Say Yes to the Dread

I’m going dress shopping this weekend!!! Those exclamation marks are how I know I am supposed to feel. Honestly, it’s how I thought I would feel! I do love to shop, and I like sparkly things and pretty things. Also, I LOVE judging other people’s gowns. I used to look forward to Friday Bride Day on TLC every week. If you live under a rock, TLC was a TV network that aired 7-8 hours of bridal content every single week, like the infamous show, Say Yes to the Dress (“SYTTD”) and the multiple spinoffs. I was a loyal viewer. I thought I would love to be a Kleinfeld bride, and I would love to have Randy come out and show me a one-of-a-kind Pnina Tournai gown and then I would love to meet the designer, and miraculously find $20,000 to pay for it with. But alas, none of those things are true. And in reality, I have aged decades since that show began and I have realized I don’t want any of those things anymore. In fact, I am dreading this weekend for three reasons: body image, expectations, and cost.

I was almost going to write a blog about shopping for a dress after the fact, but I wanted to be truthful about my feelings and not have it altered by however this weekend goes. Hopefully it’ll go well but my expectations are low. I promise to update you after.

I want to start by saying, there’s nothing I dislike about dress shopping in general, the problem is that it’s for myself. I went dress shopping with my best friend last year and we had a BLAST. It was her mom, her sister, and me. We went to two salons. We had champagne. I texted her fiancé in advance and made him send me selfies of himself being happy, meh, and yuck. Then, because he’s hilarious and knew what would make my BFF crack up, he also sent photos of her dog happy and angry. I made them into signs for us to show her based on our thoughts of the dress. The day was a super fun, ended in a celebratory happy hour, and even better, she said yes to a dress!! But, this was kind of like watching the show on TV, with the added benefit of champagne. I LOVE judging other people, I do not really love other people judging me.  

As I mentioned, the first reason I am dreading shopping is because nothing is going to fit me. Is there anything worse than going shopping and having nothing fit? I mean nothing will fit. When you go dress shopping, that is just the reality you have to prepare for. Dresses are made in sample sizes and SHOCKER, my body is not a sample size. Not only am I 5’11”, but I am not a small person. To make matters worse, most bridal gowns are known to be “2 sizes smaller than street sizes.” Someone please explain this to me. WHY?! I have read blogs about this, so I am technically mentally prepared. But really, can anything prepare you for 6 hours of having every single dress gape open at the back?? I think no. As someone who has struggled with her weight and with body positivity for a LONG time, I am simply dreading this. I am finally at a place where I am happy being my current size (more on toxic #sheddingforthewedding later) but I can just imagine that a day of putting on too-small clothes will make me upset, which is exactly the opposite of what I’m supposed to be feeling leading up to the “happiest day of my life.” Which leads me to my next point.

HOLY HIGH EXPECTATIONS. Obviously, there are high expectations for the wedding… happiest day of my life? Up until now, I think the happiest day of my life was the day I put in my 2 week’s notice at my law firm. But there are similarly high expectations for wedding dress shopping. You are supposed to be surrounded by an entire entourage of friends and family who sit around and tell you how amazing you look for hours. I don’t know who has 9 close friends who will drop everything for a day of sitting around and watching you try on clothes, but that is not me. Nor do I want that! Thankfully with Covid regulations, most salons cap out at 3 people per bride per appointment.

I distinctly remember every episode of Say Yes to the Dress, where the consultant sat with the bride at the beginning and said, “tell me about the love of your life.” Like… what??? It’s shopping. Yes, I want to look good, but like, it’s not THAT deep. With each bridal appointment I set up online, there must have been 10-12 questions with boxes allowing 1000 characters of text about the wedding and the dress of my dreams. My main concerns that I listed: I am tall, I want to be comfortable, and I don’t want to be hot. That’s it!

And what about the expectation that you will cry when you find the dress? That feels forced. I am a crier. I cry at every tv show and movie. I cried 3 times during Encanto. But I don’t know if I’ll cry looking for a dress. I feel like I won’t cry because I’m going to be so worried trying to cry. When I went dress shopping with my friend, she cried… and then ended up getting a different dress! I feel like it’s more likely I will cry from exhaustion when the day is over.

Last but certainly not least, the things I am not looking forward to: spending money. I know this is becoming a recurring theme in my bridal blogs but, it’s just inane the amount of money people spend on dresses. Women wear them one day and spend more money on them than any other item of clothing they have ever owned. Or worse: brides spend tens of thousands of dollars on a dress and then CHOOSE TO RUIN IT. Our photographer offers a special add on for a “trash the dress” shoot. Yes, that is a real thing. Honestly, you aren’t going to wear it again so it’s not a terrible idea, but yikes, the money!!

In my very cursory google search, I saw that a 2020 Brides American Wedding Study (whatever that is) found that the average cost of a wedding dress is $2,439. AVERAGE. Pnina Tournai dresses start at $4800. And that’s before alterations. If you watch a lot of SYTTD, you probably think that sounds low. Women on that show routinely spend upwards of $10,000 on a gown. Personally, I find this outrageous. I can’t even stomach spending $1000, but most bridal shops start their inventory at $1500, so I guess we’ll see what happens. I tried to be very cost-conscious in choosing my appointments, and I even called ahead to a few salons to ask about their price ranges. One of the main things I looked for in the reviews were if people said “consultants made sure to only show me dresses within my budget.” Again, it’s not that I don’t want to look good, I do! But I also don’t understand the point of spending an entire paycheck (or multiple) on a one-time outfit.

All of that said, I really hope I find a dress this weekend. I even put a goal for the month of February in my bullet journal: SAY YES TO THE DRESS. I hope I can check something off of my to-do list and get one step closer to marrying my person.