It’s my birthday. One year older, one year wiser, that’s what they say.
I think it may have been Jane Fonda who said, “it’s a privilege to get older, because what’s the alternative?” I guess that’s true, if you’re truly grateful to be alive. Sometimes I feel that way.
I used to LOVE my birthdays. I had so many parties growing up; here are a few I remember: Plaster Palace, like a Color-Me-Mine around age 8, my roller rink birthday around age 6, and of course I’ll never forget my 10th birthday at the hair and nail salon. There’s a photo that will live in infamy of all the girls with feather boas and grossly too much stage makeup for 10-year-olds.
Not much has changedSTYLIN!!!FASHUN, look it up.
Then I got older, and birthdays in college revolved around to-do lists, or oversized poster-board scavenger hunts of things to find and do out at the club. This included, “kiss a police officer,” and other things I’d literally never do as a grown adult with a brain. All of this was of course captured on our digital cameras, which never left our hands, and those photos appeared on Facebook in an album of 60 pictures within 12 hours of getting home and waking in a hangover stupor.
Then came the next phase of birthdays, the themed extravaganzas. There was 24 Ready to Score, where my friends dressed as sports players and I was the ref. There was 29 Neon Sign, which was a boat party, on a not-private boat, but it became that because we kind of took over. Then things became a bit less outrageous but still themed, and instead of a bar crawl we moved the party to the rooftop of my building with Nerdy Thirty.
21st!!“Find the oldest man at the bar”Last time I willingly got close to a cop.23rd Revenge of the Nerds“Ask someone for a cigarette and break it in half”REF on the bar!!First bday with the hubs! Boat TakeoverNeon SignNerds back for Nerdy Thirty
That was 2017. I’m not sure what happened in 2018 and 2019, but once Covid hit, my birthday celebrations really took a hit.
It could have been because I was older, or it could have been because my friends’ group was smaller, or because my hangovers got worse, or because my energy continued to dwindle (probably all of the above), but I also think it’s just because aging became less fun.
I used to adamantly say my favorite holiday was my birthday because it was special, and it was just for me (disregarding the other 20 million people worldwide who have the same birthday). Now, it feels like a cruel demarcation of time that shouldn’t be celebrated. I am pretty sure this feeling is worse when you’re a woman, since our societal value decreases with age, not to mention our waning fertility, but maybe I’m wrong and men feel this way, too.
This year I’m 37 and I mostly spent the week leading up to my birthday thinking about what I thought my life would look like versus what it actually looks like. I thought my family would be complete by now. I thought I’d be in my forever-job. Instead I have a dead kid, multiple degrees I don’t really use, 100K in student loans from my dumb decision to go to law school, new health issues from a pregnancy that resulted in a dead baby, and an uncertain future as far as location, family size, and work are concerned. Basically, everything is “TBD” which is a strange place to be in and celebrate.
I have one piece of the puzzle, my sweet husband, but I’m still figuring out the rest and time is ticking. I’m hopeful I’ll have a living baby this year, and that would be another huge piece of the puzzle. But because of Maliyah, I feel like no matter what puzzle I end up with, there will always be a missing piece and it’s disconcerting.
Every time I don’t think about my age, my doctors bring me back to earth. I was considered “geriatric” even before my first pregnancy, so what does that make me now? Super-geriatric? The more p.c. term now is “advanced maternal age,” but to be honest, that does not make me feel great either. Every ultrasound photo says my age in years and months on the top of the photo, and sometimes I actually forget how old I am until I see that. It seems like the last two years passed in a cloud of grief and anxiety, and the 3 years before that were Covid-years, which we’ve collectively agreed to pretend didn’t happen.
Turning 37 this year, I really feel 32, but I also feel like I’ve lived 100 lives since then.
Two weeks ago, I was at an ultrasound and the tech wished me a happy early birthday and asked if I had any plans. I didn’t. Yesterday, my MFM wished me a happy birthday and semi-scolded me for not having any plans, saying (with a bit too much optimism, IMO) that we should take advantage before our lives change even more.
Honestly, I hadn’t made plans because I just assumed I’d be either in the hospital, or grieving the loss of a second baby by now. Last year I was supposed to be 38 weeks pregnant on my birthday, instead I was 0 weeks pregnant and crying. My big hope and birthday wish for this year was that I’d still be pregnant on my birthday. I really didn’t think it would happen but here I am. Since my ultimate wish came true, I’m happy with that and I don’t need a party.
I’m in a weird spot where every day, I’m one day older, which is kind of depressing, but I’m also one day more pregnant which is great news for the little one who’s still marinating.
This year, that was the only gift I wanted, and so far I have it. Sometimes I miss the big celebrations, the pomp & circumstance, the themes and the dedicated day-of-me, but most times, I’m just chilling on the couch thankful to be pregnant. So, happy birthday to me! From me, in my living room.
In the early days of my grief, I started to read a book called Saying Goodbye. It’s a 90-day support guide to walk you through baby loss and grief. On Day 11, the task of the day was to write a letter to the baby you lost. When I read that, I thought it was crazy. I could not imagine what I could write. She was gone. What else was there? She’d never read it, she’d never grow up, she’d never know. And I barely knew her. But the more I thought about it, the more all of those reasons seemed like reasons I needed to write the letter. I sat with it for a few months. More and more thoughts came to mind. I thought of memories of her, memories of us, memories of happy times. Sometimes, I feel that since I know the end of the story, it negates all of the pages before. But as I struggled to try to remember the days of hopes and dreams, I realized that there were times of happiness. I didn’t want to forget them. In June, I started to write.
Today, in honor of Maliyah’s first birthday, I want to remember the happy and hopeful times. Since I never posted on my blog about those exciting moments, I am going to share my letter.
Dear Maliyah,
I have so many things to say. I have a lifetime of things that I will never get to say to you while you’re physically with me. A lifetime of memories, both the ones I had before you, the ones I had with you, and the years of memories I will have after, but that you will always be a part of. I like to think you’ll hear/read/see this somehow, wherever you are, hanging out with all of your friends, hopefully having a lot more fun than we are in your absence.
