I spent the last week in Broomall, Pennsylvania, helping my mom out after she had a hip replacement surgery. Or in her words, I have spent the past week as a “full-time slave.” But TBH, this is not fair, because she is recovering incredibly quickly, and she really doesn’t need full time help at all. I did do 6 loads of laundry over the course of a week, but with my excessive amount of gym clothes, that’s not much more than a normal week for me.

By the time I arrived, 8 days post-surgery, she had already graduated from a walker to a cane, and she was walking around without much help at all, albeit at a slow pace. Also, she bought a grabber* from Amazon so when she dropped things, she could pick them up herself. Once she found where she had left her grabber, of course. We hung out at home, watched The Handmaid’s Tale (WTF!?), I read and finished a book (The Light We Lost, by Jill Santopolo, HIGHLY recommend), we ALMOST finished a 750-piece puzzle, AND we did crossword puzzles every day.

But we also left the house! We went on a lot of adventures to the mall, to the library, to a yard sale, to Moe’s (WELCOME TO MOE’S!), to Rita’s for 99 cent custard, to Staples, to Ross; basically we did a lot of shopping and eating. And a LOT of walking! She added on 500 steps/day on her fitbit, and by the time I left, we were up to 7,500/day! She was a walking machine.

However, there were definitely still things she needed help with, and I was happy to help. I don’t take my working body for granted, especially since I tend to sprain my ankle at least once annually. But this experience definitely opened my eyes some more to what would happen if I needed help because my joints weren’t working at 100%. What would you not be able to do if you couldn’t bend more than 45 degrees? Here’s a short list in all of its hilarity:

• Dry the bottoms of your legs. Nothing like having wet calves. Drip dry anyone?
• Shave the bottoms of your legs. I’m now a pro. Also, I have learned that I shave OTHER people’s legs much more carefully than I shave my own. On my own, I usually miss an entire strip of hair. Or 3.
• See anything on the bottom shelf of the refrigerator. It was a true (smelly) adventure going through the contents of the bottom shelves. And don’t get me started on the contents of the drawers. The grabber couldn’t slide them open.
• Carry heavy things. This was my second workout after my free trial pass at Anytime Fitness. Did you read that blog post?
• Put on socks and shoes. To bunny ears, or not to bunny ears? After 25+ years of tying my own shoes, it was backwards and took me a few times tying my mom’s to realize it was the same as when I tie a hair ribbon in my hair. Which I still do at least 3 times a week. Yes, I am 30.
• Pick up a roll of paper towels. Again, grabber was no good here. Maybe we should return it to Amazon.
• Drive. This was a big one. It is rare that a New Yorker who has not driven in almost a year is the driver of choice, but by process of elimination, it was true. I think I make a damn good chauffeur, too. Maybe my mom is even starting to like hip hop. Maybe not. I was jammin’ to Q102, Philly’s #1 Hit Music Station. I think I finally know all the words of Despacito.

Anyway, my life of servitude has officially come to an end, and I am back in NYC, the smelly land of rotting garbage and effed up public transit due to drunk people on the train tracks. Unfortunately, this also means I need to start paying for my own meals and clothes again. I’d do someone else’s laundry for free shopping trips any day of the week. Hell, I do my bf’s for free! Should I move back home? Thoughts?

*”grabber” (n.) (gra-ber) – a term of art. Not its given name according to amazon.