Wedding

Wedding Tips & Tricks

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I promised you another installment of wedding content and this one may be the most important one. If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I have been a wedding guest A LOT. I’m a pro. But now I’ve also been the bride and I have picked up a lot of tips and tricks along the way.

My first tip: Have a glam team. I know not everyone is like me, but hair is IMPORTANT. Having bad wedding hair is listed as a regret on every single Betches Brides Wedding podcast episode. As you know, I flew in Alli from @playbraids to do my hair for my wedding. This was by far the best decision I made, aside from picking the husband. Not only did it make it easy because she was able to do multiple looks on multiple days, but she was friendly and fun for all of my friends to hang out with (and me, of course!). And most importantly, it took away a HUGE piece of wedding stress for me. The less stress, the better. I felt pressured to have amazing hair, and Alli understood the assignment. She was a huge trooper, helped me film multiple tiktoks, styled my mom’s hair and my best friend’s, and put up with/loved the Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion vibes. There’s this amazing video she took while the photographer was taking serious portraits of me, and you can hear WAP blasting in the background. Special bonus, my family also fell in love with her, and my mom announced that she’s another honorary daughter of hers now. Almost every person who has seen photos of the wedding has commented on my amazing hair. #WORTHEVERYPENNY

Casual Photoshoot and Rehearsal Dinner Hair
Wedding morning!
I wish I could wear those extensions every day.
Finishing touches!
Alli and my Momma, new BFFs!

Here’s a tip for your guest list: keep it small. Some people with large families don’t have this option, but I recommend it. With this pandemic becoming a part of our everyday lives, the trend of “micro-weddings” has continued and I couldn’t love it more. We ended up with 51 guests (and a wedding crasher, more on that later) and it was the perfect amount to feel like we had close friends and family, a full dance floor, and people all over the resort. In fact, the morning of the wedding I was trying not to run into anyone, but sure enough I ran into one of Chris’s best friends at the coffee shop. It felt intimate and small, but also like we were surrounded by everyone in our lives.

Regarding toasts and hand-written vows: do them. Both. First the toasts. Choose these people wisely. No one wants to be bored while they are trapped at their tables and far from the bar. Choose entertaining people who will also have unique perspectives on the bride and groom. You don’t want 8 friends all talking about the same things. Chris’s dad told a story I had never heard before about him as a kid. And it was so fun to hear about his childhood from his siblings. For my side, I had one speech from my family (a poem – so funny) and one from my best friend (also hysterical, I cried and laughed). Having different types of people (siblings, parents, friends) makes for different types of speeches and keeps things interesting. Our speeches went a little long, but I think everyone enjoyed them, although I may be biased.

As for vows, I know it can be time-consuming and stressful to add this on top of other wedding planning, but it’s worth it. I understand that not every person enjoys speaking in front of a crowd, but if you pretend it’s just you and your future spouse, it makes it easier. Almost everyone at our wedding knew one of us well since it was a small guest list, and it still made the wedding an engaging experience to include our guests in our love and reasons for choosing to be with this person for life. The day after the ceremony, I had one couple (who is getting married this weekend!) tell me that they planned to read their vows to each other in private, but they were reconsidering because it felt so special to hear ours. Also, the practice of writing your own vows is so special. It forces you to think of when you knew they were your person and what you love and cherish about them. The whole point of inviting people to celebrate with you in your love is to explain those reasons to them. It makes it feel more personal.

Family poem
BFF toast… so funny!

Here’s a tip for the anxious brides: only control the things you want to control. If the bridesmaid dresses don’t really matter to you, don’t worry about them! I just wanted my bridesmaids to be comfortable, so I let them pick. Granted, I only had 2 bridesmaids, so it was easier for them to coordinate themselves, but I did not want to sweat the small stuff. Another thing I didn’t care about was the groomsmen, so I let Chris pick. Yes, I was a little nervous when 2 months prior he said he hadn’t picked outfits or communicated with them, but my husband is bit of a posh spice (yes, I called him that in my vows), so I knew I could trust him to figure it out. And he did! Less stress for me.

One more tip about stress: there are some things that will be out of your control. You can’t stress about them because you cannot change them. Flight changes? CHECK. They are going to happen. Our flight to Mexico was canceled the night before. We booked another flight that night. Was it way more money than the original? Yes. But we didn’t really have a choice and I chose not to stress about it. Our MC got stuck in traffic and never arrived. But the photographer’s assistant offered to step up, and what was I going to say? No? Of course not. I said sure! And we went through the list of names for speeches and dances and she killed it. No one even noticed. These things happen and you need to make a conscious decision to just go with the flow. Having an open bar helps.