Usually, in a eulogy, people talk about their memories they have of the person who died. When I first sat down to write this, I thought I had none. You never existed on your own, you were always part of me. But then I realized, I actually am fortunate, because I have every single memory you have. We were one. My memories of you are your memories too. For every second you existed, you and I were together. While I wish you grew up and had your own life and memories of your own, experiences, friendships, romantic partners, you will never have those things.
But during the time we were together, we had a lot of great memories. You were a world traveler. Your first place you visited was Sweden. I had no idea you were with me then, but your dad decided to be spontaneous and book a trip for the weekend. We ate meatballs and learned about the Nobel Prize. We saw Viking ships together, and danced and sang in the ABBA museum. The number one review of the ABBA museum said not to go alone, but I didn’t care, I went anyway. I thought I was there alone, but it turns out I wasn’t.
A few weeks later, after I knew you and I were on this ride together, we went to Australia. Together, we saw koalas and wild kangaroos, we watched as wombats came out at dusk. We saw the Sydney Opera House. We walked over the Sydney Harbor Bridge. We jumped out of a plane together. I wonder what you thought of that. Were you as nervous as me? Did you laugh when our tandem diver asked if we would have a beer after? I did. But you were still my little secret then, so I chuckled to myself. We were partners in crime. Together, we saw the Great Barrier Reef, one of the 7 natural wonders of the world. I remember feeling like I was The Little Mermaid, truly part of the ocean world. I wonder now if that’s how you felt about me, part of my world. Did you know that you would be part of my world forever?
We went all over the United States together too. We were in Los Angeles, we were in St. Louis, we were in Philadelphia, we were in Atlanta, and we were in Fort Lauderdale. You met coworkers, friends, family, and so many strangers. In all of those new places, I wondered if you would be friendly and extroverted like me, or thoughtful and intellectual like your dad.
At first, you were my little secret. I sent a photo of the pregnancy test to my friend. Those two lines were the first proof I had of your existence. But even before that, I had a feeling. I knew something was different and that’s why I took the test. Something changed in me, and I knew it would be changed forever. People say that when you are pregnant, your DNA makeup literally changes. I know my spirit has definitely changed, and maybe my physical composition has, too.
Slowly, I started telling people about you. I had more partners in crime, a friend who drank my wine at a birthday dinner so people wouldn’t notice. She ordered us a gin and tonic (hold the gin) during the Halloween pub crawl. Most of my friends had no idea you were hanging out with us during all of the important events of the fall. You were there at Halloween, while we watched the marathon, at the Macy’s Parade, during Christmas. I am usually a pretty good secret-keeper, but it was SO hard keeping you a secret.
I took pictures of us, but I didn’t post them. You and I had our own little world no one knew about. At the Macy’s Parade, there was a first-time balloon of a dinosaur and their kid little dinosaur. I had my sister take a picture of me and you, with the family of dinosaurs behind us. We took pictures at Christmas where your dad and I tried to make a heart at my belly. Right where you were. We were so excited for the next year to add a third to our matching pajamas tradition. I remember on Christmas Day I sat at the table and ordered us matching sets for 2024. And then at my friend’s wedding in Florida, when my best friend was pregnant too, I took a picture of the four of us. It would be the only time we all got to meet.
I wish I had real or mental pictures of you growing up and meeting and playing with my friends, laughing at their funny faces when you were a baby, or laughing at our old clubbing stories and rolling your eyes at us when you were a teenager and far too cool for us. The only memories I have of you and my friends are when they found out about you. I remember their excitement. I remember how they said they couldn’t wait to meet you. They bought you gifts and checked in on me (and you) often. I remember them thinking about how you would look and act, a combination of your dad’s big eyes, and my super tall self. I remember them joking about how some kids are no-screen kids, but you’d be an all-screen kid with a baby iPad because your dad lovesss his electronics so much.
I remember hating women who used to touch their bellies all the time, but it was so exciting to know you were in there. I refused to be “one of those people” in public, but I remember always feeling my stomach in the shower, making sure you were still safe in there, happy to be with your mom. I remember when I started to feel your kicks. It was really late in the pregnancy, and my doctor told me it was because of how you were positioned in my body. I only felt you moving around for a couple of short weeks. In hindsight, I think it was you protecting my heart. You knew that if I felt your presence for too long, it would be even more difficult to let go. I remember laying in bed at night feeling you dancing around, and putting my hand on my stomach to see if I could feel you from the outside and show your dad. Unfortunately, I never could. He never could. That used to make me sad, but now I prefer to think of you knowing, protecting his heart, helping him heal for the future. He never knew what he was missing.
Speaking of your dad, I remember the day I broke the news to him that you existed. It was his birthday. He loves when I write him little poems, and I used to write them all the time when we first were dating. I thought a perfect full-circle moment would be to write him a poem to tell him about you. I remember sitting across from him at dinner as he read the card. At first, he was confused, and then he was so excited that he cried. I remember him saying you were the greatest birthday present he could ever receive in his life. I remember the big hug he gave us. You should know your dad does not show emotion often, and definitely not in public. But your existence brought him to tears right there in the restaurant. Even while you were in my body, you had that huge power. You will always be that to me, the best gift ever.
I wish I could explain to the world how special you are. I wish I could tell them your favorite books, your favorite foods, your likes and dislikes. I wish I knew. The only thing I know is that you were in the safest place your whole existence. I was recently reading a text where someone signed it ILY. I Love You. I realized those letters are in both your name and my name. It was unintentional, but now that I know, it feels intentional. You had no enemies. Everyone who knew you, loved you. They loved the idea of you, they loved their hopes for you, and they will love you forever. Especially me.
