LongLegsBigCity

The Honeymoon Phase

September 2, 2022 No Comments

Well guys, we got married. I guess that means we are now in the “honeymoon phase.” However, we have been together nearly 7.5 years so I think that era is long-gone (sorry, babe).

Good news is, getting married did give us a great excuse to take a vacation! And I know what you’re thinking, wasn’t your wedding in Cabo? Wasn’t that vacation enough?? And the answer is clearly “no.” Cabo was gorgeous and we had the most amazing time with family and friends, but we wanted time to hang out with each other and relax, and a wedding is not that.

When choosing where to go on a honeymoon, I was thinking of far-flung, once-in-a-lifetime places. Like Africa. Or the Maldives. But my husband, Mr. Finance, wanted a place that was in a relatively similar time zone in case he needed to check emails, and preferably with a nonstop flight since the flight delays and cancellations this summer have been terrible. Also, we planned to go in August so we had to think about hurricane season, and try to avoid it. Since we went to Aruba last summer, we decided to go to Curacao, its slightly larger next-door neighbor. The ABC (Aruba-Bonaire-Curacao) islands are below the hurricane belt, and JetBlue flies there direct 3 times per week!

The best part about a honeymoon is the feeling that you can splurge. And yes, I probably should have started this blog with an acknowledgment of our privilege but, yeah, we were not thinking about money at all during our trip. That said, things are not too expensive, so we didn’t spend a crazy amount. We did upgrade to EVEN MORE SPACE seats, though. BALLIN!

We decided not to stay at an all-inclusive resort. There are certainly pros and cons to both, but not having food included in the price opened up our budget to try new restaurants, new neighborhoods, and to be honest, it meant I drank a lot less! There’s this feeling at an all-inclusive that you need to eat and drink your money’s worth. At a regular hotel, there was all-day availability of drinks, and when I wanted one, I got one! I had an Aperol spritz almost every evening while getting ready for dinner. That said, it felt less like a booze-fest because I was more thoughtful about getting drinks and there was no alcohol in the room. Another big advantage of no all-inclusive was that we felt we could be more flexible about when and where we ate. For example, after jet-skiing (more on that later), there was a little bar at the pier and we decided to stay and hang out and do happy hour there. Since the drinks weren’t included at our hotel, there was no feeling of having to get back to “take advantage.”

More about the hotel, since we didn’t stay at a crazy all-inclusive resort, we were able to book the BIGGEST suite in the entire hotel. It was wholly unnecessary for 2 people and we felt like king and queen of the resort. I even filmed an MTV cribs-style video of the whole thing, it took 3:15 to walk around!! We had 2 separate wrap-around balconies, two full bathrooms, a living room, a kitchen, a bar, a dining table, a soaking tub, it was MASSIVE. And it was $200 less per night than the cheapest all-inclusive.

Our suite had double doors, that’s how you know it was big.

It’s no secret that Chris and I like to vacation differently. That’s why you see me always going on vacation with my friends. My friends and I love to explore and do ALL the things. I usually come back from vacation and feel like I need another immediately. Chris, on the other hand, likes to take vacation to RELAX. As in, he likes to stay in the room. In bed. Hang out. Watch tv. Be on his laptop. The good news is, we’ve been together a long time so we know this about each other. I tried to be respectful of his ideal vacation when I was looking at activities for our honeymoon. I tried to think of our top 3 activities we were both interested in doing, and then mixed in days between where we relaxed. Extra perk – I got a great tan reading on the beach and I finished two books! I also spent a lot of time on Alabama Rushtok. Typical honeymoon, amirite?

Last summer when Chris and I went to Aruba, we went on an ATV tour and had a blast. This year, we wanted to do something similarly adventurous, but a little different so we decided to jet ski. To be completely honest, it was not great. We chose to go at 4 pm so between the sun setting in our eyes and the salt water spraying in them, the visibility was abysmal. Also, I had never been on a jet ski before and the instructor didn’t really want to instruct. To make matters worse, my jet ski was broken and started to beep uncontrollably when I slowed down, and then stalled out. This meant I had to constantly go very fast, on a vehicle I’d never been on before, and when I couldn’t see. Not ideal. Halfway through, the instructor switched jet skis with me, which was terrifying on open water, but definitely helped because I never stalled out again! I pulled my adductor gripping on to the thing for dear life, which is still recovering, but I don’t regret doing it. It’s a story!

The next adventure we did was a full day boat trip to Klein Island, or little Curacao. This was way more our speed. We showed up to the dock, and they drove us around. The waters on the way there were ROUGH, but I had read about that in a lot of the reviews. I am not exaggerating, we ran out of barf buckets and had multiple people just heaving into plastic bags. Once Chris and I went to the top level to get away from the vomit, things went a lot smoother. We spent a leisurely day at the beach, on the boat, snorkling, and hiking to see an old lighthouse. It was a great day and while it was technically an excursion, it didn’t involve too much energy expenditure.

Our final big excursion was a day of beach hopping. We went to Grote Knip, where we heard the beach was one of the most beautiful on the island (it was). We went to Playa Forti to jump off of a cliff. By “we” I mean “me.” But my husband did an excellent job of watching our towels and filming the content for Instagram. An equally important role. We also went to Playa Piscado to snorkel with sea turtles, and I actually saw two! The water was SO clear it was amazing. We attempted to see wild flamingos on the way back to town, but unfortunately they were hiding from us, or from the heat.

Throughout our trip, we ate at great restaurants, and being on a small island for a week meant we had time to revisit some of our favorites. We had breakfast twice at BijBlau, where it was inexpensive, delicious, and you could sit literally on the beach. We had dinner twice at Rozendaals; Chris still dreams of the apple tart dessert. We had lunch and snacks twice at Gouverneur de Rouville and watched as the Queen Emma Bridge swung open and closed for boats. One night, we went to Coconut Night at Shelterrock Paradise, where they cooked our dinners in coconuts over an open fire, and ended with a lively night of karaoke led by both staff and guests. Chris impressed the crowd with his version of Frank Sinatra’s My Way, and I killed it in a song fitting for a honeymoon: Let’s Hear It for the Boy.

My honeymoon outfits were *chef’s kiss” if I do say so myself. I brought a combination of outfits I had bought specifically for the honeymoon, dresses I bought for our wedding in Mexico (look at me, so thrifty!), and I also subscribed to a month of Rent the Runway so I could have fun, new-to-me clothes. Unfortunately, despite my research prior to the trip, while the airport had plenty of American-style electric outlets, our hotel had zero. So my hair tools did not work and my hair… has definitely looked better. I tried my best using my limited resources, and I’d say we still had a great time despite my hair looking awful.

Our favorite breakfast spot on the beach

Since we went to Aruba last year, a lot of people have asked me which island we preferred and it’s tough to say! We had very different trips. For one, in Aruba we stayed at an all-inclusive and did not rent a car. While we did a few excursions, we mostly stayed on the hotel grounds. Also, it’s much smaller so a car isn’t needed as much. In Curacao, we were there longer, we explored more, we drove around the island, and we ate all of our meals outside the hotel. There was no room service at all, so we really explored restaurants and snacks/drinks places. It also felt a lot more foreign! The first language in Aruba seemed to be English. Everywhere we went, people greeted us in English and took US Dollars. In Curacao, it seemed we were the lone Americans. Most tourists were Dutch and spoke Dutch, and the menus were all listed in Antillean guilder (ANG), or NAf. Both islands had gorgeous beaches, perfect, sunny days, and amazing Aperol Spritz. And of course my adorable husband!

