new year’s resolution – LongLegsBigCity

Proud of Myself 2023 – Surviving Not Thriving

January 4, 2024 4 Comments

I’m doing things a little backward this year. Usually, I spend my first post of the year talking about goals. I’ve never been much of a “resolution” gal, I’ve liked to reframe as “goals” instead. I talked about this wayyyy back in 2017. Then in 2018 I posted my top goals, and again I did that in 2019. Then the world fell apart, both for everything, and for myself.

This year, I am throwing my goals in the trash. Goals are for people with certain futures, or people who want to plan. Me, I’m just trying to get through the day.

So while most people are future-tripping through 2024 on day 4 of the year, instead, I want to pay homage to myself, and to the 365 days of 2023 I endured. I’m proud of myself. Let’s be clear, I wasn’t proud of myself every day. Many days where I cried 4 times before noon and couldn’t scrape myself out of the corner of my U-shaped couch I never would have said, “yes, I’m proud of me.” But now, in retrospect, I think I have things to recognize. Since this is a personal blog, I’m going to make y’all recognize ME with ME.

So, here are some things I’m proud of myself for in 2023:

I’m proud of myself for surviving. I did it. I got through. Some days I wished I hadn’t. It would have been way easier if a bus somehow made it to the 3^rd floor of my apartment building and drove through the window, but that didn’t happen, and I’m still here.

I’m proud of myself for remaining married. Relationships are hard in the easiest of times. Relationships are even harder in extremely rough times. Some studies say 80% of marriages end after child loss, some studies say 16%. I must admit, I didn’t fact check these, and they are clearly wildly different statistics. That said, I know it’s hard. No two people grieve a loss in the same way, and in the case of a baby who was carried and birthed by only one of the spouses, it makes sense that their experiences would be extremely different. The experience of grief is a lonely one, and when you feel like you’re the only person in the relationship experiencing it in a specific way, it’s even more lonely. In 2023, I was not the perfect spouse, not even close. But I tried. I set up a special surprise for our anniversary. I suggested a trip as a belated birthday gift. I tried to leave the house for a date night here and there, even when it was the last thing I wanted to do because I hated people and the outside. And somehow, through communication and a lot of Chris listening to me cry, we have weathered part 1 of the storm. There’s still a long way to go (like… forever), but I’m proud we made it through months 1-10.

I’m proud of myself for reading. I love to read. It never occurred to me the concentration it takes to sit down, get out of one’s own head, and enter another space for a period of time. When I first left the hospital, I thought I’d never read again. I took the book Someone Else’s Shoes out from the library in mid-February, and usually I’d finish it in a week. I brought it to the hospital with me when I thought I was going for a routine check, and that I’d have to kill time in the waiting room for a while. But I was immediately whisked into triage, and then didn’t pick up that book again for a month. I got a few late notices from the library. But eventually, I picked up reading again, and somehow I got through 36 books in 2023. For me, that’s not any sort of record, but I’m still proud.

I’m proud of myself for remaining active. I love to move my body. I like to feel strong and accomplished. But most of 2023, I wanted to move into a closet and live in darkness. But I didn’t. Somehow, I walked 4,319,734 steps. You read that right, I walked 4.3 MILLION steps. The only month I didn’t average over 10,000 steps/day was March, when I was in the hospital. And that month, I averaged 8,705 steps/day. I went to 116 classes at Orangetheory and I got 2,376 splat points, despite being pregnant for a few months of the year AND not being allowed to go for 6 weeks. I am proud of myself for prioritizing my health, even when my brain was screaming not to.

I’m proud of myself for keeping my friendships (although changed, and not all credit goes to me). I truly can’t believe I have any friends left. I tried my hardest, really, to keep up with my friendships. I tried to text back, I tried to recognize birthdays, send baby gifts, I tried to peel myself off the couch to go out on coffee dates. I was sometimes successful. Sometimes I was not. But somehow, I haven’t lost any friends in the last 10 months. Credit does not all go to me, except maybe in that I choose amazing friends. But a lot of credit goes to them. For checking in periodically, for offering alternative 1:1 plans when they knew a birthday brunch was just not going to happen, for Amazon-ing me 5-pound bags of gummy bears to keep me afloat. I have an amazing group of friends and I don’t take that for granted. I’m proud of me for trying my hardest, but even more, I’m proud of them for accepting my not-as-great-as-usual friendship.

I’m proud of myself for doing “the work.” I tried my damndest to “get better.” It has not been easy. Also, I’m not sure if it “worked,” but it’s not for lack of trying. I exhausted so many avenues. I had a peer counselor. I tried three therapists. I tried EMDR. I tried two different support groups online, multiple times. I tried a yoga class and art workshop. I tried a writing workshop. I reached out to random loss moms on the internet. I went to coffee and breakfast and happy hour with local loss moms. I joined Facebook groups (back when I was on Facebook). I followed innumerable Instagram accounts. I listened to hours and hours and hours of podcasts. I wrote many blogs. I kept a journal. It’s hard to say whether any of it “worked,” but I knew I needed support, and I sought it out. I’m proud of myself for that.

I’m proud of myself for trying to figure out and take care of my physical health. Unfortunately, this wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. Sitting in the uncomfortable uncertainty has taken an extreme amount of patience (and tears). I found out this year that just because you want answers does not mean you will get them. Just because you are seeing the best doctors in the country, they may not be able to solve or explain everything happening in my body. There is still a lot that is a mystery. But I didn’t give up, and I have continued to seek answers. I followed doctors’ orders, I took all of the medications they suggested, I had all of the blood tests (and there were a LOT) and ultrasounds and I took my blood pressure every single day. These things may seem simple or easy, but when you endured severe trauma, even taking a medication twice daily that reminds you of that trauma is difficult. But I did it (and I still do it) and I am proud of myself for that.