Love,
Your mom
Last minute trip to Sweden, tiny little kanelbullar in the oven and we didn’t know!Don’t go alone to the ABBA museum? Fine I won’t, I’ll take you with me.The night I told Chris about you.His smile before his birthday wish says it all.Not so many little ones can say they’ve been to Australia!Or to the Great Barrier Reef!Tweedle Dee, Tweedle Dum, and Tweedle Baby!Me trying to stay Covid-free to protect you.Dino Family plus my tiny little family.Marathon Day!Can you tell your grandparents were ecstatic to find out about you?You had the same due date as my sister! So I had to make a matching shirt like the one your grandma had.We tried a few times to get this picture.We were so happy for you to be with us earthside next Christmas.BUMP INCOMING!Crazily, the only wedding we attended together.Love you and miss you every day.
The way this year is going, a good percentage of us are going to be experiencing quarantine/social distanced birthdays. In fact, if we don’t get a vaccine any time soon, it may even be two birthdays for some of us. Morbid, I know. But I’m writing this blog as a retrospective about how fun these solo birthdays can be! My birthday was almost a month ago, and I’m still thinking about it. Granted, I may still be thinking about it because nothing else has happened in my life since then and I have no plans for the future. But it could be because it was AWESOME.
First, I want to remind you that birthdays are kind of a big deal for me. I have been throwing themed shebangs ever since I can remember. There was my Tutu 22, my 23rd Revenge of the Nerd, 2-4 Ready to Score, 29 Neon Sign. I could go on. Anyway, the point is, I was pretty dang bummed when I realized I’d be spending my birthday without costumes, without friends, and in the house. My mom asked me about a month before my birthday what I was planning on doing and I said “well I’ll tell you one thing I am NOT doing – a Zoom birthday party.” I have been SO zoomed out! I am on zoom meetings morning ‘til night for work, and the last thing I wanted to do was feign happiness in front of the computer while physically drinking alone. Sounded like a recipe for disaster. So, I started to plan ahead to make sure my birthday would be something to look forward to.
Let me tell you a story – when I was 22 years old, living alone in Florida with my first big-girl job, my office chipped in to get me a big birthday cake. Not just any birthday cake, a CUSTOM ICE CREAM CAKE. Homemade ice cream, unique flavors. Let me tell you as a 32-about-to-be-33-year-old, I NEVER stopped thinking about that cake. I literally thought about that cake for a decade. About a month before my birthday, an idea came to me – maybe I could find a place in Texas to make one for me! I started feverishly researching places that were open, had curbside pickup and unique flavors, and I called around. I finally found one! Henry’s Homemade Ice Cream. It was 30 minutes away, which I figured was nothing for a good cake. They promised 2 layers of ice cream in any of the 110+ flavors they had, and cookies crumbled in the middle, plus hand-decorated. I ordered a heart-shaped blackberry and vanilla fudge swirl cake and started to salivate.
Food is an integral part of any quarantine birthday, but even better? The GIFTS. After around my 17th birthday, I had sort of given up on receiving birthday gifts. Yes, I usually get something from my boyfriend, maybe my parents, maybe a check from my grandma or something small and thoughtful from a super close best friend, but usually the real present is their presence! I throw a shindig, people come, buy me drinks, maybe bring homemade cupcakes, a bottle of liquor, something like that. But a quarantine birthday?? Since no one can actually spend it with you they send PREZZIES!!! And with the mail being sort of messed up and slow delivery times, people send them early. This year, I got my first delivery about 10 days early, a whole BOX of insomnia cookies! Then I got a box with my FAV (only) sneakers I run in from my Mom. Then another box with Golden Girls socks from a friend living in Scotland at the moment. Then another from a friend in Seattle. Then another from a friend living in Miami at the moment. Then an egift that arrived in my inbox on my birthday. It was like feeling the love from around the world in my own house! (Or in Chris’s family’s house.)
My favorite part was the thoughtfulness. My BFF in Miami knows me so well that she bought me the exact same inflatable pool that I had ordered for myself! Thankfully I found out early enough that I could cancel my order. My other BFF sent a Nipyata, which, if you haven’t heard of it, is AWESOME. Basically it’s all the fun of a pinata but with the addition of booze. It came with a stick, a blindfold, and twine to tie it up. It was family fun for everyone! The kids got the candy, I got the Fireball.
Then there was the actual day of my birthday. It started with breakfast in bed, which was set up while I was braiding my hair (natch). Then there was a bouquet of flowers waiting for me downstairs and balloons from my fiance’s family. And I got gifts from my fiancé including new running headphones (they didn’t work well and we had to return them, but it’s the thought that counts!). And he also gave me a little bell he said I could ring for him to be at my beck and call whenever I wanted for a whole day. After digesting my amazing homemade breakfast, I did my favorite kind of workout (step class DUH), and then showered and blew up my pool so it would be ready for my bday weekend. Then I decided to REALLY treat myself and go see my one friend I have in Dallas.
My friend from college, Nathan, who I see every time I come to Texas for Christmas, actually has a birthday one day before me. After 2.5 months living 20 minutes away from him, I finally MASKED UP and went to go see him. We stayed outside and brought his dog to the dog park, then we bought some coffee and it was SO NICE to see a friendly face, even if only from the mid-nose up. We didn’t actually drink the coffee because masks.
Then I took the car to pick up my amazing birthday cake. Unfortunately, or hilariously, they got the words messed up. Instead of “Happy Quarantine Birthday Emily” they said “Happy Birthday Quarantine Emily.” Who’s “Quarantine Emily?” She sounds lame. All was forgiven because it was delicious. And I got myself a scoop of cinnamon ice cream for the drive home, too, because there’s no such thing as too much ice cream on one’s birthday.
