Do you love Christmas decorations as much as me? Enough to wait out in the 25 degree cold for over an hour? Enough to “waste” a half day of work by standing in the cold, and then standing in a bar like packed sardines, drinking barely above-par drinks that will not get you drunk and cost $17 each? You do? Cool. You should go to Rolf’s.
I went last week, and I did not regret it at all. Yes, we waited. 75 minutes, in fact. Yes, I was sick as a dog and trying not to cough on everyone in line around me. (I may have scared a few people away, it could have been an 85-minute wait if it were not for my handy-dandy hacking cough!).
Rolf’s is a German restaurant near Gramercy. It’s known for its schnitzel. But more, it’s known for its Christmas decorations. And don’t fret if you’re leaving NYC in a few days for the holidays, or if you’re not coming to NYC until New Year’s Eve (not recommended, FYI), according to the Rolf’s website, their Christmas decorations will be up until May. And they are epic. They have been written up in Thrillist, Time Out NY, NY Mag… the list goes on. I dare you to google “Rolf’s NYC” and just look at the images. Or read on, I took approximately 900 photos.
I had heard about Rolf’s for years, but like most too-cool-for-school New Yorkers, I figured it was mostly hype. But here’s the issue, I’m not a too-cool-for-school New Yorker when it comes to Christmas. I go see the Rockefeller Center tree every year. And the Saks 5th Ave. light show. And I’ve seen the Rockettes Christmas Spectacular numerous times. I am obsessed with Christmas. So obsessed that even New York tourist crowds will not deter me. Yes, my Jewish mother is proud.
I threw caution to the wind, met my friend who had taken the day off of work, and plopped myself at the back of the queue. It extended half an avenue. For you non-New Yorkers out there… that’s long. We kept warm by marching in place and complaining about the cold. As most locals do, the best way to deal with any weather whatsoever is to complain about it. I am a pro.
After 75 minutes we finally were allowed entry. Unfortunately, we found out that you were not allowed to sit at a table unless you were ordering full entrees. And those menus were crazy price-gauged. The entrées ranged from $40-$70 for German street food. We tried to ask for a table for appetizers and drinks, but they said no. Bar only. It worked out for the best because the bar is where most of the decorations are. Well, sort of. This place looked like Father Christmas threw up all over it. Then ate it back up, then regurgitated it again. Gross analogy, but for real. The ceiling was DRIPPING with lights, ornaments, and my favorite, super creepy dolls peeking out of everywhere. On the mirror about the bar, there was even more, plus a beautiful wreath.
Creepy dolls peeking out from the ceiling.
Have you heard the saying #DoItForTheGram? Well, this place was invented for that. Everyone and their mother (literally… there were a few families in there), were trying to take photos. Unfortunately, the place was so incredibly packed that most photos were from way too close up! Every time a person left, their spot was filled by someone trying to take a photo from 2 feet away, within 30 seconds. It was basically human Jenga.
The place is supposedly famous for its many kinds of Schnapps, but I did not look any further than their seasonal cocktail menu. After waiting in the cold for over an hour, you’d think I would have tried the mulled wine or hot cider. But no, I decided for an icy holiday treat – some sort of Baileys + Cinnamon concoction, complete with a cinnamon stick for garnish. It was not strong at all, but boy was it yummy. Worth $17? Hell no. But the photos were!! I highly recommend going, solely for the pics. Then go literally across the street to the diner, like we did, for a meal at a quarter of the price. And watch all of the cold people in line for Rolf’s as you eat your warm food.
Happy Black Friday! Take a break from shopping to read an update from your friendly, neighborhood Macy’s Parade expert.
TL;DR: NEVER going back to Balloon Inflation again; Parade was FANTASTIC as always, even though I feel old; I ate so much food; traveling back to NYC on Thanksgiving night when I woke up at 5 am for the parade is something I will never do again.
Wednesday night, I joined my friend and sister to attend the great balloon inflation. Turned out to be not-so-great. Ok, it was f*cking horrifically terrible. Good parts, standing in crowds of 10,000 people surrounded by bomb-sniffing dogs and full-riot-gear snipers. Ok jk, those were not good parts. There were no good parts. It was disorganized, and when we finally got through the security checkpoint and bag check (after 30 minutes of waiting), we found out that the line snaked from 74th street to 76th street, then back to 74th, then back to 76th. 6 total blocks, and even then, you were only at 76th street and the actual balloons didn’t start for another block after that. Once we got through one part of the snaking line, and after I was hit in the legs by approximately 16 strollers and kicked by approximately 4 children, we knew we had to escape. We asked a police officer how to GTFO. She told us we had to snake back down to 75th then ask an officer to open the gates for us. We jumped over a barricade and through the other snaking line, and walked as fast as we could away from that sh*tshow.
