Long Legs and other Personal Problems

DIY Furniture Fail

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Have you ever thought to yourself, “I have too much time on my hands and I saw this cool thing on the internet so I’m going to try it!” And then you totally failed?

Well, I’m not sure if you have, but I know for a fact there are some other people who have – there’s a whole show on Netflix called Nailed It that is based on this premise.

Since we moved into a new, much bigger apartment, we needed to furnish it and didn’t have money but had nothing but time, so I decided to try my hand at some DIY. Spoiler Alert: I did not nail it.

The goal: obtain some cheap or free pieces either from stooping or the Buy Nothing Facebook group (more on that another time), and then refinish them to be gray to match our blue/gray living space area theme.

More specifically: sand, gray stain, and finish a shelf to hold our stemless wine glasses and serve as wall art, a media center, and a coffee table.

Things started out pretty well. I found this awesome shelf on the street that my sister stored for me for a day. Free.

I saw a media center with GREAT bones on Buy Nothing, and paid Stoober $40 to transport it. Chris and I had to take it down 4 flights of stairs, which left me sore for 4 days, but #worthit.

I found this VERY cool coffee table that looked like it was made of crates in our building, that someone was throwing out. It had wheels, and totally fit in the theme of our décor (if it had been gray). Free.

  • Shelf on the Street (Like Elf on a Shelf but free)
  • Media Center
  • Coffee Table/Crates
  • Look how cool!

We had random furniture all over our apartment while I got up the nerve to go to the paint store. It took me a week. I finally swallowed my pride after doing some preliminary googling, and I asked the guy at Benjamin Moore to “please speak to me like I am a stupid person who has never done any DIY before… because I haven’t.”

The man could not have been nicer. He explained sand paper, and told me I would be much better off getting a hand sander. He explained protective eyewear. He explained paint thinner for cleaning purposes (I still don’t totally understand this), and also helped me pick a gray stain. I had taken photos of all of the items and showed him, but since I didn’t purchase them and couldn’t be 100% sure if they were wood or laminate, I knew there was risk involved.

Thankfully, my brother-in-law had a hand sander I could borrow, so I didn’t need to purchase that, either. I watched 5 YouTube videos on sanding and loading spring-load hand sanders, then I put down some drop clothes and got to work. I decided to start with the smallest project, the interesting shelf thingy (very technical term).

  • Look at that hope and optimism in my eyes.
  • My instagram story showed my fear.
  • Are Ray-Bans considered “eye protection?”
  • “Coming Along” was optimistic.
  • When I took a break to look outside…. then gave up.

I had our air filter on high, the windows open, and our vacuum on hand. But WOW. It was LOUD. I was very worried about pissing off our brand-new neighbors. Also, despite the drop cloth, it was still going EVERYWHERE! About 10 minutes in, I went downstairs to investigate the possibility of using an outdoor outlet. Unfortunately, both outdoor spaces were closed due to snow/ice, and the only other outlet was at the entrance to our building. I asked the doorman and he said I should probably pass it by the super. I gave up on that plan and went back to my living room.

After sanding, I tried to clean up all the residue, and went on to step #2. Staining. Well, guys. I messed up. I used the FINISH. But only on one half of one side before I noticed, and thankfully, it was the top that no one would really see unless they were super, super tall. After switching to the actual stain, I proceeded. It didn’t look gray. I double checked the can. Gray. I waited. Still not gray. I waited overnight. Still not gray.

  • I added real googles for the paint/stain fumes.
  • The Lineup
  • Me double checking that it does, in fact, say GRAY.

48 hours later, the house STILL smelled like fumes and sawdust and the shelf was… you guessed it… NOT GRAY.

I decided to take my mind off of it by taking a Peloton class. (Yes, I will mention Peloton in every blog. I promise a full post on it soon).