Now we are back to real life and already dreaming of our next vacation.

Miscellaneous

Online Shopping for My Mental Health

July 9, 2022 2 Comments

How are y’all doing? Depressed? Hopeless? In a constant state of “fuck my life?” Same, girl. But don’t worry, I have two solutions for you. They both involve your computer and a lot of money: online shopping, and booking that TRIP, baby!!!

Personally, I have found myself in a state of depression similar to where I was in April/May 2020. I’m talking peak Covid. Of course, I’m kidding, Covid has peaked multiple times higher since then, but y’all remember the feeling. Back in mid-2020, I found myself a fantastic coping mechanism. Why go to therapy when you can online shop?

You may remember the days in mid-2020. We were locked in our homes or we were staying with parents/relatives because we fled our own homes. We discovered TikTok and Tiger King. We were watching celebrities sing Beatles songs thinking that would fix the global pandemic. We were ruled by a crazy man who didn’t believe in science. It was a difficult time to be alive. Back then, I discovered many new hobbies that all involved spending money. I subscribed to FabFitFun. I bought 140 colors of nail dip powder. I bought a blow-up pool for the backyard. I was “thriving.”

Well, fast-forward two years and here we are again! If you are a woman, you wake up every day with less rights. If you are a person of color, you wake up every day with a twitter notification that the people who are employed to “protect and serve” have shot someone who looks like you 60 times in the back. If you don’t believe that Jesus is your savior, your religious “freedoms” are at risk constantly. Oh, and also, if you go to anywhere, to school, to the movies, to a parade, to the grocery store etc., you may get shot.

BUT DO NOT FRET. Online shopping is there to save you. Scared to go to the movie theater?? Just boot up that computer and type in jcrew.com. Scared you may never come home from the grocery store? Become a Maxxinista right from your couch. Afraid of having an ectopic pregnancy and then dying as a result of it? No worries, Farm Rio is having a sale!!

Last weekend, I was in peak depression, but then I remembered that I was going on a honeymoon in August. I needed new items!! “Needed.” I have no shorts that I love. So, I went to fashionnova.com. The serotonin boost was IMMEDIATE. But then I needed shirts and comfortable dresses so I hit up TJ Maxx online. And how can I forget adorable walkable sandals? DSW to the rescue. I am not sure if you think I’m kidding but I am not. I also may have finally pulled the trigger (pun intended) on two swimsuits from Summersalt that I have been coveting for years. THERE WAS A SALE.

Why do I love online shopping? I think it’s three things: predictability, excitement, and having something to look forward to. The predictability is great. I know there will be so many things to choose from, and they are right at my fingertips! Also, if you buy enough things, one or two of them are bound to fit. I also love the excitement of knowing I have packages coming. I open my USPS Informed Delivery email every morning, excited that the packages that are on the way are more than just toilet paper and dishwasher pods. It gives me something to wake up for in the morning! The real key is that you want predictability AND unpredictability. Surprise! I ordered so many things that I FORGOT one and I got an EXTRA package! Oh yes! The Tommy Bahama beach chairs with insulated pocket that fits 2 wine bottles! What a rush.

In case you have exhausted this form of serotonin rush, or your closet is completely packed to the gills, do not worry, I have another solution: BOOK A VACATION.

This seems self-explanatory but let me explain anyway. We wake up every day with the fear of death. This is literally what Drake was talking about when he coined the term YOLO. Book the trip, y’all. See new places. Visit new countries. Drink unlimited pina coladas on the beach. Go to a cabin with friends in the fall and spend every night drinking wine in the hot tub or around a fire pit. Use your vacation days. Or don’t! Work remotely and book that trip anyway.

I am trying to have something to look forward to every month. So far I’ve got a beach trip this week with my mom and sister. Then August I have a wedding in Boston and a honeymoon. Then September I have nothing but that’s just gearing up for October, when I will spend half the month in Australia. Then November, I have a work trip and I am trying to plan a Northeast cabin trip with friends. Then of course Thanksgiving when I’ll go see my parents and HOPEFULLY have the Macy’s Parade to look forward to. December of course will be Christmas with Chris’s family. It’s looking like a busy and fun rest of 2022!

I recommend planning constant vacations to give you a sense of predictability and something to look forward to. Extra bonus, you may need to do some online shopping for vacation-worthy outfits!

Wedding

I Do or I Do Not – Should You Have a Destination Wedding?

July 5, 2022 1 Comment

One of the first questions I get about our wedding is why we chose to have it in Cabo, and why we wanted a destination wedding in general. We chose Cabo because there were direct flights from New York, it was a bit different and more romantic than Cancun, and because the resort answered my email quickly and they had our requested weekend available. Our initial choice was Ixtapa, on the Pacific coast of Mexico, but the resort ghosted me for a month after our initial 2 emails.

As for why we chose to have a destination wedding, the honest answer is that we didn’t necessarily want a destination wedding, and Chris was really on the fence. But after weighing the pros and cons, it seemed like the only logical choice and, as Chris will get used to in our marriage, I was right. He even admitted it! If you are considering a destination wedding, my advice would be: DO IT. You’ll see from the grossly uneven list below that it is the correct choice.

Pros:

Why Not?: At this point in my life (mid-30’s – yikes!), almost everyone has moved away from “home.” That means every wedding is a “destination” wedding in terms of having to pay for a flight and a hotel. So why not make it a vacation, too? I have only been to one wedding in my life that did not require a hotel stay, and a handful that didn’t require a flight. And I have been to a LOT of weddings. The flight + hotel for my wedding in Cabo was honestly less expensive than many other weddings I have attended in Cleveland, Bozeman, and Las Vegas. And all of the food and drinks and entertainment were included! There were things to do during the day, like aqua aerobics, trivia in the pool, and line dancing on beach, and there were activities at night like live music, and foam parties at the club. And of course, lots of drinking.

Budget: Destination weddings are CHEAP! Relative to having a wedding in the United States, especially in a city, a destination wedding is a fraction of the cost. Labor is cheaper in Mexico, but also, having everything in one place meant we did not need to think about bringing in vendors like catering, table and chairs rentals, and of course the dreaded transportation costs. None of that was needed and it was all on-site.

Wedding Planner Included: This is related to budget, but when we were thinking about planning a wedding, it was extremely overwhelming. We both have full time jobs and adding a new title of “party planner” to my resume was not something I had the energy to do. Also, since we knew we were going to get married outside of New York City, we would need help finding vendors in that place and a wedding planner would need to make those connections for us. For that reason, we knew we would need a wedding planner, and not just a day-of coordinator. We realized we were going to be spending ~$8K-$10K on a planner at a minimum. At all-inclusive resorts, the planner is part of the package.

Where do we want to get married?: Most couples nowadays meet online, or meet in a city that is neither of their hometowns. Historically, a wedding takes place where the bride grew up, but my parents don’t live where I grew up anymore and I have no more ties to Florida, nor would we have anywhere to stay while we looked at venues. Chris and I didn’t have a single place in common besides New York City, where venues start at $15,000 just for the space. Since we didn’t have a place we really wanted to get married anyway, we decided to pick somewhere beautiful.

