Holiday Tips… HELP!

It’s the most wonderful timeeee of the yearrrr. FALSE. It’s the most STRESSFUL time. Every year, I agonize over holiday tips. Who needs one? Who doesn’t “need” one but deserves one? How much? Do I pool the money? Or do individual gifts? How much did I give last year?

This year is even worse! Everyone is struggling and I am lucky enough to still have a job, all of my family members are healthy, and I even got promoted this year (humble brag). So I’m feeling pretty fortunate. But how does that translate into tips? This is, in my opinion, one of the worst parts of being an adult, right after laundry and understanding the difference between a W2 and a W9.

For tips, first, I need to decide who gets them. You’d think this would be a simple process, but it’s not. Growing up, I remember my mom always left tips for the postman. He even would leave an envelope for us so we didn’t forget. But now, I work a full-time job and if I ever see the mailman/mailwoman, it’s in passing, and they don’t even know which apartment I belong to. I’m one of many little boxes on a wall. Also, they usually have airpods in, and I’ve never had a conversation with them. It’s not like the friendly neighborhood suburban mailmen who actually walk up to your physical front door. But… they’re working so hard this year. And the absentee ballots!! I’m so thankful to USPS!

The guy who REALLY deserves the cold hard cash is the Amazon delivery guy. We get approximately 7 packages a week. Yes, you read that right, at least one per day. But it’s not like we have a relationship with the UPS guy. This is NYC. Again, the packages just sort of magically show up here while I’m working.

Now let’s talk about the people who I actually come face to face with. During Covid, there are VERY few of these people, and even so it’s mask to mask, but let’s say pandemic aside, who else provides services for me that I should tip.

Our cleaning person. This is a no-brainer. She definitely gets a holiday tip. But how much? She didn’t clean for us for 8 months this year. I sent her money periodically while we were out of state, but I know she’s hurting and I’m sure a lot of her clients have discontinued her service. We have her back now (our chore chart didn’t work, more on that another time), but she’s only been back for 2 weeks. And then the even harder question: how much do we give? The amount we pay for one cleaning? Like a bonus? Or a lump sum $100. Or more? This is a more difficult tip to give because it’s usually in person. Or should I do it by Venmo so I don’t need to see her face? Is that cowardly? I have tried googling these answers, by the way, but there does not seem to be a consensus.

There are other people I may tip on a normal year, a hairstylist, manicurist (before I did my own!), even a dry cleaner, but this year, I haven’t really seen any of those people.

In NYC, there is only one group of people who ALWAYS gets tips: building staff. Doormen, concierges, porters, superintendents. They always send around a happy holiday card to remind us of their names so we don’t forget them. Also, they’re the ones dealing with our Amazon dependency. And this year, they are putting their health and safety in jeopardy every day commuting to our building, interacting with 3,000 Doordash delivery men, and with idiots who take their masks down in the lobby.

BUT HOW MUCH?? When we lived on 96^th Street, we had a building staff of 8. We gave $50/person. That’s $400. Split between two people, it was reasonable. But would we have given the same amount if we lived alone? When I lived in that same building as a poor law student with 3 roommates, I think we each gave $50 (total of $200 for the apartment). Whether I gave $400 or $200, we were barely acknowledged for our card.

But in our building now? We have 6 people, and again the past two years we have given $50/person and we have been treated like KINGS. A majority of our building now is rent controlled, so I think it’s abnormal for people to give that much. It was SO appreciated. I almost felt bad. If we could afford $400 in the other building, should we have given the same here? How do you split that by 6 evenly? Should it be an amount by person?

And more importantly, do you give the same amount each year? There is a such thing as inflation. And this year, as I said, we are more fortunate than many others. Do we adjust for that? Our expenses have decreased. Well, Chris got me a ring so I should say my expenses have decreased. And the final question, do we put cash in an envelope for everyone? Or do we split it up into individual envelopes? It probably appears nicer together because the amount it higher, but is that the point? Shouldn’t it be personalized?

You can probably tell by the amount of question marks in this blog post (28) that I do NOT have any of the answers. How do you guys dole out holiday tips? Any tips, pun intended, are appreciated.