Miscellaneous

De-Stressing in a Stressful World

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This has been a hard week. And a tough month. Actually, it’s been a tough year since last November. I consider myself lucky that despite the fact that I know many people in Las Vegas, I didn’t personally know anyone at the Route 91 Harvest Festival. I am fortunate that despite my friends from all over the world, I don’t know anyone personally affected by the tragic hurricanes in the Caribbean. Despite living in New York, a virtual melting pot, I don’t know anyone by name who will be affected by the decision to repeal DACA. Despite being Jewish, I don’t know anyone who was in or around the white supremacist rally in Charlottesville. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t affected.

It’s not easy living in this world. As a human being who has feelings, empathy, sympathy, all the things that our leader seems to be lacking, it’s not easy to wake up every day in these times. Unfortunately, or fortunately, we still have to keep doing it. It often feels like there’s not much we can do, but there are little things. No, I’m not talking about posting on Facebook about sending “thoughts and prayers.” But there are some easy things, like VOTING (COME ON PEOPLE, REGISTER!), or using and texting resistbot to contact your local Senators (TEXT “RESIST” to 50409). Sometimes, though, you don’t even feel like doing anything. You just want to wallow in your sorrows. I totally get that. Unfort., your job probably won’t allow a lifetime of mental health days. And meanwhile, if things aren’t getting better, what can you do to de-stress, simply so you feel like you can get out of bed?

I put together a list of a few things I do to try and forget the world we live in temporarily, just to keep my sanity.

  • Watch nice things on the internet. When I go on twitter, it is a sh*tstorm of terribles. It’s so bad. It’s so depressing. So sometimes I just seek out heartwarming things to watch. If I liked animals, it would be puppies. But I don’t like animals, so it’s Ellen. She recently did an 8-minute montage of nice, amazing humans, doing nice, amazing things. I only cried 6 times at my desk. But they were happy tears! There are good people out there!! **hits replay**
  • Watch YouTube tutorials about hair braiding and do my hair and my coworkers’ hair. This may not be for everyone, but it’s therapeutic for me. Plus, it’s nice to see your work actually amount to something beautiful. I talked about me braiding my hair for races before, but I have taken my skills to new levels!
I learned this 5 strand braid, check out my first attempt!
  • Work out. I will say, my workouts have now taken on a life of their own. My stats at Peloton have skyrocketed. I have so much stress and anxiety, that the best way for me to take it out is on my body and on the bike. The participants in my spin classes may not appreciate this new power from within, but they are reaping the benefits as well 😉
  • Stay busy by finding fun, random things to do. The cheaper the better. I have been taking advantage of the random events New York has to offer. In the last few months, I have gone to a free Oktoberfest celebration, a free yoga class (also counts for my last bullet point), a $20 pumpkinfest, and a free bootcamp class on a roof deck. I have found that by forcing myself to keep busy, I can stay off of the internet and focus on uplifting things. I highly recommend grabbing a TimeOut NY if you live in New York to find events. Or follow FitForFree on Instagram; I’m going to a Bollywood class in 2 weeks! If you live outside New York, take advantage of Google! Use your internet time to search for offline things to do, instead of getting down the Twitter rabbit-hole-of-horribles.
  • Read. Uplifting things. Nothing heavy, just fun “beach reads.” Or even join a book club! P.S. I’m looking for a good one to join. Anyone out there? Bueller?
  • Go to the movies. Nothing takes your mind off of the here and now like escaping into a far away place. Or any place with a happy ending. Rom coms are the best for this. I know movies can be expensive, but there are ways around that. Join advancescreenings, like I mentioned in my first-ever blog post. Then you can even see movies before they come out! Or, join the AMC Stubs program. It’s $15 for the year, and they constantly have deals like right now, $5 ticket Tuesdays. Plus, you get points for even more rewards. And you can skip the line at the concession stand. Nothing takes your mind off of our current world like a handful of melted butter from popcorn. Which brings me to my next point.
  • Eat. Tina Fey caught a lot of backlash for her emotional eating/grassroots movement #SheetCaking.

And obesity isn’t always the answer. But there’s a time and a place for emotional eating, and sometimes a pint of Halo Top just hits the spot. Ok, two pints. If it makes you feel better, it’s #WorthIt. Everything in moderation. I’ve been to Halal Guys more in the past month than I choose to admit. I’m a #HalalVIP. I’ll stop with the hashtags now.

The whole point here is, do what makes you happy. Literally. In these times, I do not suggest that you sit back and do nothing, just the opposite. Volunteer if you can. Donate money. Donate blood. Get the word out. Speak up. But also, it’s important for your mental health to take a step back and smile every once in a while. And in the meantime, I’ll try and keep you entertained here. So subscribe!!

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Miscellaneous

The Great Jack-O’-Lantern Blaze

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IT’S OCTOBER! The best month of the year for basic betches everywhere. It’s the month of the PSL, the month of the best holiday ever involving costumes and booze (more on that another time), the season of apple picking and other insagrammable white betch things, PLUS if you work for the Jews, it’s the month where we work half the time and get paid the same amount. That’s a win-win. But even more, it’s the month of PUMPKIN ERRTHING. Pumpkin candles. Pumpkin coffee creamer. Pumpkin cookies. Pumpkin-colored president. UGH.