Scenery: When I was planning our wedding, I said to my friends that we were not paying for any extras they offered, like special plates or tablecloths or paper lantern lighting. I joked and said the beach was the decoration, but you know what? It was. It was GORGEOUS. I showed my friends the photo below and one of them said it looked fake, another said it looked like a magazine. The background of every photo is stunning. At zero additional cost!

They know their sh*t: Perhaps that wasn’t the most eloquent wording but it’s true. These resorts produce weddings like a well-oiled machine. They know what they are doing because they do it every day. Things run smoothly, on time, flowers are where they are supposed to be, there are contingency plans in place, and it is easy. We planned our entire wedding with about 30 emails back and forth. We booked our florist by email (the one they recommended) and we used their DJ. We filled out a music questionnaire by email. We filled out our cake order online. Everything was done in a few quick spreadsheets and it came to life seamlessly. We met with the wedding planner 2 days before the wedding and reviewed all of the details. She assured us she knew what she was doing, and it went perfectly. Also, there’s a huge benefit to working with vendors who know the venue like the back of their hand. Our photographer knew every spot in the resort where photos would look amazing. The one of me below was the outside of the Indian restaurant. And that random window and hallway shot… none of those could have been done without a skilled photographer who knew the space. There was even a wedding 2 hours after us, and we met the other couple in the pool the day before. We ran into them while we were both taking photos and snapped one with them. It was so fun to have another couple experiencing it with us.

Our buddies, the other bride and groom (also named Chris!)

Spending quality time with everyone: This is by far the biggest positive of having a destination wedding. My main gripe with spending a lot of money to travel to weddings is when I don’t even get to see the couple. This has happened to me a few times, where I fly somewhere, get a hotel room, and I’m not even in the bridal party so I don’t go to the rehearsal dinner. I just show up at the wedding, see the couple when they walk around to greet each table, and I also dance with them on the dance floor for 5-10 minutes. Then I fly home and send a gift. It’s the worst and I always go home feeling like I wasted my money and time. When you have a destination wedding, it’s like going on a family reunion/friends vacation. You have DAYS to hang out with everyone at the pool, have breakfast and coffee, do shots at the foam party, and pretend to do aqua aerobics while sipping pina coladas. The best part is there is zero pressure to chat with everyone at the reception and greet each table, because you’ve already been spending days with them. It’s a win-win, and you can go home feeling like you had quality time with each of your guests. I left Mexico feeling closer to the people I already knew, and feeling like I forged real relationships with those I had just met.

Cons:

I warned you up top that there are very few negatives to having a destination wedding, but after racking my brain, I could only think of 4, and you will see below that I don’t even truly believe all of them.

Not everyone will be able to attend: If you want a huge wedding with everyone in your family in attendance, then you should not have a destination wedding. Having a wedding outside of the country does require a passport, so you will be cutting out some of your guest list by having a wedding abroad. However, as I mentioned above, every wedding will have a cost for guests unless you live in the same place where you grew up, so there will always be some people who cannot attend.
You do not want your guests to spend a lot of money: Again, I don’t truly believe this is possible and there are ways around this. For example, we told our guests they did not need to give gifts because we knew they were spending a lot of money to come. We also paid for some of our close family’s hotel rooms if we knew they couldn’t otherwise afford to come. Personally, the Cabo wedding was not even the most expensive one I went to this year!
You have a family with food issues/special requirements: All-inclusive resorts are nice because they have unlimited food available at all times. They also usually have a lot of different kinds of food. But if you have family with food requirements, like if they are vegetarian, vegan, kosher, etc, it may be difficult for them to find food. For a normal wedding, you only need to worry about one meal for them. At a destination wedding, you have DAYS of meals and with limited options, it can be repetitive and non-nutritious for those family members.
You want a SUPER UNIQUE wedding: It’s true, most resorts are “wedding machines.” This means there will be many other brides and grooms out there who had a similar experience to you. As I mentioned, there was another couple who got married on the same exact day as us! However, this also means that things are well-planned and run smoothly. Also, if I’m honest, I’ve been to around 30 weddings and I’m sure the couple always thinks they are unique – they are not. A wedding is a wedding. It may be an expensive wedding, but it will not be as different as you think it is. Sure, there’s an ice sculpture or a chuppah draped in flowers, but at the end of the day, it’s a party.

As you can see, I think the pros extremely outweigh the cons, but I’m interested to hear your thoughts. Have you been to a destination wedding? Do you think it was better or worse than a regular wedding? Did it cost you more money?

Wedding

Wedding Tips & Tricks

June 14, 2022 No Comments

I promised you another installment of wedding content and this one may be the most important one. If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I have been a wedding guest A LOT. I’m a pro. But now I’ve also been the bride and I have picked up a lot of tips and tricks along the way.

My first tip: Have a glam team. I know not everyone is like me, but hair is IMPORTANT. Having bad wedding hair is listed as a regret on every single Betches Brides Wedding podcast episode. As you know, I flew in Alli from @playbraids to do my hair for my wedding. This was by far the best decision I made, aside from picking the husband. Not only did it make it easy because she was able to do multiple looks on multiple days, but she was friendly and fun for all of my friends to hang out with (and me, of course!). And most importantly, it took away a HUGE piece of wedding stress for me. The less stress, the better. I felt pressured to have amazing hair, and Alli understood the assignment. She was a huge trooper, helped me film multiple tiktoks, styled my mom’s hair and my best friend’s, and put up with/loved the Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion vibes. There’s this amazing video she took while the photographer was taking serious portraits of me, and you can hear WAP blasting in the background. Special bonus, my family also fell in love with her, and my mom announced that she’s another honorary daughter of hers now. Almost every person who has seen photos of the wedding has commented on my amazing hair. #WORTHEVERYPENNY

Casual Photoshoot and Rehearsal Dinner Hair

Here’s a tip for your guest list: keep it small. Some people with large families don’t have this option, but I recommend it. With this pandemic becoming a part of our everyday lives, the trend of “micro-weddings” has continued and I couldn’t love it more. We ended up with 51 guests (and a wedding crasher, more on that later) and it was the perfect amount to feel like we had close friends and family, a full dance floor, and people all over the resort. In fact, the morning of the wedding I was trying not to run into anyone, but sure enough I ran into one of Chris’s best friends at the coffee shop. It felt intimate and small, but also like we were surrounded by everyone in our lives.

Regarding toasts and hand-written vows: do them. Both. First the toasts. Choose these people wisely. No one wants to be bored while they are trapped at their tables and far from the bar. Choose entertaining people who will also have unique perspectives on the bride and groom. You don’t want 8 friends all talking about the same things. Chris’s dad told a story I had never heard before about him as a kid. And it was so fun to hear about his childhood from his siblings. For my side, I had one speech from my family (a poem – so funny) and one from my best friend (also hysterical, I cried and laughed). Having different types of people (siblings, parents, friends) makes for different types of speeches and keeps things interesting. Our speeches went a little long, but I think everyone enjoyed them, although I may be biased.

