Long Legs and other Personal Problems

True Life: My Uterus Ate My IUD

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Yeah, you read that right. I had many possible titles for this post: My Missing Mirena, or rather, My Misplaced Mirena (because SPOILER ALERT, I found it). I even considered LongLegsBigUterus, but that didn’t really seem justified. I think it’s normal-sized. Things just go missing up there. It’s the Bermuda Triangle of the woman’s world.

As much as I try to keep my blog light, I also try to keep it real. And as they say on The Real World, “this is what happens … when people stop being polite … and start getting real.” This is the story of my last week, which was one of the most emotionally taxing weeks I’ve had in recent history. Quick warning: this blog may be what some people would call TMI, but whatevs, it’s already on Facebook, so what’s the big diff between my private Facebook and the public internet for all to see for all history, right? Plus, I’m doing a public service here, supposedly this is a relatively normal problem. More on that later.

My saga started with a normal doctor’s appointment. Thanks to recent research, women only need to go for normal gynecological exams every 3 years in their 20’s now, and every 5 years in their 30’s. These appointments used to be annual. I tell you this because it is a crucial fact. I had not been there in YEARS. So fast-forward to the very end of the appointment. As the doctor is still doin’ his thing. I’m just hangin’ out in the stirrups (guys, if you don’t know what I mean, google it), and I hear the doctor go, “HUH!” Just like that. With an exclamation mark. Now, you don’t have to be a woman to know that you never want your doctor checkin’ things out inside you and remarking “huh!” like he’s stumped. Doctors are supposed to know ALL THE THINGS.

Then the doc says, “alright, we’re all done. In case you were wondering why I said ‘huh,’ it’s because I can’t seem to locate your IUD.”

Me: “I don’t understand.”

Doc: “Well, it happens sometimes. It could just be the strings are nestled up in your cervix. Or maybe not.”

Me: “Excuse me??”

Doc: “Yes, well either way, you should probably check up on it, in case it has somehow migrated or come out.”

Me (in my head): “WHAT THE F*&^%. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!? I DID NOT KNOW THAT WAS AN OPTION?! HOW COULD IT HAVE COME OUT? I THOUGHT THAT BY GOING THROUGH TERRIBLE PAIN IMPLANTING THAT SH*& IN PLACE THAT IT WOULDN’T JUST FALL OUT?!”

Me: (out loud… trying to be rational): “If it wasn’t in there… wouldn’t I pregnant?” (Sorry Mommy…)

Doc: *shrugs* “Yeah, probably. But we want to be sure.”

Me: “So… I’m scared to ask but, is it possible my IUD has been missing for 3 years?”

Doc: “It’s possible.”

The doctor then wrote me a prescription to go to a radiologist to get an ultrasound to try and “locate” it. Of course it’s just my luck that my doctor does not have a single ultrasound in the office. So I had to go somewhere else, try to get an appointment, pay an additional copay, and the worst part – I had to WAIT.

I immediately left the office and posted on Facebook, as one does when a piece of plastic goes missing inside one’s uterus.

As you can imagine, I received 18 comments. Mostly horrified women not knowing this was an option. Sort of like me. Some comments were from men. Funny comments like “Have you checked your pockets?” LOL. JK I didn’t laugh out loud. I didn’t laugh at all. This was not funny!

Seriously though, this is not a tiny contraption. How could it have disappeared?? This photo is from the Mirena website. It’s not something you’d “accidentally misplace in your body.”

The second I got to work I called the radiology office and tried to schedule an ultrasound. I had no qualms about screaming “transvaginal ultrasound” through the phone while sitting at my desk. All I cared about was finding my missing Mirena.

I scheduled an appointment for two days later, and the receptionist told me to “make sure I had an empty bladder” when I arrived. *eyeroll* *fake barfing sound*

When Friday arrived, I left work early to go to my appointment. I was so nervous, I left work an hour earlier than necessary, by accident. I had found out two days before, at my other doctor, that my file at had been marked with “white coat hypertension” for years, i.e. I freak the F*&^ out when I go to the doctor so my blood pressure skyrockets. They always have to take it multiple times. So of course, getting to the doctor an hour early to freak out even more is exactly what I needed.

I had spent the previous night googling how much this procedure was supposed to hurt. According to google, not too much. *SIGH OF RELIEF* However, as I got deeper into my googling, I became more and more scared. Pierced uteran walls? Migrating IUDs all the way up to the abdominal cavity? Should I have felt pain? Was there bleeding? Not that I was aware of… but maybe sometimes when I’m sore from exercise it was really my plastic IUD piercing through my internal lady-parts. There were blogs on blogs on blogs about this. This should have made me feel better – I wasn’t alone! But no. As one usually does when WebMD is involved, I started to imagine the worst: FIRE, BRIMSTONE, AND DEATH!

As I sat in the waiting room, I tried to practice yoga breathing. I’m no good at yoga breathing. My hands were shaking and I was reading the same paragraph in Hillary’s book about Russian internet trolls over and over again. Finally, the receptionist called me to pay yet another copay:

Receptionist: “You’ve been drinking water, right?”

Me: “Um no? They specifically told me on the phone to have an empty bladder.”

Receptionist: “Oh, because they booked you for the wrong kind of ultrasound. You need to be drinking. I’ll check with the tech.”

Tech: “Yea, you need to have 100-120 ounces of water. I’ll come back in 15 minutes.”

Good thing I was early! I started waterboarding myself. Chugging like an 18-year-old at her first frat party. (Sorry again, mommy.) I drank cold water so quickly that I became freezing. My whole body was covered in goosebumps and my hair was standing on end. I officially gave up on my book and started trying to play along with “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire” on the tv to distract myself as I chugged water. (By the way, fear of palindromes = aibohphobia.)

Finally, the tech told me I had drank enough water and called me back. Maybe she took pity on me because she saw me shivering.

Before the ultrasound started, the tech told me that she was going to go look for the IUD. And I said, “well, it has to be up there, right? Like, I’d notice if it came out?” To which she said, “you’d be surprised; it’s happened before where I go looking for an IUD, and instead I find a baby! HAHA”

… excuse me!? NOT HAHA. NOT FUNNY AT ALL.

It was my lucky day, I got to have TWO kinds of ultrasounds! The kind you see on TV where they put gross jelly/lube on your abdomen, AND the kind where they stick a huge dildo-y thing up inside you. For that second one, she let me put it up inside me myself. At least there’s that.

The tech saw me craning my neck to see the screen, so she tilted the screen toward me. I couldn’t see anything. After a few more excruciating minutes of silence, she said “ah, there I think I see it. See those white shadows?” I didn’t see it.

After a few more minutes, she said she was finished. I felt like Rachel in Friends where she started crying because she couldn’t see her baby on the sonogram, and she lied to say she saw it because she didn’t want the doctor to say she was a terrible mother because she couldn’t even see her own baby. (This video… at 2:47).

Of course I told the tech about feeling like Rachel, because I am awkward and weird. To which the tech said “Yea, I remember that, and she thought she’d be an unfit mom because she couldn’t see it. At least you don’t have to worry about the mom part!” GURL PREACH.

I asked the tech if that meant everything was ok, and I was in the clear. She said she was only a tech, and she had to send the photos to the doctor to read them. She said he would “probably” get back to me within a week.

At this point I was pissed. I was like EXCUSE ME? I ALREADY WAITED DAYS.

But of course, there was nothing I could do. I just went home and peed every 10 minutes for 4 hours thanks to the 20 pounds of water I had chugged. And waited. And waited.

Finally, after a very very long, celibate weekend, I texted my doctor on Klara, and he confirmed that the IUD was in place, and it was “working for contraception.” He told me the strings were probably just folded up, and when it came time to replace it, in 2-4 more years, I’d have to see a specialist with an ultrasound.

Saga over. Thank the lord.