I’m proud of myself for keeping my job (even being good at it?) This floors me. There were days I forgot the entirety of the work day. Like I had meetings and 1:1s, I went to conferences, I had work trips, I moved projects forward. And yet, I don’t remember a majority of the year. It’s almost as if I dissociated. I still have a job, and I often get positive feedback. This seems like a strange miracle? I guess I am a compartmentalizer extraordinaire, but I have somehow kept my job, continued to go day after day, and somehow I have been successful at that. While I’m flummoxed, I’m also proud.

I’m proud of myself for still doing my nails. This one is lighter, but equally as important. Somehow, I continued to have a hobby. This one for sure was part of my “fake it ‘til you make it” plan. On March 5^th, I was discharged from the hospital, and on March 10^th, I decided I needed to do my nails. I have completely fallen off posting them on my nailstagram (@manisinmanhattan) but my nails were done almost all of 2023. I am proud that I tried to have/feign interest in something (while not really caring at all about anything).

I’m proud of myself for having my most successful year for my side hustle, Braid in Manhattan. Again, if you’re surprised, I’m even more surprised. I talked a bit about this in my post about Burning Man Braids, but somehow despite my extreme grief, dissociation and disinterest in life in general, I managed to have the most successful year to date in my business. I somehow braided over 100 girls’ hair while thinking about my dead daughter and the hair I’ll never braid. I somehow did hair for birthday parties thinking of the ones my daughter will never have, for family portraits of mothers and daughters that I’ll never take, and for Hanukkah parties of which I had no child to bring. I truly don’t know how I did it without crying in front of a single client (many tears after), but I am proud of all of that.

Finally, I am proud that I tried to find joy. I tried and tried and tried. I met up with friends. I went on walks. I did things I used to love. I traveled. I spent time with my husband. I did crafts. I went to the beach. I saw family. I tried. I can’t honestly say I was successful most of the time, because joy was excruciatingly hard to find, but it didn’t stop me from trying over and over again. I think there’s some pride to be had in the process, despite the mostly failing results.

2023 was not the year to start new things. It was a year to survive, not thrive. It was a year to persist and get through. It was trials and tribulations, not resolutions or celebrations. With all of that in mind, when I reflect, I think I did a damn good job. I’m not going to say, “this year will be even better!” because maybe it won’t. I don’t plan or even opine about things like that anymore. But at the end of this year, maybe I’ll reflect again and be pleasantly surprised. We shall see.

Most of my year, glued to the corner of my couch

Long Legs and other Personal Problems

Dry January

February 1, 2022 2 Comments

I DID IT!!! I didn’t drink for an entire month!! More than that, actually. I believe the last drink I had was on December 24^th. Maybe for some people this would not be a feat worthy of all-caps and exclamation marks (plural). For me, it is. My sister and brother-in-law love to quote me for a time I was extremely inebriated in their presence and I famously, and very drunkenly, proclaimed “I don’t drink drugs or alcohol.” Well folks, I do, indeed drink alcohol. Quite a bit of it. Or I did, in my youth.

Do you remember 4lokos? There was a famous uproar in November 2010 about the incredibly toxic and delicious energy drink/alcoholic beverage, and the FDA literally banned the drink, then they reformulated it and rereleased it in January 2011. But what was going to happen to the old formula 4lokos? Well, my friends, I was not about to let it go to waste, I can tell you that much. I was in my first year of law school, so of course this energy drink/alcoholic beverage provided 2 things I needed BADLY: caffeine and severe inebriation to forget about my life choices. I went immediately to my neighborhood bodega, where everybody knew my name. Actually, he didn’t know my name, he called me “the hot chick from the law school.” I loved that guy. Anyway, I asked about the old 4lokos, which he told me they were required to take off the shelves. This piqued my interest. Off the shelves? But… not in the trash?? My main cashier buddy brought me to the back room where he showed me the two cases that were unfit for sale. To which I, of course, offered cold hard cash and told him I’d take it off of his hands. Needless to say, I was a very popular 1L for the rest of the school year.

Why did I tell you that longwinded story? Mostly to prove my alcoholism, but also to remind you how horrible law school is and that I needed illegal energy drinks to get through it. Anyway, I obviously digressed. But y’all, I never thought I’d be one to attempt Dry January. This year, however, I figured, why not. New year, new me, right? Also, Omicron made it so that I was staying in my apartment anyway, so it seemed like a good of a time as any.

I wish I could tell you that it was EXCRUCIATINGLY hard and that I am a super fun party animal and I missed out on so many things because I was choosing to forgo booze. But… that’s just not true. I think maybe I am super lame now in my old age. And boring. Or maybe all of my friends aren’t going out because of Covid plus it’s been very, very cold. I definitely would have had a drink on New Year’s Eve, but the one couple we were choosing to spend the evening with got Covid, so we ended up home alone watching Queer Eye. Don’t get me wrong, it was amazing. I made pigs in a blanket and cried my eyes out to Jonathan Van Ness. But I didn’t need a drink. And that’s what kickstarted my semi-decision not to drink for the month.

There were three times I was tempted to imbibe.

I almost dropped the ball early, on January 5^th and 6^th. Chris and I went to Texas to surprise his brother-in-law on his 50^th birthday. First, we were upgraded to first class on the plane on the way there. FREE BOOZE! Then, we stayed in the house on Friday night and ordered in food and danced around the living room. Booze central! Then, the next day, there was a huge surprise party with multiple margarita machines. But… there was also Covid. And I didn’t want to take off my mask anywhere. So, I just decided to keep my mask on and chug water every now and again. I definitely did not want to be nauseous or hungover and smelling alcohol on my breath the next day in my mask on the flight home. I think I made the right decision.
I was ALMOST tempted on January 15^th when I went to brunch with my friend after an Orangetheory class. Not only did I sweat a LOT and felt like I “deserved” a drink, but it was VERY cold. I’m talking, “feels like 8 degrees” and we were sitting outside, #becausecovid. I really wanted a spiked hot apple cider. But I got a coffee instead. My only hot coffee of the month. I am #TeamYearroundIcedCoffee, but that’s a topic for another day.
Lastly, I was almost tempted to break my streak last Saturday, January 29^th, when I stayed inside all day and read an entire book on the couch. I had a scented candle going, and snow falling outside my window, and I really felt like I needed a coffee with Baileys and Kahlua to top off the day. But it was SO CLOSE to February. Instead, I settled for a seasonal pump of sugar free pumpkin syrup in my iced coffee and looked forward to the end of the month.