Here’s a tip regarding an expensive cake: save on the cake, splurge on the cake topper! By the time cake hits the table, most people will be up dancing. And if they aren’t, they’re probably drunk. Hell, if it’s a good party at all, probably everyone will be drunk. People are not going to appreciate the flavor and moistness of the cake. But they WILL appreciate an aesthetic. We were lucky enough to have my aunt make us a cake topper that looked just like us on our wedding day. She made the bride wear my dress, carry my bouquet, she even put highlights and a braid in her hair! Chris also looked dapper in a blue suit and white boutonniere. Everyone LOVED it. We have a google album of guest photos, and there must be 15 different people who took photos of the cake topper. And the best part: it now sits in our living room smackdab in the middle of our bookshelf. Our cleaner saw it last week and was in SHOCK she loved it so much.

Here’s another unconventional trick: do a fun (not slow) father-daughter dance. My dad and I started out slow with Lee Ann Womack’s I Hope You Dance, and after 1 minute we transitioned into a zydeco number, Daddy Lessons by The Chicks and Beyonce. It was a HUGE hit. People were laughing and clapping, and my dad and I had a blast. I heard comments about it from our guests all weekend long! It was engaging and it sped up the tedious first 30 minutes of watching dances and speeches.

Our gorgeous cake (could not tell you what it tasted like)
HOW CUTE!?!
Me, Chris, our mini-mes, and my crazy-talented aunt who made it for us!
We started out slow.
Then… all zydeco broke loose!
We had an absolute blast.

One of the more controversial points in this blog is about welcome baskets. I think that whether you need them depends on where you have the wedding. If you know people are flying in, not renting cars, and the hotel is in an isolated place, then I would recommend them. Water and snacks are not always available, and when they are, they’re crazy expensive. If you can’t walk down the street to a bodega or a Walgreens, I’d say it’s a nice thing to offer. However, I think they can be simple. If your wedding is local, or in a city with many things around, they’re unnecessary. And welcome baskets are definitely not necessary at all-inclusives. For my wedding there were beverages included in every room (alcoholic, non-alcoholic and water), and I made sure everyone knew that I had Advil, ibuprofen and sunscreen for everyone. Also, there was food and room service available 24/7 for free if people got hungry. We gave out engraved reusable straws as favors, and I don’t think shipping boxes of crap and snacks to Mexico and forcing people to carry it home in their already-stuffed carry-ons was necessary.

My final tip, and the perfect segue into the next installment of wedding content: Have a destination wedding. I won’t delve into it too much here since I am going to write a whole other blog about this, but suffice it to say, it was the right decision for us. I know some people say this isn’t an option because of family pressure or cost of travel but let me tell you, it was not that expensive. It was beautiful. And it was FUN. More on that next time!

Do you have any tips or tricks you’ve picked up from being a bride, groom, or repeat guest? Let me know in the comments!

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Wedding

Wedding Hair Trial

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There aren’t many things going on in my life right now besides work and planning my wedding (and attending 4 more weddings this year). So as much as I don’t want to be “that girl” who only posts about her wedding, that’s all I’ve got for you! At least for now.

The countdown is on; and the wedding is in under a month. That means that this month it was finally time to think about the thing that matters most: my hair. Every bride is allowed to have one “thing,” at least that is what I have read in all of the blogs. Hair is definitely my thing.

I would be lying if I said I just started thinking about it. You know how some brides have been adding wedding dresses and reception décor to their Pinterest boards since before they were engaged? That was me with favoriting bridal hair on my Instagram. I’ve had a folder for about 5 years. BUT it was finally time to think practically about what needed to happen to make my hair dreams come true.

I knew I needed fresh color, a fresh cut, new extensions, and the PERFECT stylist.

First: color. I decided to travel to Pennsylvania for my color, which is your first tip that I am going to be super EXTRA about my hair. But here’s the thing, I’ve lived in New York for 11 years and I have never gone to a colorist I loved. I’ve had some good color, but it was never the color of my dreams. When I had my hair purple, that was the color of my dreams, but she lives in Texas! Proving my point. Anyway, I knew I couldn’t mess around with color for my wedding, so I booked my color appointment with my bridal stylist of my dreams in Pennsylvania. Her styles are 85% of the styles in my saved folder, and she is a wizard with color, too! That appointment is in 2 weeks and I could not be more excited. Take one look at my grays and you will know that I haven’t colored my hair since September!

Purple hair of my dreams. I miss it every day.

Next: hair extensions. You may say “But Emily, your hair is long!” Well, it’s NOT LONG ENOUGH. But in reality, it’s more about volume. Most bridal styles you see online have extensions. Actually, I would say 90% of styles you see online on brides have extensions. I considered doing tape-in’s or sew-ins, but since I sweat so much and work out, and wanted them to last AND I wanted to be able to use them again, I went with clip-ins instead. I bought VERY long extensions from Luxy Hair, the brand my colorist-of-my-dreams recommended, and she said she would make sure my hair matched them perfectly.