Anyway, I’ve never met a pumpkin I didn’t love, besides the rotting ones in November. When my best friend sent me a link about something called “The Great Jack O’Lantern BLAZE” I was 100% in. Then I saw that NPH has been there with his twins, and I was 125% in. Did it live up to my expectations? HELL YES. Did I see NPH? Unfort no. I guess I’ll have to hang out in Harlem more.

Arguably the best thing about the BLAZE is their FAQ page, addressing incredibly pressing and hard-hitting questions like “what is a pumpkin?” and “It’s raining and I dress exclusively in suede. Can I get a refund or exchange my tickets?” and “Did I mention I’m studying for a certificate in Freudian analysis?” Answer: “Great, you might enjoy our installation of shrunken heads.”

Seriously, the FAQ page is legendary. But they also answer some of the questions you may actually be wondering about like how many pumpkins are involved and how long they’ve been doing it. Answers: 7,000+ hand-carved jack-o’-lanterns for 13 years running. Each BLAZE involves ordering more than 10,000 live pumpkins, because they don’t survive the whole time. This equals a total of more than 200,000 pounds of pumpkin!!! They start carving in JUNE and they are helped by more than 2,600 volunteers. The carvers are led by Creative Director Michael Natiello, who leads a team of Historic Hudson Valley staff and local artists.

The best news for you, it’s just begun!! It goes through November! The bad news is that a lot of the best tickets have ALREADY sold out! Click here to purchase them ($22/person, which may seem steep, or may seem like a BARGAIN depending on the strength of your pumpkin-love).

Being “real” New Yorkers, we didn’t have a car to drive to the BLAZE, but luckily for us, we have legs and unlimited metrocards. The only tickets left were for 9 pm, so we embarked on our Pumpkin Journey at 6:45 pm just to be safe. We took the 1 train to 225th street, then hopped on the MetroNorth for a 45-minute ride deep into the burbs, $11 round trip. Not bad! They didn’t even check our ticket on the way there. What a waste. Anyone want to go back? I’ve got a ticket!

Anyway, after our journey, which included a 13-minute brisk walk along the highway, we found the entrance. They sold pumpkin EVERYTHING. From headbands with jack-o’-lantern antennae to pumpkin curry. Oh, and of course pumpkin pie. But before refreshments we had to walk through the jungle-o’-jack-o’-lanterns. Holy cow. You walk in and immediately see this massive bridge made of pumpkins, aptly named the Pumpkin-Zee Bridge, as well as a full-on Statue of Liberty (Statue of Pumpkin?). Van Cortland Manor was completely transformed with LED lights and thousands of intricately carved orange fruits. Yes, according to the FAQ page, they are fruits from the gourd family.

There is “spooky” music piped in throughout the manor, and the jack-o’-lanterns are organized by theme, from a huge spider web with spiders, to a walking dead/Sleepy Hollow graveyard. There are fish in the “water” on both sides of the Pumpkin-Zee Bridge, not to mention the many moving aspects. There’s a working grandfather clock made of pumpkins, as well as a fully functional carousel. Maybe not fully functional since we weren’t allowed to ride on it, but still. I was impressed.

 

Some of the pumpkins were super intricate. Especially the possums. I took so many photos my phone nearly died from pumpkin-overload.

After we made our way through the whole manor, we did some mandatory pumpkin-posing, as one does, and then we got some warm apple cider and a cider doughnut. TBH, this was 50% of the reason for going. Gotta get those cider doughnuts. It’s the official food of October! We made the long trek back to the city and arrived home after midnight. Some may say we are crazy, I just say we are incredibly passionate about the white betch cause. So was it worth it? You tell me!! How cute are my Instagram pics? These ones? How about this boomerang? #WorthIt.

 

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Fitness

Fit for Free Yoga

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I am a workout fiend but there’s one workout I never do: YOGA. The reason being, I am one of the most inflexible people you will ever meet. I’m talking, I can barely touch my toes. However, with all of the running and spinning that I do, yoga is probably the one thing I need the most! So how did I end up reaching for my far-away-toes and attempting to contort my body into unheard-of poses on Tuesday night? Well mostly because it was my favorite price: FREE. I’m a sucker for a free workout, especially a free CLASS, which is why I started following the blog, Fit For Free months ago. The creator of the blog, Alexa Lippman, posts all different types of free and reduced-price workouts on her blog and Instagram, but for some reason, the mood struck me to try out some contortionism Tuesday.

First, a quick history of my yoga “practice” and inflexibility:

Flashback to college, when I started training to become a fitness instructor. They forced us to complete a fitness assessment with the trainers. I remember laying on my back as the trainer pushed my straight leg back as far as he could, measuring the angle. I remember him telling me to stop pushing back against him. I remember him laughing asking if I was trying to mess with him. I remember me adamantly saying, “no, I’m just that inflexible.” I remember him telling me he had never met anyone with as tight hamstrings as me. I remember trying out a yoga class that Friday, in an attempt to take the trainer’s suggestion to “stretch the f*ck out.” I remember laughing/falling on my face in yoga. I remember vowing to never return.

Flash-forward 9 years later, when I agreed to do a 20-minute yoga-for-runners class at lululemon after run club. SURPRISE! I was still inflexible and a complete yoga-dummy.