I write this as a cautionary tale, not to scare you into going to the doctor every 6 months, but quite the opposite. I just want to let you know that it can happen. And to try to calm your fears about it. According to the world wide web, it’s relatively common.

I love my IUD. It’s no fuss at all. This is the first worry I have had about it in the three years since I’ve had it. It’s so easy that it could have been missing for years, and I wouldn’t even have known! Even with this minor blip, I still would recommend it to anyone. My doctor said that if you don’t plan to have a child in the next year, he recommends it. And it lasts up to 7 years!

If you have any questions, I’m clearly an open book, so feel free to ask! Hopefully this is the last I will be writing about it because I plan to try and forget about it for a few more years.

Signing off,

LongLegsProtectedUterus

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Miscellaneous

Goodreads (Read Across America Day – Part 3)

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I’m a bit late on this third installment (did you catch the first and second installments?), but it’s because I was busy reading! I finally finished all 500 pages of Hillary’s book, cried the whole time, and now I’ve moved on to a much lighter read… about a murder in the woods at a bachelorette party. Want to know the title? Follow me on Goodreads!

Goodreads was launched in 2007, and although I have been reading for years, I only discovered it a year ago, in March 2017. Since then, I have tried to use it consistently. According to their home page, Goodreads is “the world’s largest site for readers and book recommendations.” Their mission is “to help people find and share books they love.” Alright. They got me. I’m in.

Again, quoting from their website, here are a few things you can do on Goodreads:

  • See what books your friends are reading.
  • Track the books you’re reading, have read, and want to read.
  • Check out your personalized book recommendations. Their recommendation engine analyzes 20 billion data points to give suggestions tailored to your literary tastes.
  • Find out if a book is a good fit for you from community reviews.

Basically, it’s Facebook combined with Amazon book recommendations, but so much more. On Goodreads, you can create a free account, and then you have three “bookshelves”: Read, Currently-Reading, and To-Read. I currently have 151 on my read list, and 108 on my to-read. I try not to get carried away with my to-read list, but I always fail. It looks like I better continue to enjoy reading for a very very long time. There is so much to rave about, but I will focus my post on my top 3:

  1. Organization/Statistics
  2. Friends, Reviews & Recommendations
  3. Lists

Organization/Statistics

My favorite part of Goodreads is the ability to organize. On my “bookshelves,” I am able to sort by the date I began reading a book, sort by rating, or sort by author or title. I love to be able to keep all of my books in one place. My mom used to send me emails all the time with recommendations. When it came time to take books out of the library, I would have to search my inbox for emails from my mom, like “Mommy + Books” and then sift through months of recommendations and try to remember what I read. Now, when she mentions a book I just add it to my “to-read” shelf on Goodreads. And when I read it, I migrate it to “read.” It’s so easy! They even have app so I can add books on the go!

Also, there are statistics.

If you learned anything from my obsession with Peloton, it’s that I love and am motivated by statistics. Whether that’s “best output” on the stationary bike, or “how many pages I’ve read in 2017,” I’m here for it. Good thing Goodreads loves statistics, too! By clicking “stats,” I can see how many books I read per year, and I can even see the amount of pages. In 2017, I read 33 books, or 10,294 pages. Also, you can click into the year, and find out how you rated the books. It’s awesome. So far in 2018 I’m at 8 books, 3135 pages. Hopefully I can beat last year’s total!

Friends, Reviews & Recommendations

The CEO and Co-Founder of Goodreads said that he was struck by an idea when he was scanning his friend’s bookshelf: when he wanted to know what books to read, he’d rather turn to a friend than any random person or bestseller list. This is true for me, too. I always ask my friends or my mom what they are reading. Goodreads puts Facebook together with the NYT Bestseller Lists, and it’s truly the best.

I add friends from my Facebook or contacts, and then I can see what they are currently reading, how they reviewed books I was thinking of reading, and when they add a new book to their to-read bookshelf. I have friends whose tastes are very similar to mine, whose books I always add to my lists as soon as they add them. I also have friends with more serious/intellectual taste than me, but I still try to pick a few of their books per year to open my eyes to new views or voices.

Goodreads also allows for you to rate the books (1-5 stars) after you finish, and to write reviews. I love to read my friends’ reviews, and therefore I feel it’s the right thing to do to write my own reviews as well! I tend to rate most of my books 3-5, because I wouldn’t read it if I wasn’t interested. But every once in a while, I get a real dud that I rate a 2.

Besides my friends’ recommendations and ratings, I also pick books based on “community” ratings and reviews. Each book has an average rating, and if it’s 3.7 or above, it’ll probably be pretty good. Despite the many troll reviews on Hillary’s book, it’s still rated 4.03! Not bad. Here’s my review for a little taste:

Read. This. Book. I don’t know where to begin. I was a bit worried I wouldn’t fully understand everything in this book because although I was/am a big Hill supporter, I don’t know all of the names of her campaign people or the all of the ins and outs of her tenure as Secretary of State. But she wrote this book for all readers and it was easy to read and clear throughout. There were a few sections that were very dense and poll/number heavy, but overall it was an insightful, interesting, and deeply personal book. I really felt her pain and regrets, and I even cried about 15 times. (It’s a long book!) I feel like this should be mandatory reading for all Americans who were swayed by the media, who didn’t understand the whole picture of the election, who STILL don’t believe in the Russian collusion, and also, for people who argued that Hillary doesn’t have emotions. She’s human, just like us! and she loves her Chardonnay, just like me. I’m still with her. I’d give this 10 stars if I could.

Lists

My favorite way to find books to read is by perusing the Goodreads “lists.” If I love a book, I can go to the page for the book, and scroll down below the summary and reviews, and it tells you which lists the book appears on, like “beach reads of 2016” or “best YA fiction of 2017.” Then you can go to those lists and find other similar books. Also, at the end of the year, they publish “Best Books” lists, where readers can nominate, rank and rate their favorites in different categories for the year. You can also go back 10 years to view the past year favs. I have taken many books from these lists and I can’t wait to read them all!

The real challenge is, how do I read 100 books/year AND keep up with my blog?? Only time will tell. Meanwhile, follow me on Goodreads for more recommendations!

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Big City Living, Miscellaneous

Reading in NYC (Read Across America Day – Part 2)

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Last Friday was Read Across America Day, and in honor of that, I’m in the middle of a short series on my passion for books. A few days ago, I talked about reading in general. Now, I’ll write about the challenges of reading in New York City (there are a lot). And stay tuned for the final segment coming soon about my experience with Goodreads.

Picture this: You’re inside a steel tube, traveling anywhere from 10-55 miles per hour, standing, possibly holding on to a pole nearby, or possibly just bending your knees slightly to keep from falling onto the other 180 passengers in your rush hour car that are smushed like sardines. Now imagine all of that, and add a 500-page book in your hands. What do you do when you need to flip the page? Do you wait until you’re stopped? Is it worse then, because people are pushing past you to try and exit? Do you try and flip the page while in motion and just hope the subway doesn’t screech to a halt at the exact moment you take your hand off of the wall?

Alternative situation: You actually get a seat on the train! MIRACLE! And then you look up from your book because the bass from a portable speaker wakes you from your reading reverie. And you hear the dreaded words, “IT’S SHOWTIME!!” All of a sudden, you can’t see the words on the page because some youngster’s sneakers are dangling in front of your face as he swings from the pole above your head.

These are a few of the perils of reading in NYC. It’s not easy. Yet 8 years later, I consider myself a master.

When I was in law school, I used to read textbooks on the train. This is when I honed my skills. I managed to balance enough to read, highlight, AND make margin notes. I mastered the art of finding a vertical pole, instead of a horizontal one, and hooking my elbow around it, so I could hold the case book open in one hand and make notes with the other. From that point on, I knew if I could do that, I could read anything. If I could understand corporate law, I could easily read a YA novel while in motion.