I got back from my ice cream errand just in time to do my hair and makeup. My mom had planned me a “surprise” that she named “It’s a Philly Thing.” Honestly, I had no clue what it was. I don’t have any friends in Philly. The only people I know are my parents. Also, she sent me a zoom link and I had specifically said I didn’t want a zoom party. But one thing I’ve learned in my 33 years is that when your mom tells you where to be and to look cute (hair and makeup encouraged), you do it. I had my drink ready, and I logged in. Surprise!!! It was a zoom party! But not exactly. It was 26 consecutive 5-minute zoom chats! That’s right, my mom (with the help of two of my friends) organized 26 separate groups to wish me a happy birthday. Creativity was encouraged and OMG people were SO CREATIVE. I had slide shows made for me, poster board signs, videos with my friends/relatives kids, acrostic poems, birthday hats, musical numbers, people dressed up like Carol Baskin and Joe Exotic, friends making me guess dirty jokes as a drinking game, and one of my coworker’s videos ended with a photo of a cake she made me… AND FEDEX-ed ME! Chris presented it to me at the end of the call. WHAT!? It was absolutely AMAZING. I felt so incredibly loved and appreciated. But WOW was it exhausting! 2+ hours on Zoom with new people every five minutes is hard! Good thing I had ice cream cake afterward to perk me up again!
The next day I had a zoom brunch with my friends (all of whom I saw the night before, but I didn’t know that was happening of course). And the e-gift I mentioned before? It was for a liquor delivery from Drizly that arrived the next day with my favorite drinks, Angry Orchard, Aperol Spritz supplies and Moscow Mule gummies! I made an Aperol Spritz and took my Zoom call to the pool with me! It was the PERFECT weekend.
If you have a quarantine bday coming up, maybe these ideas helped you so you can make the most of it. I hope you have friends and family that are as awesome as mine!
It’s true! I have been blonde for 5 days now and I’ve been partying ever since. To be fair, it’s also been my birthday, so that may have something to do with it, but I haven’t had this much fun since I was 19!
On Wednesday, I turned 32 (WOOF, right?). To treat myself, I
decided to balayage my hair. I had been thinking about it for a while, but I
couldn’t bite the bullet because it’s so expensive! I finally decided it was time
because a friend of mine hair-shamed me. She saw a photo of my hair that I
posted on my braidstagram,
and asked if it was me. Instead of complimenting my FAB skills, she asked me if
I was growing out my roots intentionally. RUDE! The answer was yes and no.
This is the photo I was shamed for. It’s so pretty though, right??
In years past, I always went light brown/blonde in the
summer, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to! So, I had let it go a bit too long.
And people noticed. Or at least, one of my friends did, and the others were too
nice to say anything. I decided to look into some Groupon deals, and sure
enough I found a great one with fab reviews at Salon Ascend, not too far
from my apartment. Even better, they had an appointment open on the Sunday of
my birthday celebration!
I bought the Groupon for “Hair Painting, Color Melting or
Balayage Color with Glaze and Shampoo” for $118 (usually $240). Also, I used 2
additional coupon apps (Honey, anyone?) and ended up only paying $94! A steal!
When I made the appointment, the receptionist told me to set aside 3 hours,
which seemed steep, but I made sure to pack a book, a water bottle and some
coffee.
Of course, the day of my appointment it was 94 degrees and
despite my cold shower after my run, I could not stop sweating. I arrived
looking like a hot sweaty mess, and asked for a few minutes to cool down. My
colorist, Margarita, was super sweet, looked at some photos I showed her for
inspiration, and said she would mix the color and let me sit in the A/C for a
few minutes. Praise be.
The actual process was WEIRD. I have never had my hair
professionally highlighted before, but it takes a WHILE. They weren’t kidding
about the three hours! She was very thorough, and I think I had 7 pounds of
saran wrap on my head when I was finished. Then I sat. And sat some more.
Margarita kept checking on my color, and telling me to wait a bit more. She cut
two people’s hair while I waited, and then we went to the sink. I got shampooed
and then she put in a purple toner and I waited some more. This time, no saran
wrap, just a huge plastic bag on my head. It was a LEWK. After some more
waiting, I went back for another wash, and we discussed a possible hair cut.
The Groupon didn’t include a cut or blow dry (there’s always a catch), and
although it’s usually $90 because #NewYorkPrices, she said she would do it for
$60. I usually pay $30 to cut my hair, but I also don’t usually get a blow dry.
And I didn’t feel like going to another salon after already sitting there for 3
hours. I said yes.
She did an AMAZING job. I LOVED the color and the cut, but mostly the color! Margarita told me to buy a purple shampoo to keep the brassiness out of my hair, and I purchased the same exact one she used on me in the salon for $10 on Amazon. Not bad!
The manager/receptionist/someone said she would take an “after” picture with a ring light and backdrop so the color would show more. She knew what she was doing and she even took a slow-mo video without me asking! I set it to Nicki Minaj “Anaconda” and posted it on Instagram (swipe to the second pic to see). I told her that I had a hair Instagram and I would tag her; I think she was thrilled at that. Maybe in the future I can even get some balayage for free, because I think I’m HOOKED!
I highly recommend treating yourself on your birthday,
especially if it is something that makes you smile every time you look in the
mirror! Happy Birthday to me!! I can’t wait to braid it and have those
highlights shown to Instagram
in all their expensive glory!
Well guys, another year older, another day added onto my hangovers. Yes, I am now up to a 3-day massive headache hangover that tends to accompany severe dehydration and aching 31-year-old bones. My birthday was last Tuesday, which means I’m almost through with this hangover… until the weekend. I am now officially “in my thirties” and not just “30,” so I feel like I am qualified, in my old age, to impart some of my wisdom about my fellow 30-somethings. What have we learned in these 31 years? Besides to chug 4 glasses of water before bed and limit the sugar in our cocktails? A lot of things. And we know more than older generations give us credit for. (This is another list post, I apologize in advance.)
People in their 30’s don’t like being called Millennials. But also we acknowledge that we sort of are. “Millennials” are those crazy people out there who are somehow old enough to drink but were also BORN IN THE 90’S. WHAT!?