Flash-forward to receiving the email from Fit For Free about a free Lyons Den Power Yoga class at Athleta. There would be refreshing dandelion tea after class, and I am a sucker for free snacks and beverages. Plus, the email promised it would be ok for yogi-failures. Direct quote from the email:

Class is open to all levels – so whether you practice yoga everyday, or this is your very first time, everyone is welcome. Trust me, you will very likely see me fall out of tree pose, I am no pro. So don’t be intimidated if you’re not a regular yogi. This event is meant for everyone to have fun, take an awesome yoga class, and meet some new like-minded fitness friends.

Sounded legit. I like fitness friends! I figured that if Alexa, the creator of a fitness blog, was going to fall out of tree pose, I could fall out of tree pose with her! Not that I knew what “tree pose” even was…

I gathered all of my strength, literally and figurately, and I signed up. I got there early, so I could panic and talk myself out of leaving for a full 45 minutes, as one does. I watched all of these lithe females walk in with their own yoga mats, and proceeded to freak out a little more. Finally, we entered the room barefoot (good thing I got a pedicure!), grabbed a block, and picked a mat. Unluckily for everyone else, the back 4 rows were full. I was in the second row, in plain view for everyone to watch me make a fool of myself. NBD.

We began with a meditation where we reflected and wrote on a post-it note something that was making us bitter recently so we could think about it and let go of it during class. Usually this inner-peace/reflection/contemplation/bogus is not my thing. But it has been SO DAMN HOT lately. And I was freaking bitter about it. So obvi I wrote “THE HEAT” in all capital letters. It actually made me feel better. We began to down dog, forward fold, crescent lunge, tadasana, rag doll. Not in that order. Also, I’m not gonna lie, I just googled “basic yoga poses” because I’m basic (in more ways than one), and because I didn’t remember any of the names. At one point, the amazing instructor, Christine Mahoney, said, “you don’t have to look around, everyone looks fantastic and is doing fine!” Little did she know, I was looking around because I had absolutely no idea what a “forward fold” was (and yes, in hindsight it really should have been self-explanatory).

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Anyway, TBH it was a lot of fun. It was so different than running/spinning, but the “power” part of power yoga meant it was a fast-paced class and I wasn’t bored at all, which was my primary concern. Plus, I was super busy the whole class trying to look around and figure out what I was supposed to be doing, while simultaneously trying not to fall on my face. I didn’t get a single bruise! Also, I felt looser and less tense than I had in weeks. Possibly months. Ok, years.

I’d say it was an overall success. I don’t know if I’d ever pay to embarrass myself, but I would be down (down dog?) to try it again for no cost! I even found myself googling “free yoga NYC” this morning. And one thing’s for sure, I’ll def be following Fit for Free to see if any other free classes pop up! You should, too! And follow me, because I promise to repost 😊

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Travel

Forgotten Florida Facts

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I lived in Florida for 13 years, and in the 7 years since I left, I forgot a few things. I was lucky enough to spend last weekend (and Rosh Hashanah) in Florida, like 7 million other old Jews, and it reminded me of these unique Floridian things:

  • Beach towels. Bring them everywhere. Do not fret if you forget them, every other person coming to the beach will have a few extras in the trunk of their car. Or an old sheet. You can see from the feature photo that we had enough towels for three of us to lay on. Miss you already, ladies!
  • Publix, Where Shopping is a Pleasure. They now have Wawa popping up all over Florida and you all know I have a special place in my heart for a hoagie. But absolutely nothing beats a Chicken Tender Pub Sub.
  • Publix bags. Everyone has them. Dog poop. Kitty litter. Sweaty clothes. Wet swimsuits. They are so multi-purpose. And you always knows where to find them. Under the sink! In every single house, without fail.

  • Humidity. There’s no such thing as walking in Florida. It’s basically just swimming. Don’t even bother owning a blow-dryer or a straightening iron. Every minute you spend trying to do your hair is just another minute of your life you will never get back. And your hair will frizz out within 10 seconds of leaving the house anyway. Don’t bother.
  • Concealed carry. And I’m not even talking about guns, I’m talking about booze. Since everyone needs to drive to get places, they can’t drink til they get there! Gotta pack mini bottles of liquor in the purse. Then Uber home, of course. What did we do before Uber!?!
  • “Season.” If you are from South Florida, I don’t need to say any more. For you non-Floridians, no, I’m not talking about winter, spring, summer, or fall. One of my friends works at a country club, and she is off for 6 weeks right now, “between summer and season.” This is snowbird season. When the entire 70+ year-old-population of the northeast USA and Canada descends on Florida. This is also sometimes known as Q-tip season, so-named for the white puffy fluffy tops-of-heads you can see barely visible above the steering wheels. Wear your seat belt year-round, but DEF wear it from October-March.
  • The worst drivers in the world. I’m not just talking about the Q-Tips. Drivers in Florida are horrific. I mean, we don’t even have to parallel park to pass the driving test. And we get our licenses when we are 16. And keep them through death. Basically, anyone can pass the test. At least by the second time they take it (cough cough, me).
  • Bipolar weather. The weather in Florida is CRAZY. Unlike anywhere else. One may infer that by saying “bipolar,” I mean that it changes often. Perhaps I should call it multiple personality weather. Meaning it’s a million different things AT THE SAME DAMN TIME. Totally mind-blowing. I remember when I was growing up in Florida, sometimes it was raining in the front of the house but not in the back. I am not exaggerating. On my first day in Florida last weekend, we were driving to the beach and we got caught in a terrible rain storm. So bad that people were driving 15 MPH on I-95. It takes a pretty bad storm for Florida drivers to slow down. See above. Anyway, in any other place, you’d probably abandon your beach plans in this weather, but in Florida, we looked east and realized it was actually beautiful and sunny by the beach. Sure enough, when we got to the beach it was hot, sunny, and I got a great tan.
  • Font size on cell phones. This goes hand in hand with the median age in Florida. People cannot see. If they haven’t had cataracts surgery yet, they probably should. Absolutely nothing that people write on their cell phones is private in Florida, because it can be seen from a mile away. And this is coming from someone with -10 vision. I could read the old man’s text to his son from 4 seats down at the bar. He was wishing him a Happy New Year.