One essential key to being successful at NYC reading: earbuds. A (non-NYC resident) friend recently remarked that she couldn’t believe I read while I listen to music. It’s less about the music, and more about the blocking of other background noise. For example, the constant barrage of people begging for money. Another example, the other day I was on a train from 72nd to 14th street on a weekend, and there were announcements the entire time about service changes. I couldn’t understand half of the announcements, but the staticky sound is worse than a little background Pentatonix in my ears while I read about Hillary Clinton. Earbuds keep me in the zone. I can tune out everything around me. This may also be why I’m so bad at celebrity-spotting – I’m in my own world!

It should follow that I like audiobooks, but that is not the case. Every once in a while, you do need to take out your earbuds to hear an essential announcement. For example, your train is skipping all stops between 59th street and 125th street. This has happened multiple times. If I’m listening to an audiobook I can miss a crucial part, and it’s not easy to rewind and find the spot! I find myself staring into space, reading the subway ads (doesn’t everyone LOVE the new OKCupid campaign?), and of course, people-watching. I prefer to stick with paper books, so I can see where I left off and find my spot after observing the many colorful people and their various face tattoos.

Speaking of paper books, wouldn’t a Kindle be easier? YES. The answer is invariably, yes. First of all, New Yorkers don’t have cars to leave their stuff in. If you bring anything with you, you will be carrying it all day long. The preference is always “less is more.” A 500-page book is never the first choice. Also, it’s easier to flick to the next page than to balance and deftly page-turn. However, nothing beats the feeling of a real book. Also, it’s easier for me to focus on paper than on a screen, but that is my personal preference. To give my shoulders a rest from heavy bags, I generally switch back and forth between real books and kindle books, depending on which is available from the library. This brings me to my next point – the amazing, fantastic, best library system ever: the New York Public Library System.

The NYPL currently has 92 locations including four research centers and a network of neighborhood libraries throughout the Bronx, Manhattan, and Staten Island. The Library serves 18 million patrons who come through its doors annually; in addition, the Library’s website receives 32 million visits annually from more than 200 countries. WOAH. That needed its own paragraph.

I love the library. How else could I go through 4-5 books/month and still have money to pay astronomical rent?? There is almost nothing in this city that is completely free of charge, but the library is one of those things. Sort of. I tend to rack up overdue fees because I get carried away and check out too many books at a time. I never mind paying overdue fees, though, because I feel like I’m supporting the library, 25 cents at a time! Also, you can pay online with a credit card and get points! Love me some credit card points. The flip side of overdue fees is yet another positive part of the library – eventually you need to return the books. Some may not view this as a positive. If you think this is a negative, you must not live in New York. In 500 square feet or less. Where would I keep all of the books!? It’s great that I can keep 2 or 3 at a time and then swap them out. I feel like Matilda where she brings her books back and forth to the library in her red wagon, except it’s me on the subway.

The best part about the library, besides it being my favorite price, is their hold lists. You can go on the NYPL website, put any book you want on hold and tell them which branch you want to pick it up, and you get an email when it’s there. The book is set aside, at the front of the library, labeled with your library card number, and you are in and out in under a minute. They even have self-checkout kiosks (when they’re working). It’s so easy, I never understand when people tell me they don’t use the library. The number one comment I hear from people is that they don’t use the library because they only use e-readers. Well guess what? They have those, too. Not the actual e-reader, but the e-books! They have Kindle format, overdrive format, 3M format… everything! FO FREE. It’s amazing.

Overall, the best part of reading in NYC is the fact that you can read during your commute. I complained a lot about the subway distractions at the beginning of this post, but I remind myself often that if I drove to work, I’d never be able to read in transit. The fact that I can read, and on good days, SIT and read, while I get to where I’m going, is a luxury I must address. I remember the years of sitting in traffic to commute, trying to distract myself by listening to the corny morning radio host, but nothing beats reading a book while someone else does the driving for you. If it wasn’t for New York, I’d read a lot less. That being said, it can be a challenge, but practice makes perfect.

Stay tuned later this week for my experience using Goodreads, how I use it to find my next books, rate my favorites, and keep track of all of the ones I’ve read – there are a lot!

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Miscellaneous

Reading (Read Across America Day – Part 1)

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Obviously I love to write. Why else would I have this blog that I don’t even get paid for? But even more than I love to write, I LOVE to read. My boss at this gym asked me this week what I was reading, and she said, “Whenever someone tells me that they don’t have time to read, I tell them about you. Because you’re the busiest person I know and yet you always have a book in your bag.” I felt pretty proud of that.

Yesterday was Read Across America Day, and in honor of that, I’m going to do a short series on my passion for books. First, about reading in general. Then, about how I can read in NYC. It’s a challenge. And finally, about Goodreads, which has changed my life and has opened my eyes to many, many, many more books.

Speaking of NYC, my constant reading is now a consequence of my V long subway rides (made longer every day by the nonfunctioning MTA), but it wasn’t always that way. I used to hate reading. In fact, my parents used to BRIBE me to read. With money. Granted it was only a quarter per book (change used to actually buy things back then!), but I used to have a chart in my room where I could put up a sticker every time I read a book. Clearly this led to some childish “cheating,” trying to figure out what the SHORTEST books were. Also, for some reason I loved reading books in series. Maybe it felt like less books because a lot of the characters were the same. The two different book series I remember clearly reading every one of was the Babysitter’s Club and Nancy Drew. I loved Nancy Drew. But never Hardy Boys. EW BOYS. COOTIES. I truly believe my Nancy Drew addiction blossomed into my later-in-life Law and Order SVU addiction. Sort of similar (looking at you, Detective Benson).

A lot has changed since my early days of reading bribery. For example, the store where I got my books doesn’t even exist anymore! RIP Borders. I went through a very long “sick-lit” phase where the only books I read were about people dying. I knew more about cancer and brain tumors than 99% of healthy 12-year-olds. I remember every Monday night, going to Borders for my brother to play chess with the old men in the café (this really happened), and I would scour the back of the store for a new book by Lurlene McDaniel. Literally every single book she wrote, I read. According to her Wikipedia, she has written more than 70. I had favorites. I had favorite diseases. I think I was sick, myself. Mentally. But my mom never complained, she was just happy I was reading without her shelling out a quarter per book for me.

I don’t read exclusively sicklit anymore, but I do have some favorite authors, and some of them do love sicklit. Every author in this paragraph, I’ve read every book by them. And if they have new books coming out soon, I already have a hold on their books at the library. First there’s Lisa Genova, who writes almost exclusively about illness, but in a more neuroscience-y way (graduated valedictorian, summa cum laude from Bates College with a degree in Biopsychology and has a Ph.D. in Neuroscience from Harvard University… she’s pretty smart). You probably know her book, Still Alice, because it was made into an award-winning movie with Julianne Moore. And then of course another brand of literature I eat up… anything sad and terrible. Enter, Jodi Picoult. She writes about suicide, and school shootings, and racism. It’s too much to handle for some people, but I just love it. I listened to her most recent book, Small Great Things, on audio on my phone, because the wait list for the paper version was too long and I just HAD to hear it right away. There were at least 10 times where I was walking down the street or sitting on the subway with a steady stream of tears down my face. Then there is the new-comer to the scene, Liane Moriarty. You probably also know her because of the HBO series made from her book, Big Little Lies, with Reese Witherspoon, Nicole Kidman, Shailene Woodley and Laura Dern. I mean, come on, to get a cast like that, obviously the book was amazing. That was not even my favorite book of hers. I have many other favorites. I love chicklit in general, and I think 90% of the books I read are written by women. Jennifer Weiner, Lisa Scottoline, you name it, I’ve read them all. This year, I am keeping track of the gender of the authors I read in my bullet journal. I’ll keep you posted. If you follow me on Goodreads, you will be up-to-date with all of the books on my shelves, but more on that later this week.