All of a sudden, my entire neck broke out in what can only be described as a massive rash. It was bright red. Swollen. SO itchy I could barely finish the class. Of course, since I’m including this detail in my DIY blog, you already are guessing it’s from the project, but at the time, I was completely flummoxed. Remember, I hadn’t done anything with the project in almost 2 days! I thought I became spontaneously allergic to the peloton bike. Or my towels. I switched to 100% cotton tshirts. I tried working out in a different room. Nothing worked. I continued to break out in a serious neck rash every day when I sweat. I stayed up late, night after night, until my googling came up with this tidbit:

What to do about an itchy neck:

Toxins: Sometimes, exposure to toxins in the environment may be enough to cause an itchy neck. Working with chemicals or small particles such as wood fiber may increase the risk of irritation.

TADA solution. Sorta. I went about trying to figure out how to get rid of the toxins. Step 1: get rid of the paint. I gave it away on Buy Nothing. Step 2: vacuum EVERYTHING. The bookshelf. The rug. The couch. The windowsill. Step 3: clean out and empty the vacuums. Step 4: wait.

If you were wondering about the shelf and you read this entire blog hoping for an “after” photo, I apologize. It does not exist. I threw away the shelf. I took the media center back out to the street. I sold the coffee table for $40 on FB marketplace to try and make up some of the money lost on supplies and stoobering. Unfortunately, no amount of money made up for 7 days of neck rash. Eventually, it did go away. Meanwhile, you can find me on Amazon/Wayfair looking for a NEW coffee table that requires zero skill from me.

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Miscellaneous

DIY Gumball Costume

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HAPPY HALLOWEEN!! As you read in my very long post yesterday, I spent $114 Saturday. October is my most expensive month. Therefore, I always try to spend as little as possible on my costume. I already told you last week, I am always trying to re-purpose the costumes I already have, since I have an entire box of them. Also, I have many crafting tools at my disposal since I have been doing this for years. My emoji-boyfriend is not so into the costuming like me, but if I completely take care of the cost and the labor of making it, he will relent and wear what I make him. Therefore, I try and make his costume low-cost as well. Overall, I spent $41.25 for both of our costumes. Not too bad. It may cost a bit more if you need to buy a glue gun, but they are generally less than $10.

We got a LOT of compliments, so I figured I could tell you how to do it.

Supplies for the Tutu:

  • Red Tulle
  • Scissors
  • Elastic or Ribbon that fits around your waist

Honestly, I don’t need to explain this whole process because I learned it, like many other things, from YouTube. Here’s a link to a great tutorial. You can decide either to use elastic as a waistband, or to use ribbon if you prefer to make a big bow on the back. If you use elastic, you’ll need a few stitches or a glue gun to connect the two ends.

I’ve done it both ways but I find elastic easier for bathroom purposes. Just cut the tulle to the width you prefer and cut it to twice the length you want, so you can double it over. I ordered it in 6-inch width from Amazon this year for ease, and because I didn’t have much time to cut the strips, but it was a bit more expensive. I linked it above, they have a lot of color options.

If you buy tulle from a fabric store, you’ll probably need 4-5 yards from a bolt (about $3/yard), but if you buy it like above from Amazon, you will probably need 4, 25-yard spools because they are only 6 inches in width. It also will depend on how long and fluffy you want your tutu. I needed to cover my silver-unitard-ed bum, so I wanted mine extra long.

 

Supplies for the coin slot:

  • Piece of cardboard (cut out of any box)
  • Duct Tape
  • Sharpie

This was incredibly easy. I just took a piece of cardboard from a box and I covered it in duct tape. Then I drew on the coin slot. The tricky part is I made a little loop on the back from doubled-over duct tape, so I could tie some extra tulle to it, and connect it to the waistband of the tutu.

Supplies for the Quarter:

  • One bowl for tracing
  • One piece of silver poster board
  • Scissors
  • Sharpie
  • Twine/string (stolen from the office)
  • A friend with amazing freehand drawing skills

Not much to say about this: trace a bowl for a perfect circle, have an amazing friend copy a photo of a quarter from the internet. Trace the pencil outline with a Sharpie. Or just freehand it with a Sharpie. I was ready to just write “25¢” on a silver circle, but my friend made a real piece of art. Then I punctured the front and back of the quarter with a letter opener, and threaded the string through. If you have money to burn, it may be a good idea to laminate the pieces so they don’t get soggy from beer, but I was short on time and money, and my emoji-bf is clearly better at not spilling than me. It lasted all day!