Shanah Tovah betches 😊 NEXT YEAR IN BOCA!! (and more about my trip later this week!)

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Big City Living

Oktoberfest NYC

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According to the almighty Wikipedia, Oktoberfest is the world’s largest Volksfest, aka beer festival and travelling funfair. Since I don’t love beer and barely ever drink it, I turned down an invitation to go to Munich with some friends a few years ago to experience it in all its glory. However, this year my friend told me about an Oktoberfest in NYC, and SURPRISE, it was FREE. My favorite price. Beer or no beer, I am all about the free entertainment. (Third installment about my student loans coming up this week).

Oktoberfest runs from mid-September to the first weekend in October. Yes, Oktoberfest is not really an OCTOBER-fest. Germans are strange. Anyway, there are still a few weekends left of the event so if my blog below sounds fun, check out the event for yourself! General admission is free, or you can choose to buy tickets that include two hours of beer tasting for $60. Since I don’t like beer, and since I am poor, I chose the free option, duh.

The weather in NYC has been pretty gross: 80-90% humidity and 85 degrees Fahrenheit. However, last Sunday it was at least sunny and there was beer to cool down with. They didn’t accept any cash inside the event, so you had to purchase tickets to buy beer and food. The tickets were $9/piece which is hefty, but at least the beers were sizeable. Also, they had a “buy 11 tickets, get 2 free” deal, which we found out about too late. Serves us right for not reading the signs and streamlining to the bar.

The event was outside at Pier 15, with awesome views of all of the bridges, and of a few military planes landing. Some people thought they carried the President, but I personally could not care less if he’s in town, if you catch my drift.

There were ping pong tables, corn hole games, multiple “head in hole” boards, aka Cutout Boards. I tried one of them out. Not as many as this guy with 2,400, but still. And I couldn’t resist, I had two beers. I didn’t love the taste, or the carbonation, but it was very refreshing! Did I mention they had bratwursts and pretzels the size of your head? They did. They also had chicken nuggets, although I’m not sure the German connection to those. The bartenders were all wearing traditional dirndls and lederhosen, as were some of the patrons. Some of them were Halloween-costume-style, and not “traditional,” per se, as noted by my friend who has been to the real Oktoberfest. They looked real to me. And silly. Clearly we had to take a pic with one of the guys.

My favorite part of the day was when a member of the event staff began speaking in a terrible fake German accent and announcing a stein-holding competition. Guys, if you didn’t know about this before, there is literally a US Steinholding Association. They have official rules and FAQ’s like,

Q: How much does the stein weigh?

A: A full one-liter stein should weigh approximately 5.5 pounds.

Q: How do you practice for a competition?

A: Everyone is different, and being in good athletic condition helps, but to put it bluntly, you basically just practice holding a stein a lot.

Q: How long should a normal person expect to last in their first competition?

A: Your typical guy can usually last somewhere in the 3-5 minute range, with ladies lasting between 1-2 minutes. If you can go longer than that, following all of the rules, you should definitely find out where to compete in masskrugstemmen so you can take a shot at qualifying for a national level competition.

Q: What is the world record for steinholding?

A: There isn’t currently a world-level competition, so we don’t know of any official world record, but the US national record is currently 19 minutes, 15 seconds, set by Deryk Lindsey at the 2016 National Masskrugstemmen Championships at the Steuben Day Parade and New York City Oktoberfest.

Anyway, the gist is, you hold a very heavy and large glass that is filled with beer and you do not tip, spill or drop it. Longest holder wins. Everyone was video-ing and cheering and the event host was heckling the guys to try and make them drop the steins. I even got a photo with the winner while he was wearing his winning hat and holding his winning beer!

No girls participated, and in hindsight I should have entered, even if I only held it 20 seconds! FREE BEER. If only I liked beer. When is the Oktoberfest for vodka?

The steinholding winner with his winning stein in hand!
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Miscellaneous

Mystery Date Night

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My boyfriend has many pitfalls, the main one, of course, being that he has an emoji for a face. But recently he has been KILLING the date-game, and I must give credit where credit is due. You may remember less than a month ago, when he surprised me with 4th row tickets to see The Book of Mormon in preparation for our trip to Utah. TBH, I didn’t think he could beat that.

He has asked me early last week for a “date night” on Friday. Color me impressed. That was already a huge improvement. Pre-planning a date? Allowing me more than 3 days’ notice to put it in my always-full social calendar? I was excited.

Friday morning, he texted me while I was at work and said, “I checked your calendar. You don’t have anything tomorrow morning, right?” That’s right, ladies and gents, we share Google calendars. We are the COOLEST couple of all time. But honestly, I don’t know what we would do if we didn’t; I have too many things going on! Luckily, I had nothing going on the next day, since the UF Football game was canceled due to Hurricane Irma.