As for vows, I know it can be time-consuming and stressful to add this on top of other wedding planning, but it’s worth it. I understand that not every person enjoys speaking in front of a crowd, but if you pretend it’s just you and your future spouse, it makes it easier. Almost everyone at our wedding knew one of us well since it was a small guest list, and it still made the wedding an engaging experience to include our guests in our love and reasons for choosing to be with this person for life. The day after the ceremony, I had one couple (who is getting married this weekend!) tell me that they planned to read their vows to each other in private, but they were reconsidering because it felt so special to hear ours. Also, the practice of writing your own vows is so special. It forces you to think of when you knew they were your person and what you love and cherish about them. The whole point of inviting people to celebrate with you in your love is to explain those reasons to them. It makes it feel more personal.

Here’s a tip for the anxious brides: only control the things you want to control. If the bridesmaid dresses don’t really matter to you, don’t worry about them! I just wanted my bridesmaids to be comfortable, so I let them pick. Granted, I only had 2 bridesmaids, so it was easier for them to coordinate themselves, but I did not want to sweat the small stuff. Another thing I didn’t care about was the groomsmen, so I let Chris pick. Yes, I was a little nervous when 2 months prior he said he hadn’t picked outfits or communicated with them, but my husband is bit of a posh spice (yes, I called him that in my vows), so I knew I could trust him to figure it out. And he did! Less stress for me.

One more tip about stress: there are some things that will be out of your control. You can’t stress about them because you cannot change them. Flight changes? CHECK. They are going to happen. Our flight to Mexico was canceled the night before. We booked another flight that night. Was it way more money than the original? Yes. But we didn’t really have a choice and I chose not to stress about it. Our MC got stuck in traffic and never arrived. But the photographer’s assistant offered to step up, and what was I going to say? No? Of course not. I said sure! And we went through the list of names for speeches and dances and she killed it. No one even noticed. These things happen and you need to make a conscious decision to just go with the flow. Having an open bar helps.

Here’s a tip regarding an expensive cake: save on the cake, splurge on the cake topper! By the time cake hits the table, most people will be up dancing. And if they aren’t, they’re probably drunk. Hell, if it’s a good party at all, probably everyone will be drunk. People are not going to appreciate the flavor and moistness of the cake. But they WILL appreciate an aesthetic. We were lucky enough to have my aunt make us a cake topper that looked just like us on our wedding day. She made the bride wear my dress, carry my bouquet, she even put highlights and a braid in her hair! Chris also looked dapper in a blue suit and white boutonniere. Everyone LOVED it. We have a google album of guest photos, and there must be 15 different people who took photos of the cake topper. And the best part: it now sits in our living room smackdab in the middle of our bookshelf. Our cleaner saw it last week and was in SHOCK she loved it so much.

Here’s another unconventional trick: do a fun (not slow) father-daughter dance. My dad and I started out slow with Lee Ann Womack’s I Hope You Dance, and after 1 minute we transitioned into a zydeco number, Daddy Lessons by The Chicks and Beyonce. It was a HUGE hit. People were laughing and clapping, and my dad and I had a blast. I heard comments about it from our guests all weekend long! It was engaging and it sped up the tedious first 30 minutes of watching dances and speeches.

Our gorgeous cake (could not tell you what it tasted like)

One of the more controversial points in this blog is about welcome baskets. I think that whether you need them depends on where you have the wedding. If you know people are flying in, not renting cars, and the hotel is in an isolated place, then I would recommend them. Water and snacks are not always available, and when they are, they’re crazy expensive. If you can’t walk down the street to a bodega or a Walgreens, I’d say it’s a nice thing to offer. However, I think they can be simple. If your wedding is local, or in a city with many things around, they’re unnecessary. And welcome baskets are definitely not necessary at all-inclusives. For my wedding there were beverages included in every room (alcoholic, non-alcoholic and water), and I made sure everyone knew that I had Advil, ibuprofen and sunscreen for everyone. Also, there was food and room service available 24/7 for free if people got hungry. We gave out engraved reusable straws as favors, and I don’t think shipping boxes of crap and snacks to Mexico and forcing people to carry it home in their already-stuffed carry-ons was necessary.

My final tip, and the perfect segue into the next installment of wedding content: Have a destination wedding. I won’t delve into it too much here since I am going to write a whole other blog about this, but suffice it to say, it was the right decision for us. I know some people say this isn’t an option because of family pressure or cost of travel but let me tell you, it was not that expensive. It was beautiful. And it was FUN. More on that next time!

Do you have any tips or tricks you’ve picked up from being a bride, groom, or repeat guest? Let me know in the comments!

Wedding

Our Wedding (and my regrets)

June 8, 2022 4 Comments

I’ve been on blog hiatus, but the good news is, I’ve been so busy that I have PLENTY of material now. SURPRISE I got married! Ok, not a surprise because I talked about dress shopping, a hair trial, and other wedding-related things for the whole 4 months while we “planned.” I use that term loosely.

I’m going to do a series of blogs about the wedding. Here’s what you have to look forward to:

NO RAGRETS. Ok, I have a few. I’ll write about those today. Read on!!
Tips and Tricks: coming out this weekend!
Destination Wedding – do or don’t? (Spoiler Alert: the answer is DO): posting next week
Wedding Recap (and the things that went wrong): later this month.

First, a quick wedding summary: It was amazing. It was so special to have all of my friends and family in one place. It was a week-long party. It was GORGEOUS. The weather was literally perfect. Some would say it was too cool at night but since my internal temperature is roughly the same as an oven, it was perfect for me. The toasts/speeches were PHENOMENAL. I really would barely have changed anything. But since that is a very boring blog post, I decided to start off with a bang and tell you about the things I would have changed.

The good news about my regrets is that there aren’t many. I’ve been reflecting for a few weeks and despite the contemplation, I still have a short list of regrets, which is great!

My main regrets are regarding the photographer, but it’s not that they were bad, they were actually great. However, I probably asked them to cover the wrong times (my fault). Since our speeches ran late, they only could cover 15 minutes of dancing and I probably would have preferred an hour. I haven’t seen the photos yet but hopefully they got some good content! And to be fair, it was nice to take as many shots of gin as I wanted and know it wouldn’t be captured on film for my future children to see. The timing also affected the photo booth, which was another regret. We had it out for people to use during cocktail hour and then the first hour of the reception. Again because of speeches and mingling at cocktail hour, no one really got to use it! I kind of wish we just hadn’t paid for it. We didn’t need it and we had fun without it. Thankfully, we had plenty of friends with phones taking pictures of dancing at the reception and the after-party. Some of those will never see the light of the internet.

Despite the many podcast episodes I listened to, I didn’t pay attention when the experts insisted a bride should have a shot list for the photographer. I didn’t have one, so it was disorganized after the ceremony as I was pulling random groups for photos. A lot of people were waiting around in the sun and people were getting antsy and sunburned. I also wish we had taken photos with every guest. Since we only had 50, it would have been totally feasible, but I didn’t think about it at the time.

The only people I saw use the photobooth!