Next step: the stylist of my dreams. Note the trend here about my dreams? I do, honestly, dream about my hair a lot. Some may say it’s a sickness. OH, and let’s stop everything right now because if you’re only reading this thinking you will see spoiler photos of my hair inspo, you will not. I’ve shown less people photos of my hair than photos of my dress.

Approximately 4.5 years ago when I started my hair Instagram (@braidinmanhattan go follow me now!), I met a woman with the same ridiculous sense of humor as me. Her name was Alli and she lived in Florida (@playbraids, go follow her now!). She made funny/sarcastic comments, and most importantly, she did not live in Utah and was not afraid to curse. If you’re new here, a majority of the braiding moms on Instagram are Mormon, have 4+ children and are younger than me, and/or are far more prim and proper than I will ever be. Nothing against that, but we have very little in common. Anyway, Alli and I clicked. And by “clicked,” I do mean in the virtual computer/phone sense, since we never met. Ever since we started chatting, I always joked, “if I ever get married, obviously you’re doing my hair!” But of course, I wasn’t engaged, so it became a running joke.

Fast-forward 2 years of constant DM-ing and we were FINALLY supposed to meet. We had both somehow got on the radar of a hair product company called Style Factor, and they hired us to braid at a hair show in NYC at the Javits Center! Alli was going to come all the way to the Big Apple and braid with me. We were psyched. Guess when this was? March 2020. Guess what happened instead?? Covid. Javits was converted into a field hospital, and the hair show was canceled. Hell, the whole world was canceled. So, we never met and we kept DM-ing. Alli started a “friends” salon where she braided kids’ American Girl Dolls that the neighbors dropped off contactless on her porch, and I left for Texas and got very good at braiding my own hair.

Fast-forward another 2 years, and I finally set a wedding date! Alli and I still hadn’t met, but I kept up my end of the promise. Alli now works for a legit salon, and I said “you better block off your calendar because I am flying you to Mexico to do my hair.” I’m not sure if she thought I was kidding, but I was not. I called her and got her info, and booked her a flight and hotel. It was the first thing I did after setting a wedding date. And I’m glad I did, because that $750 flight is now $2500. I am not exaggerating. Even with the cheap(er) flight, I am still spending more on my hair than I did on my weddings dress. By far. Is it worth it? YES.

The funniest part about spending big bucks on hair is that a hairstylist is literally included in the wedding package at the resort where we are getting married. As in, I could get my hair done for free. But I do not trust a random person to do my hair for the most important hair day of my life! I would be so upset if they did something worse than what I could do myself. Plus, I don’t want the stress of worrying about it.

You may be saying, “but Emily, Alli is a random person, too, and you’ve never met *her* either!” This was true… until last week.

Weeee!!!
Alli and Me in my wedding hairstyle.
Me really feeling myself.

When I knew I was hiring her as my stylist, I also knew I needed a hair trial. For a day as important as this, I needed a dress rehearsal. So, I booked a flight to Florida and stayed at her house with her family for Easter weekend. In the words of Drake, “I went from 0 to 100 real quick.” Her son said, “what if she robs us?” and I said, “what if they murder me?” But good news, no one stole anything and no one died, and I even got my very first Easter basket!

Before we started the hairstyle trial, I asked her if she was nervous and if I was her most nerve-wracking client ever. I think she said yes, but I was only half paying attention because I was nervous myself!! I knew I would be very picky. The good news is, she KILLED it. We have a few minor adjustments we will make for the big day but overall, I’m more excited for the wedding because I know my hair will be FIRE. Bonus, she will be a very fun wedding guest.

Now I just need to write my vows…

Started the day with my first-ever Easter basket outside my room! (and no, I didn’t rob her for that $20 bill, I gave it back).
Obviously, we needed a stop at Wawa.
Catching as many rays as I could in her backyard (with rose!)
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Wedding

Bridesmaid Proposals

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As my wedding draws closer, I think it’s time to talk about it again. It’s been six weeks, I feel like I’ve earned it. Today’s topic: bridesmaid proposals. I know what you’re thinking: WTF is that?

Ladies and gents, the bridal industry has done it again. They have created yet another needless thingamabob. But this one I was excited to get behind because it involves giving presents to people who mean the most to you. And I love giving presents.

However, it’s important for me to start by saying: I didn’t care about bridesmaids. I felt very strongly that I didn’t care. I told my best friend a year ago not to be offended if I ended up not having any. And then, like much of the wedding planning, I left it up to my fiancé. I said, “do you want our parties to match in size? And if so, how many do you want and I’ll match it.” So he chose two, his brother and brother-in-law, and I chose two, my sister and best friend.