Honestly, being tempted to drink 3 times in 1 month is a huge transformation from my former self! I am basically a teetotaler now! And there’s one thing I definitely did not miss: hangovers. Sometimes nowadays I feel crappy for 2 full days after drinking! I guess that’s old age. Anyway, it was amazing to get good sleep every weekend, no heart palpitations, no cotton mouth in the morning, and no headaches! I will admit, last week I got a headache and I was PISSED. As I took out the Advil, I thought to myself, “I didn’t even get a night of dancing on the bar to feel it was worth this!” But, I was also productive every weekend day of the month. Well, maybe not the blizzard reading day, but that was a conscious decision. People often say quitting drinking makes your skin look great, but considering my constant N95 masks, I cannot vouch for this result. I would almost continue this non-drinking streak, but I am shopping for my wedding gown this weekend, and if I find one, I feel like I’ll need a celebratory drink for sure. Have any of you ever tried Dry January? My next 10+ month dry streak is likely going to be pregnancy-imposed. I think that one will be much tougher!

Long Legs and other Personal Problems, Miscellaneous

2020 Recap and Accomplishments

January 21, 2021 4 Comments

It’s January, which means RESOLUTION TIME!! Now, I understand it’s January 21^st so I’m a bit behind, but if you’ve been following along for a while, you’d know I actually hate resolutions. What I do love, is goal-setting. In the past few years, I’ve been keeping a list of goals in my bullet journal. Flipping to them periodically has helped keep me focused.

Unfortunately approximately 80% of my 2020 goals were unachievable because, well… ya know. Did I work out at 10 new fitness studios? No. Did I attend 100 bootcamp classes? No. Did I visit 4 new countries? Nope, not even one. Did I spend less than $400 on buying lunch for work? Sorta… because I didn’t actually GO to work for 5/6 of the year.

Anyway, I prefer not to talk about all of the goals I didn’t achieve. Yesterday was the beginning of a fresh start for our nation and for me. We are now focused on positivity. Therefore, I’d like to recap some of the amazing moments and achievements from 2020. Not all were planned, but I’m still proud of them! I invite you all to celebrate your 2020 accomplishments, big and small.

I Got Promoted

This is huge! Technically, I got the promotion in 2019, but my boss retired at the beginning of 2020 and I took on the reigns of the entire department alone. If you didn’t know, I work in career services so to say that my job was tough during 2020 when EVERYONE was seeking work and facing furloughs and pay cuts? Well, that would be the understatement of the century. It was hard. There were days when I felt 100 hours behind. But I did it! I was even rewarded with a raise.

I Got Engaged

Again, HUGE. Did we pick a date yet? No. Are we planning a wedding at all? Also no. Does it make living in a 500 square foot apartment with my fiancé any easier? No again. But I do have a gorgeous rock on my hand, and it looks FABULOUS in photos. Sometimes I look at it sparkling in the fluorescent lights and it makes me smile.

I Learned How to Do My Own Manicures

This may not be on par with the engagement and promotion, but it’s pretty darn cool. No one ever sees them IRL, but I do get comments about them sometimes on Zoom. Also, I started a 4^th Instagram for my nail photos, ManisInManhattan. I was looking for some home hobbies, and I found one plus I learned a new skill. It’ll probably save me money someday… after the initial investment of buying all the supplies.

I Achieved Net Zero

Speaking of saving money, somehow I achieved Net Zero. This is a massive feat if you know anything about my student loans. Not only did I achieve Net Zero, I surpassed it by many many miles. How? By barely spending any money. Getting a promotion. Not eating out. Not traveling. Not paying student loans thanks to Covid forbearance. Compound interest in my 401K (and maxing it out for the very first time!). Sure, I wish I had been traveling and eating at restaurants instead of saving money. But since I couldn’t, I am excited to have a much bigger pot for compound interest for the coming years.

I Kept Up with My Bullet Journal

In 2018 I gave up and swore off my Bujo. Then I tried it again in 2019 and liked it a bit more but also slacked. In 2020, I thought it was important to keep up with journaling for my sanity, to mark the difference in days, the passage of time, the seemingly endless weeks and months. Now, I appreciate my own tenacity because someday I’ll be able to look back on this crazy year and understand my headspace. I wasn’t perfect 100% of the time. Sometimes a week went by when I didn’t write at all. But in general, I kept up and made it 148 pages to December 31^st. Not only did I use it as a journal, but it let me track lots of stuff like these last four achievements.

I Published 26 Blogs

My goal was historically 2/month, so I achieved that. Also, it was not easy to write blogs when you DID NOTHING AND STAYED INSIDE EVERY DAY. Hopefully I didn’t bore you guys too much. Mommy, are you still there? Are you my only follower?

Some weeks I kinda fell behind, but that’s ok!

I Watched Movies I Had Wanted to See

Last year, I started the year with a massive list of movies to watch in my Bullet Journal. When I heard we were going to quarantine, I ordered a DVD player from Amazon, and I took 4 DVDs out from the library. I even brought them with me to Texas. I slowly made it through 84 new movies. That’s right, 84. I got through many on my list, like the Godfather, Casablanca, One Child Nation, Steel Magnolias, Frozen, and My Best Friend’s Wedding. And also watched some movies I didn’t plan to watch but loved nonetheless, like Ugly Dolls, The Princess and the Frog, The Social Dilemma, and 21 Jump Street.

My to-watch list. Look at all those check marks.