A lot of 30-somethings don’t know how to change a tire. But hey, you know why that doesn’t matter? Because none of us have cars because we can’t afford them because we have student loans! Oh, and also because no one buys a car nowadays anyway. Also because there’s this nifty thing called google that can tell you how to change a tire. And Youtube where they can show you a video about how to. And all of this can be found on the internet, which can be accessed from a mini computer called a phone that we have in our pockets at ALL TIMES. So the baby boomers can stop with this “change a tire” argument, like, now.
Us 30-somethings know that privacy is a thing of the past. Older people watched the Mark Zuckerberg Congressional Hearings and were absolutely STUNNED that Facebook could have and use your information. Us 30-somethings understand that it is just the way of the world and there’s nothing we can do about it. Google knows my coordinates at all time. Amazon knows every time I need to re-order laundry detergent. CVS knows when I buy blonde hair dye for the summer. Instagram knows when I mentioned Mexico in a conversation with my friend. (Ok, I admit, that one was a bit creepy.) I’m not saying that us 30-somethings think this is OK, I’m just saying we can cope with the reality of our world.
Separate but related, we understand privacy settings. Yes, this blog is public and the whole world wide web can read my thoughts, but you can bet your bippy that my Facebook is on STRICT lockdown. I would like to be employed far into the future. And no, I do not accept Facebook friends who I do not know. Why would I do that? And yes, my dad is on Restricted. He knows this. So are my boyfriend’s friends! I can’t have them spreading photos of him with his emoji-face all uncovered!! This is the biggest thing that older generation humans should ask for help about. It is far too easy to stalk a majority of people, because they do not understand privacy settings.
30-somethings understand that the key to getting everything done is efficiency and convenience. That means that if it can’t be delivered (and returned), why bother? Amazon is KING and everything worth having can be purchased from your phone. Yes, the physical act of shopping can be fun every once and a while, (plus good cardio! More on exercise later…) but this is a whole event. It takes time – time we don’t have because we are busy working to pay off our student loans. And busy traveling.
30-somethings understand that the world is a huge, vast place, and that we only have one life to live. As we say (or said) YOLO. Therefore, we like to travel. And no, Daddy, it is not a “waste of money.” Older people don’t understand that travel is actually a better way to spend money than having children at 24. It creates experiences, the only thing that cannot be purchased on Amazon. Also, it creates content for our social media. If I don’t post on Instagram about Spain, how will it know to advertise ham to me? Rhetorical question. Of course it knows.
30-somethings do NOT understand that a wedding is a celebration of your love for one other human, and the legally-binding contract, tying you together for life. No, they do not understand this. Somehow along the way of our 30-some-odd lives, it was decided that a wedding is actually a way to bankrupt your friends, force them to travel to places they did not want to go, multiple times for multiple events, force them to wear unflattering clothing, force them to buy you multiple presents, all for the promise of an open bar. (And to those of you without open bars… shame on you.)
30-somethings understand that music will only get worse. Yes, I am the curmudgeon old person, but I will stand by this statement for life: Boy Bands do not get better than *Nsync, BSB AND 98 Degrees. No, One Direction is not comparable. And old people, I guess I can agree that the Beatles had something going on but… still got nothing on Tearin’ Up My Heart.
30-somethings understand that obesity is an epidemic. And even though understanding this has not stopped us from being complete gluttons, we also understand calories, food groups, good carbs, bad carbs, good fats, bad fats, etc., far more than any generation before us. Also, we understand the draw of fitness. The 30-somethings are leading the charge into fitness as a fun outlet, and not just as a 30-minute workout video for women-only, in leg warmers. But also, we understand that a restaurant that ONLY serves fried potatoes with 20 different dipping sauces has the possibility of being wildly profitable, because YOLO.
Speaking of wildly profitable, we are still waiting our turn to make money. I know I am not alone in saying that the “dream” or paying off student debt, owning a home, and feeling financially comfortable enough to have a child… it’s a long way off. Even at 31. But hey, #YOLO. It’s easy to forget about student loans when you’re galivanting around Europe. When I am done celebrating my birthday, I’ll have to tell you all about my travels in Spain. But before that, next week is my 5-year graduation-iversary. I can guarantee you another scathing report on the blog about why you should avoid law school at all costs. 5 years later, still singing the same song. Until next time!
Well, not to me me, but to LongLegsBigCity! Yesterday was the one year post-iversary of my very first blog entry, Tips for NYC Living. Not only is it my post-iversary, but this is my 100th post on my blog! It seems like yesterday that I was watching WordPress tutorials on YouTube all day every day, trying to figure out how to get something I wrote up on the internet for all to see. In my original welcome post to my blog, I told you what my blog would NOT be (a health, fashion, travel, dating, legal advice blog), and I have mostly stuck to those things. I am still figuring out exactly what my blog is, but so far it has been a mix of everything that makes me, me! LongLegsBigCity, a blog about my NYC problems, my life, my explorations of new fitness studios, and a few serious pieces.
I am officially at 84 blog subscribers, and I have even figured out how to make a weekly RSS newsletter using Mailchimp (this is why you need to subscribe, guys! Don’t you want to see my hilarious weekly TBT pics!? Put your email address in that annoying popup box when you go to my site!). So far, I have not achieved my ultimate goal for the blog: my dream of being discovered as a super funny, witty, hilarious, young female writer. If you know anyone at Betches, NY Mag, or any other publications, HOOK ME UP! Tell them how cool I am and how I can write about anything from 6-figure student loan debt to How to Be a Professional Wedding Guest.
I have tried to increase my social media presence (not many of you even thought this was possible), and I now have a LongLegsBigCity Twitter, Instagram, Spotify, and even Goodreads. Not all 84 of my subscribers have been with me all year, so as a celebration of my one year of blogging, and in commemoration of my 100th post, I wanted to recap my first year. I’ll even include some internal links in case you missed something you wish you hadn’t, or if you want to reread about my all-time favorite NYC Ice Cream in preparation for a trip to the big apple. I have recently added share buttons to each of my posts so you can share them on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, or by email (or print them, for those technologically challenged among us). Please feel free to share and spread the word. I love to write, which is why I started this baby blog to begin with, but I love it more when I get feedback! Thank you all for reading and for supporting me in this side project of mine. I appreciate you all!