Supplies for Gumball Belly:

  • Same bowl for tracing
  • 2 pieces of white felt
  • Scissors
  • Lots of pom poms
  • Glue gun
  • More sticks of glue for the glue gun than you’d think (I used 10)
  • 4 safety pins

This was much easier than I anticipated. I spent a lot of time on the internet trying to decide how large the pom poms should be. Most people said 1 inch, so I bought the cheapest pack of them from Amazon (link above). They were definitely smaller than an inch, but it still worked out well and there was a great mix of colors. I traced the same bowl I used for the quarter on two pieces of felt, then hot glued them together. Then I started at the bottom of the circle, and tried to randomly place the colors, with some attention to keeping a variation of colors, but also not caring too much because real gumballs have the same color next to each other sometimes! It did take more glue than I thought it would, but ultimately only took about 10 minutes to complete while binge-watching Will and Grace. I opted not to use the white, brown and black pom poms, but that is up to your own artistic license. I also decided not to fill the circle up completely, to make it more realistic.

Safety-pin that baby onto your uni! (or tank top). I realized that I preferred it to be a bit underneath the tutu, making it more of a 3/4-moon shape, again to make the circle look a little more realistic like a gumball machine. Personal preference.

Supplies for headwear:

  • Headband you’re willing to part with
  • 10 pom poms (I had plenty left over from the belly)
  • Glue Gun
  • 2 sticks of glue

As I trolled google for gumball costumes, I saw a lot of people wear red beanies for the tops of the gum ball machine. That is a cute idea, but I have a really weird-shaped head. Every beanie I wear just makes me look bald. I settled on my old faithful hair accessories: headbands and bows! I glued 10 different-colored pom poms on a throw-away headband from CVS, and tied a red ribbon that I already owned in my hair.

I already owned a silver unitard from my previous jaunts as the Tin Man and a Hershey’s Kiss (see below), but for those of you who do not have one, you can always safety pin the gum ball felt belly on a white tank top and wear red shorts or a red skirt under your tutu. Highly recommend this costume, with or without the emoji-bf! You can be the quarter, too! The more accessories, the better. I plan on repeating the costume tonight to hand out candy to trick-or-treaters. Hopefully no one thinks I’m a clown and gets scared again! I think I already know what I want to be for next year, but if you have any great ideas, comment below! Have a boooo-riffic day!

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Big City Living

Halloween Pub Crawl 2017

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Reporting live with the 2nd day of my hangover still slammin’ in my head like a terrible rock cover band at 3 am. I can barely open my eyes in the blinding light of the sun, and a credit card is missing from wallet, which means I OBVIOUSLY had an amazing time on the annual Halloween Pub Crawl 2017.

The Halloween Pub Crawl was not my original idea, I used to be a lowly participant on my best friend’s family’s Crawl. She comes from a big Irish Catholic family with 5 brothers and sisters, and innumerable cousins, so there were always enough people for an entire pub crawl just by inviting the family. Since then, my best friend moved away, and her cousins are less likely to hang out with me without her. (I’m still hanging out with her aunt et al. this upcoming weekend for the NY Marathon, more on that coming next week). Anyway, now that all of my friends expect a Halloween bar crawl, the organizing is left up to me. This year, Facebook invitations went out in August, as is necessary with our crazy New York schedules. I invited about 85 people, and made sure the group was open for friends of friends to invite people. Overall, we ended up with 103 invited, and about 50 people showed up. Not a single member of my family. Not bad!

For the past three years, I have been organizing the Crawl by myself and the last two years I planned it to be held on 14th Street, from west to east. This year, I decided to go old school to the Lower East Side. It’s annoying to get there on the subway from the Upper West Side, but #WorthIt because you only have to walk approximately 15 steps to get to another bar. Also, the looks we got on the subway were priceless. I was a gumball machine, but I think a little kid thought I was a clown and he had a minor breakdown when his mom told him to sit next to me.