Now the proposal situation. I think in years past people used to just approach their friends and say, “will you be my bridesmaid?” Eventually this morphed into a card that said, “will you be my bridesmaid?” Now, Etsy has an entire section of the site dedicated to these proposal boxes and they include everything from personalized champagne flutes to $80 embroidered robes.

SPOILER ALERT: They said yes. Would they have said yes without all of this hullabaloo? Probably. Ok, definitely. But was it fun to put together and scheme? Also definitely.

Ideally, I would have asked them both in person, but since my BFF lives across the country, I needed to ask my sister in person when we went wedding dress shopping, keep it a secret, and then send a box across the country and depend on the USPS. Yikes!

I wanted to send something meaningful and fun, and include things that would actually be used. This was especially true as I thought about the gifts for my sister who lives in New York. The last thing we need in NYC is tchotchkes. The theme of the gifts was loosely: beach, travel, love, all-inclusive resort.

In general, I gave my two bridesmaids the same things, including heart-shaped dark chocolates, heart-shaped sunglasses (counts as “beach” and “love”!), travel toiletry containers and a carrying case, and a luggage tag. I also included a few “primping” items like under eye patches and foot scrub. I personalized those a bit; my BFF who works nights got special eye patches with caffeine infused. And my sister who loves her calluses did not get a foot repair kit.

Travel Kits and Luggage Tags, necessities for Mexico!
I wanted sunglasses they MAY wear again so I didn’t choose bubblegum pink.
Two eye patch kits, one foot scrub. Although I could use one now too…

And because I’m obsessed with hair, they also both got hair ties. I got them in their favorite color palettes, and of course the hair ties came on a piece of cardstock that said “Will You Help Me Tie the Knot? To have & to hold your hair back.” I got those from Etsy. I told you, there’s a whole industry for these things!

I also got personalized straws from Etsy that I had engraved. If you don’t know my love for straws, you do now. I ONLY drink from straws. Exclusively. And one of the biggest problems with all-inclusive resorts is that they have gotten rid of straws. It ALMOST makes me not want to go at all. Almost. Anyway, I tried to fix that problem by giving reusable ones to my bridesmaids and their spouses.

Loved these hair ties and the fact that I could pick the colors.
These turned out even cuter than I expected.
SO SOON!

Last but certainly not least, the cards. In fact, this was my favorite part of the gift. I saw an influencer (*eye roll*) get these cards and they were too amazing to pass up. You can personalize every aspect from the items held in the bride and bridesmaids’ hands, the hairstyles, the hair color, the skin tone, the robe color, the text, the names, everything! And the artist on Etsy was SO accommodating. I asked her if she could create some sort of head covering for my sister and we went back and forth twice to create the perfect head scarf. I was obsessed with these cards. I chose drinks that I thought my bridesmaids would order in Mexico, and I picked their favorite colors for the robes.

Oh, did I mention I also wrote poems for each individual item in the box and scrapbooked them because I am a crazy person? Honestly, this is definitely the craziest thing I have done so far pre-wedding. I won’t share all of the poems because there were A LOT, but I’ll share my intro poem to them:

Six years have come and gone and now it’s finally time,

To tie the knot and seal the deal, so that deserves a rhyme.

This wedding stuff is dumb, it’s just a lot of things,

I’m mostly here for lifelong love (and of course those gorgeous rings).

The thing that matters most to me is being with my favs,

My sister and my BFF in front of breaking waves.

My bridesmaid count is only 2 and one of them is you,

One a Shiksa Goddess, and one an Ortho Jew.

What color dress? Should they match? I really do not care,

You know the only thing I’ll control is the quality of hair.

I’ll leave it up to you to pick a color you both like,

Assuming before May, the Covid numbers again don’t spike.

I hope I’m not a bridezilla, I’m trying my very best,

All I know’s I want you there as a most important guest.

So SHALL you be my bridesmaid and stand with me in Cabo?

We can eat and drink unlimited until I am a blob-o!

So. Many. Poems. So. Much. Scrapbooking.
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Wedding

Say Yes to the Dread

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I’m going dress shopping this weekend!!! Those exclamation marks are how I know I am supposed to feel. Honestly, it’s how I thought I would feel! I do love to shop, and I like sparkly things and pretty things. Also, I LOVE judging other people’s gowns. I used to look forward to Friday Bride Day on TLC every week. If you live under a rock, TLC was a TV network that aired 7-8 hours of bridal content every single week, like the infamous show, Say Yes to the Dress (“SYTTD”) and the multiple spinoffs. I was a loyal viewer. I thought I would love to be a Kleinfeld bride, and I would love to have Randy come out and show me a one-of-a-kind Pnina Tournai gown and then I would love to meet the designer, and miraculously find $20,000 to pay for it with. But alas, none of those things are true. And in reality, I have aged decades since that show began and I have realized I don’t want any of those things anymore. In fact, I am dreading this weekend for three reasons: body image, expectations, and cost.