I Read 61 Books

That’s right guys, SIXTY ONE. 20,665 pages according to Goodreads. Back in 2018, I set myself a goal to read 4 non-fiction books a year. In 2020 I read 14! I also discovered audiobooks. I mean, I knew what they were before 2020, but I was never able to focus on them. In 2020, I took so many long walks that audiobooks were the perfect way to escape my endless thoughts and Twitter doomscrolling. I absolutely love them now and changed my reading tracker for this year in my bullet journal to track these.

Note, one book is missing from here from March, woops! (It was I Like to Watch and it was terrible)

I Discovered New Ways to Move My Body

It’s no secret I like to work out. Unfortunately, my two workouts of choice were teaching Spin classes and attending group bootcamp classes. Both of these were not options in quarantine. So, I had to adjust. First, my mindset. Maybe one day I couldn’t motivate myself to do a burpee. Ok, NO days I could motivate myself to do a burpee. But at least I could go for an hour-long walk. I got to know the Texas subdivision very well. I listened to podcasts. I listened to music. I zoned out. According to my Fitbit, I only didn’t make it to 10,000 steps/day 14 days all year! And 6 of those days were pre-Covid! That means I walked 10K+ steps 352/366 days. 96% of the year. If you don’t count the days pre-Covid, it’s 285/293… 97%! I walked a LOT. 5,019,509 steps according to my Fitbit. Five million, nineteen thousand, five hundred and nine.

I also danced. I discovered the freedom of moving my body to music. Dancing like no one was watching because… no one was. Well, Chris’s nephews sometimes but they already thought I was crazy. I did so much dance cardio; it became my escape. I’m moving next week, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to continue my dancing because I’ll officially have downstairs neighbors, but I’ll keep you posted. I did buy a Peloton so I’ll have to tell you all about that, too!

So many things to blog about. The Peloton, the move, the new apartment, maybe I’ll beat my 26-blog-post record.

What did you all achieve in 2020? Anything unexpected? New skills? Tell me in the comments!

Long Legs and other Personal Problems

Bullet Journaling in 2019

January 23, 2020 No Comments

Oops, I did it again. I wasted my time, got lost in the hype. Oh baby, baby.

That’s right guys, my failed 2018 resolution and I had another go-around. I am happy to say that with some major adjustments, I had slightly more success, which was largely because I changed my mindset and stopped caring about succeeding. Of course, I’m talking about bullet journaling.

You may remember my blog from a year ago about my 2018 failure.

For those of you who are new around here, a bullet journal is “a way to track the past, organize the present, and plan for the future.” Sounds awesome. Unfortunately, it is VERY time consuming, especially if you want it to be cute! Which, of course I do.

If you are too lazy to read my blog from last year, the TLDR is that in 2018, I went down the BuJo Youtube rabbit hole, got obsessed with many different “habit trackers,” I got behind, I was tired of writing down everything I did, and I basically gave up on both the journaling aspect, the “tracking the past” aspect, and decided I would just use my google calendar to “plan for the future.” I decided to ditch the BuJo since it became a time-wasting method instead of a time-saving method.

But then I got a 40% off coupon for Michaels (seriously, I get one every 2 weeks, how does that store make money??) so I decided to buy a new notebook and start again with some adjustments.

The main parts of the bullet journal concept remained: the index to keep track of where everything was, the future log to put things for later in the year, the monthly log, weekly logs and collections. My main addition was a lot more scrapbooking. I kept little mementos from things I attended and attached them to the pages with Washi tape. For example, many many playbill covers, “Beat” stickers from football games, my ticket from the Belmont Stakes, tickets to Knicks/Heat games, and bus tickets and mementos from my travels.

The main changes in 2019 were to my collections and to the way I tracked my weeks. Between those changes to my actual bullet journal, and the change in my attitude about keeping up with it, aka my “IDGAF mentality,” I was able to successfully keep up with my journal all year long.

Collections:

Last year, I got reallllllyyy behind in tracking my moods. Also, it felt repetitive (yay for being happy most of the time), useless (why does it matter in December that I was sad for 2 days in January?), and also it was difficult to track if I fell behind. There’s actually a psychological phenomenon about this called rosy retrospection, and when I was a week behind, I just assumed I had been happy the whole week. Which is dumb and pointless. The first thing to go in my 2019 BuJo was the mood tracker. I decided to keep my 10,000 steps a day tracker, because it was easy to fill in if I got behind thanks to my FitBit app, and I kept my daily workout tracker, because I wanted to see the distribution of my workouts as I tried to add in more strength training to my routine.

I chose to get rid of pages I either didn’t use, or pages that were repetitive because I was tracking the data in some other way or in some other app. For example, I got rid of my “To-Read” page because it was easier to add them in the Good Reads app, and I always had my phone with me to add books as people recommended them to me. I also got rid of the ratings on my Movies Watched page, because I could remember how I felt about a movie without writing it down. I got rid of my “braids to learn” page, because they were bookmarked in my Instragram. I also got rid of my “Key” because after a year of bullet journaling, I didn’t have to remind myself what the symbols meant anymore.

The last thing I wanted to do was make my life MORE difficult, but I did add on a few new collections of pages for my 2018 layout. First, marathon training! I added my training schedule based on the Hal Higdon method, and I added pages to track my training and miles. I liked seeing it all together, instead of scrolling through my Nike+ app. Also, I liked writing down how certain runs felt to me, so I could remember that I sometimes had bad days, but they were often followed by much better ones. I also added a Braiding calendar at the beginning of each month. The “braiding community” often puts together “twins” for people’s birthdays, where you do a similar style or type of style for someone’s special day, or you just have a certain hashtag to add. This was hard for me to keep up with because they are often planned in advance so I reserved a page each month for this. I may not do this next year, because I often forgot to check my BuJo before posting for the day, anyway, and they are often planned early for the next month, so I couldn’t write them down anyway. TBD if this collection makes an appearance in 2020. I also added a collection of “hair hashtags” but I never ended up looking at it, so I think it will also get the boot in 2020.