5 days before the Crawl, I published the google map of our route, which included walking directions AND my own notes about drink specials. I tried to only pick places with major drink specials, since this was a marathon, not a sprint. I took out $100 cash and hoped for the best.

I won’t recount the whole pub crawl because it would be boring. Also because I remember less and less as the day goes on. But ultimately, we hit 11 bars over the course of 8 hours, and I had 16 drinks and bought three slices of Artichoke Pizza (LET ME LIVE!!) for $114. Not bad!!

This is the link to the original pub crawl map. And here are the bars we actually went to, not in exact order, necessarily, because my memory fails me:

  • The Grayson
  • Double Down Saloon
  • The Hairy Lemon
  • Mama’s
  • Ace Bar
  • Rue B
  • 7B
  • Bua
  • 11th Street Bar
  • B Side
  • HorseBox
  • Planet Rose

We started at the Grayson, and as usually I was running about 30 minutes late. I knew it would be an all-day event, so I figured it would be fine. Sure enough, we arrived and we were the first ones there! Grayson is a Wisconsin bar, which I did not know (Go Badgers!), but that worked to our advantage because they had $5 well drinks and an amazing DJ spinning live during commercials and time outs. There were a lot of time outs. I originally picked this bar because it had $5 mimosas, and I thought that would be a good way to easeee into the day of drinking, but instead I had one cider and switched straight to gin, which I would continue to drink for 9 more hours. We waited for 3 more people to arrive then walked one block away to the next bar, Double Down. Drink Count: 2.

Bar #2 and my memory already starts to fade. Why? Because the bar had 2-for-one happy hour, with well drinks = $6 (aka, $3 each), and the bartender was pregnant. Again you may ask, why does this matter? Well, because I think she was pouring all of the alcohol she couldn’t drink into our cups. But hey, I’m not complaining! We stayed at Double Down for over an hour because the drinks were incredibly cheap and because they had an awesome outdoor area and the weather Saturday was to die for! By the time we went to the next bar, we officially had 17 people on the crawl and it was in full swing. We wanted to switch to a bar with TVs so we could watch the Gator Game. HUGE mistake. Double Down has TV’s, but they only play porn. I’m not kidding. Drink Count: 5.

Anyway, we went to go to Hairy Lemon (the old Croxley’s), but we quickly found out by the overflow crowd on the sidewalk that Hairy Lemon is a Penn State Bar, and they are much better at football than UF this year. We vetoed Hairy Lemon. Luckily, this was the Lower East Side, and there was another bar literally next-door, Mama’s. And that bar next-door had 16 kangaroos in it. Again, not kidding. Only in NYC. We decided it was not an option to hang out with the kangaroos. They agreed to put the Gator game on for us, which was a mistake because we were already losing by nearly 20 points in the first 10 minutes. I decided to distract myself and put on a Kangaroo costume. Then people started to get hungry so we went in search of a bar with food. Drink Count: 6.

We did not find a bar with food. But we DID find another bar, Ace Bar, and they DID let us bring in our own food. A few people got slices of pizza. I did not. But I did have another drink! Drink Count: 7.

More people joined us on the crawl, and my memory of the order of bars gets a bit fuzzy here. At some point we went to 11th Street Bar, we also went to Rue B, and Bua, and we headed (RAN) to HiFi because Happy Hours everywhere were about to end (it was 7:15), but HiFi said online that their happy hour was until 7:30. I clearly needed to get my butt there, since I was only at Drink Count: 12.

Well, joke was on us, the rude bartender told us that actually their website was Fake News and their Happy Hour only went until 7. LAME. We decided we did not want to be patrons for this alternative facts bar, so we left. Drink Count: Still 12.