I was almost going to write a blog about shopping for a dress after the fact, but I wanted to be truthful about my feelings and not have it altered by however this weekend goes. Hopefully it’ll go well but my expectations are low. I promise to update you after.

I want to start by saying, there’s nothing I dislike about dress shopping in general, the problem is that it’s for myself. I went dress shopping with my best friend last year and we had a BLAST. It was her mom, her sister, and me. We went to two salons. We had champagne. I texted her fiancé in advance and made him send me selfies of himself being happy, meh, and yuck. Then, because he’s hilarious and knew what would make my BFF crack up, he also sent photos of her dog happy and angry. I made them into signs for us to show her based on our thoughts of the dress. The day was a super fun, ended in a celebratory happy hour, and even better, she said yes to a dress!! But, this was kind of like watching the show on TV, with the added benefit of champagne. I LOVE judging other people, I do not really love other people judging me.  

CHARLIE!!!
Color-coded facial expressions
Charlie was super happy when she found the dress.
POP BOTTLES!

As I mentioned, the first reason I am dreading shopping is because nothing is going to fit me. Is there anything worse than going shopping and having nothing fit? I mean nothing will fit. When you go dress shopping, that is just the reality you have to prepare for. Dresses are made in sample sizes and SHOCKER, my body is not a sample size. Not only am I 5’11”, but I am not a small person. To make matters worse, most bridal gowns are known to be “2 sizes smaller than street sizes.” Someone please explain this to me. WHY?! I have read blogs about this, so I am technically mentally prepared. But really, can anything prepare you for 6 hours of having every single dress gape open at the back?? I think no. As someone who has struggled with her weight and with body positivity for a LONG time, I am simply dreading this. I am finally at a place where I am happy being my current size (more on toxic #sheddingforthewedding later) but I can just imagine that a day of putting on too-small clothes will make me upset, which is exactly the opposite of what I’m supposed to be feeling leading up to the “happiest day of my life.” Which leads me to my next point.

HOLY HIGH EXPECTATIONS. Obviously, there are high expectations for the wedding… happiest day of my life? Up until now, I think the happiest day of my life was the day I put in my 2 week’s notice at my law firm. But there are similarly high expectations for wedding dress shopping. You are supposed to be surrounded by an entire entourage of friends and family who sit around and tell you how amazing you look for hours. I don’t know who has 9 close friends who will drop everything for a day of sitting around and watching you try on clothes, but that is not me. Nor do I want that! Thankfully with Covid regulations, most salons cap out at 3 people per bride per appointment.

I distinctly remember every episode of Say Yes to the Dress, where the consultant sat with the bride at the beginning and said, “tell me about the love of your life.” Like… what??? It’s shopping. Yes, I want to look good, but like, it’s not THAT deep. With each bridal appointment I set up online, there must have been 10-12 questions with boxes allowing 1000 characters of text about the wedding and the dress of my dreams. My main concerns that I listed: I am tall, I want to be comfortable, and I don’t want to be hot. That’s it!

And what about the expectation that you will cry when you find the dress? That feels forced. I am a crier. I cry at every tv show and movie. I cried 3 times during Encanto. But I don’t know if I’ll cry looking for a dress. I feel like I won’t cry because I’m going to be so worried trying to cry. When I went dress shopping with my friend, she cried… and then ended up getting a different dress! I feel like it’s more likely I will cry from exhaustion when the day is over.

Last but certainly not least, the things I am not looking forward to: spending money. I know this is becoming a recurring theme in my bridal blogs but, it’s just inane the amount of money people spend on dresses. Women wear them one day and spend more money on them than any other item of clothing they have ever owned. Or worse: brides spend tens of thousands of dollars on a dress and then CHOOSE TO RUIN IT. Our photographer offers a special add on for a “trash the dress” shoot. Yes, that is a real thing. Honestly, you aren’t going to wear it again so it’s not a terrible idea, but yikes, the money!!

In my very cursory google search, I saw that a 2020 Brides American Wedding Study (whatever that is) found that the average cost of a wedding dress is $2,439. AVERAGE. Pnina Tournai dresses start at $4800. And that’s before alterations. If you watch a lot of SYTTD, you probably think that sounds low. Women on that show routinely spend upwards of $10,000 on a gown. Personally, I find this outrageous. I can’t even stomach spending $1000, but most bridal shops start their inventory at $1500, so I guess we’ll see what happens. I tried to be very cost-conscious in choosing my appointments, and I even called ahead to a few salons to ask about their price ranges. One of the main things I looked for in the reviews were if people said “consultants made sure to only show me dresses within my budget.” Again, it’s not that I don’t want to look good, I do! But I also don’t understand the point of spending an entire paycheck (or multiple) on a one-time outfit.