I LOVED my Savings Goals page. Not only did I get a chance to draw my adorable piggy bank again, but it gave me a lot of pride and a sense of accomplishment to see that I was making my goals for the year. Speaking of goals, I also loved my goals page and will continue that for 2020. Also staying in 2020? My social stats tracking page, my blogs posted page (really trying for 24 this year), my spin themes page, and my reading stats page. I read 35 books last year, and definitely met my goal of non-fiction v. fiction, with 9/35 non-fiction! Only 6/35 were written by men, though. I need to work on that.

It was super fun to see my travel summarized on one page, so I will keep that for 2020, as well I was away 90 days, traveled 23,965 miles x 2 (there and back! 47,930!!), and I took 18 trains and 18 planes.

Weekly Log:

I think I was better able to keep up with my BuJo in 2019 because I changed the way I journaled my weeks. I often got behind by a day or two in 2018, so in 2019, I decided not to split up my weekly logs by day. I just gave a single page for a week, and jotted down a few memorable things about the week. The main reason I use my bullet journal is to remember goals and tasks I want to complete for the week that may not be incredibly important enough to set phone reminders, but make me feel good to check off and save me money. For example, for my tasks, I wrote down when I needed to cancel my Clear membership before the free trial was over. Or I wrote down that I needed to make a dentist appointment. Book a hotel for a wedding I was going to, buy more paper towels, frame my diplomas, RSVP to a wedding, Venmo request my bf for the electricity bill, buy a wedding gift (lots of wedding-related tasks). I also grouped my goals in this category, for example, publish a blog about my BuJo, apply for 3 jobs, finish my continuing education class final project. Writing down these small goals and tasks reminded me to do them, and also incentivized me to complete them. There’s really nothing like ticking a box or crossing something off of a list.

Monthly and weekly layouts, including braiding calendars. Featuring my terrible doodles.

IDGAF:

The main reason I was more successful in 2019 than in 2018 was because I did not give a f*ck. Here’s an example. In September, I went on a vacation to Paris with my bf. I brought my bullet journal. I did not write in it one single time despite already having laid out the pages. In 2018 I would have been upset with myself. In 2019, I just kept on going. In October, I went on a vacation to Greece. I was determined to keep up with my Bujo. Again, I brought it with me and I collected little mementos throughout the trip, and I didn’t write in it once. I just taped my bus tickets and winery pamphlets onto the pages and continued on. My lack of self-loathing for being behind in my bullet journal helped me continue.

The clarity for WHY I was journaling was helpful. For me, it’s to keep track of things I need to do, and to have a little reminder of my year at the end. And if I forget to write something? It’s not the end of the world. Has anyone out there tried their hand yet at bullet journaling? I bought some new Mildliner “creative markers” and I can’t wait to see how things change in 2020!

P.S. I still cannot doodle to save my life, but my piggy bank drawing is still adorable!

What a year in Broadway and shows attended!!

Long Legs and other Personal Problems, Miscellaneous

2019 Resolutions & Goals – A Recap

January 2, 2020 1 Comment

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you had a night filled with champagne and a next day filled with naps and recovery. At least, that’s what I did.

As you may know from years past, I don’t totally believe in resolutions, but yet I make them every year. This past year, instead of calling them “resolutions,” I instead called them goals, and I tried my best to work toward them all year. As I said in my previous post about resolutions, they don’t have to be negative or painful, like, “starve self to lose 10 pounds in a month.” Mine tend to be more positive, like “use all of my vacation days.”

One of my failed resolutions 2018, as you may recall, was starting a bullet journal. Well SURPRISE, I decided to actually try my hand at BuJo-ing again in 2019, and I switched up a few things about it to try and set myself up for success. I will dedicate an entire post to my semi-successful BuJo next week, but for now, I mention it because it’s where I wrote down my goals! That’s TIP #1: write your goals down!

I decided to split my goals into categories both for organization purposes and also because it helped me focus my thoughts and think meaningfully about them. Also, I tried to follow the ultimate goal formula, to make them SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Based). My categories for the year were: Personal (a little vague), Social Media, Relationship, Work, and Financial.

Ironically, although I feel like I spend a majority of my time on social media every day, that is the sole category where I did not reach any of my goals. Lesson learned is TIP #2: Make sure you are being realistic in your goals. And TIP #3: Don’t be demoralized by failure, just reevaluate if that goal is still something you would like to achieve, decide if it should be adjusted, and then roll that goal over to the next year.

So what were my 2019 goals and did I achieve them? I’ll break it down for you.

Personal

Travel to 2 new countries – Check! I planned to go to Italy for my friend’s wedding, and Greece as a girls’ trip in the Fall. Sort of on a whim, my emoji-bf and I decided to add a 5-day jaunt to Paris for Labor Day, so I actually checked 3 new countries off the list! I LOVED this goal (who wouldn’t!?) and I think I’ll roll it over to 2020 to do again.
Learn to do a Dutch infinity braid on myself – Success!! I am not PERFECT at them, but they are presentable. I will continue to work on this one.
Film a tutorial video/learn how to edit video for Braid in Manhattan – FAIL! Or rather, I should say, I decided in around March that this was no longer a goal of mine. I reevaluated my business and decided it was more important to focus on getting clients and less important to give people tutorials on how to do it themselves and essentially undercut my client base.

Social Media

100 Tweets/Month – Fail!! Every year I make some sort of goal about getting better at Twitter. This was by far my best year yet, but I only tweeted about 650 times total. This is another roll-over goal. I think I will attempt the same thing again.
10,000 Followers on Braid in Manhattan – For my first year of BID, I gained over 1,000 followers from 500, and I thought that the growth would be exponential. I was wrong. I think Instagram also changed the algorithm so I was getting less likes as the year went on. However, I still did gain 2,080 followers over the year so that’s a nice bump! I’ll need to reevaluate my goal on this one. Maybe 6,000 is a more achievable goal.
Post at least 2 blogs/Month – Fail again! As much as I try to be consistent on here, things keep popping up (like surprise trips to Paris) and I lose my momentum. I started the year strong with 3-4 posts/month last year, but tapered off and only totaled at 17 for 2019. This seems like a feasible goal though, and I think I will try for 2/month again.