My newest goal this year is to read more non-fiction. I had a head-start last year with a few comedian memoirs (Amy Schumer, Jessi Klein, Mindy Kaling, Lauren Graham), and then some heavier ones (Forty Million Dollar Slaves, F*cked: Being Sexually Explorative and Self-Confident in a World That’s Screwed). Currently, I am reading the KWEEN, Hillary Rodham Clinton’s book, What Happened, and I love it so much. I have some other great feminist reads lined up like Shrill, Hunger, and Lean In. I can’t wait to read them all. But I’ll probably space them out with chicklit in between. Gotta keep it light. It’s heavy enough just to open Twitter nowadays.

That brings me to my next point… why I like to read. I love stories. I like to tell them, I like to hear them, and I love to read them. They are an escape. I recently started reading Young Adult novels occasionally because they are a great escape. The subject matter is sometimes heavy, but they are quick, easy reads, and they are a good respite from heavier reads like the non-fiction I just wrote about. My absolute favorite YA book from last year is The Hate U Give, about a young girl whose best friend is killed by a police officer. Not a light topic. HIGHLY recommend. It was also the Goodreads 2017 Choice winner for both YA book and debut author.

Books also give you a chance to learn. Especially after finishing school, which took 3 years too long – thanks law school, I feel like books are the main way to learn something new. Whether it’s a word you never heard before, or something about a disease (sicklit!), or a chance to empathize with a character you never knew you could identify with, it is an opportunity to go outside of yourself. After three years of law school, reading mostly school books, cases, and case notes because I didn’t have time to read the full case, it is a breath of fresh air to get to choose the reading material. That is not to say, however, that I never read anything amazing in law school. One book comes to mind, Is There No Place on Earth for Me? by Susan Sheehan, Robert M. Coles. That book was assigned as part of a Mental Health and the Law class, about a teenager who became schizophrenic and spent 17 years in and out of mental institutions. It taught me about history, schizophrenia, New York deinstitutionalization, and about the emotions of a person with mental illness. I would recommend it to anyone.

People often ask me how I find books, or how I decide what to read next. Honestly, I read anything I find interesting. That may change from day to day. I use my mom as my personal librarian. She is an active member of four books clubs. If you think I read a lot, you should talk to her! She has been keeping a journal of her books, with reviews and ratings, for decades. We have similar taste in books, so she is always recommending books to me. I don’t use a paper journal (although I do keep my stats in my bullet journal), but every time she recommends something, I put it on my to-read shelf on Goodreads. More on that later this week. Speaking of Goodreads, that’s another way I find books. Also, social media and the good old New York Times best seller list. Something I am DYING to read is An American Marriage, about the toll a falsely accused husband’s incarceration takes on a young married couple, which debuted on the best seller list. It’s also an Oprah’s Book Club Selection (another way I pick books). I’m on the wait list at the library for it.

I use books for different purposes, and one of them is just to kill time. As I mentioned, I have very long subway rides. It’s the best time to read uninterrupted. Although it’s often interrupted. More on that later this week when I tell you about the challenges of reading in NYC! Stay tuned.

Do you have any favorite authors or books? Leave them in the comments, I’m always looking to add more to my shelves.

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Fitness

Themed Spin Class Playlists

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I write this post while blasting Jason Derulo in my earbuds. You may ask me why. What a great question: A. I’m hiding from construction noise at work. And B. I’m creating a theme playlist for Spin next week! DUH. Next Monday, 3/5/18, all Jason Derulo. I have been teaching fitness classes for more than 11 years, but I haven’t talked about it too much on the blog yet. One of my favorite types of Spin classes to teach is a theme class. Here’s why:

  • Costumes. Y’all know I love any opportunity to dress up.
  • The hype. There’s nothing I like more than gloating about my upcoming classes on social media. Like here where I posted on Instagram about my upcoming boy band playlist. Or here where I showed everyone my amazing talent of keeping my “Happy New Year” tiara on my head the whole 60 minutes during my “Top Songs of 2017” playlist. I also tweet about themes in the hopes that the Dodge YMCA will retweet me some day.

  • Groupies. People love a good theme. Advertising in advance means more people will come. And sometimes I can even get people to create the whole playlist for me! Remember when Tim created a playlist for my Guest DJ Ride?
  • Easy to make the playlist. I just type “hot” in Spotify and BAM. I have a playlist. Ok it’s not that easy. But it is easier than pulling 15 random songs out of thin air.

Sometimes a theme playlist is based on current events, sometimes it’s an artist I want to highlight, sometimes it’s a trip I’m about to take, sometimes it’s a holiday that is coming up, and sometimes it’s just when the mood strikes me. Like almost every Thursday when I decide to throw in some throwbacks (#TBT, ya know?).

Sometimes my themes are specifically requested, like the Jason Derulo class coming up next Monday, 3/5/18. I am always trying to get people to give me requests, and some of my best themes have been suggested by participants, like Britney v. JT. This particular theme was requested by my best friend, who happens to be a special guest next week. Monday, 3/5/18. (Have I said it enough times yet?)

Here are themes I have used in the past, including links to my Spotify, once I started using it. Feel free to follow my Spotify, or follow those individual playlists if the theme moves you:

Photos from My Theme Classes of Yore

I am always accepting new ideas for Spin class themes, song requests or theme requests. If you have any, leave them in the comments! And if you’re in the Brooklyn area, don’t forget to come to my class, next Monday, 3/5/18, at 7 pm. Wear your Jason Derulo fangirl outfits.
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Food, Travel

30 Years, 30 Ice Creams – West Coast Edition

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Hey guys! I know I’ve been sparse on the blog. It’s been hard to keep up between moving apartments, crazy work season, and starting a bullet journal (more on that later). Also, I’ve been trying to keep up with all of my resolutions, which includes planning free nights for myself! I’ve been watching a lot of Olympics.

Anyway, fear not, I have still left myself plenty of time to stuff my face with ice cream. Even while traveling! I have had three new kinds of ice cream in my travels in the past 6 weeks. Thankfully, I’ve also stuck to my new year’s resolution of swimming to even it out. Does anyone have suggestions for a waterproof, affordable, fitbit-like device?

Quick Ice Cream Recap aka #30Years30IceCreams on the road:

As with my many weeks of recaps last May/June, I will review each mission on a scale of 1-10 in 4 categories: (1) Aesthetic (2) Flavor (3) Texture (4) Overall.

Kurt Farm Shop, Seattle, Washington, Local, CHEESE Ice Cream!

Aesthetic (4) Flavor (9) Texture (4) Overall (5)

I didn’t PLAN to go get ice cream, per se, but after a car ride back to Washington from Vancouver, and 3 hours of car ride snacks, we weren’t in the mood for a full-size dinner, and we were in the mood for a walk. I found this place on Foursquare and figured, DUH, ice cream is the answer. This is a little shop that sells ice cream, but also sells cheese from local farms and creameries. The custard base is made with organic cane sugar and it’s flavored at the store.

According to Foursquare it’s the #3 ranked ice cream place in Seattle, but I was drawn by the promise of unique flavors. I saw reviews about Szechuan Peppercorn, and Rose flavors, and most importantly, FLORA’S CHEESE. What’s better than cheese? Ice cream. What’s better than Ice Cream? CHEESE FLAVORED ICE CREAM. Obvi. They were very generous with their samples, so of course I tried every single weird flavor on the menu. I opted for half cheese, half pumpkin. It was delicious, plus it was served with a real spoon, always preferred. Only drawback: there was a strange coating left on the top of my mouth from the cheese flavor, probably due to the way they pasteurize the milk. Still worth it.