All of that said, I really hope I find a dress this weekend. I even put a goal for the month of February in my bullet journal: SAY YES TO THE DRESS. I hope I can check something off of my to-do list and get one step closer to marrying my person.

This is the last time I put on a wedding dress. A sample size my friend bought from Herrera on a whim at a sale. And guess why my arms are behind me… I’m holding it up/closed because it didn’t fit! Also, this was 6 years and many pounds ago.
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Long Legs and other Personal Problems

#WorstBrideEver

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We did it!! That’s right, after successfully skirting the “when’s the wedding” question for 23 months, we finally set a date! Woohooo!! That means I can start planning the day I have been dreaming about for my entire life!! **record scratch**

I have not been planning this day for even the 2 years we’ve been engaged. Hell, I haven’t even been planning it for a month! In fact, I really don’t care at all. And that, my friends, is why I am the worst bride ever.

When I not-so-slyly mentioned in my last blog that I was officially getting married soon, my friend suggested I blog about the journey. And she’s not wrong, so many brides are all over the internet blogging about their wedding planning. There’s a girl who went viral with her own Instagram account solely about planning her wedding – she has 264K followers! Here’s the issue, I don’t want to write about it because I have nothing to say, I simply don’t care. My friend said I should blog about just that, because there must be some people out there who feel similarly. So, here you go.

I want to start this off with a disclaimer: It’s not that I don’t care about being married. I’m actually very excited to have a partner for FOREVER so that I never have to be on dating apps again. I’m excited to have someone who can’t leave me without a tumultuous legal battle. Who is my built-in accountant and financial advisor to explain the 5/24 rule of credit card churning. To sleep next to me every night. To bring me Gatorade when I get food poisoning. And ibuprofen when I have a hangover. To start a family with! (In that order. Just kidding).

The marriage, I’m excited for. The wedding, not so much. I feel like I already did the hard part. I found a guy who can put up with me! And not only did he agree to be with me for the rest of his life, he actually SUGGESTED it. With a big diamond! I already won. We’ve been together for 6.5 years and we’ve been living together for 5. So like, what’s with this whole rigamarole?

I know this is an unpopular opinion. So let me explain.

Some of this is about money. And I know a lot of couples, especially on the interwebs, will say “THIS IS THE ONE DAY YOU SPLURGE! MONEY DOESN’T MATTER!” Ummm, maybe that is true… until the credit card bill comes. Would I feel differently about this whole wedding thing if I had unlimited funds? Probably. But I don’t, so it doesn’t make sense to think that way. And yes, my fiancé works in finance and yes, he could probably afford to splurge on a wedding, but why? For one day? I have friends who have spent over $100K on a wedding. The average is around 50K and that’s not even in New York, which always adds additional sticker shock. I feel like the main driver of wedding prices is usually the bride, at least stereotypically. And since I’m the one with less funding and I don’t care, I feel like I can’t push for this princess wedding concept. Which leads me to my next point.

What’s with this whole “princess” thing? The ball gown. The horse and carriage. The “turning-into-a-pumpkin-at-midnight.” Ok, maybe not that last part. But honestly, it’s kind of weird and creepy. I am 34 years old. I have known for at least two and a half decades that princesses aren’t real. And when they are, they are ostracized from their families and do exposés with Oprah. This is not a goal I am looking to achieve. Although, I’d love to meet Oprah… if anyone has the hook-up. Why are there girls out here trying to pretend to be a fairytale character in their 30’s? No offense, but, that’s weird (obvious offense).

For me, ever since we got engaged, I said that if we were going to have a wedding I cared about 3 things:

  1. People should have enough food. Not necessarily AMAZING, Michelin-starred food, but I don’t want anyone hungry.
  2. Unlimited alcohol. It’s not a fun party if you’re paying for your own booze or if there isn’t enough booze.
  3. Good music that people can dance to. Dancing is a MUST.

Since I made that list, I have added one more thing: AMAZING HAIR. For myself, duh. All brides have told me you are allowed one “thing.” Mine is my hair. For obvious reasons. Namely, Instagram content. Follow me on BraidInManhattan! For this, I am pulling out all the stops. I’m buying extensions. Getting my hair colored to match. Flying in my hair-bestie and internet friend from Florida to do my hair.

The rest of the stuff to me is noise. Bridesmaids? Meh sure. Matching dresses? Definitely don’t care. Flowers? Meh. Bouquet? Don’t care. First look? Sure. Or not. Don’t care. Ring bearers? Don’t care. Toasts? If you want to talk, great. If you don’t, also fine. Rehearsal dinner? Meh. Flavor of cake? Don’t even like cake. Bridal gown? I feel like that one deserves a blog of its own. I have thoughts. Stay tuned.