Relationship

Date Night once a week – Success! I am so happy this worked out, and we really tried to maintain it. I even put a calendar reminder at 7:30 pm every Tuesday night so we would remember. It didn’t need to be a date out, but we tried to switch between Netflix and home-cooked meals in, and fun nights out. Since our weekend activities often don’t line up with work travel and other responsibilities, we agreed to Tuesdays and have stuck to it.

Over the summer at one point, we let it slip and realized we weren’t spending any time with each other so we reinstated it and were much happier. I recently found out that one of my bf’s friends instated their own weekly date night and also love it, and that made me so happy!

Work

Successful Interview Week – Check! This is a week-long event I run every year, and for the second time, it was in LA last year. It was a huge success with a record number of participants.
Title Change – Career Center Director – Success! My actual title is Director of Career Services, which I like even more, but it’s important to really visualize what you want, so I wrote that title down on January 1 and kept looking at it every day!
Raise! $$ – Done! I went through a LONG job search process this year that was originally unplanned (perhaps I need to write a recap of that whole thing in a blog post), but ultimately I decided to stay at my current employer with a new title (as seen above) and new salary!
Run Session at Continuing Education Event – Success! I ran a session this past summer on the Johari Window and Covey Window/Time Management Matrix. It was great practice being in front of a group, and I think my group teaching skills are improving.
Begin Career Coaching Course – Not only did I begin this, I finished it! I submitted my final project last week and I am waiting for the grade so I can begin the credentialing process (a 2020 goal).

Finance

$38K in Retirement Account – Surpassed! Due to a good year in the markets, and a raise in the autumn, I surpassed this goal and I’m almost at $40K. I also maxed out my Roth IRA the last 2 years. That makes my overall net worth about -$50K! LOL
Pay off Private Student Loans – DONE. As I talked about in a previous blog, I transferred these to a credit card to give myself 20 interest-free months to pay them off. And I did! WOO! Of course I still have about $100K in Federal Loans but I’m trying to still run the clock off on those. 4.5 years to go!
Monetize Braid in Manhattan, Make $1000 – Surpassed! This was a great one to track and I had fun with it, filling in segments of a bow on my savings page in my BuJo. I can’t wait to see what 2020 has in store for my fav hobby/side hustle.
Bring Lunch 3x/week – Surpassed. I brought lunch 4-5 times a week! This was a TOUGH one. It was very time consuming, but I saved a LOT of money, and I felt like I was eating healthier meals. It was semi annoying to always be carrying containers with me, but I think it was worth it. I’ll be trying to continue this one. It helps if your coworkers also bring their lunch. I love to go for a walk so I would often go with my coworkers and then get jealous and want to buy something. If we instead just go for a walk without a lunch destination, I save more money and have less FOMO.

Overall, it was a great year for me and I achieved a majority of my goals/resolutions. I am still forming my goals for the coming year. Who says they need to begin on January 1? Mine will probably begin around January 12. Brainstorm a few for yourself and let me know what you’re aiming for in the comments!

Long Legs and other Personal Problems, Miscellaneous

Resolutions 2018-2019

December 28, 2018 1 Comment

As 2018 comes to a close, I want to check in with you guys on your resolutions. Did you make any? Did you stick to them? I wrote a blog last year where I challenged you to make a few, and it’s only fair to tell you guys how I did with mine, as well. Quick refresher, my three resolutions were:

Plan myself less; have 1-2 FREE nights/week.
Get back in the pool and start swimming again.
Do more weight training to become stronger.

The first one was a half-win. I booked myself permanently for Tuesday nights as “date nights,” which made my free time 1/7^th less. However, I told my emoji-bf that our date nights didn’t need to be excursions all the time; it could be Netflix & chill. Sure enough, we did that a lot. I did a better job of not making plans on Fridays, which I always regret when I make them. I am so busy all the time, especially with travel (another blog coming soon on my 2018 travel recap), that it’s nice to sit at home and veg out every once in a while. I think I will continue this resolution and roll it into 2019.

Speaking of rollovers, my second and third resolutions were actually leftover from 2017. I did a much better job at these! For swimming, I moved to an apartment that was closer to a gym with a pool, which was incredibly helpful. Before Tuesdays became date nights, I was swimming every Tuesday. Also, after I unfortunately sprained my ankle AGAIN over the summer, swimming provided a great alternative cardio workout. I even swam for weeks using a buoy between my legs, and only using my arms. I felt so much stronger, and my ankle always felt better after stretching just by dragging through the water resistance. I have fallen off the swimming a bit in the past 2 months because of date night and because it’s COLD! I don’t like being wet and walking the (albeit short) 9 blocks home.

Swimming is always easier with a friend to push you!

My last resolution to weight train more has been incredibly successful, again thanks to my proximity to a new gym. I found two classes a week that I enjoy: A Sunday morning boot camp class, and a Wednesday evening TRX interval class. Between these two classes, I have increased my strength and I have gained self-esteem by realizing I can do things I didn’t realize before (like hold a handstand against the wall for a full minute!) Adding non-cardio workouts to my routine has helped me stick to a diversified schedule, and the secret was just finding instructors I liked, and small classes to keep me accountable.