We headed to Horsebox, where I ultimately must have decided I was not at all done drinking, because instead of paying in cash, like I had been doing all day, I decided to open up a tab. Daddy Warbucks of Gin and Gingers, apparently. This was a stupid move for 2 reasons: A. I definitely did not need drinks 13, 14 and 15. And B. I hadn’t used my card all day, so of course I forgot I had put it down and I left my credit card there. TGFFP. (Thank God For Fraud Protection). My new card should arrive tomorrow. Drink Count: 15.

Slowly, people decided they absolutely NEEDED to sing karaoke, as people always decide after 15 drinks. So began the slow exodus across the street to Planet Rose. Planet Rose is the dingiest and grossest of all karaoke bars in New York, which of course makes it the best. Apparently, you can sing songs there for free during the week, but I’ve only ever been there during the weekend, when it costs $2/song. Luckily, I had some cash left since it was clearly necessary at that point for me to croon Fiona Apple while laying on the probably-bed-bug-infested couch. Drink Count: 16. Karaoke Count: 1 song. Dignity Count: negative.

I managed to find my way, by myself, to Artichoke Pizza, which I had sworn all day I would end the night with. I bought three slices, one for me, one for me the next day (I’m so smart, even when highly inebriated), and one for my boyfriend. Turns out he doesn’t even like Artichoke pizza, so I still have a slice in the fridge 3 days later. If my hangover doesn’t go away by tomorrow, I think I know what I will be having for breakfast.

Overall, a major success. We had almost 50 people. A friend from high school who I hadn’t seen in 15 years came out. My costume was super fun, and comfortable, and I will be posting a DIY on how to make it tomorrow for real Halloween. And best of all, I didn’t die. For all of you New Jerseyans out there, Happy Mischief Night!!

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Miscellaneous

DIY Costumes

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Halloween is Coming!!! Halloween is my favorite holiday of the year (except my birthday). How could you NOT like a halloween that is about candy, talking to strangers, and best of all: COSTUMES. I love dressing up, and I always have. If you have not already subscribed to my blog, you are missing weekly emails with CLASSIC #tbts of me in costume. I have dressed up as everything from a drag queen princess to a gypsy; you can see I have loved costumes since the beginning of time. At least the beginning of MY time. Also, I love love love crafting.

Growing up, I often had handmade or hand-thrown-together costumes, and I have been a fan of the DIY costume ever since. The best part about making your own costume is that no one else will have it. Anyone can go into a Spirit of Halloween popup and buy a sexy nurse or sexy army girl costume. But not everyone can put together a super-not-PC gypsy costume complete with crystal ball made of tin foil.

Which brings me to my next point: the point of Halloween is NOT to be sexy. October 31st is not an excuse to forego half of your clothes. I don’t know who decided that a costume is just leaving half of your outfit at home and putting on cat ears, but that will not cut it. Reminds me of the infamous scene in Mean Girl, the epitome of this:

There is a meme that makes its rounds on Instagram every year, about “sexy girl Halloween costumes vs. me,” and that perfectly personifies my idea of Halloween costumes. The weirder, the better. This all started in 2009 when my best friend and her sister (and I) decided to be Treasure Trolls. This was LONG before the Troll movie. We made the most amazing troll costumes ever known to man. Photos are coming. Get excited.

So why and how are my ideal DIY costumes 100% awesome but 100% NOT sexy?? Let’s break it down step by step:

The base of the costume must ALWAYS be a unitard.

This is a tradition that has been unbroken since 2009. The most epic unitard was definitely the 2009 treasure troll one, because it was see-through. And ordered from eBay. According to the reviews, it was supposed to be used for fetish play. As in… there was a hole. In a choice place. In fact, one of the reviews recommended wearing it backward… depending on what you’re into. You catch my drift. Anyway, after this year, we realized that the hole was incredibly convenient because a unitard made of pantyhose material is not easy to take off and on! Think about how tough it is just to put on tights! (Ladies, you know what I’m talking about.) When you are pub-crawling, you are most likely drinking in excess, which means you are taking bathroom trips in excess as well. That hole in the unitard came in handy. These unitards were especially epic because they matched our skin and people thought we were naked. The next year we used a unitard as the base of our costume again, and a tradition was born.