After that horrific experience, we walked back uptown along Columbus Avenue, in the street on the east side, and GUESS WHAT? We could see all the freaking balloons anyway. They are hundreds of feet long, after all. We even did a good deed, delivering a girl’s keys across Columbus Avenue to her friend on the west side of the street, because the girl was actually stuck inside the balloon inflation line, just as we had been, minutes prior!
The night got a lot better, though. We ate homemade pizza at my sister’s house, thanks to my brother-in-law, and then we went to part ways. As I left my sister’s house, I realized the police were blocking Amsterdam Avenue. Then I realized why: ALL OF THE FLOATS FOR THE PARADE WERE ARRIVING!! It was amazing. I called my sister immediately and told her to come outside. The floats all need to be able to fold up, or disassemble into 12.5 by 13-foot boxes to fit through the Lincoln Tunnel. We got to see the floats all tied down and folded up. Most terrifyingly, we saw the Jolly Green Giant in all of his creepy reverie, head unattached, large hands unattached and filled with even larger ears of corn. This was, by far, the coolest part of the night. And there was no line at all!
The not-so-great inflation we saw from the street.
Mount Rushmore tied down.
Folded up for the tunnel.
Build-a-Bear!
SANTA’S SLEIGH!!
Jolly Green Beheaded Giant.
WT are those eyes!?
I couldn’t get over it.
Hand of corn.
I went home and slept for very few hours, then woke up at 5:45 am feeling like it was Christmas morning. I’m Jewish so, this is sort of as good as it gets: PARADE DAY! I followed most of my tips for parade-viewing, bundling up in layers, and stopping at the bodega for an egg sandwich and snacks, and definitely not coffee. I picked up my sister along the way, and we settled in to watch just south of 75th street on Central Park West at 6:40 am.
Early Morning. #WorthIt
So cold.
Picked up the sister!
Yes, I used this snapchat filter a million times. #SorryNotSorry
READY TO ROLL!!
It’s not easy to pick, but here are some highlights of parade-watching:
We were standing right at the beginning of the parade, so we were in front of the opening marching band. We got to dance along with them and hear their awesome songs.
We were close enough so that the clowns threw confetti on us.
Unfortunately, I barely knew any of the performers. I think that’s how I know I’m old.
Performers I knew and got to see: Patti Labell, Common, Flo-Rida, Jimmy Fallon, Bebe Rexha, and ALSO, 98° actually came back from retirement! Love me some Nick Lachey.
Patti Labelle
Flo-Rida
Jimmy Fallon and The Roots!
Bebe Rexha
98 DEGREES!!!!!
I’m tall so I could see all of the floats and balloons before everyone else. (Long legs, big city. Duh.)
Spirit of America dance team came by. And when they stopped their cheering, (“MACYS. THANKSGIVING DAY. PARADE!”), my sister and I started a back and forth “We’ve got spirit, yes we do, we’ve got spirit, how ‘bout YOU!?” And we did that a few times with about 40 cheerleaders joining in.
SANTA!!! How does one get that job? Does he just have to have his own padding and not be drunk? (Miracle on 34th Street reference.)
#SelfieWithSanta
After the parade was over, we got to see City workers immediately swiveling the traffic lights back into place. Always a sight to see.
While the streets were still closed, my sister took an amazing photo of me. New profile pic!
Processed with VSCO with preset
Oh, and selfies with balloons. Which needs its own gallery of photos.
First balloon of the parade, and first year for Olaf!
Do dinosaurs roar?
Sisters and Ronald
Not a balloon, but look who they put back together!
Trolls!
Harold from Miracle on 34th Street! All in grayscale.
Elves mean SANTA IS COMING!
Not to mention that my sister and I LOVE Macy’s and have a special appreciation for most people’s least favorite balloons: The Macy’s Stars! We took selfies (ussies?) with all of them!
First set of stars.
2nd set.
Gold Stars for the first time in memory. Merry Christmas!
After the parade, I went home, still on a high, and watched the parade’s broadcast on NBC. I caught the last 45 minutes and got to see Santa AGAIN! Then I took a shower, FINALLY had coffee, and headed to Penn Station, aka Dante’s 10th circle of hell on Thanksgiving Day, and headed to South Orange, New Jersey.
I had Thanksgiving dinner at my sister’s husband’s brother’s house. There were twenty people there! The food was DELISH and the bar was #STOCKED. I think I had 3 gin and tonics before dinner, then a few glasses of wine at dinner. The only thing I will complain about… No mac and cheese! Unfortunately, since they keep kosher, there was delicious turkey, but it meant we couldn’t have cheese. That’s ok, I know there will definitely be some at Christmas in Texas.