Another thing, as I look back – I wish we had a second shooter, at least for the ceremony. I didn’t realize that since there was only one person taking photos, they could only capture one angle of the ceremony. They got the most adorable photo of Chris as he turned around and saw me for the first time walking down the aisle, but since the photographer was behind me, I don’t think he got any of my face as I walked down. Again, I haven’t seen the photos yet (they sent us 10 as a teaser), but I’m not sure how they would have captured me, except maybe far away as we were walking down to the beach. Thankfully, my friends took a few photos and videos of my parents walking me down. Also, the photographer managed to get some great far-shots as well as some great close-ups, like of Chris putting on my ring.

Photo from friends of me walking down the aisle with my parents.

My next regret should be filed under #SaveOrSplurge and for this one, I would say SAVE on bridesmaid bouquets. Full disclosure: I am not a flower girl, so these were on rock bottom of budget needs for me. Honestly, I would have gone without a bouquet myself, but it was included in the resort package. And don’t get me wrong, my bouquet was gorgeous. It’s just that it was BIG and difficult to hold! I kept asking the photographer to take photos without it. If you have a lot of bridesmaids, those bouquets can add up! The resort package included a “maid of honor” bouquet, and since I had 2 bridesmaids and no ”maid of honor,” I just added on one additional bouquet, which was a minimal cost, but a cost nonetheless. People always say, “it gives you something to do with your hands,” but the groomsmen didn’t have anything in their hands and they did just fine. I could have done without it, but I haven’t asked my bridesmaids what they thought. I guess matching bouquets do bring the pictures together in terms of cohesiveness, especially since they were in different dresses, but in my opinion, it was unnecessary.

Pre-wedding detail shots of the bouquets, they were massive!

My next regret is a true #firstworldproblem, but I wish that I had stayed longer at the resort after the wedding. I’m very thankful that we had another full day after the wedding (we got married on a Friday and left on Sunday), but it still felt too quick to return to the real world. I would have liked one or two extra days, but Chris couldn’t get the time off of work and it felt strange to stay there alone without him. It didn’t help that I had a few friends who stayed on, and I had serious FOMO! I would recommend a slower come-down for someone traveling to their wedding. I guess this is why people go on a honeymoon directly after, which brings me to my final regret – not planning a honeymoon before the wedding.

I wish I already had something to look forward to. Also, it’s incredibly awkward because once our registry was purchased (we didn’t ask for much – we’ve been together for almost 7 years!), people gave us money for specific funds for our honeymoon. For example, someone gave $50 for the honeymoon flight, or $100 for a couples massage etc. It’s extremely awkward when people ask where we are going, and I have to say “I don’t know yet.” Soon… hopefully! Stay tuned!!

I’ll be posting my wedding tips and tricks this weekend. I wouldn’t say I’m a pro now, but I have been to a LOT of weddings and now I’ve planned one, and I would like to think I have learned along the way!

Wedding

Wedding Hair Trial

April 25, 2022 2 Comments

There aren’t many things going on in my life right now besides work and planning my wedding (and attending 4 more weddings this year). So as much as I don’t want to be “that girl” who only posts about her wedding, that’s all I’ve got for you! At least for now.

The countdown is on; and the wedding is in under a month. That means that this month it was finally time to think about the thing that matters most: my hair. Every bride is allowed to have one “thing,” at least that is what I have read in all of the blogs. Hair is definitely my thing.

I would be lying if I said I just started thinking about it. You know how some brides have been adding wedding dresses and reception décor to their Pinterest boards since before they were engaged? That was me with favoriting bridal hair on my Instagram. I’ve had a folder for about 5 years. BUT it was finally time to think practically about what needed to happen to make my hair dreams come true.

I knew I needed fresh color, a fresh cut, new extensions, and the PERFECT stylist.

First: color. I decided to travel to Pennsylvania for my color, which is your first tip that I am going to be super EXTRA about my hair. But here’s the thing, I’ve lived in New York for 11 years and I have never gone to a colorist I loved. I’ve had some good color, but it was never the color of my dreams. When I had my hair purple, that was the color of my dreams, but she lives in Texas! Proving my point. Anyway, I knew I couldn’t mess around with color for my wedding, so I booked my color appointment with my bridal stylist of my dreams in Pennsylvania. Her styles are 85% of the styles in my saved folder, and she is a wizard with color, too! That appointment is in 2 weeks and I could not be more excited. Take one look at my grays and you will know that I haven’t colored my hair since September!

Purple hair of my dreams. I miss it every day.

Next: hair extensions. You may say “But Emily, your hair is long!” Well, it’s NOT LONG ENOUGH. But in reality, it’s more about volume. Most bridal styles you see online have extensions. Actually, I would say 90% of styles you see online on brides have extensions. I considered doing tape-in’s or sew-ins, but since I sweat so much and work out, and wanted them to last AND I wanted to be able to use them again, I went with clip-ins instead. I bought VERY long extensions from Luxy Hair, the brand my colorist-of-my-dreams recommended, and she said she would make sure my hair matched them perfectly.

Next step: the stylist of my dreams. Note the trend here about my dreams? I do, honestly, dream about my hair a lot. Some may say it’s a sickness. OH, and let’s stop everything right now because if you’re only reading this thinking you will see spoiler photos of my hair inspo, you will not. I’ve shown less people photos of my hair than photos of my dress.

Approximately 4.5 years ago when I started my hair Instagram (@braidinmanhattan go follow me now!), I met a woman with the same ridiculous sense of humor as me. Her name was Alli and she lived in Florida (@playbraids, go follow her now!). She made funny/sarcastic comments, and most importantly, she did not live in Utah and was not afraid to curse. If you’re new here, a majority of the braiding moms on Instagram are Mormon, have 4+ children and are younger than me, and/or are far more prim and proper than I will ever be. Nothing against that, but we have very little in common. Anyway, Alli and I clicked. And by “clicked,” I do mean in the virtual computer/phone sense, since we never met. Ever since we started chatting, I always joked, “if I ever get married, obviously you’re doing my hair!” But of course, I wasn’t engaged, so it became a running joke.

Fast-forward 2 years of constant DM-ing and we were FINALLY supposed to meet. We had both somehow got on the radar of a hair product company called Style Factor, and they hired us to braid at a hair show in NYC at the Javits Center! Alli was going to come all the way to the Big Apple and braid with me. We were psyched. Guess when this was? March 2020. Guess what happened instead?? Covid. Javits was converted into a field hospital, and the hair show was canceled. Hell, the whole world was canceled. So, we never met and we kept DM-ing. Alli started a “friends” salon where she braided kids’ American Girl Dolls that the neighbors dropped off contactless on her porch, and I left for Texas and got very good at braiding my own hair.

Fast-forward another 2 years, and I finally set a wedding date! Alli and I still hadn’t met, but I kept up my end of the promise. Alli now works for a legit salon, and I said “you better block off your calendar because I am flying you to Mexico to do my hair.” I’m not sure if she thought I was kidding, but I was not. I called her and got her info, and booked her a flight and hotel. It was the first thing I did after setting a wedding date. And I’m glad I did, because that $750 flight is now $2500. I am not exaggerating. Even with the cheap(er) flight, I am still spending more on my hair than I did on my weddings dress. By far. Is it worth it? YES.

The funniest part about spending big bucks on hair is that a hairstylist is literally included in the wedding package at the resort where we are getting married. As in, I could get my hair done for free. But I do not trust a random person to do my hair for the most important hair day of my life! I would be so upset if they did something worse than what I could do myself. Plus, I don’t want the stress of worrying about it.