The blog started with a bang. I decided to start with a list post about my Tips for NYC Living. Then, I shifted gears to talk about the biggest thing that was happening in my life: Half Marathon Training. I wanted to complete a half marathon before I turned 30, and my training was sidelined when I sprained my ankle weeks before the race. I still managed to finished, and posted yet another list post about my stream of consciousness thoughts as I ran 13.1 miles on a bum ankle. As you may have recently read, I have 2 healthy-ish ankles now and I am on a NEW quest to complete a FULL marathon by the end of 2019. Fingers Crossed! My half marathon posts got some of the most comments I ever received on my blog. Maybe that the real reason I decided to run a full…
In May, I talked a bit about my birthday, being a Gemini and about trying to get in control of my finances. Personally, I loved writing about trying to use mint.com. Surprise, I’m still using it religiously. Surprise, I’m still not saving any more money. HA!.
Then the real fun began when I decided I would eat at 30 different ice cream places in 30 days for my 30th birthday. This quest became known as #30Years30IceCreams, a hashtag that continues to live on in infamy
Happy Birthday to me!
So. Much. Ice. Cream.
I made the reveal announcement on May 11th and then I posted weekly recaps throughout the rest of the month (1, 2, 3), going into June. These posts became reallllyyy long and unwieldy. I had a ranking system, I had reviews, I had external links, and I had so many pictures. TBH I think most people just scrolled through the text for the pics.
June 2017 – Mommy’s Girl, Ex-Lawyer, Ex-Jew, OkCupid, Travel and MORE ICE CREAM!
Wow, I did a lot of posting in June. It must have been a slow time at work! After the unwieldy posts about ice cream (those took SO MUCH TIME to write!), I started to get into the vibe of writing more about myself. I wrote about being Jew-ish (amazing throwback pics in that one), and I wrote another stream of consciousness post on my 2nd anniversary with emoji bf, about my thoughts on our first date. I loved writing that one, and I got the most comments! My favorite part of that post was finding the perfect emoji to put on his face for each photo. I traveled to Montreal with emoji-man for our anniversary, and I took my first stab at travel-blogging. In retrospect, I think I wrote a little too much. I tried to work on that for later posts. But if you’re interested in Montreal, check it out!
Some people may think my most useful post was published in June, about Drinking in New York without breaking the bank. And then of course, MORE ICE CREAM! The Scooper Bowl, Week 4, and the final summary. Check out the summary for my favorite ones! I consumed all those calories so you didn’t have to. Speaking of calories, June is the first time I did a review of fitness studio, 305 Fitness. This became a trend. More fitness reviews coming in the future!
Also, I posted about my borderline-obsessive communication with my mom. I call her every day. And/or text. And/or email. And/or tag her on Facebook. She still wants to guest-blog for me at some point. Stay tuned!
Most importantly, I posted my first blog about being a “Recovering Attorney,” and why I always advise everyone I know to avoid law school at all costs. And the costs are high. Like hundreds of thousands high. This remains my 2nd most popular post of all time, with 245 views. Feel free to share it with your friends, and not share it with your enemies if you wish 6-figure debt on them.
July 2017 – Summer in NYC, Travel, and more Fitness Reviews
In July, I started to get into real blogs about things happening in my life, from working in a construction zone, to rainy days in NYC, to super, super hot subway cars. Here’s what I found: people didn’t really care. People tended not to read these, at least according to my site analytics. I’m not sure what that says about me or my life; either I’m boring, or people just DGAF. Or maybe people didn’t know I was hilarious yet. I’m hilarious, right? Maybe now that they know, they’ll click back and read them. Probably not.
I had a few more reads on my travel posts, maybe because I wrote a bit less than that first post in Montreal, and focused on the big events on my trips. Also, I’m pretty sure EVERYONE loves looking at ridiculous photos of me on Segways. I went to Traver’s Island for the 4th of July, I went to DC for a wedding, AND I went down the shore in New Jersey. Busy month.
I also continued with reviews of fitness classes. I went to The Dance and Orangetheory in July. More importantly, I introduced the world to my addition: my Fitbit. It goes everywhere with me. It did in July and it still does now.
August 2017 – Full Time Slavery, Fitness, and STUDENT LOANS
I started the month of August in Pennsylvania, helping my mom rehab after her hip replacement surgery. I lovingly called my post about my time there “My Life as a Full Time Slave.” This post had a surprising amount of views. I secretly think this is because half of my 84 subscribers are my mom’s friends. I’m semi-positive of this. My mom is my biggest fan, after all. She comments on almost all of my posts!
She was up and walking around with a cane one week after surgery!
August brought more fitness posts, including a review of my all-time favorite spin studio in NYC, Peloton. Although this was the first time I mentioned Peloton, it was not the last, and I’m sure there are even more to come. I also talked about how to join a gym for free, and about a free rooftop class I attended in NYC. Free is my favorite price. Another trend on my blog. Why? Because of my student debt.
The most important post of the month was the beginning of my exposé about my student loans. To date, this is the most read post I have ever written. I spent months thinking about possibly talking about my loans, but I was embarrassed about it. I waffled back and forth for a few weeks and surveyed some friends to see if they would be interested in reading it. Ultimately, they all said yes, but I was still scared to talk about it. After some introspection, I decided that was the perfect way to start the conversation. Why was I so embarrassed? Why was I scared to speak about it? Doesn’t everyone have loans? Clearly people related to my story, or at least empathized; it has 279 views!