Anyway, my interest was piqued. A date that requires no plans the next morning? Were we going on a trip? We don’t have a car! Were we going out super late? Sleep No More? He knows I get scared way too easily for that shiz.

I got home from work and he told me to pack a bag. SO EXCITING. I packed an outfit, a gator outfit for the next day (it doesn’t matter if they aren’t playing, #InAllKindsOfWeather), a swimsuit (you never know) and some makeup. Then we headed out to our chariot (aka our Via, SIGN UP WITH MY CODE emily5s6e for $10 off!) and he still kept it a mystery as we headed downtown. I cheated a little by looking on the Via’s GPS, but all I cleaned from my snooping was that we were going super far downtown.

We arrived at the Hilton Millennium hotel just as the sun was setting. My emoji-bf has many great qualities, one big one being he is a Hilton Honors Gold member, so we got the highest room available, on the 48th floor. The room was overlooking the Freedom Tower, the 9/11 Memorial reflecting pool, and the Oculus. I’d argue there is no better view within Manhattan. The best view of Manhattan is from New Jersey, but really, WHO GOES THERE!? The view of the Freedom Tower could not have been more timely, the weekend before 9/11. 16 years later and I still have so many feelings.

We settled into our room in the third-best Hilton Hotel in Manhattan, and checked out the room service menu. How do I know it was the third-best? Because emoji-man was very upset when he looked it up and found out. Turns out the Waldorf Astoria is #1 and The Conrad is #2, in case these things matter to you.

Anyway, the emoji-BF decided on this mystery date because of an Amex offer (more on his and my credit card churning another day), which said that if you spend $300 at a Hilton Hotel, you get $350 back. FREE MONEY! MY FAVORITE KIND! We needed to figure out a way to spend $40 more to get the offer, so we perused the room service menu for items to “fit the bill,” literally. Unfortunately, this is NYC and room service, a lethal combination. Nothing on the menu was that cheap. So we started looking for other options.

We decided to dine at Osteria della Pace, a southern Italian restaurant inside Eataly. The food was delicious and I had a glass of no. 139 dry rose cider, which was sort of like a sparkling rose champagne. Yum! What is one of the worst things that can happen while dining downtown within one of the World Trade Center buildings? OH YEAH. THE ALARM CAN START GOING OFF. And sure enough, it did. In the middle of appetizers, the lights started strobing and an announcement started. I’ve never seen New Yorkers shut up so quickly in my life. It was quieter than a subway at 5 am when everyone is still asleep. The only problem was, no one could understand the announcement! It was static-y and the guy speaking had a very strong accent. After about 30 seconds of heart-pounding panic, we heard one word, “disregard,” and there was a collective huge sigh of relief. Besides that, dinner was DELISH.

We decided to stop at the newly-opened Oculus on the way back to the hotel, since we had never been there before. We actually had no idea what it was, besides that it looked like an exoskeleton of an ENORMOUS animal. And that is cost a sh*tton of money to build (first budgeted at $2 billion, but rose to $3.9 billion by the end). We entered, and I was immediately dizzy. It’s crazy-looking! In between fighting people for a space to take a selfie – this is a V popular place for selfies, go figure – we realized it was a train station. It connects the NJ Path to the NYC subway. As I said before, I clearly never go to NJ since I did not know this. It smells there. Ok, it smells in NYC, too. But I digress.

After our selfie, we went back to the hotel where we watched parts of 3 different movies on 3 different HBO channels. Remember life before HBO Now and Netflix? Where you had to tune into a movie in the middle? Those were rough times. Anyway, we also ordered a bottle of wine to reach our $300 minimum. The bottle was $45 (we are SO fancy), but with the extra added fees, it was $62. Those hotels are fee-machines. Oh well. We didn’t even open it, but we sure felt fancy getting it to our room! If anyone wants to come over to our apartment to share, no guarantees on quality.

We went to sleep and planned to wake up to swim in the pool. Unfortunately, the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry, i.e. we overslept. We packed our bags up and headed down to the checkout.

After following my Snapchat/Instagram story and seeing the hotel view, no less than three of my friends texted me asking if I was getting engaged. To set everyone straight, I definitely did not get engaged. But I DID have an awesome night with my emoji-faced boyfriend. And for the record, mister, you have officially set the bar incredibly high if you ever do plan to “pull out all the stops” in the future. WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE. I sure hope you have another Amex Offer in the pipeline! In maybe a year. Or maybe more. 😉

Morning view of the majestic Freedom Tower.
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Travel

Park City, Utah

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Hello! My name is Elder LongLegsBigCity. And I would like to share with you the most amazing book…

JK, I did not turn into a Mormon missionary, but I did spend nearly 6 days in the beautiful state of Utah with 13 of my bf’s friends. I went on hikes, did innumerable flights of stairs at nearly 9,000 feet, took photos with multiple posters boasting puns about polygamy, and stayed in a 5-story home with a panoramic view of multiple ski slopes. Just look at the banner photo. Talk about #LifeElevated.