Creams & Dreams, Santa Monica, CA, Liquid Nitrogen Ice Cream

Aesthetic (if you count the nitrogen show) (9) Flavor (6) Texture (10) Overall (8)

Love the name of this place. Love even more that I found this place on a business trip and insisted on bringing my boss here. This place makes liquid nitrogen ice cream, and if you have never had any, go out right now and find a place for it. The fact that this ice cream begins as a liquid, and is then frozen in small batches, just for you, makes it the creamiest ice cream I have ever tasted. I tried a similar place, NiceCream in Arlington, VA a few years ago, and I never forgot about it. The only bad part about having a hand-made batch of your own ice cream is, it’s impossible to get samples.

Going here is like dinner and a show. If you consider ice cream as dinner. (It is.) They hand-pour your flavor (I love the Nutella and Cookies and Cream), and then they pour liquid nitrogen on it to create a smoke show. Last time I was there, the guy even threw some toward us to make us laugh. It feels like cold water, but it doesn’t get you wet. So bizarre.

They have some strange flavors as well, like Maiz Con Queso, and Fresh Avocado, but I stuck with the classics here. Cannot recommend enough. It is a staple for all of my SoCal trips now.

Salt & Straw, Venice, CA, Weird, Delicious Flavors and Samples

Aesthetic (4) Flavor (10) Texture (8) Overall (7)

After a 4-day whirlwind work trip, I had a day to myself to spend on the beach. I threw an apple and a beach towel in my backpack, picked up an iced coffee, then hit the sand.

(Side note about the coffee: GO TO PHILZ!! They even have two shops on the East Coast in DC. I got the famed mint mojito iced coffee and it was TO-DIE-FOR. Not only is the coffee amazing, but they buy only the highest quality green beans AND they have a generous donation program to Food4Farmers and World Coffee Research, to incorporate conscientious care for everyone in the supply chain from farm to cup. Caffeine + fair trade = win-win. Read all about their values for their workers and farmers, and environmental protections here.)

Anyway, as great as my coffee and apple were, by 3 pm I was starving. I walked along the beach from Santa Monica to Venice, and I was doing some window shopping when I realized a line of people across the street. Like any good New Yorker, I gravitated to the line. If people want it, it MUST be good, right?? Well my New York instincts did not steer me wrong – it was ice cream!! And boy was it amazing.

I read the tips online as I waited in line, and saw that I could ask for as many samples as I wanted, and that I could order a “split scoop” so I could have multiple flavors, but without overloading on ice cream. Samples are super necessary because the flavors here are exotic and ever-changing. I tried everything from 24 Blackbirds’ Lavender Truffle, to Roasted Strawberry Coconut, and about 4 others. I basically told the guy I love weird flavors, and he let me try every single one. I was already full by the time I got my cup! I decided on a split scoop of Avocado & Oaxacan Chocolate Fudge (SO creamy and refreshing), and Black Olive Brittle & Goat Cheese (best flavor ever, with bits of crunch). This was the perfect afternoon post-beach snack.

Guys, this place is a must-go-to. Also, if you really love ice cream, join their Pints Club and get five brand new flavors delivered to your door every month!

That’s it guys. #30Years30IceCreams lives on for the whole year! I’ll keep you posted as I hit up some new places. I have 3 months left of my 30th year! How many flavors can I fit in that time?

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Big City Living

Moving in New York

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I know you were all anxiously awaiting the denouement (SAT word!) of my Apartment Moving Saga, and I’m happy to give a quick update, but the conclusion Is still forthcoming. Long story short: we have a new apartment! And it even has wifi! I can finally post on my blog from home!

That’s the good news. Bad news: our oven doesn’t work in the new place and our old apartment has f*cked us over with our security deposit (no surprise there). Anyway, at the very least, I have learned a lot. I have learned enough to NOT MOVE EVER AGAIN. Or at least not again in the near future.

I’ve lived in New York City for 7.5 years, and miraculously I have only lived in 3 (now 4!) apartments in that span of time. However, that does not mean I have not embarked on many many more apartment hunts than that. Ultimately, I have only moved those few times (yes, every 2-3 years is few in NYC), because moving SUCKS. Not only does moving suck, but moving in New York is literally. THE. WORST.

I’ve compiled a not-so-short list of why apartment hunting in New York sucks, as well as my expert tips, gleaned from years of experience, as to how to combat the list of terribles.

  • You can only look for an apartment 2-3 weeks in advance. Yes, I said WEEKS. If you look for an apartment before this time, they will want you to move in too soon (an impossibility due to the cost of rent), or, the apartment will already be taken by the time you want it. Of course this causes anxiety levels so high that I have been self-medicating for months. I assure you, this is normal. When you need to give your current building at least 2 months of notice before vacating, yet you cannot begin searching for a place until 2 weeks prior, you have at least a month to sweat it out, thinking about all of the ways you will fit your worldly belongings into a cardboard box in Times Square.
    • How to combat this: booze. Lots of it.
  • When you go to view an apartment, you need to have at least $9,000 in your bank account ready to go, as well as a credit score over 700. No, you didn’t read that wrong, that is 3 zeros. And yes, I mean for a 1-bedroom apartment, not a house. You need at least the first month, last month, and security deposit. When a one-bedroom apartment costs $3,000 on a good day, you’re looking at close to $10K
    • How to combat this: be rich? I dunno. This is a tough one to combat. Probably just have no savings account and live paycheck-to-paycheck for months after moving.
  • You need documentation of your entire life. Most recently, the building asked for a two-page application listing bank account numbers, savings account numbers, previous building information, etc. They also required my most recent bank statement. Also, my previous two year’s tax returns. Also, my last two pay stubs. Also, a letter from my current building vouching for me. Also, a letter from my employer stating my position and salary. They also required this from my emoji-bf. My coworker recently submitted an apartment application where they asked for his college transcript. He had not been in school for years.
    • How to combat this: Be prepared. And try not to piss off your current building too much because asking them for a letter of recommendation will get very awkward. Yes, I know from experience.
  • Every apartment you see will be missing something you really wanted. How to find a diamond in the rough? Make a list of non-negotiable things you are looking for before you embark on a search. Apartments within your budget are all going to look terrible. It is possible that you need to adjust or modify this list as your search proceeds. However, it’s a good idea to know what you are looking for, so you don’t get swayed after seeing dump after dump of apartments. Example: “Yes I was looking for an elevator building with a dishwasher, and this is a 5th floor walk-up with no dishwasher… but I can actually fit a full-size bed in the bedroom as opposed to the last 5! Let’s take it!”
    • How to combat: Make a list. Stick to it. Or at the very least, exhaust your search before modifying your expectations.
  • Broker fees are the biggest waste of money ever. Don’t be a fool, do you due diligence. You can probably find a great place without paying a fee. And it may mean raising your budget by $200/month. But in the grand scheme of things, you’ll be paying your broker at least $2,500, so why not put that money into your apartment, and not to some rando you’ll never speak to again? One of the main reasons I liked the apartment I’m currently writing this from is because the broker had friendly banter with me about how brokers’ fees are useless and dumb. I liked him immediately (and I did not pay him anything).
    • How to combat: DO NOT PAY A BROKER’S FEE. SEARCH HARDER.
  • Brokers are slimy conniving pieces of crap. Oh look, a follow-up from the last bullet point. I am making a generalization because it is true. And yes, this is separate from the point above. Here I am talking about the no-fee brokers. By no-fee, I mean, you are personally not paying them. However, they are still getting paid by someone, which means they are driven solely by commissions, and not by your actual wants, needs, and stated demands. Example: Me: “Yes, our budget is $3,000/month. Elevator, possible doorman, 69th street to 97th” Broker: “Well I have a place just outside of your price range in the area you’re looking. It’s $3,400/month, 3rd floor walk-up, on 107th street.” WTF.
    • How to combat: Be firm. Be clear. Do not waver. Do not be gaslit. Remember your list of demands!
  • A security deposit is really an aspirational amount of money you hope to see again but probably won’t. They say it’s to make sure you keep your apartment nice. According to a quick google search, you should get your money back unless they need to pay for repairs for damage other than normal wear and tear. However, this is absolutely never the case. In fact, when I typed into google “New York Sec” the first populated search was “New York Security Deposit Law.” And no, I had never searched for this before.
    • How to combat: Kiss your money goodbye. The good news is, there’s an emoji created specifically for this phenomenon: dollar bills with wings. Flying away.