I get down on myself when I fail at resolutions, so it’s important to recognize success where I can find it. I am all about positive reinforcement, even for myself. I like to recognize and pat myself on the back occasionally. Some of my ongoing resolutions that I have been able to stick to are:

Make coffee at home. I prefer iced coffee, so I used to buy it out every day. I have been incredibly successful at making it in advance at home. I have spent a mere $169 on coffee shops in 2018. This may seem like a lot, but I used to spend $75/month! That’s a reduction of $731 for the year.
Speaking of saving money and budgeting, I have continued to stick to my mint. I may not be saving yet but, but at least I know where each of my dollars is going. That’s the first step.
Travel more internationally. As I mentioned before, a blog about my 2018 travel is coming soon. I have fallen off a bit with my travel blogging, but I did make it to three countries outside the US this year, and two of them were new!
Tweet more. Last year at this time, I had about 510 tweets. Now I have 1,147! Not bad! I’m still working on it. Follow me @longlegsbigcity!
Save for retirement. My work has helped me with this; they have an amazing plan where if I put in 6%, they put in 8%! It’s basically unheard of. I was doing really well before our Commander in Idiocy crashed the market last week. Oh well.
Read 4 nonfiction books/year. I have succeeded! This year I read 41 books so far, and 12 of them were nonfiction. My nonfiction selections were: Becoming, The New Jim Crow, Tuesdays with Morrie, Lean In, So You Want to Talk About Race, So You’ve Been Publicly Shamed, Lucky, Wild, When, Shrill, The New Rabbi and What Happened. Follow me on GoodReads for recommendations!

Traveling internationally for the first time with a backpack! (and Purple Bear)

I’m excited for 2019, and I will try and continue these resolutions, as well as add on a few more. My two main resolutions are:

Food prep more and bring lunch to work. This means traveling less on the weekends, so I have Sundays for food shopping and cooking. We’ll see if I succeed. I have my doubts because I already have 3 weddings on the calendar.
Get BraidInManhattan.com up and running and monetize the braiding hobby into a braiding business! Right now, I purchased the domain and I have it redirecting to my Instagram (I’m up to 1,336 followers!). For 2019 I want to do more hair for weddings, prom, events, etc. Do you know anyone who needs a stylist?

What are your resolutions? Do you have any? Leave them in the comments or let me know how you did with your 2018 ones!

Fitness

Runstreet Art Runs – My 2017 New Year Resolution Success

December 30, 2017 8 Comments

The countdown is on! Literally! The new year is a few hours away, and I promised you one last blog post for 2017 about successfully achieving a 2017 Resolution of mine: Finding something fun and new and different to work out. SUCCESS! Enter: Art Runs with Runstreet.

People tend to make resolutions about working out more, or eating better, and I won’t go into why these are bad resolutions, since I already talked about that once this week. But to quote one of my fav instructors at Peloton, Robin, as she said on Wednesday, let’s make a resolution to “stop doing sh*t you hate,” and that’s exactly what I set out to do this year.

I love to work out. I work out more than 90% of people I know. Ok, 95%. Here’s what I like about it: I have fun. I feel much more energized when I finish. I get a sense of accomplishment. I achieve goals. I get stronger. Oh, and I get to eat more.

But going into 2017, I was beginning to lose my very first reason I work out: I wasn’t having fun anymore and I was BORED. I still felt accomplished and stronger, but since I wasn’t having as much fun anymore, it was starting to feel like a chore. So my 2017 resolution was: find something new that makes me excited again for physical activity.

Here’s what I knew: I loved teaching classes, because I liked the people and atmosphere of community. I had taught too many classes on the bike and wanted to move around a little. I liked being in fresh air. I wanted something different. I loved selfies and posting on Instagram.

I really didn’t know how I would combine all of those things and then miraculously, I got a follow on Instagram from Runstreet aka Marnie Kunz. (Check out that Instagram link and see if you can spot me a lot of times!)

Climbing on things, sprained ankle and all!

Finding random faces on walls, and kissing them.

Marnie is the writer and creator of Runstreet Art Runs, which she says is “a way to encourage runners of all levels to explore beauty around them and learn about local art and artists.” I was totally sold. She linked to an upcoming event in her Instagram bio, and I signed up immediately. I was not disappointed.

Basically, a group of runners meet up at a designated spot with Marnie, a certified running coach, and Marques Jackson of Filles Garcons Photography. We drop off our bags, socialize and meet each other, and then hit the pavement. We explore neighborhoods from Queens to Brooklyn to the Lower East Side of Manhattan, keeping an easy jogging 10-minute mile pace, and we stop every once in a while to gaze at amazing street art, and learn a bit about the murals and the artists from Marnie. The whole time we run, we talk, smile, laugh, and take photos – both amateur ones on our own cell phones, and real amazing quality ones snapped by Marques, who runs along with us (all photos below by him).

I have many favorite parts about Art Runs, but one of the big ones is exploring neighborhoods I have never seen before. Marnie herself found that the best way to learn the city and explore neighborhoods was by running through the streets. In fact, that’s how her Instagram started, by documenting the art she saw as she explored. Two weeks ago, I did a Holiday Art Run with Runstreet and I made sure to turn my Nike+ app on to document our route. It definitely was not my fastest run documented on the Nike app (probably due to the many photo breaks and readjusting of my Santa sweater… it was a HOLIDAY run, after all), but I wanted to be able to look back afterward and see where I had run. That holiday run was in Williamsburg, a part of Brooklyn I hadn’t spent much time in before. I have also done runs with Marnie on the Lower East Side of Manhattan, SoHo and Crown Heights!

She often partners with vendors and stores, so we finish with a place to warm up (or cool off, depending on the season), and with snacks to munch and juice to sip. Also, we hang out afterward and talk, which is my most favorite exercise. Also, her runs tend to have themes! I did one that was Hip Hop themed, where we were able to submit songs before the run and she added them to a playlist that bumped along with our feet the whole time. She also had an Ice Cream Art Run, which happened to be during #30Years30IceCreams. So obvi I had to go. It did not disappoint.

And last, but definitely not least, everyone is SO NICE. Every single person I have met through Art Runs has been incredibly sweet. I gained at least 15 new Instagram followers, and we often comment on each other’s posts and hug when we first see each other at the next run. In fact, I went on an Art Run after an ankle sprain, when I thought it was better but ultimately ended up stepping on it wrong and re-injuring it. Everyone was fast to stop, and incredibly concerned. A few runners offered to stay back with me, although I managed to tough it out the last mile (do not recommend this).

I may be the black sheep but we still all run together!