The emoji bf and I tend to have horrific travel luck, but the Mormon All-American prophet looked down upon us and blessed our journey and we departed NYC EARLY!! Unheard of. We arrived in Salt Lake City late on Wednesday night, met up with one of his friends, and took an uber to Park City. One of my bf’s friend’s family owns a house that they usually rent out, but lucky for us, it was vacant for (an extended) Labor Day Weekend. I got the grand tour when we arrived, and I don’t know if it was the lack of sleep or the elevation, but I actually got lost. There were 5 stories in this place! 6 bedrooms, 2 decks/patios, a shuffleboard table, a hot tub… I was floored. We arrived after midnight and the party had clearly already been going on for a while, but I skipped the drinks for the night and went straight to bed. When I woke up, I had a sleeping beauty moment when I saw on my phone it was noon. I thought I had woken up from a minor coma! Thankfully, my phone just hadn’t synced with the new time zone and it was only 10 am.

I sat on the balcony taking in the amazing view as I waited to meet up with my friend from middle school/high school/ college/NYC. She happens to live in Utah now, and she has an ADORABLE baby who I had never met yet. Luckily for me, she liked me enough to drive out to Park City with her husband and daughter to hang out. We spent the day eating amazing fried food, window shopping, and exploring the “downtown” area of Park City. Oh, and of course taking many many photos. We even saw a Banksy original! You think maybe my emoji bf is responsible???

The girl whose parents own the mansion where we were staying also have their own permanent residence in Park City in a neighborhood called the Promontory Club. Legend has it that the developer for the neighborhood went bankrupt in the middle of building, and when they same developer bought the land back (in foreclosure), he had so much extra money that he built these amazing amenities for the neighborhood to use. We decided to take full advantage of them. After a busy day in town, we went to the bougie AF clubhouse (“The Shed”), where they had an indoor bball/vball court, jump ropes, pinball, foosball, pool tables, and of course, bowling lanes. After working up an appetite, we ordered food and ate it outside as they turned on the gas fire pit that lined the patio. I didn’t quite break 90 in bowling… I probably didn’t deserve the pizza. Once the temperature dropped, we went back to the house and drank some more wine in the hot tub.

For some reason (time change?) I woke up early the next morning. A few of us took a trip down Shorty’s Stairs (actually, I did them 4 times trying to work off the booze from the prior night, this became a tradition), and we found this place called Little Donuts. The owner is a Michigan fan, which I will only forgive because these donuts were phenomenal. Fresh AND you could watch him hand dip and decorate each one made-to-order. They had a maple bacon one. I mean, come on. Clearly the 500 stairs/day were not going to be enough. After eating too many donuts, we put on swimsuits (thankfully I brought my one-piece) and headed back to Promontory, this time to “The Beachhouse.” There were 14 of us, and thanks to some A+ planning, we had rented a cabana, which we had all to ourselves with cookies, cheese, crackers and fruit. The best part was, the cabana was situated basically in the man-made lake, so as we took advantage of the free watersports, we could paddleboard/kayak etc. right up to our group of friends! We played some frisbee in the pool and soaked in the high-elevation rays before heading back to our mansion. After pregaming a little TOO hard, we walked down Shorty’s stairs to a tapas restaurant called Bodega 718/ We had picked up coupons for the restaurant earlier in the day, but (due to the heavy pregaming) we forgot them at the house. I offered to walk back to get them, which would also, hopefully, help me walk off the pregame overboard. On my way, I found an owl. I know what you’re thinking, I was hallucinating it. TBH, I thought I was, too! I walked right past it! But then I backpedaled and I was like, “nope, that is a f*cking huge owl.” His name was Hoot, and his handler informed me that he was, in fact a FAMOUS owl. He had a movie book full of photos of Hoot with the likes of Adam Sandler and Robin Williams (RIP). I am not an animal lover, but I knew I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to take a photo with Hoot #DoItForTheInsta.

After my owl photoshoot, I got the coupons, went back to dinner, and proceeded to fight with my bf. I mean, what’s a vacation with your significant other without a fight, AMIRITE? Anyway, as I have already stated 20 times, I had too much to drink and it was a good time for me to go home anyway. I walked back to the house, got a cider out of the fridge, and read my kindle in the hot tub. Arguably one my favorite parts of the trip (minus the fight).

The next morning, I woke up early again. Wtf? Anyway, it allowed me some time to sweat out the booze again, and tackle Shorty’s stairs 8 times. Almost 1,000 stairs. Unfortunately, I did not know that this was the day we were going to hike. But hike, we did. At almost 10,000 feet. Luckily, the trail itself was not too challenging, and the views were totally worth it. I even hopped in the lake at one point, which was freezing since it is formed by snow run-off from the mountains. It was worth the adventure, and it was the one time we got a group shot of all 14 of us. On our way back up, we ran into a group of students from University of Utah (“Utes”), who were using a not-so-sturdy rope swing to jump into the not-so-deep lake. One of the guys said he hit his head on the rock. Then he tried to get us to try it. I decided that Saturday, Sept. 2, 2017 was not the day I wanted to die, so I passed.

We got home, showered, watched some football, and just as I was sure UF was going to lose (SIGH), we went to the girls whose family owns the house’s parents’ house (that’s a mouthful) for a BBQ. Since they also own the 5-story mansion we were staying in, I figured their full-time house may be more modest, but I was wrong. The place was GORGEOUS. It had a wrap-around deck where we could see the perfect sunset, a wine cellar, a “drive-through shower” (NEED this in my future house) and a firepit. We drank wine and Moscow mules, ate amazing burgers and brats, and then finished the night with more wine by the fire, while Amazon Alexa serenaded us. Oh, AND we made s’mores. Does it get more perfect than that!? When I was a kid, I didn’t think it got better than s’mores. But then I realized you can have them with a side of wine. SCORE.