This is why I have deemed myself the worst bride ever. We have picked a venue and we have a date. We have not planned much else. Over the weekend we discussed a registry. We feel like we don’t need anything additional in our home. We have lived together for 5 years! Whatever we needed, we have purchased. And I always feel weird about the whole concept of a “honeymoon fund.” I’ve never asked people for money before, so why would I do it, or feel we deserve it, because Chris and I are signing a contract? It makes no sense.

I feel like a lot of the wedding hype is a vestige of the past, when a woman was leaving her family to swear herself over to a man. It was a huge step. For me, it’s a minor one. I’m much more excited to have kids. If you want to send me adorable onesies or money for diapers then, feel free. The wedding part I’m mostly doing for my family. And for Chris. My best friend is actually getting married a month after me and if I’m being honest, I’m almost more excited for that. There’s no pressure and I already know she will be super happy.

This brings me to my final point: the additional events. WHY. A few years ago, I was invited to a friend’s wedding (not local). Then, to two separate bridal showers (one local, one not). Then, to a bachelorette party (semi local, but $1000/person). This is literally how I went into credit card debt. No single person should require this much celebrating on their behalf. It’s inane. My mom wants to have a wedding shower for me to celebrate, and also to have something semi-local for her friends. I said fine. But only because she is planning it! And I don’t want to invite any of my friends who aren’t local because at my age, we have all done enough of this. I don’t want to be responsible for anyone’s financial ruin. If it makes my mom happy, it makes me happy. The end.

Recently, my friend asked me if I wanted to do a bachelorette party. I shrugged. Obviously, I’m always happy to go on a trip with her. We‘ve had a blast together in Turks and Caicos, Costa Rica, Hawaii, Vancouver, Spain, and Portugal, and none of those required a wedding as an excuse. There’s no need to make an excuse to travel together. And especially there is no need to force people to travel in honor of my relationship milestones.

I will say this – I love the beach, and I love a party, and I love my family and friends. And I love Chris. The rest doesn’t matter. If anything changes, I promise to keep you in the loop. But I may just show up here in photos in a few months with a tan and an additional ring on my finger, and that’s fine, too.

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Travel

Washington, D.C.

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Strap in, this post is a doozy. Last weekend I traveled to Virginia for my cousin’s wedding, and I had a jam-packed 3 days in the Greater Washington D.C. area. I promise to travel to further and more interesting places soon, but for now, this will have to do for the blog.

I arrived on Thursday night, and luckily, my brother, a new DC resident, picked me up from the train station. Unluckily, he was pulled over by the cops on the way, who said that it was illegal to drive through a yellow light. What?! Isn’t that what yellows are for? Anyway, a bit delayed, we changed and went to dinner with his Home Plate Family. What is Home Plate? It’s basically the coolest invention ever, founded and run by the WashU Chancellor’s wife, Risa Zwerling Wrighton. If out of town students at WashU miss home-cooked meals and dinnertime, they can sign up for this program and get matched with a family. My brother’s “family” was even featured on the WashU website 5 years ago! Since my brother was a WashU student for 7 years (8 if you include the gap year), he basically grew up with his “family.” Therefore, we all grew up with them! I have been hearing about my brother’s second mom for almost a decade. He has been attending all of the kids’ recitals, ceremonies, and graduations for years and his “mom” is my favorite part of our family group texts! Anyway, we had a delicious dinner at Lavagna, where I heard about their time at the Newseum, which I absolutely must go to the next time I’m in DC.

After dinner, I met up with a friend from middle/high school, who I hadn’t seen in 3 years. We had a drink and talked for a while, until we realized it was getting late and now we are real adults with jobs and it was a work night. LAME.

The next morning, my brother and his gf and I woke up and went to my brother’s favorite bagel place, Bullfrog Bagels. It was ok, but nothing compared to NYC bagels (don’t tell him I said that). I’m spoiled. After barely digesting, we drove out to Arlington to work out at Orangetheory Fitness with my best friend from college. She is the head trainer for the region, and she definitely gave us a workout! My brother and I wore heartrate monitors so we could compete with each other on the screens. More about the actual workout later, I’ll do a full review. Suffice it to say, we left completely drenched in sweat, and she played one of my fav weekend ramp-up songs, Hello Friday by Jason Derulo and Flo Rida. I promptly added it to all of my playlists (FOLLOW ME ON SPOTIFY!). We took about 100 pictures , some below, some saved for my OTF blog review, then we went home to shower. The afternoon was STEAMY hot. We ate Ethiopian food, then had a few sake bombs to stave off heat exhaustion, as one does. The boomerangs were pretty epic.

