You may remember my obsession with the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. If you were following my blog, you definitely do. I wrote about it three times last year, which is 3 times more than any normal New Yorker. I set aside my “I’m too cool for all touristy things” self for Thanksgiving, and I muster all of the #IBelieve I have in me every year for the main event. I have experienced the parade in almost every way: I have watched in Herald Square, I have watched as a baby, I have watched on TV from Florida, I have watched as a full adult screaming on the side of the street, and, I have watched in the uptown grand stand when I miraculously scored those tickets three years ago.

But this year, I am going to be IN THE PARADE. AS A VIKING CLOWN! That’s right, I HAVE PEAKED. When I found out I made it into the parade, I told my boss I was done working for the day, and I knew nothing better would happen to me all year so I should probably just leave. Luckily, he likes me, so he took it in stride. Also, I think he thought I was kidding. I was not. I posted on Facebook two days in a row and I got the most amount of likes on a status since I graduated law school (RIP).

Anyway, let’s roll it back… how did I get to be in the parade? Have you ever wondered where all of those clowns come from? They come from the stores and from the headquarters! They are employees! I tried for years to be in the parade, but it’s tricky because you need to work for Macy’s or Bloomingdales, and I don’t. Despite having 4 careers in my short 31 years on this earth, I have never been lucky enough to score a job that gets me a gig in the parade. Thankfully though, I have friends who are generous, AND who are Bloomies employees! Specifically, I have a friend, Dani, who was in the parade 2 years ago, and who I have been bugging for 2 full years to get me into the parade. She is a great friend. Not only because it actually WORKED but also because she is still my friend even after all of this bugging.

She entered me in the lottery over the summer, and since she was already in the parade, I think she got precedence and her sponsorship went through! (There will be a lot of exclamation marks in this post, #SorryNotSorry, I’m V excited.) Supposedly, being a balloon handler (the ones who hold those massive balloons) is a very coveted, high-ranking job. I did not get that one. My sister did it two years ago, though! Read my other blogs about it. Anyway, I scored the gig of being a clown! This is extra fun because there is no manual labor involved. Basically, I just have to smile, throw confetti, and walk 3 miles from the Natural History Museum down to Herald Square spreading Thanksgiving/Christmas cheer. And the craziest part is, it is a completely random assignment, and I happened to be assigned to the one clown that has BRAIDS! You guys must remember my new obsession with braiding. Braid in Manhattan, in a parade in Manhattan in BRAIDS! It is kismet.

In case one wants extra training to be a clown, they have a college just for that: Clown U. Not that I necessarily felt I needed clown education, but I absolutely wanted to partake in everything Macy’s had to offer me. So, despite my slammin’ hangover from the Halloween Pub Crawl the day before, I walked the 7 blocks to the Big Apple Circus, and I got my clown on. There were balloons and Macy’s stuff everywhere. Also, I got a Macy’s Parade beanie! There’s nothing I love more than free swag. Especially when it’s parade-related.

At Clown U, we were introduced to all of the clown groups, I got to meet my clown captain (yes, that’s a thing), and I got to meet 5 of my other co-clowns (clown-colleagues? Clowneagues?). I saw what my costume will look like in living-color, and I was excited to find that there’s a full-on studded bra involved. Also, we received training from some top-notch clowns. One of them was hoisted into the air as she taught us about the different “levels” of screaming “Happy Thanksgiving!” There’s level 1, for the people along the street who maybe are afraid of clowns, and also still half asleep. Then there’s level 2, for the people 4 or 5 rows back in the crowd, and then there’s level 3, a scream of joy that reaches all the way up 30 stories to the rich folks watching from their apartments along Central Park West. Those weren’t exactly her instructions, but you get the picture. Anyway, we laughed, yelled, and clowned around for a few hours. Then, it was over. I got some much-needed hangover food, and I started the countdown to Thanksgiving!

I can’t believe it is THIS WEEK that my dream will come true! Watch for me as a Viking Clown, I will be somewhere in the parade, although I won’t know my exact place until the morning of! My call time is at 5:45 am. Thankfully I have 5 layers of viking gear because it’s supposed to be 23 degrees (feels like 14!) See you on the street, or on TV!! Obviously, I will write another post about my time before, during and after the parade, in step by step fashion, but until then, HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! (That was a level 3.)