I love nothing more than a goodie bag or a keepsake. And after each run, we get a Dropbox link with all of Marques’ amazing photos, which become souvenirs, Instagram posts, AND viral advertising for Art Runs. V smart business model. All of the photos in this blog post are by the talented Marques aka Filles Garcons. Sometimes, a photo of me even gets on Marnie’s Instagram. Here’s me on top of an ATM, ankle brace and all. It got 419 likes!

Moral of this story: 2017 Resolution was a SUCCESS. And if you are like me and you’re looking for a FUN and ACCESSIBLE and ACHIEVABLE 2018 Resolution: look no further than Art Runs. They have a run on Monday, January 1!! It’s a Resolution 5K + Yoga. I can’t make it to this one, but I’ll probably be at the next one! Use your LONG LEGS and explore this BIG CITY. Try it out and tell me what you think!! Happy New Year everyone!

Long Legs and other Personal Problems, Miscellaneous

Resolutions

December 28, 2017 4 Comments

Christmas is behind us, which means New Year’s Day is upon us. And nothing says January 1^st like a resolution that will fail by February 1^st, amirite?? As a fitness instructor of 11 years, I can tell you for a fact that the gym is about to be PACKED for 3 shorts weeks. And then it will empty out again.

But to be perfectly honest, I don’t hate resolutions OR “resolutioners,” as I call the 3-week gym goers. I understand wanting to better yourself, and trying to set a benchmark and a starting point. You’ve all probably heard the phrase “diet starts on Monday!” Well a resolution is just a yearly “diet starts on Monday” with a more memorable date, because it’s literally the first day. I am generally pretty sarcastic about these people who make and fail at resolutions time and time again. But the reason I mock them is not because I think what they are doing is wrong, I just think they are using the wrong method. Also, TBH I love when the gym is full for a few weeks, it makes my Spin classes completely full and a lot more fun! But do I love showing people how to set up their bikes knowing that they will not get on one 48 weeks of the year? Not as much.

So in my very humble opinion, what is the right method, if I am so sure that this is the wrong method? The right way is to not set yourself up to fail. When I worked at lululemon, we did a lot of work in our orientation and training on goal-setting. I know, I know, so culty. I will post about my experience working there another time. Anyway, the goals of the employees are actually posted in the store on display for customers. It’s true, ask in any lululemon where they are, and they are happy to show you. What does this have to do with resolutions? Well for one, there is accountability. Your goals are literally on display! And secondly, they really do not want you to fail because then everyone will know. So they set you up to succeed. The four things they tell you before you brainstorm and write your goals are: make them concrete and measurable, start big, and then break it down to make the short-term ones attainable, make them positive, and begin making changes immediately. They also say to write them down and post them on the wall of your job. Maybe you don’t have to go that far, but it’s not a bad idea to write it down and stick it on your bathroom mirror, or on your desktop at work on a post-it. Anything to keep it in the forefront of your mind and keep yourself accountable.

My lululemon goals from 2015! I found them in my email. Most of them still stand. And I actually achieved (or am still working on) my 1 and 5 year ones!

I feel like it may come as a surprise to some of you that I am a fan of resolutions, but I am. I like to set goals for myself, and honestly, a resolution is just a positive goal to change your life for the better. Also, PLEASE remember guys, a resolution does NOT need to be body or health-related! And it shouldn’t be something you hate. This should go without saying, but people do it all the time. If you hated pizza, would you resolve to eat it? Ok, bad example everyone loves pizza… If you hated broccoli, should you resolve to eat it? NO. Eat another vegetable you like! If you hate running, do not resolve to run. It’s simple. And again, it does not need to be “eat healthy 5 days a week” or “work out more.” Plus, TBH, these should not be resolutions anyway. Eating to fuel your body, or working out to lower your cholesterol should just be things you want to do to live better and respect yourself. But I digress.

So what are my resolutions this year? I always make a few so I have a backup if I fail (LOL). This year I have one new one, and two rollovers from last year. I am writing them here to keep myself accountable:

Plan myself less; have 1-2 FREE nights/week.
Get back in the pool and start swimming again. At least twice a month, hopefully once/week.
Do more weight training to become stronger. At least once/week, hopefully twice/week.

The first one is my top priority, but I already feel like I may fail, especially since I just found out I’m already double-booked for weddings on September 2, 2018! I am going to work really hard, though. I feel like every single night of my life is planned, and I never get a chance to relax. On July 17^th I wrote a blog about how I did nothing that whole weekend. Not only was that a lie (read my blog to see why), but July 17^th was the last time that happened.

The second and third ones are rollovers. I resolved to do them this year, too. I failed. So what? Don’t be embarrassed by failure, just try again! Maybe this next year I will do better because I’ll live closer to a gym where I like their classes. Or maybe I’ll buy a swim cap and goggles to get one step closer to achieving my goals. Maybe I’ll do that right now so I can start making moves to achieve my goals. And I love to swim! See, these resolutions do not need to be painful.

Some examples of super not painful resolutions, all of which have been resolutions of mine in the past few years:

Use all of your vacation days.
Budget your money, or at least track it to start (I did this this year with mint.com! Success!)
Run a half marathon before you turn 30.
Travel somewhere internationally (even if it’s Canada, Montreal is awesome!)
Learn how to use twitter. (Follow me @longlegsbigcity, I finally have more than 500 tweets!)
Start saving for retirement. Put $50/month into an account/month, you won’t miss it!
Read 4 nonfiction books/year. Follow me on GoodReads for recommendations!

I love to work out, but I was tired of everything I was doing. So this past year, my main resolution was to try new things and find something new that I really enjoyed. And I did! Art runs. More on that later this week.

I want to inspire you guys to make a resolution and try to stick to it. Maybe it’s as simple as “put the laundry away on the same night as you fold it,” or maybe it’s tougher like “run a half marathon by year end.” Either way, it always feels good to achieve something, even if it’s something fun. Start using those vacation days, even if they’re staycation days, and start doing nothing! Resolutions can be fun. 😊

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