 free if you use my code emily5s6e #ShamelessPlug #HelpMeImPoor #InsertReminderThatIWentToLawSchoolForNoReason).
  • My Spin Class. The YMCA has been having some trouble controlling the temperature in the Spin room. 33 people. 33 bikes. 4 fans are simply not enough. So far, no one has fainted in my class but it is only a matter of time. I accidentally closed the door for 3 minutes (one song), and the mirrors in the front of the room completely fogged up. I drew a heart with my finger. But what I really wanted to draw was “KILL ME.” For some reason, nobody left before the 60 minutes of class were over. I would like to credit my amazing playlist (follow me on Spotify!), but I think these people are just SUPER-driven. If I wasn’t teaching, you can bet I would have pranced out of there by the second song.
  • A Subway Car with No AC. At this point, most New Yorkers have read about the epic F Train Near-Massacre last week. Everyone’s worst nightmare: the subway was between stops with no wifi, and it lost power. No power = No AC. People were stuck for almost an hour. They stripped off their clothes. They asked for help by writing on the fogged up windows like in my spin class. They screamed. They cried. Horrific. This phenomenon of subway cars with no AC requires its own blog post. For now, just know that as a rule of thumb, this is the ultimate thing to avoid.

Long story long, there’s no good place to be in New York City in the summer. It’s crowded, it’s hot, and it’s way too small. There are bad places, and there are worse places. My advice: make friends with someone who has a house in the Hamptons. Then tell me who they are, because I’ve been here 7 years and I haven’t found one yet. Godspeed, fellow New Yorkers, it’s going to be a scorcher. And please, for the love of god, do not forget deodorant. 

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Big City Living

Tips For NYC Living

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Living in New York for almost 7 years, I would not consider myself a native or an expert at all (I still have NO IDEA where the J train even goes… does anyone take that train?). However, I have picked up some very useful tidbits along the way. You can use them if you live in NYC, or you can use them if you’re visiting and you don’t want to be automatically targeted as a tourist by a panhandler.

  • BEWARE THE EMPTY SUBWAY CAR. This is not a drill. As with everything in this city, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. I once didn’t see anyone in a car and when I got in, I realized I was in the apartment of a man. I swear I think he had a full kitchen with a Bunsen burner in there. TBH, I was a little jealous of his low/nonexistent rent payments. Main problem, of course, is that he didn’t have a shower. You get it.
    • Sidenote: Even if the subway car IS 100% empty, you’ll probably just spend the whole ride waiting for the anyone else to get on, and wondering if you’ll be the next person “ripped from the headlines” for Law and Order SVU. Rule of thumb: just avoid the empty cars.
  • BEWARE THE FULL SUBWAY CAR. Especially in the summer. I know I sound like a hypocrite here, but is a happy medium too much to ask for? Trust me, loose hair, sweaty bodies, arms in the air… It’s all just a bad combination. If the next train is coming in 3 minutes, do yourself a favor and wait.
  • If you see a young person standing in the middle of the sidewalk in a pinnie holding an Ipad, CROSS THE STREET. I don’t care if it’s for the ASPCA, and they asked you if have “30 seconds for the animals” and if you LOVE animals. It never takes 30 seconds. NEVER. You’ll probably end up $10 poorer with 5 emails/week from change.org. Just put in those earbuds, and avoid eye contact.
  • Speaking of earbuds, never leave home without them. There’s nothing that calls out “TOURIST” more than a person without earbuds. Why are you taking in the sights and sounds? The sights: dirty. The sounds: loud. There, now you know. And I saved you 10 minutes shooing away hecklers asking you to go to a “free” comedy show.
  • Free stuff abounds. I know what you’re thinking, how can there be free stuff in the most expensive city in the USA? Well here’s how: you pay for it in time. Last week there was free ice cream at Ben & Jerrys… for anyone who was willing to wait on a line that was 2 avenues long. Free movies? That too. Free tickets to shows? That too. But be prepared to wait. If there’s one thing New Yorkers love to do, it’s queue. And get something for free.
  • Mystery-depth slush lagoons in the winter. There are many articles in the Gothamist about this particular near-death phenomenon. Invest in some rain boots, unless you love sitting at work for 10 hours in soaking wet, freezing, gray/black pants.
  • Garbage day in the summer. AVOID AVOID AVOID. You know those gas masks you see people wearing in China because of the smog? I’ve considered investing in one. Yes, it’s that bad.
  • City juice. You know when you’re walking down the street and something wet hits your shoulder. And you think, “Hm, I didn’t think it was supposed to rain today” and then you look up and there isn’t a cloud in the sky… and then you think “maybe it was from a window AC unit,” but there aren’t any of those either… My advice: pretend it didn’t happen. Then, when you get home, take a nice, long shower.
  • Shoes. Nothing makes you stand out more in NYC than shoes you can’t walk in. New York is one of the only places you will see people walk around in fashionable clothes and comfy kicks. You really can’t afford not to. How else will you wade through the slush lagoons and trash piles?

Feel free to leave any other advice in the comments. Like I said, I’m still learning so if you have any pro-tips (like how to avoid sweating through your clothes before you get to the office in August), let me know.

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