You may be saying, “but Emily, Alli is a random person, too, and you’ve never met *her* either!” This was true… until last week.

When I knew I was hiring her as my stylist, I also knew I needed a hair trial. For a day as important as this, I needed a dress rehearsal. So, I booked a flight to Florida and stayed at her house with her family for Easter weekend. In the words of Drake, “I went from 0 to 100 real quick.” Her son said, “what if she robs us?” and I said, “what if they murder me?” But good news, no one stole anything and no one died, and I even got my very first Easter basket!

Before we started the hairstyle trial, I asked her if she was nervous and if I was her most nerve-wracking client ever. I think she said yes, but I was only half paying attention because I was nervous myself!! I knew I would be very picky. The good news is, she KILLED it. We have a few minor adjustments we will make for the big day but overall, I’m more excited for the wedding because I know my hair will be FIRE. Bonus, she will be a very fun wedding guest.

Now I just need to write my vows…

Started the day with my first-ever Easter basket outside my room! (and no, I didn’t rob her for that $20 bill, I gave it back).

Wedding

Bridesmaid Proposals

March 24, 2022 5 Comments

As my wedding draws closer, I think it’s time to talk about it again. It’s been six weeks, I feel like I’ve earned it. Today’s topic: bridesmaid proposals. I know what you’re thinking: WTF is that?

Ladies and gents, the bridal industry has done it again. They have created yet another needless thingamabob. But this one I was excited to get behind because it involves giving presents to people who mean the most to you. And I love giving presents.

However, it’s important for me to start by saying: I didn’t care about bridesmaids. I felt very strongly that I didn’t care. I told my best friend a year ago not to be offended if I ended up not having any. And then, like much of the wedding planning, I left it up to my fiancé. I said, “do you want our parties to match in size? And if so, how many do you want and I’ll match it.” So he chose two, his brother and brother-in-law, and I chose two, my sister and best friend.

Now the proposal situation. I think in years past people used to just approach their friends and say, “will you be my bridesmaid?” Eventually this morphed into a card that said, “will you be my bridesmaid?” Now, Etsy has an entire section of the site dedicated to these proposal boxes and they include everything from personalized champagne flutes to $80 embroidered robes.

SPOILER ALERT: They said yes. Would they have said yes without all of this hullabaloo? Probably. Ok, definitely. But was it fun to put together and scheme? Also definitely.

Ideally, I would have asked them both in person, but since my BFF lives across the country, I needed to ask my sister in person when we went wedding dress shopping, keep it a secret, and then send a box across the country and depend on the USPS. Yikes!

I wanted to send something meaningful and fun, and include things that would actually be used. This was especially true as I thought about the gifts for my sister who lives in New York. The last thing we need in NYC is tchotchkes. The theme of the gifts was loosely: beach, travel, love, all-inclusive resort.

In general, I gave my two bridesmaids the same things, including heart-shaped dark chocolates, heart-shaped sunglasses (counts as “beach” and “love”!), travel toiletry containers and a carrying case, and a luggage tag. I also included a few “primping” items like under eye patches and foot scrub. I personalized those a bit; my BFF who works nights got special eye patches with caffeine infused. And my sister who loves her calluses did not get a foot repair kit.

Travel Kits and Luggage Tags, necessities for Mexico!

And because I’m obsessed with hair, they also both got hair ties. I got them in their favorite color palettes, and of course the hair ties came on a piece of cardstock that said “Will You Help Me Tie the Knot? To have & to hold your hair back.” I got those from Etsy. I told you, there’s a whole industry for these things!

I also got personalized straws from Etsy that I had engraved. If you don’t know my love for straws, you do now. I ONLY drink from straws. Exclusively. And one of the biggest problems with all-inclusive resorts is that they have gotten rid of straws. It ALMOST makes me not want to go at all. Almost. Anyway, I tried to fix that problem by giving reusable ones to my bridesmaids and their spouses.

Loved these hair ties and the fact that I could pick the colors.

Last but certainly not least, the cards. In fact, this was my favorite part of the gift. I saw an influencer (*eye roll*) get these cards and they were too amazing to pass up. You can personalize every aspect from the items held in the bride and bridesmaids’ hands, the hairstyles, the hair color, the skin tone, the robe color, the text, the names, everything! And the artist on Etsy was SO accommodating. I asked her if she could create some sort of head covering for my sister and we went back and forth twice to create the perfect head scarf. I was obsessed with these cards. I chose drinks that I thought my bridesmaids would order in Mexico, and I picked their favorite colors for the robes.

Oh, did I mention I also wrote poems for each individual item in the box and scrapbooked them because I am a crazy person? Honestly, this is definitely the craziest thing I have done so far pre-wedding. I won’t share all of the poems because there were A LOT, but I’ll share my intro poem to them:

Six years have come and gone and now it’s finally time,
To tie the knot and seal the deal, so that deserves a rhyme.
This wedding stuff is dumb, it’s just a lot of things,
I’m mostly here for lifelong love (and of course those gorgeous rings).
The thing that matters most to me is being with my favs,
My sister and my BFF in front of breaking waves.
My bridesmaid count is only 2 and one of them is you,
One a Shiksa Goddess, and one an Ortho Jew.
What color dress? Should they match? I really do not care,
You know the only thing I’ll control is the quality of hair.
I’ll leave it up to you to pick a color you both like,
Assuming before May, the Covid numbers again don’t spike.
I hope I’m not a bridezilla, I’m trying my very best,
All I know’s I want you there as a most important guest.
So SHALL you be my bridesmaid and stand with me in Cabo?
We can eat and drink unlimited until I am a blob-o!

So. Many. Poems. So. Much. Scrapbooking.

Long Legs and other Personal Problems

Laser Hair Removal

March 15, 2022 No Comments

You know how websites have “frequently asked questions?” I feel like we should each have a section like that for us as people. For me, my FAQ section is right here in this blog so I’m dedicating today’s blog to one of the questions people ask me most frequently, right after “should I quit my job as a lawyer” (yes).

“What do you think about laser hair removal? Is it worth it? Does it work?”

Answers: Love it. Yes. Depends.

Should I go on or should I just wrap it up there? Ok fine, I’ll elaborate.

I would say the best investment of money I’ve ever made was in laser hair removal. The amount of time and money saved more than makes up for the cost.

But first, a little background. And yes, this blog should carry a TMI warning. The areas I have now lasered are underarm, Brazilian (yes, THAT. Including butt), and lower leg. And I would do more in a heartbeat.

I have been getting laser hair removal for about 10 years. I haven’t been going constantly, but I first got it ten years ago on my underarms. At the time, I was teaching fitness classes and I was in a tank top constantly and didn’t want to shave daily. My Brazilian journey also began because of fitness. It all started with an STD scare. My gynecologist was like, “um, that’s not a disease that’s an ingrown hair and you shouldn’t be on a spin bike for at least 7 days.” To which I said, “um, I have to teach tonight and also tomorrow.” She recommended I start to get waxes so the hair follicle wouldn’t get as irritated/bacteria, science science blahblah. Anyway, she said I had three options: continue to be uncomfortable, wax, or laser. So I chose wax because I was broke and dumb. Fast-forward hundreds of dollars and about 5 years, and I was like, “huh… I probably should have taken the plunge and gotten rid of this permanently.” So I did.