Hopefully some of these tips will help you in the future. If not, remember, I feel you. And misery loves company. Let’s chat.

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Big City Living

Waitress the Musical

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Last night I had the opportunity of a lifetime, Not only did I see two of my all-time favorite performers in a musical on Broadway, I also had a personal backstage tour of the theater and sets, and a private Q&A with the an exec. for the Nederlander Organization, which owns 9 of the most iconic venues in New York City, including the Gershwin, currently playing Wicked, AND the Richard Rodgers Theatre, currently playing Hamilton.

Hamilton, Shmamilton, though, amirite?? JK, I know I’m not right. But I was most excited last night to go to the Brooks Atkinson Theatre to see WAITRESS, currently starring Jason Mraz and SARA BAREILLES. I don’t know how many of you have been sleeping on these amazing voices, but I will tell you, go listen to them NOW. I linked up there to their Spotify pages.

I’ve been a huge fan for AGES. When I was 20 years old, my oldest friend took me to Jason Mraz’s concert. I remember it like yesterday, when Jason Mraz had played an absolutely incredible show, but he hadn’t played one of his largest hits at the time, The Remedy. Then, as an encore, he came on and played an incredibly unique, extended acoustic version. It was mind-boggling. And Sara Bareilles… where do I begin with my love for her!? She began her musical career in a capella, and I have followed her career for years. Her voice is unreal. Also, I was addicted to The Singoff when she was a celebrity judge. Then my best friend from high school surprised me with tickets to Sara’s show at the Theater at MSG a few years ago, and I became an even bigger fan, if that’s possible. She has the clearest, most amazing voice, and it’s even better live than recorded.

Just over 8 months ago, for my sister’s and my birthdays, my mom promised to take us to a Broadway show of our choice. But when my mom had hip replacement surgery, our plans were temporarily delayed. Then 2 months ago, my friend (the one who took me to see Sara Bareilles), alerted me that Sara Bareilles herself was coming back to star in Waitress, a musical she wrote the music to. AND the tickets were going on Amex Presale THAT DAY. I knew in my bones that this HAD TO BE THE SHOW.

I quickly started a group chat with my mom and sister, and we somehow miraculously decided on a date. None of us got much work done that morning. Unfortunately, there were only two weeks when Jason and Sara (yes, we are on a first-name-basis) were going to perform together. And we couldn’t find a date in that window. But then, miracle of miracles, Jason Mraz decided to extend his run an extra two weeks and we got to see them both!

The Backstage Tour

I have a very close family friend aka family aka my sister’s godmother who lives in New York. When she heard we were going to see Waitress, she asked to come along and happened to mention having a Broadway connection. She asked if we would be interested in a backstage tour before the show. WHAT?!! DUH.

We arrived at the theater two hours before show time and met our new best friend, let’s call him Mike. He showed us inside and explained the most pressing question I had read about all over the internet: How do they get a “freshly-baked-pie” smell piped into the corridor when you enter the theater? ANSWER: THEY BAKE A PIE. EVERY NIGHT. Also, obviously we asked about who eats it (the staff) and where they keep them (in a freezer next to the jerry-rigged convection oven/cabinet).  Mike then took us into the theater and onto the stage. He explained how Waitress was a very prop-heavy show, and sure enough we saw hundreds of props and innumerable pies, which we later saw and recognized in the show!

Mike explained how each individual show brings everything with them, from lighting, to rigs, and even the FLOOR! Each show’s floor and tracking is made specific to the dimensions of a theater, and needs to be completely replaced if they change theaters, which also explains why theater changes are so rare. He explained how Hamilton has basically taken the Richard Rodgers Theater off the market for years, which is good for profits, but gives them one less venue to offer other shows. Then, he walked us underneath the stage, which is the only way to get from stage right to stage left and vice versa. He showed us the wardrobe, seamstress, and washing machines, which had a flood recently, leaving Sara Bareilles with a sopping wet dress for the performance. After the tour, Mike brought us into the auditorium and answered our questions for almost an hour. I learned how all ushers are in a union, and how to become one (be in a family of ushers, work well with people). I also learned horror stories and trends of specific shows’ demographics (A Night in Paris tends to have a problem with incontinence, and Sponge Bob is filled with millennials, and the theater always smells like weed by the end). He also answered questions about how they kick shows out of theaters if they aren’t doing well, and what happens to actors when a bigger name decides to stay on longer, like in our case with Jason Mraz (the other guy still gets paid, they have great unions).

I am now an expert in all things Broadway. Ok, maybe not an expert but I know a lot more than I knew two days ago!

Pre-Show

Our new BFF, Mike, introduced us to Chris, the house manager, during our tour. He told us to “see Chris” before proceeding to our mezzanine seats “in case Chris found some other seats available.” Well guess what? HE FOUND THEM. We got AMAZING SEATS. ROW SEVEN. We were forever indebted. Chris came to check on us and we thanked him a million times. He told us we were “where we deserved to be.” Oh Chris, you’re too sweet. But wait, speaking of sweet, he brought us mini pies of each flavor offered! FO FREE!! And they were AMAZINGLY DELICIOUS. Highly recommend the salted caramel and Oreo flavors.

The Show

OMG. I don’t even know where to start. I laughed. I cried. I smiled the entire time. Even through tears.

Sara, she takes my breath away. She is just amazing. I could sit for hours and watch her in basically anything. She could sing Mary Had a Little Lamb and I’d still be there for it.

And Jason Mraz. UGH. So good. The rest of the cast was amazing as well, and the show was so fun! The music was FAB, as I knew it would be. Sara was nominated for a Grammy AND a Tony for it, which is well deserved. It’s so catchy I’m listening to it right now! The original soundtrack is good, but OBVI I prefer the Sara version.

I don’t know what else to say besides that my hands hurt from the amount of clapping I did in my standing ovation I gave Sara. GO SEE THIS. You will not regret it. Try and go in the next two weeks to see Sara and Jason in action together! Dynamic duo.

What. A. Night.

Photo ON THE STAGE. Incredible.
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Big City Living

Moving Apartments: A Saga

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And a saga it has been. If you were wondering what I’ve been doing with my time while neglecting my blog, here you go. Let’s start at the beginning.

The News

Our current building has a policy stating that we must give 30 days Notice to Vacate if we do not planning on staying in the apartment. Depending on which document you look at. Some places say 60 days. They are supposed to give a renewal offer at 75 days until the end of the lease so the tenants can decide.

Our lease began on February 1st. At the beginning of December I realized we still did not have a renewal offer. I emailed our building. They said OOPS. And sent us an “offer” to stay and pay $550 more per month. Emoji bf took a screenshot of the offer and sent it to me with the caption “LOL.”

And LOL we did. We laughed so we didn’t cry. And then of course I wrote them back saying thanks but no thanks. We decided we would have to move. And by decided, I mean, we realized if we wanted to eat for the next year, we would need to find a cheaper roof over our heads. A cardboard box in Times Square was a possibility.

After informing the management company we intended to leave, they told us our lease was over on the 29th of January. SURPRISE!!! In case you’re thinking, “but aren’t there 31 days in January!?” then you’re thinking the same thing as I was. Maybe it was a mistake? NOPE. Our building company wrote our lease to go from 2/1/17 to 1/29/18. And we signed it. Our fault. Sorta. What kind of sheisty sh*t is that though? I made it very clear with a strongly worded email, signed Esq., that we would not be paying for a full month of rent if we were vacating early. They reluctantly agreed. But when our January rent charge showed on our account, do you think they prorated it as promised?? I’ll let you guys guess.