Lastly, remind me to never take the NJ Transit back into New York on the night of Thanksgiving. It was standing-room-only, filled with New Yorkers escaping the suburbs, and there were drunk people everywhere. Also, at that point I had been awake and in constant motion for 16 hours. It was not pleasant.
Maybe next year the plan will be Parade, then movie marathon in bed. But ALWAYS Parade. Until next year!
Diary of a Wimpy Kid, my sisters balloon from last year.
I am quite possibly the most experienced Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade viewer that you will ever meet. I already told you about my long history with The Parade. As my Thanksgiving gift to you, I am sharing with you my ultimate guide of tips and tricks for watching the parade. I will do a separate guide for those in New York watching LIVE vs. people watching remotely. Although, let’s be honest, y’all should just come to NYC. It’s worth it.
LIVE VIEWING DO’s and DON’T’S:
DO attend the GREAT BALLOON BLOWUP the night before! It’s going on right now! 1-8 pm around the Natural History Museum.
DO dress in layers! This is self-explanatory. It’s cold AF and you’ll be standing still for a LONG time.
DO wear comfortable shoes. It’s a lot of hours. All standing.
DO go out drinking the night before. Then you’ll be dehydrated the next morning. Trust me, this will come in handy.
DO set 4 alarm clocks. Especially if you’re drinking the night before.
DO bring snacks. And breakfast. You’ll be hungry.
DO charge your phone and bring an extra charger. You’ll need it. Here’s why:
DO post incessantly on social media. Instagram and Snapchat needs to be jealous! Make sure the world knows that you live in the greatest city in the world and you only walked 10 blocks from your apartment to view the greatest parade on Earth.
DO call all members of your family from the parade route so they are jealous. One year, my brother was in Israel and he called us from ISRAEL so he could feel like he was part of the action.
DO try and find any of your friends or relatives who are walking in the parade.
DO scream their names like a crazy person until they see you and wave.
DO still make sure you record the broadcast at home!! If you view the parade in person, you miss all the talent acts that take place in Herald Square. You will need to watch it in its entirety later! Also, you’ll want to see the commercials. More on that later.
DO wave like a crazy person to your friend!
DO always take selfies!
DO call your brother in Israel!
DO bring many friends to watch with!
DO bundle up!
DO attend the Big Balloon Blowup!
DO wave like a crazy person to your sister!
DO CELEBRITY SPOT!
DON’T be afraid to push people out of the way.
DON’T be intimidated by children. Feel free to tell those 3-year-old bastard children that now is not the time to be on your dad’s shoulders. There are 30-year-olds who wanna see Santa too!
DON’T drink coffee in the morning. Porta Potties. Need I say more?
AT-HOME VIEWING DO’s and DON’T’S:
DO wake up with enough time to brush your teeth. I’d normally allow 10 minutes before 9 am.
DO watch the entire thing. Show performances from 9-10 am. Rockettes somewhere in the middle. Santa at the end!
DO have a printout of the lineup with you so you can check off acts as they perform, and so you know what’s coming up.
DO watch Miracle on 34th Street directly after the end of the parade! We did this every year when we lived in Florida. It’s basically just an extension of the parade.
DO watch the 1947 version or the colorized version of it. This may belong in the DON’Ts section below, but don’t watch the 1994 version with Mara Wilson. Unless you’re watching both. Then it’s ok.
DO download the Macy’s app! They have amazing features you can use even from home! Like transforming yourself into a Macy’s Elf.
I elf-ified myself!
Do you see the resemblance between the first photo and the elf behind me??
DON’T miss the beginning! You need to hear Amy Kule (the Executive Producer of the Parade) say “Let’s Have a Parade!”
DON’T fast-forward through the commercials! Many advertisers debut their best commercials of the holiday season during the Parade. There are always articles about how it’s a brand’s dream because everyone loves Thanksgiving. No conflicts of interest.
DON’T feel bad about tweeting constantly @macys #MacysParade even if you’re watching from home. Yes, I said this before. And I’ll say it again.
DON’T MISS SANTA! I already sorta said this above but, DUH.
And the most important:
DON’T MISS IT!!! According to the official website FAQ, “This once-a-year event is best watched live! Unfortunately, no reproductions of the broadcast are available for sale or distribution.”
Also, FYI, as much as I’d want to get proposed to during The Parade, it’s impossible. This is also covered in the FAQ. SEE YOU GUYS ON CENTRAL PARK WEST!!
Tomorrow is one of the biggest days of the year for my family. Not because we gather together, not because of the food, def not because we are thankful. Because of one thing and one thing only: THE MACY’S THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE.
Note to Readers: This post is solely about the importance of the parade and my history with it. This is NOT about this year’s parade. Do not fret, I will post about the 2017 parade after it happens.