The way I describe it: why would you continue to rent, when you could buy?

Unless you really foresee a future where you miss and pine for your underarm hair, I don’t know why you wouldn’t get rid of it forever. So, for the question of what I think about laser, the answer is “DO IT. YESTERDAY.” Don’t spend one more dollar on waxing, it’s a waste of time and money.

I should warn you, not all lasers and salons are created equal. That one I went to a decade ago? Garbage. My underarm hair grew back almost completely. There definitely can be regrowth over time, and it is a known fact that you will need touch-ups. But the first place I went to I barely had any results. I learned my lesson, though, and started reading reviews.

This leads to my next FAQ “is it worth it?” Usually when people ask this they are talking about money. I won’t lie, it’s not cheap. But if you divide it over time, it’s definitely a good investment. That’s how I view it: an investment in both time and money. Also, less effort and planning! With shaving, you always have to make sure you shave in case you end up in a tank top, or at a pool or beach etc. With waxing you have to time them out because your hair needs to be a certain length before waxing. With laser, you actually shave before an appointment, so there’s no planning at all, and then once the hair is gone, it’s gone forever! You can attend all of the impromptu pool bashes you want! The ONLY thing to note: you are not supposed to have sun exposure before or after, so get lasered in the winter to prepare for your summer fun.

How much money are we really talking? It depends. A lot of places charge by the size of the area. Large areas will be more (like legs) and small areas will be less (like upper lip).

The first salon I went to had a deal on Groupon for “unlimited sessions for a year,” but the reality is, you only go every 6-8 weeks max. So that really means 6-8 sessions within that “unlimited” year. Plus, as I said, that first salon was trash. The place I go to now, sells either single sessions or packs of six sessions at a discount for a specific area. It’s far cheaper to buy a package, and they have specials all the time on top of the bundle discounts. ALSO: GROUPON. Yes, you heard me right, I used Groupon again even after my first travesty experience. The place I love now has a sticker price of 6 sessions on small area for $954, medium $1596, and large $3500. But with the specials they are always running, it’s more like $300, $450 and $600. Plus… GROUPON! On Groupon right now it is $61.50 for six small, $135 for six medium, or $208 for six large. That is a STEAL.

As with the salons, not all Groupons are created equal. And I’ll say it again… READ THE REVIEWS. The reviews will tell you everything. The place I go to now has 1,459 ratings and it is rated 4.9/5 stars. I’m telling you, this place is bomb.

Now to my final FAQ: does it work? Well yes, duh. I wouldn’t be writing this whole saga of a blog post if it didn’t. But again, not all results are equal. First of all, they say that the more contrast there is between the skin color and the hair color, the better the results. So lighter skin and darker hair make for better results. Also, not all areas work the same. My underarms are PESKY. I have had many, many sessions on them and I still have residual hair. But the hair that is left is way lighter and not visible from a distance at all, definitely not in a dark gym studio. I shave maybeee once a week now instead of every day. But the results on my legs?? COMPLETELY GONE. In six sessions. And that was pre-pandemic and still I have no hair. Best impulse purchase I’ve literally ever made. And I do mean impulse. I had my pants off for Brazilian laser and my aesthetician was like “we have a special going on, want anything else?” and I was like “sure go for it.”

Ok wait, I missed a question you may ask: does it hurt? Yes. But not a crazy amount. Way less than waxing, and again, I think of it as an investment! Beauty is pain, right? If you have a very low pain tolerance or no experience with waxing, take two ibuprofen half an hour before and you’ll be fine. And/or ask for a stress ball. I usually dig my nails in my palms if it really hurts. Underarms for me hurt wayyyy more than vagina or butt. Shins hurt second most.

If you got this far, I know you’re dying to know where I go. If you are in New York, I HIGHLY recommend Laser Bar and Spa for these reasons:

They are incredibly affordable as far as laser goes.
- They always have Groupons! Literally. ALWAYS. First time customers only, though, so I recommend buying a lot in your first go!
- They also always have specials for existing customers. That’s how they got me with the leg add-on.
The results are amazing. I have referred many friends there and they all have had fantastic results.
It’s centrally located and easy to get to (right in Herald Square).
Most importantly – mention my name and I can get a free session. I’m addicted! What should I get lasered next?

Long Legs and other Personal Problems

True Life: I am 34 Years Old and Finally Learned How To Do My Own Makeup

February 23, 2022 3 Comments

A few months ago I was scrolling through Instagram stories and an influencer I follow mentioned she was getting a one-on-one makeup lesson. I was totally intrigued. You guys know I have hair on lock. I can do my own, I can do bridal, I can do cornrows, boho and everything in between. But makeup? I can barely apply my own mascara.

I’ve tried learning how to do makeup on my own. After all, you can’t browse YouTube or TikTok without getting promoted a tutorial. But I don’t even know where to start. And let me tell you, makeup is EXPENSIVE! I can’t afford to buy a million products and try them out to see if they work. That is the approach I took with hair products – don’t ask me how many texture hairsprays I have. I have 5 curling wands. Anyway, I didn’t want to do that with makeup, and I really needed personalized attention. Unfortunately, the influencer I followed who got the lesson was in Los Angeles, which meant I needed to find myself a NYC-based makeup artist.

Three weeks ago, the makeup-gods shined upon me when a friend of a friend of mine actually won an Instagram contest from a makeup artist right here in NYC, Lucas Dean a.k.a. @makeupbylucas. I checked out his Instagram and it was EXACTLY what I was looking for: natural but chic. His IG bio says, “Serving that ‘you but better’ vibe.” Ummm YES. Naturally I checked out his website, but it didn’t mention lessons, so I slid into his DM’s like a creep. I explained my predicament, namely that I cannot do normal girl things like apply foundation, and he wrote back almost immediately. Definitely my kind of guy.

We discussed pricing and also what I was looking for: step-by-step instructions, an understanding of products in general, and how to elevate a look for night but keep it super natural. He mentioned that rosé goes very well with makeup lessons (I knew this was my guy) and I sent him a deposit via Venmo.

With my 4 weddings I have coming up in the next 4 months, I knew I needed to schedule this ASAP so I had time to practice. Thankfully, Lucas had a spot open the very next week between his many destination weddings (he has 40 weddings this year!!).

He arrived on time and with his entire kit in tow. He also had a rainbow rhinestone mask, extra points. He asked if I wanted him to keep his mask on, more extra points, but with the Covid rates so low in NYC, I felt it was important for me to see his full face so he could demonstrate on himself where to put different products. I explained that not only am I a huge sweater, but I was extremely nervous about full face makeup because my own wedding is on the beach in Mexico in May – I was scared to sweat it all off. He showed me an amazing photo of makeup he did for himself and told me he took a video of himself literally stepping in the shower in it, and none of it dripping off. That certainly helped allay my fear. I poured us some rosé and we got started.