September 2017 – New York on 9-11, Park City, and MORE student loans
September began in a very New York Fashion, with a mystery date pulled off seamlessly by emoji boyfriend, including a hotel room overlooking the Freedom Tower, the night before 9-11. I talked about our date, and what it’s like to live in NYC every year on this somber day.
Check out that view!
Emoji-man did well.
I also recapped some September travel; I was a busy bee! I went to Florida and Park City, Utah, where I stayed in the coolest house I’ve ever been in. I also continued my saga about student loans, and I actually revealed the amount of money I owe. Spoiler alert, it’s more than $100K. GASP. Pause for heart defibrillation. I wrote another post about how this massive debt hanging over my head affects my decisions, everything from whether to get Starbucks, to when or if I can ever think about having children. It was a heavy month.
October 2017 – Fitness & Spotify, Finale of Student Loan Saga, and Halloween/Costuming Madness
I started the month with some light-hearted content (to take a break from that student-loan-downer-crap) about fitness classes. I tried BollyX for the first time, and I had a participant in my Spin class make a playlist and be my guest DJ for the night. I also introduced my readers to my Spotify for the first time. Follow me if you want two amazing playlists every week! Hint: My username is LongLegsBigCity.
I finally finished my student loan memoir by talking about how I am trying to pay them off. I provided some practical tips, but more than anything I just told my story. Take it or leave it. It’s my blog and I’ll write if I want to.
October would not be complete without at least 4 posts about my favorite holiday of the year: HALLOWEEN!! Most likely I will post 2-3 times about Halloween every year, in perpetuity. This year, I wrote a poem the night before the Halloween Pub Crawl, I wrote about the crawl itself, I wrote about an adventure upstate to the Great Jack-O-Lantern Blaze, AND I wrote about my all-time favorite pastime: DIY costuming. Are we cute? DUH.
So cute.
November 2017 – Marathon Sunday, Macy’s Parade, and moreeee weddings
November is the month of my 3 favorite events of the year, Marathon Sunday, the VS Fashion Show, AND the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. If you think I’m kidding about that last one, you don’t know me, or you haven’t been following this blog very carefully. This year, I posted not 1, not 2, but THREE times about Thanksgiving and the Macy’s Parade. I wish I could promise you I wouldn’t do it again, but like George Washington, I cannot tell a lie.
Thanking NYPD <3 For a safe race!
Even Emoji BF was there for the fun!
Cheering on the stragglers!
Picked up the sister!
Gold Stars for the first time in memory. Merry Christmas!
November was also all about weddings. I attended 2, in 2 different states (neither of them was New York), and I posted about my trip to Durham, North Carolina as well as another great list post of my tips on how to be a Professional Wedding Guest. And I am one. It must be true, it’s in my Instagram Bio.
Church Wedding.
Beach Wedding.
Outdoor Nature Preserve Wedding.
Emoji BF clearly LOVES a good photobooth.
December 2017 – Winter/Christmas in NY, #MeToo and New Year Resolutions
Winter finally arrived, so I posted about the first NYC snow, the magic that comes along with it, and the piles of sludge and yellow snow that come after it. I also wrote about an NYC staple: Christmas at Rolf’s.
I tackled my first serious post since my student loan saga when I posted about My Worst First, one of my many #MeToo experiences. This was my 4th-most viewed post, and it was another one I was initially afraid to post. Being vulnerable on the internet is a scary thing, but ultimately I think people enjoy reading it, whether it is to secretly troll me or because they actually relate to my stories and appreciate them because they make people feel less alone. I prefer to think it is the second reason. Speaking of trolls, I got a NOT-so-secret one on that post that was nasty and I did not approve his comment. I was semi-honored to have a troll at all though, not gonna lie.
I closed out the year by talking about resolutions, both my general thoughts about them, and my personal resolutions. Stay tuned this year to see if I followed through!
January 2018 – Midnight Run, West Coast Travels, and Moving Saga
My year began with a bang. A very, very, very cold bang. I ran the Midnight Race in Central Park in temperatures lower than 20 Fahrenheit. This run inspired me to start signing up for races again, and led to my decision to embark on 9+1, the road to the TCS New York marathon, which I did not actually write about until two days ago.
My month was dominated by two huge events: a west coast trip to Seattle and Vancouver to visit my best friend, and trying to find a place to live in New York. Yes, it was difficult to do both of those things simultaneously. I was worried we would be homeless. Spoiler Alert: we are not. I also was worried that our old, TERRIBLE leasing company would swindle us out of thousands of dollars. Spoiler Alert: They did not, but they sure tried to. I used that Esq. after my name in every dang email I sent. It was a veritable saga.
Very. Very. Very. Cold Race.
Everyone loves a good Segway Pic.
February 2018 – Moving, West Coast Ice Cream, and Sara Bareilles in Waitress on Broadway
February was a crazy busy month for me between moving (we found a place, YAY!) and a 10-day work trip to California. I posted about the horrific experience of moving in NYC, as well as a quick west coast edition of #30Years30IceCreams. It had been almost 8 months since I talked about ice cream, I knew you guys missed it.
March 2018 – Reading, SoulCycle, and My Missing IUD
I wrote a 3-part series about reading, which is what I am usually doing when I’m not writing. I am addicted to Goodreads, where you can follow me and read along.
Although I only posted a few times in March, I wrote two of my top 10 posts during this month. First, I wrote about another personal saga, when my IUD disappeared inside my uterus. I guess I decided that there is no such thing as boundaries for me.
Lastly, I posted about my hatred for SoulCycle. I got another troll comment! I really made it!
We made it! We finally got to the current month. If you have read this whole recap, you are a real, true, LongLegsBigCity fan. Hi, Mommy! I think it’s just you and me, now. I can’t wait for your comment!
This month I talked about old people and technology (with a special shoutout to my mom), and I began my 9+1 journey with you on my way to the TCS NYC Marathon aka #SoreLegsLongDistance.