The Hunt

The Hunt was complicated by the fact that you cannot search for an apartment in New York until 3 weeks before your move date. More on this in my next blog about apartment hunting tips and tricks.

Unfortunately, 3 weeks before our mandatory evacuation of our sky-high-rent apartment, emoji-boyfriend was out of town. And then 2 weeks before our move, I was out of town (Seattle and Vancouver, remember?). We realized we would have to search for an apartment separately. Tricky, right?

Emoji-man was on the west coast and I began looking at apartments every day. I became addicted to apartment listings. I was more excited when I got a push notification from Streeteasy than when I got a text from my long-distance boyfriend. I went to sleep dreaming about square footage and the perfect apartment with an IN-UNIT WASHER DRYER. Of course I then woke up and realized that if I wanted an apartment with a good location AND a stove we would need to pay more than $3,000/month. (Yes, there are apartments I went to see that were going for $2,700, were 400 square feet and had solely a hot plate and sink as a “kitchen.”)

After visiting approximately 20 apartments of varying quality on a scale of horrible to horrendous, I finally found a diamond in the rough, IN OUR PRICE RANGE! Miracle. Literally. I took a video on my phone, and sent it over to emoji-bf. He was impressed as well. He said we should take it. I texted the broker within an hour of viewing the place and told him we were ready to move forward.

The Application

Our broker emailed me and said, “So excited you’re interested in the apartment. I now need every single document about your life ever written, plus a promissory note for your first-born child.” JK. But it was just shy of that. They asked for an application, plus pay stubs, bank statements, savings account numbers, checking account numbers, a letter from our current building, a letter from both employers, a copy of our ID’s, a credit check with an associated online payment system, and tax returns for the previous two years.

While my boyfriend attempted to get all of these documents together from the west coast, I had to act as nice as I possibly could to get a recommendation letter from my current building, who I had just gotten in a rent argument with, 3 days prior. FUN!

Finally, we got these documents together and I submitted them. We also had a minor setback when my employment verification letter did not state my salary and I had to resubmit it. Why were the pay stubs and tax documents not sufficient to show this? I will never know.

APPLICATION APPROVED!!!

The Lease

FINALLY. Approved. Done now, right? WRONG. We needed to both sign the lease, and bring them two certified bank checks, one for the first month of rent, one for the security deposit. Easy. No problem. But no.

Emoji-bf was out of town, remember? So he couldn’t sign. And I don’t have $6K+ sitting in my bank account. Also, I was leaving town on the Thursday of that week. We were approved on a Monday. I asked our broker about the lease. He said we would get it Tuesday end of day. 3 pm Tuesday: no lease. I asked again. Broker said he was sorry but the lease guy wasn’t in the office. He would be in touch Wednesday morning. Wednesday 3 pm: no lease. Again, I called the broker around 5 pm and told him I was nervous because I was leaving town the next day. He said no problem. I can sign electronically, only one signature needs to be original.

11 am Thursday, we get the lease. It is 27 pages long. This is not an exaggeration. I go through every page on my lunch break and sign in 18 places. I scan it and send it back. An hour passes. I get a phone call from our broker saying that my boyfriend needs to sign the same copy, and I “took up too much of the signature lines.” He asked me to redo it. Unfortunately, I was already on my way to the airport so I told him my boyfriend would write small. Problem solved. Finished. Right? WRONG AGAIN.

The Move

I could have started my blog here. After all that mess, my emoji bf was convinced we would be finished with the saga. Just two nights ago he said to me, “we should be good, right? We have the apartment and we have the mover booked.” And I said, “Well… a lot can still go wrong.” Guess who was right…

ME! ME! If you guessed me, you were correct!

Yesterday was the 23rd. We are supposed to move on the 27th. After weeks of chasing down the building management company for a sample Certificate of Insurance for our movers (I didn’t even make a separate section for this, but suffice it to say, it was a battle in and of itself), the management office finally wrote me back. The management guy told me that I should tell my mover to be in touch directly with him. This made me feel a lot better, since it took the building 11 days to get back to me, and we only had 4 days left until our move. JK this did not make me feel better at all. I am 99.9% sure that our movers will never hear back from this guy.

Anyway, in the same email as the COI conversation, I asked about how to get the keys for the apartment. Logical question to ask, 4 days before the move., right? Should be a simple answer. But as you have learned already here today, nothing has a simple answer.

The building manager told me to be in touch with the super. The super’s name and number was on the front page of our “Welcome Packet” (really a 40 page warning packet about the dangers of lead poisoning) that came along with our 27 page lease. I found the packet and called the number on the front. A young girl picked up. She said it was the wrong number. I check the number again. Called again. Same girl. Same wrong number.

4 PM: I emailed the management company.

Me: “Hey soooo either there’s a 10 year old girl answering our super’s phone and lying about who she is, orrr the phone number is wrong.”

Building Manager: “How about you try this other number with a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LAST 4 DIGITS.”

Me: “Ok cool, I have nothing else to do with my time at my job. I’d love to.”

Me: “Hi, are you the super? I’m moving into the building on Saturday and the management office told me to contact you about getting the keys.”

Super: “What? That’s impossible.”

Me: “Um, no. Yes. What? Yes, we are moving in on Saturday, the 27th? We signed a lease two weeks ago.”

Super: “Well that can’t be, because you can only move Mondays through Fridays. It can’t be Saturday. I knew nothing about this. No.”

Me: “Well our lease actually begins on Saturday. And we already have a mover booked and paid for, over $1,500.”

Super: “I understand but that is just not possible. Who wrote the lease, who told you that?”

Me: “Who wrote the lease? The building management company! How can I make this work? Should I contact the building manager again?”

Super: “Yes, thank you goodbye.”

Well guys, I wish I had a happy ending to this story. But this is how the story ends for now. I have called the building manager, where I got a voicemail message, because of course I was not told the super’s real number until 4 pm, so this whole exchange went down “after normal business hours.” Then I emailed the building, but there is no answer at the time of this blog’s publication. I didn’t sign my emails to the new building with an Esq. yet. I am trying to stay on their good side. We haven’t even moved in yet! Or gotten the keys…

Anyway, does someone have a place for emoji bf and me, and all of our belongings, beginning Saturday? Any roomy cardboard boxes on spacious corners near an express train? Preferably Upper West Side? All suggestions welcome.

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Travel

Seattle and Vancouver

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I have been neglecting you guys!! My loyal blog-readers. Well I am back, hopefully with a vengeance. Things in my life have been crazy recently, between realizing we couldn’t afford the crazy rent increase for our apartment, trying to find an apartment within 2 weeks’ time, applying for an apartment… ok, this whole apartment business deserves its own blog post, which is coming soon.

Anyway, I’ve been busy. And one of the reasons is because I’ve been gallivanting around the west coast of the US and Canada with my best friend. I know, I know, play the world’s smallest violin for me. Too bad, so sad.

I had a blast. I can’t share all of the details from my trip on here because, quite frankly, you don’t want to read them. But I will give a highlights reel in bullet-point form, because lists are easier to read, and hopefully this way you don’t skim through all of my hard, carpal-tunnel-inducing work on LongLegsBigCity.