We decided that although it would take longer (he charges by the hour), I preferred him to do a demo step by step where he did one side of my face, and then I attempted to do the same thing on the other side of my face while he coached me. We went step by step, me watching him do one side in a hand mirror (and also feeling it) and then him walking me through. Skincare, primer, eyeshadow, face (foundation, concealer, powder, bronzer, blush, highlighter), eyeliner and mascara, lipliner and gloss, set. That sounds like a lot of product, right?? I was scared, too. But I looked in the mirror and BAM. It looked AMAZING. He said he couldn’t even tell which side he did and I did! I think he was just being nice, but it really looked awesome.

As soon as he left (after we took a selfie), I took many selfies of myself. My makeup looked SO good!! It was perfect timing because I had a final meeting with my professor for a course I was taking, and I got to stare at myself on zoom for 40 minutes. Hopefully she couldn’t tell I was looking at myself, not her. I think the makeup looked incredibly natural. Chris hates me with any makeup on, but I did this for ME, right?

After my meeting, I opened a draft email to myself and tried to remember all of the steps and write them out in my own words. I understood what he said, and I think muscle memory will kick in eventually, but for now it’s good to have a cheat sheet. I went to Sephora and stocked up on all of the products he mentioned. I had been taking photos of them the entire time, and I had to go get the basics – I didn’t even own any brushes! Yikes. For someone with 20 different hair sprays, I was really lacking in the makeup department. While at Sephora, I DMed Lucas because the photos I took of two of the face products didn’t have the color on them. He wrote me back right away, and thankfully, somehow, he remembered which shades he had used on me, so I knew what to buy.

Me taking photos of all of the products. Note my slippers under the table!

If you’ve read this far, I know you want to know the cost. He charges $200/hour for makeup lessons, and we went two hours. We probably could have finished in one hour if he had just done my makeup, but I really wanted a step-by-step tutorial and to try it myself. Was it worth $400? In my opinion, YES. But was it a splurge? Also YES. I never could have learned this without help. I see it as an investment! I’m hoping I now will know how to do my own makeup literally forever. I obviously need some practice, but I look forward to learning new tricks now that I have a base knowledge. Notice, I haven’t mentioned the price of the actual makeup. I spent about $250 on makeup after Lucas left, and that didn’t include eyeshadow, mascara, powder, bronzer or blush, which I already had. But brushes alone cost $50, and I needed to buy primers, concealer, foundation, eyeliner, setting spray, lip liner, and a natural lip gloss.

I’m super excited to practice this new skill, and between being able to do my own makeup AND hair, I am ready for my marathon of weddings coming up, starting with my brother’s, this weekend!!

Lucas took this one right after we finished. Look at that subtle eye!

Fitness

People I Hate at the Gym

February 17, 2022 6 Comments

I have been spending a lot of time at the gym, specifically Orangetheory. Many articles will tell you different statistics about how many people give up on their News Year Resolutions within 2/4/6 weeks, but no matter what you read, that means the people still sticking around on February 17^th are likely there for the long haul. And unfortunately… I HATE SOME OF Y’ALL.

Here are a few categories of people I wish would quit the gym.

Unnecessary Noise People

Why? Honestly, is it necessary? Because I see you lifting half the weight as me, and there is no reason for you to be grunting. If your weight choice is actually so difficult that your body releases an uncontrollable sound every time, perhaps you need to scale back. Now, let’s talk a little about jumping noises, too. I do not mean the actually sound of jumping. I mean the tiny little yelp that is 100% unnecessary every time you jump side to side or forward and back. There is someone who does this every class. I (kindly) call her “bird sex girl” because it sounds like a teeny tiny parakeet having vigorous reproductive fun for 30 seconds at a time. Once, I was on the treadmill as it was going on, and I thought it was a malfunction on my treadmill and the belt was coming loose but no, bird sex on the floor behind me.

People Who Won’t Swallow Their Water

You heard it here first: water is for hydration. Groundbreaking. Things water is not for: stagnant mouth-holding. Teeth-cleaning. Swishing around. This one is just extra disgusting to me. Why are you walking around the studio with your mouth full of bacteria-laden liquid? It makes no sense. What if someone accidentally knocks you? What happens to the water, then? Just take the water in your mouth and swallow it. This requires no additional explanation.

Every-Weight-In-This-Gym-Is-Mine People

It’s happened to me too – the coach explains an exercise, and you realize you want a 20-pound weight, but your rack doesn’t have one. What do you do? Look around, maybe ask a neighbor to borrow, or just attempt a lower weight with more reps or a higher weight with less reps. What do you not do? Go to someone else’s weight rack and just grab a few. Do you have no home training? If something is not yours, you ask permission. With a “please” and a “may I?” I learned that in kindergarten playing “Mother, may I?” The second these people hit the weight floor it’s like all common courtesy leaves their mind as they are only thinking “MUST FIND A 20-POUND DUMBELL ASAP.” Come on, guys, be normal.

Chatty Cathys

Surprisingly, this is usually the men. They come with their bros and love to just ham it up picking the largest weights on the rack, and usually do the exercises incorrectly. You may be curious how they are doing the exercise wrong when the coach demos every single exercise and little video-people are also demo-ing on the screens all around the room. Well… it’s because they’re too busy chit-chatting to watch a demo, and they think they know best. Don’t get me wrong, I love to work out with a friend. It’s way more fun to have a buddy in class, to shoot “kill me” looks at them when the coach casually throws 10 burpees into a workout. I even sing along to the playlist (often) and congratulate my treadmill-neighbors when they hit a top speed on an all-out. But don’t talk over a demo, it’s disrespectful to the coach and the other participants.

Forrest Gump

Run, Forrest, Run!!! But actually, please don’t. One of the main tenets of Orangetheory is that you’re supposed to keep your heart in the orange zone, not run as fast and as hard as you can the entire time. Each day’s template is designed to maximize your effort and include recoveries. The coach should not need to come over to you 6 times to tell you to stop running. Usually in class while you are walking, the coach is speaking and explaining the next block. If you are running, your treadmill is loud and no one else can hear. And who are you really showing off to? No one cares and it is not a race. There are no medals. If you really want to run nonstop, there are miles and miles of street throughout New York City. In fact, the studio is only one block from Central Park! SEE YA.

The Ones Who Forgot Their Shirts

I admit, most of this is jealousy. I wish I had A. the confidence to not wear a shirt in public and B. the boobs to carry it off. I will be honest, my jealousy distracts me. I love a good matching gym set, but when I just see boobs out of the corner of my eye, it’s hard to look away. I can’t even shame though because honestly, they usually look good. Maybe after all of these weeks at Orangetheory I’ll feel confident without a shirt, too. And the best part – it’s less laundry!

Smelly People

I understand we all didn’t leave our houses for over a year. At home, it didn’t matter if you stank. No one was there to judge you. All the way back in July 2020, they reported that deodorant sales plummeted and ice cream sales soared. Maybe you never raised your arms at home because you sat at your laptop all day. Maybe you didn’t realize that your dog stopped hanging around by your desk. But you absolutely need to be self-aware again if you plan on working out vigorously in close proximity to other humans. A mask can only help incrementally. Unless the entire membership of Orangetheory gets symptomatic Covid and collectively loses their sense of smell simultaneously, you absolutely must do something about it. And until you do, I will give you the stink eye (literally) every time you do an overhead press.

There are probably some annoying people I missed, let me know in the comments.

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