We finished packing and headed to the suburb of Reston, VA, where the rest of the wedding weekend popped off. Something to know about my family: we don’t see each other often, but when we do, we have a BLAST! We started Beth and Kenny’s wedding weekend with hors d’ouvres and drinks at American Tap Room, which conveniently was a 3 minute walk from the hotel #DrinksOnDrinksOnDrinks. My uncle put together a slideshow and I had three cameos in it (#winning). I only cried three times. Ok, maybe four. I’m such a sucker for a slideshow! I got to mingle with all of my family, meet some of Kenny’s family for the first time (shoutout to my dance partner Shawna!) and better yet, I got to introduce my mom to the Moscow Mule. Her life is forever changed. We went to Thai food after, because duh, never enough food, and then we went back to the hotel.

 

Meanwhile, my favorite emoji-bf STILL had not arrived! When I got back to the hotel, I found out his flight had been delayed 4 times, then canceled, after he had already been on the plane for an hour! Ultimately, he made it to the hotel by 7 am the next day, without his bag. He took a 3 am Amtrak and managed to piece together a wedding outfit from a tux shirt, a blazer he keeps in his office, and some too-tight slacks (photos below). Don’t worry, we are currently in negotiations for some compensation from Delta. Putting my ESQ. to good use.

Since the bf had barely arrived by the time we were supposed to leave for our Segway tour, I subbed in my brother’s girlfriend for the tour, instead. We had some epic Metro issues; I guess NYC isn’t alone in their #publictransitproblems. But the good news is, we made a new friend on the Metro who we shared an Uber with. Renee, are you out there somewhere? I should have gotten your contact info! Anyway, we embarked on my longest Segway Tour to date, by Bike and Roll DC. We got a Groupon (major tip here for Segway tours), and it was so much fun! Our tour guide Jen was so awesome, I made sure to write a review on Groupon and Trip Advisor. Also, it came with free popsicles and water. We rolled around DC for 2.5 hours with a family from Copenhagen, learning awesome little-known facts and taking a million photos. Did you know, legend has it that the 50 US flags around the Washington Monument were originally supposed to be state flags but the states couldn’t agree on which would be closest to the White House so they are all US flags instead? Did you know that Truman barely got to live in the White House because when he tried to move in, his piano broke through the rotting floor boards? He had to move out while they gutted the whole thing. Some say they approved the plans to add the Truman Balcony (now one of the most-noticeable things on the facade) to commemorate him and make up for the fact that he could barely live there.

After the awesome Segway tour, we headed back to the hotel for a quick dip in the pool, then got ready for the wedding! We took the shuttle bus to the Stone Tower Winery, which was even prettier than the photos. Really, the pictures do not do it justice. And the sunset… woah. Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself. I was scared it would be blazing hot (outside wedding in July? NO THANKS), but it wasn’t as bad as I had feared. There was a nice breeze, they had a table with lemon-infused water and champagne to the side of the ceremony, and instead of classic programs, they had the information printed on little fans. Very cute touch.

My cousin looked absolutely amazing, not that I’m biased or anything 😉 She was walked down the aisle by her mom and dad, which I always find sweet. They asked for no phones out during the ceremony, so no photos of that. Also, they wrote their own vows, which is so much more personal. I was listening intently since I was a rule-follower and had put away my phone. I only cried two more times. Okay, three. The officiant was actually their backup officiant, after a particularly gruesome kickball accident, and he totally killed it. Short, sweet, funny, and he could pronounce both of their names! (Trust, me that is not always the case). Both bride and groom added One Direction lyrics to their vows, which was hilarious and amazing and unplanned. They each broke individual glasses, which was a new tradition I had not seen before, but I liked the concept of not just having the guy do it.

The reception was so much fun. The dance floor was poppin’ (extra shoutout to my 88-year-old grandmother who never left the dance floor), there were glow sticks, there was an open bar, and an outdoor patio if you needed a break from the music. The hora was fun, minus a minor chandelier-tiara-head incident, and the toasts were hilarious. I got to sit with my cousins and next to my aunt and uncle. The craziest thing that happened all night: someone from the same floor of my college dorm, freshman year, 12 years ago, recognized me! She is married to a friend of the groom. Craziest small world ever. Things like that do not happen when you go to a school with over 50,000 students. It was so great to see you, Anna!

The real star of the reception was the fire pit and the DIY s’mores. With Reese’s cups! WHAT!? It was amazing. My emoji-bf informed me that since he was an Eagle Scout, I need not show him how to roast a marshmallow. Excusez-moi. We had a sparkler sendoff for the bride and groom, which was a super fun ending to a great night.

Lessons Learned:

  • I have too many friends in DC and I need to visit more often (next time Brittany/Davon/Tahon/Kristina!)
  • Orangetheory will leave me sore for days (ok, already knew that).
  • Segways are amazing (I knew that too).
  • I really like my brother’s gf (don’t screw this up, bro!)
  • I need to get together with my extended family more often.
  • Weddings in July are not always as hot as you’d fear, with enough champagne.
  • The Gator Nation is Everywhere!
  • I need to write shorter blog posts.

Family Photo! One of these things is not like the other hahahha

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