The next year we were a huge wolf pack. The fetish unitard only came in two colors, “nude” and “black” (racist, much?). Anyway, I chose to be the one black wolf in the wolf pack, like I’m the black sheep in my family. JK JK. Anyway, it was a hit yet again, with cutoff shorts and amazing hair and makeup to top it off, done by our friend who is a makeup artist.

The next year, I did a costume all by myself, and I knew I had a lot to live up to. I kept all of the preparations a secret! How could I outdo the Treasure Trolls from years past?? If you dream it, it will come. I became the World’s Tallest Oompa Loompa, and it was terrifying. Face paint, wig and all. I made the entire costume by hand, all the way down to drawing the stripes on my soccer socks, and buying long johns from Walmart.com. This was 2011, the year of the Halloween Blizzard. I was still living in Brooklyn and I knew I couldn’t miss the Halloween party in Manhattan, so I camped out at my friend’s house all day, scared that they would shut down the subways if I waited longer to go into the city. Painting myself into an oompa loompa in secret in a friend’s bathroom is NOT an easy feat. This look took some real determination, but I did it! For this look, I actually used Rit Dye to color my unitard the perfect orange-brown-skin-shade. Talk about dedication to the cause.

Around this time, for some reason, unitards became avant-garde. Of course, they were not avant-garde to us, but the addition of the word “morphsuit” to the Halloween lexicon was a gamechanger. Don’t get me wrong, we would never dare to purchase a morphsuit skeleton and that be the end of the costume. I like crafting too much for that. At first, they only had about 6 colors available, and we did our best with those. The first year we made use of morphsuits we were uni-corns. Get it? Unitard – Unicorn? I thought it was a great idea. We made horns out of Crayola Model Magic, and we painted and glittered ourselves into oblivion. Then we put on some false eyelashes. Then we added a tutu. TADA! Done.

This brings me to my next step to ensure ugly but classic costumes: DIY no-sew tutus! I originally learned how to do this from youtube, and I have mastered the skill throughout the years. I can now make a tutu with my eyes closed. Literally. I currently have 5 tutus in my closet. I will have 6 after I craft my current costume tonight (tutorial coming soon).

This brings me to the next and last step to ensure a not-sexy costume: stuffing your belly! You know how some girls diet so they can fit into their (lack of fabric) costume? I do the exact opposite! There’s nothing like covering your belly with some extra belly, so people can’t tell which part is natural and which part is just extra padding! It’s like they say in Miracle on 34th Street, “since I carry my own padding with me, I got the job, see?” Often when I am researching DIY costumes and looking at how to make mine better (pinterest has been a lifesaver here, and I’m not even a member!), I have noticed that I often pick costumes that are picked by pregnant women. This is extra fun, because when people think I am pregnant, and they see me drinking in excess, it provides for some great looks and comments. LET ME LIVE, OK!? When I began stuffing my belly for Halloween, I used pillow stuffing that you can buy by the bag from Michael’s. Last year, I discovered a much easier way, I stuffed an emoji pillow in my unitard! The stuffing stays together and it’s perfectly round!

The best part about making your own costumes is that you can repurpose the different parts for different things. I repurposed my wolfpack black unitard to make it a bee unitard by making a new last-minute tutu. I have used my yellow unitard to be a Minion and a Care Bear (Funshine Bear), and Winnie the Pooh. I’ve used my blue unitard to be a Unicorn and a Smurfette (terrifying, really). I’ve used my silver unitard to be the Tin Man and a Hersey Kiss. It’s all about repurposing and #BallinOnABudget.

I wish I had this blog years ago years so I could have shared my ideas and steps to make my costumes.

My costume for this year is a surprise, but considering I was supposed to be in a big group costume that only fell through last week, you can be sure I will be repurposing a few items from my costume box! (Yes, I have a costume box… it takes up valuable closet space in a New York apartment but it’s #WorthIt.)

I will be posting a DIY blog specifically for my 2017 costume next week, after the big reveal this weekend at the traditional annual pub crawl. I hope you guys like it!

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