The next day was low key because we were tired, and because it was HOT! It wasn’t humid, but being 10,000 feet closer to the sun makes for some high temps. We went into town for the weekly summer street fair called Park Silly. We didn’t last long there thanks to the temps, but we did find our way back to Wasatch brewery where they had $2 bloody marys. Somehow I only had one. Maybe I was tapped out for booze. Or maybe I felt guilty because it was Sunday and it was Utah. Or maybe it’s because it just tasted like tomato juice thanks to Utah’s liquor laws requiring no drink to have more than 1.5 ounces of booze in it. Anyway, eventually we went back to the house where we watched the new Baywatch. Incredibly underrated, if you ask me. The Rock AND Zac Efron? I mean, clearly 5-star-worthy.

Our last real night in Utah, we went as a group to Butcher’s Chop House, where we miraculously got a last-minute reservation for 13 people. The meal was great, and was made better by a BOGO deal on entrees. I can’t resist a good deal. I can, however, resist taking photos of food. I hate people who do that sh*t. So no photos. I got to know the restaurant well, since my bf forgot his phone AND wallet, so we went back twice. Once for the phone and wallet, once for the ID, which I had luckily reminded him specifically to check for since we were flying the next day. Another charming thing about Utah: they card everyone under the age of DEAD. So your ID is oftentimes out of your wallet. Once we had the ID, we stopped at No Name Saloon for a drink on the way home, as one does when they are relieved they did not lose their entire identity (aka phone and wallet) in one fell swoop. BF had whiskey neat (the strongest drink you can get in the whole state), and I had a bottle of cider, because anything on draught is less than 4% ABV. At that point, I was happy to be leaving the next day, back to the land of the alcoholic a.k.a. New York City.

The next day we cleaned up the house and headed to the airport, where we were through security before noon. Only problem, our flight wasn’t until midnight. Luckily for me, and to the sole credit of my boyfriend, I have started credit card churning (full blog on that another time), and therefore I had an AMEX Platinum Card that got me into the Delta Sky Lounge. (Highly recommend that card. USE MY LINK!) We had 12 hours of free booze, free food, and free wifi. I read the entire book, The Young Wives Club, and did some blogging. Watch out for my next Student Loan installment coming later this week!

Overall, I didn’t see too many Mormons except at the airport (disappointing) but I did have a blast. Also, any number of days where I am not breathing in NYC’s unique and trademarked mix of smog, trash, piss, and sadness is a good weekend overall.

Ready for our red-eye back to smelly NYC.
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Big City Living

September 11

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It’s been a rough few weeks. We’ve got pandemonium in Washington, DACA was repealed, massive fires in the west, Hurricane Harvey and Hurricane Irma; I ALMOST forgot that today is September 11. But I didn’t forget. Because I never will.

I was reading You’ll Grow Out of It over the weekend, and the author was talking about how she knew her relationship was the real deal: they “talked about where they were on 9/11 (the deepest conversation you can have with another person).” And it’s true. For everyone in our generation, it was a defining moment. It’s like how my parents’ generation always know where they were when JFK was shot.

I don’t want to make this a long post, but I felt like I couldn’t let this day go by without paying homage to what it is and acknowledging this day, my first September 11 since I started LongLegsBigCity.

I was in my freshman year econ class when the first plane hit. I didn’t believe it when my friend said what happened. I remember laughing and hitting her on the shoulder, telling her to stop f*cking with me. I was in English when the second plane hit the other tower. This time the TV was on in the classroom so I couldn’t deny it. I will never forget how I felt that day. Stunned is probably the best word. I grew up in New Jersey until I was 10, but then I moved to Florida. I had so many friends and family in the northeast, and I had walked by the World Trade Center many times. But at the same time, I was in Florida, so far away. It didn’t seem real. The one thing I distinctly remember was watching the news all day. It had been a half day of school, so starting at 1 pm, I was glued to the news. I had so much homework to do. School was in full swing because it started mid-August in Florida, and I was in the Pre-IB program, which meant basically that I did homework or was in class all but 5 hours of every day, when I took a short nap. But I couldn’t bring myself to do any work. I remember seeing people jumping from buildings on the news, on repeat, over and over again. And I thought to myself, “these teachers can’t possibly expect me to do my homework, can they??”

I have now lived in New York for 8 September 11’s and it does not get any easier. The mood is somber. The people are quieter. I haven’t heard a single mariachi band on the subway yet today. People are on edge. My friend told me that there was an unattended baby bag in the elevator of Deutsche Bank this morning and there were police all over it in under a minute. Even with the Freedom Tower standing proudly above all other buildings in the city, something is missing. Every time I watch Sex and the City (more often than I should admit to), the opening credits show the twin towers and it reminds me of what is missing.

It has been 16 years since that day. This year marks the year that I’ve officially been alive longer without the twin towers standing than I was alive before they went down. Seems crazy. Seems like yesterday.