I hope you all continue to follow along on this blogging side hustle of mine in 2018 and beyond. I appreciate all of your reads, and I absolutely LOVE getting comments! I promise to reply to each of you. Until I get super, crazy famous, that is, and there are just wayyy too many to reply to. Considering I still don’t have 100 subscribers, and my mom is usually the only one who comments, I can probably keep this promise for a while.
If anyone wants to get me a cake for my 1-year-blog-iversary, I won’t say no. Or ice cream.
Today is my 30th Birthday!! This is supposedly a huge milestone. Personally, I have felt 30 for a while, mostly because I’m one of the last of my friends to turn over this leaf. But I have also felt 30 for a while because of these things:
My hangovers last multiple days. I don’t just mean into the afternoon, I mean into the NEXT DAY’S AFTERNOON. No amount of fried food helps, either.
I prefer sleep to alcohol. Friday nights in have become a regular thing.
The pregame has been supplanted by the pre-nap. If you expect me to leave my house after 9 pm, I require a nap at least from 6pm-8pm.
I have started referring to the times I used to drink and party in past tense. “I used to go here and do that.” “Oh, I remember those days as if they were 5 years ago.” (They were.)
Everything cracks. My ankles, my shoulders, my elbows. I am physically falling apart.
That last one is semi-true, but also, I just ran a half marathon with a sprained ankle, so I guess I can’t complain too much about my body failing me. A lot has changed in the 30 years that I have been alive, though. Remember making mix tapes? As in, recording songs off of the radio? Trying so hard not to catch the DJ’s voice at the beginning, and praying that they didn’t cut the end of the song off with a dumb advertisement? We went from there, to CD’s and discmans, and from there to mp3’s, Napster and Kazaa (that BSB single was totally worth the computer virus), ipods, and now just listening to everything on our phones. As old as I sound by saying this, times have really changed.
Yesterday, I had a big celebration for my birthday and my parents came. The theme was “Nerdy Thirty” and my dad totally stole the show. It wasn’t just the socks and sandals (which definitely helped), or his name tag from a work conference where it said he was “between jobs” (omg), or the light shorts and Hawaiian shirt (also helped), but the star of the outfit was the contents of his pocket. First, he brought a paper that he stole from a gas station on his way to NYC. It was the tear-away calendar they use to check ID’s for buying cigarettes. It said, “Born After this date? NO TOBACCO. NO E-VAPOR”. And the date was 5-28-1998. 1998!!?!! WHAT?? People born in 1999 are now full, smoking, voting citizens in some states? That totally blew my mind. That means that NEXT year, people born in 2000 will be 18!!! Also surprising, the fact that my dad stole this paper off of the tear-away calendar and now this poor gas station will be one day off for the next 7 months of the year. Hopefully someone realizes before December 31.
NO TOBACCO FOR BABIES
My Dad’s outfit in all its glory.
Everything about this.
The whole fam with emoji bf and brother-in-law who seems super pleased to be there.
Another thing in my dad’s pocket, and the real star of the party, was a floppy disc. He said, “I wonder what’s on here, does anyone have a computer that can read one of these things?” And everyone just started laughing hysterically. Times really have changed. My friend sent me a Facebook memory screen shot this morning from 2013, when a friend had asked me if I was staying in NYC forever. I said, “For now. Until I decide I want a boyfriend, because let’s be honest, I will NEVER find one here.” So, a few things have changed, as I roll up to my 2-year anniversary with emoji-bf. Thank god for OKCupid. I’ll tackle that in another post.
I hope to make 30 look good. My manicure lady said I don’t look a day over 25, but then she told me she was 35 and she has a 14-year-old son, when she looks 14 herself, so maybe her age judgment is a bit off. Here’s to a fun year of new technology and 3-day hangovers. You can find me in bed. All day.
I’d like to take a quick break from ice cream reviews to update you on the countdown until my big 3-0. TEN DAYS!!! And Sunday is the beginning of Gemini season, so as they say in one of my favorite movies, GIRD YOUR LOINS. According to the always-reliable Wikipedia, Geminis have a “volatile temperament,” but that is only the beginning of it. According to astrostyle, geminis “fly their freak flags at full mast.” I’m not sure I’m a huge fan of that characterization, however true it may be. A Gemini is characterized by the symbol of The Twins. Most people take this to mean that they have multiple personalities and you never know which one you will get. Famous Geminis include Kanye West, MK & A Olsen, Tupac, and of course my birthday twins, Melo (3 years before me) and JFK (70 years before me, he’d be 100 this year!!). And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for Geminis — ask what you can do to avoid them. And their unpredictable personalities.
I am not totally sure if I believe in Zodiac signs, but I’d like to explore what it means to be a Gemini, and whether the double personality thing has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Some people interpret this “dual nature” to mean that you are two-faced, but I don’t really think that’s true. For me, I think it means that I have a good side and a bad side, and it’s a one-way street. You can be on my good side, and get dropped to the bad one. But if you’re on the bad one, it’s over for you. Example: my cheating ex-boyfriend. 10 years later, he could save me from a bus pummeling toward me, and he’d still be on my bad side. Alternatively, he could get run over by that same exact bus, in front of me, and I wouldn’t bat an eye.
I will say, however, that if you are on my good side, I will bend over backwards for you and I believe I’m a pretty good friend. You’ll have to ask a few people to verify this opinion, but in general, if you’re on my good side, you can always count on me. There is no in between. Ex-boyfriends, ex-roommates, there’s no question each of you know which side you stand on. If you aren’t sure, ask yourself this one simple question: Do I speak to anymore? Mystery solved.
My big sis is also a Gemini, and I’m not sure what her thoughts are on her zodiac sign, besides the fact that I stole her thunder by coming into the world a few days before her 5th birthday (what an a-hole, AMIRITE?). My family is full of Geminis, in fact, 2 of my 4 cousins are Geminis as well. Maybe my family just chooses to procreate around the same season and all this astrology stuff is BS. All I know for sure is, don’t get on my bad side, you’ll regret it… FOREVER.