  • Flight actually left on time. WHAT? Crazy. Yes, this requires its own bullet point. I highly recommend JetBlue to absolutely anyone. Also, their points NEVER EXPIRE. And they have free wifi! And legroom! This trip was off to a great start.
  • Late night happy hour at Toulouse Petit. Their menu touts that it was rated 5th Greatest Restaurant in the USA by TripAdvisor. It was good but that is very aggressive.
  • First Day: Food tour of Pike’s Place Market. Highly recommend, yet again. I’d been to Pike’s Place before, but I learned so much history from the tour guide! Also, we got to eat at 6 different places (Daily Dozen Doughnut Co., Elleno’s Greek Yogurt, Beecher’s Handmade Cheese, Pike Place Chowder, Chukar Cherries, Piroshky Piroshky AND Etta’s Seafood). How could that be bad??
  • Drove to Vancouver. Holy hell that took a long time. Who knew that border-crossing lines took long than Disneyworld pre-fast-pass? We arrived 2 hours later than planned. Thank goodness we bought $30 in gas station snacks for the 3-hour (turned 5-hour) drive.
  • Our air BnB was awesome!! It was an adventure trying to get the keys though. There was a fire exit involved. Also, the way the host gave us the keys… he just left the door propped open? For how long, no one knows. I made my friend come with me and check every closet and shower (there were 2.5 bathrooms!) for a hiding serial killer. Spoiler Alert: there were no serial killers.
  • The Parking pass our Air Bnb guy gave us for the parking garage (one of the reasons we picked this air bnb) clearly stated 6-hour-parking all over it. Also, the spots in the garage said that. We were worried all weekend that we would be towed. Air bnb man did not speak English very well in his messages and his response “Sure! 😊” to our question “The parking pass says 6 hours. Can we park there overnight? Will we get towed?” did not help. Spoiler Alert #2: we were not towed. PHEW!
  • Discovered 2 liquor stores within 3 blocks walking distance. Purchased booze at said liquor stores. This also came in handy later.
  • Hooked up to the wifi, googled best dinner places. Found a place called Gringo. The reviews for the food were FAMAZING, and they had drinks called “White Girl W@$sted” and “Poor Man’s Sangria.” We knew we had to go. The wait was 45 minutes AND it was raining. But after 20 minutes, we were tipped off that we could go inside and take tequila shots while we waited. Game changed. Food was AMAZING (especially after the tequila shots).
  • Day 2: Hit the free gym in the condo complex first to sweat out some tequila. Works every time. Pro Tip: Running on a treadmill with a hangover is bad in every country. Even with the lights dimmed.
  • It stopped raining! Tried to go on a walking tour of Vancouver. Couldn’t find the fountain meeting place. Asked inside a museum. Was informed that the plaza was “re-landscaped” aka paved over, and there was no fountain anymore. Still couldn’t find the walking tour. Did come across a man cleaning a public restroom. He found a Livestrong Bracelet in the toilet. Remember those? We gave up on the walking tour.
  • We decided to instead give ourselves a walking tour on our way to brunch. Great compromise. We walked around downtown and then ended up at Lamplighter Pub for a Bluegrass Brunch. It was amazing because they served poutine and did a bluegrass version of Hit Me Baby One More Time. It was already a great day.
  • We walked alllll the way to Granville Market mostly because we had time, and it had stopped raining. Also, because I had just eaten poutine. Granville was adorable. Lots of food booths, but after our 80-minute walk we were tired.
  • We took a cab back to our condo. I LEFT MY CELL PHONE IN THE CAB. Uber doesn’t exist in Vancouver, so we had no way to track it. Of course my cellular data was off because I was in Canada so I couldn’t call it. I tried to track down the cab from my credit card charge, but it wasn’t even pending yet. I found a Parking Police Person. I asked her what to do. She told me to try and remember what color the cab was, and find the company to call based on that color. Unfortunately, I thought it was blue and my best friend thought it was yellow. Also, I didn’t have a phone to call a company. My best friend google-image-searched Vancouver cabs, and was CONVINCED it was from a company called Black Top Cabs based on the photos. I scheduled a cab by using their website. Two minutes later, a cab pulled up, and it looked just like the one we were in… but it wasn’t. I asked the driver to call dispatch and ask about a cab coming from Granville where the customer left a phone. Sure enough I hear someone over the radio say “Yep, I’ve got it.” (WTF!?). The dispatch said “Either you can go get it or he can bring it to you but he may charge a $15 delivery charge” (aka like $12 American). I am not an idiot so I said PLEASE PLEASE BRING IT. I prepared to wait on the street for a while. Less than 3 minutes later, the guy pulled up with my phone. I handed him $20 American, and he seemed thrilled. It worked out for both of us. Cue the 3-minute walk to the liquor store because I REALLY needed it at that point.
  • Pre-drinking at the condo. Planning out Spain girls’ trip for May. (SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS!) Googled “Best Indian Food in Vancouver.” Discovered Salam Bombay. So. Delicious.
  • We wanted to go dancing and failed miserably the night before, so we tried harder the second night. We even waited in a non-moving line at a club. We eventually gave up and started wandering looking for a bar. We came across Relish The Pub. We saw a woman dancing like crazy inside. Just one woman. She was a bodybuilder. She did bodybuilding poses every 2 minutes within her dance marathon. We knew it was up to us to join the party. They had an amazing DJ who played all of our requests. We danced for 3 hours straight. We got 14,000 steps after midnight. My Fitbit registered more than 2 hours of “aerobic activity.”
  • At one point in the night, my friend pointed to the floor and said “look.” I looked. It was $100!!! In American money, nonetheless. She told me later she thought it was $1! This paid for our next night.
  • Late night shawarma.
  • Meaning well, we set the alarm to go to the gym. It didn’t happen. I checked my fitbit. Remembered the 14,000 steps after midnight. Decided it was ok.
  • Drove back toward Seattle. Both of us had Global Entry so we got to drive in the fastpass Nexus Lane. It saved us at least an hour at the border!
  • We stopped for a stretch break and walk at Deception Pass. Photos do not do it justice. SO. BEAUTIFUL.
  • Lunch in La Conner, WA at Santo Coyote. We had amazing (and inexpensive) food this whole trip.
  • Relaxed at my bff’s house for a quick bit, while her psycho-energetic-puppy jumped all over us. Then we googled “Best Ice Cream in Seattle.” I can’t help myself! #30Years30IceCreams will stay with me forever. We met up with one of her friends at Kurt Farm Shop, where we had cheese ice cream, and many other unique and delicious flavors. It left a weird film on the roof of my mouth, but besides that, it was pretty darn good.
  • Even with this bullet list, is this blog getting long? I think it is. I’ll try to wrap up. We did so many things!!
  • Day 4: MLK Day. Hike up Little Si with Charlie (the girl puppy with a boy name). She was happy we brought her. The views were amazing! A totally clear day in January in Seattle. Complete miracle.
  • I met my best friend’s boyfriend at dinner. We went to Tai Tung, which is famous for being Bruce Lee’s favorite restaurant. He even has a table dedicated to him. But more importantly, I got to meet my BFF’s bf. This is important because I have a history of hating her boyfriends. I know hate is a strong word, but it’s entirely appropriate here. Anyway, I actually liked this one! MIRACLE. Also, he picked up the tab. Doesn’t hurt. We made him take home the leftovers.
  • Went to VERY divey dive bar called Joe’s. VERY. Divey. Cash only. They don’t even have a website for me to link. I was introduced to pull-tabs. We won $4!! We spent $20… but still. All drinks paid for by our found Benjamin.
  • Late night 2nd Dinner at Ba Bar. Vietnamese. Pho. Moscow Mules at Late Night Happy Hour price. Who could ask for more?
  • Day 5: SEGWAY TOUR OF SEATTLE!! Y’all know I love to Segway. The tour guide kind of sucked, but Segway-ing is so fun it didn’t even matter. Plus, we got a Groupon! Plus, it wasn’t raining! PLUS, it was called Magic Carpet Glide. It couldn’t be bad.
  • Lunch at Ivar’s. Fish and Chips. So. Good. Plus the view was amazing. It still wasn’t raining!
  • Stopped at Tiffany’s. Had to make sure my BFF knows the kind of ring I want. You never know, right? 😉 LOL
  • Spent the rest of the afternoon on the couch watching Sex & the City DVD’s to round out a perfect trip.
  • My flight back to NYC left EARLY! JETBLUE FTW. 21 days ‘til my next flight. Also JetBlue because I am now a loyal customer.
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