But there are two good things about this day: It reminds me that we have risen above and we are still here, living and thriving in the best city in the USA. And it is also a day of unity. It reminds me that there was a time that we stood together, before all of the current craziness in the world. There was a time when people talked to each other on the subway, not just out of fear, but out of solidarity.

Today, try to be nice to someone. Or to one more person than you would on any other day. Give someone (correct) directions on the subway, even if it means taking out your earbuds. Swipe someone into the train with your unlimited metrocard. Smile at a homeless person. Give someone a 25 cent banana from a street fruit seller. And of course, never forget.

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Miscellaneous

Hurricane Irma

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Ladies and Gents, it’s looking more and more likely that the deadly Category 5 Hurricane Irma is headed toward South Florida and I am terrified for all of my friends. Also, I am GLUED to every meteorologist on twitter (Bryan Norcross, anyone?? What a silver/blond fox). Personally, I have been tracking the storm since Saturday, paying closer attention to the direction of the “cone of uncertainty” than I paid attention to any of my classes in college. Or high school. Or anything in my life, TBH. The one class I did pay extreme attention to in college: Extreme Weather; thanks UF for those interesting GenEd Science credits. I took that class the year of Hurricane Katrina and Hurricane Wilma and I remember tracking them in class using cold and warm fronts, air pressure, wind speed and direction, altitude etc. Something about hurricane-tracking is mesmerizing. Maybe it’s the fact that we don’t really know where it’s going. We’ve all seen the meme about weathermen constantly being wrong.

Or maybe it’s the fact that it’s the one major devastating weather pattern that we can actually track days in advance. Talk about Must-See-TV… The Weather Channel LIVES for this! And one week after Hurricane Harvey, too. I didn’t forget about the thousands of people affected by Harvey, but I have a much more personal connection to Florida, so Irma has been catching my eye.

Irma is already record-breaking, with sustained wind speeds of 185 MPH. As a point of reference, the Saffir-Simpson scale, which measures hurricanes (common knowledge for a Floridian), has 5 categories of hurricanes with 5 being the biggest. Category 4 is 130-157 MPH, which is a 27 point range. Category 5 is over 157. Irma is 185, 28 points above that. Basically, if a category 6 even existed, it would be that. That is terrifying.

I moved to South Florida in 1997, hot on the heels of the last huge category 5 hurricane that hit Florida, Hurricane Andrew. Andrew hit in 1992, so you may argue that 5 years later was not “hot on the heels,” but I would disagree. I remember specifically the real estate agent mentioning hurricanes when we were looking at houses, because it was still on everyone’s minds. Would a house withstand wind gusts of 100+ mph? If we get a house with 20-foot ceilings and 20-foot windows, as almost all two-story houses have in South Florida, who would put the hurricane shutters up? Are the windows hurricane-resistant? I distinctly remember these questions.

If you didn’t grow up in South Florida, or any hurricane-prone region, you probably think I am nuts. Alternatively, you think Florida peeps have it all figured out because you have seen all of the memes that Floridians post about “preparing for a hurricane” aka buying beer and wine and downplaying the whole thing. But I can tell you from my very selective Facebook sampling of my South Florida friends – they are all officially freaking the f*ck out. Many of them are using the popular hashtag #Irmagerd. I had one friend who saw two armed police officers guarding the new supply of water at the grocery store. I have another friend who woke up at 3 am to try and beat the lines and fill her car up with gas, only to wait 45 minutes in line and then find out that all of the pumps were empty.

Social media can be both bad and good in these times of crisis:

Bad: Group hysteria. Horror stories abound. Also, sometimes fake news is shared. Don’t tape your windows guys, come on. I thought this was common knowledge by now.

Good: Keeping in touch with friends (until power goes out). Sharing preparedness tips and tricks, like this amazing quarter on a frozen cup of ice trick. Crowd sourcing any stores that still have water or propane. Finding AMAZING stories on twitter, like about the Delta pilot who flew his plane in and out of Puerto Rico yesterday between the bands of the hurricane. What a crazy person. Separate but related: I had my #bestdayever on twitter yesterday, I got 78 likes on a tweet about this pilot. I barely have 45 followers! P.S. FOLLOW ME!

My Famous Tweet:

I have some fond memories of my hurricane-preparedness in South Florida, and luckily, a big one never hit. Rather, I should say I never personally experienced one. Hurricane Wilma was pretty big and my family lost power for over a week. Also, the back windows blew out and my mom and brother evacuated to Atlanta. I was already at college at the time, so I didn’t personally feel the effects. But the fact that a big one didn’t hit when I lived at home doesn’t mean we didn’t prepare for a big one more than once. I remember filling the bathtubs with water, filling the cars with gas, stocking our canned goods and readying our internal camp-out room. We used to uninstall the shelving from the closet underneath our stairs, line the floors with cushions, pillows and blankets, and settle down in our window-less bunker, waiting for the hurricane to pass. My brother and I used to love hanging out under the stairs. Once, we even convinced our mom to keep the pillows and blankets in there as a play fort for an entire week after the storm. Luckily for us, it was all fun and games. And luckily, we were smart enough to be prepared every time.

So to my Florida BFF’s, BE SAFE OUT THERE!! And keep making memes. If you laugh, it’s harder to cry. And if, FINGERS CROSSED, this thing takes a sharp turn east and misses you, please still prepare next time. Better safe than sorry. Build your blanket fort and grab your beef jerky and transistor radio. I’ll meet you under the stairs.

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