My family has a LONGGG history with the Macy’s Parade. That’s right, it’s the Macy’s Parade, not the Thanksgiving Day Parade, and NEVER the Macy’s DAY Parade, as some incredibly ignorant people call it. My dad used to work for Macy’s. In fact, he started at Bloomingdales as a seasonal employee, and stayed on with Macy’s for 17 years. He worked in the offices in Herald Square above the massive flagship store. That is also the store where my mom showed my dad which ring she wanted as her engagement ring, and also the store where he bought the ring, when he came down on his lunch break. Like a said, we have a longggg history.
When I was growing up, my dad got tickets to watch in the grandstand through work, so we would make the annual VERY early pilgrimage to NYC from New Jersey to watch in the stands. There is a classic photo of my mom and sister and I bundled up watching the parade. My mom is in the photo holding a bundle of blankets aka my baby brother at the time, who was 9 months old. I told you we take this parade sh*t seriously. Ain’t no baby holding us back! That puts me at 2 years old, a pacifier in my mouth, and another pacifier in my hand, JIC. Obvi. And my sister at 8 years old, having the MOST fun.
When I was 10 years old, my family moved to Florida and we had to continue our annual tradition from 1,200 miles away. We would wake up early (8:45 am was early when I was a teenager), and watch it on the TV. It was a very different experience sitting in the living room of our central AC house, watching people standing and shivering for hours on the street. TBH, I really missed it! But we created new traditions of watching on TV, having my mom cook eggs and bagels (THANKS MOMMY) and then having her join us to watch the real parade at 10 am, after all of the show performances in Herald Square that happen from 9-10.
Then, after college, my parents moved to Philadelphia, which is so close, but so far from NYC. The one year when I was still in Florida, I flew up to for Thanksgiving. Did I fly to Philly where my parents live? NO. OF COURSE NOT. I flew to New York for The Parade!! My brother took a redeye train from Philadelphia to New York to meet my sister and me for some Macy’s fun. After 12 years of Florida Thanksgivings, I was not used the cold and I was freezing my bum off. But I loved every minute.
Sister-Sister… and Buzz Lightyear. 8 years ago.
Brother-Sister… and Spongebob! Also 8 years ago.
Fast-forward a year. When I was choosing a law school, my main concern was proximity to The Parade (caps intentional). I chose Brooklyn Law School because it was just a subway ride away. Ok, maybe that’s not entirely true. But I WAS very excited to come back to Parade proximity!
Since moving back to the big apple, I have had many Parade-viewing experiences, from good, old-fashioned street viewing (the most legit), to a swanky, invite-only NBC watch party with unlimited mimosas and food, and free pillows (the most comfortable, warm and bathroom-friendly option), to actually having tickets to the Uptown 76th Street Grandstands (the most celeb-spotting spot). All of them were fantastic experiences for different reasons.
DO always take selfies!
Swanky NBC Party. Thanks for the tickets, Caitie!
You know it’s a legit parade when it has its own snapchat filter.
WE BELIEVE!! (that we have the best seats in the house).
Never enough selfies in the grandstand.
Last year was the year I was in the Grandstands, and I don’t know if I will ever be able to beat that view. Unfortunately, it meant waking up before the crack of dawn to arrive by 6:30 am, and it meant no bathrooms once admitted. However, we had an amazing view and we had SEATS! Also, we made friends with the people around us and played many rounds of taboo waiting for it to start. Better yet, I had MULTIPLE sightings of my oldest true love, Al Roker. <3 <3 <3
How did I get tickets to the Grandstand?? Welllll, better even than the grandstand, my sister was IN THE PARADE!! She was a handler for the Diary of a Wimpy Kid balloon! As they say in Today, “Though it’s a volunteer position, being a balloon handler is not an easy gig to get. Many volunteers land their slots through recommendations from Macy’s employees.” In fact, you must be a Macy’s or Bloomies employee or friend of an employee to get a spot! Last year, my sister asked the right people, and they put her in touch with someone who made her lifelong dream a reality. My sister loves me, so she asked if I, too, could be a balloon handler. Unfortunately, there were no spots left. But because I am her sister, I got the consolation prize, which was not a consolation prize at all: tickets to the grandstand.
My ticket to the grandstand.
DO bundle up!
DO wave like a crazy person to your sister!
DO CELEBRITY SPOT!
One may say I even got the longer end of the stick because I got to sit down the whole time. Being a handler is not easy! But still, over 3,000 people do it. In fact, there are physical requirements and even training sessions. After all, it’s a 2.5 mile walk in the cold, while holding 100-foot balloons. And everyone who does it is a volunteer! That’s how I know I am not the only one obsessed with the parade. There are thousands of balloon handlers out there who live for this.
I’m pretty psyched. I will be posting my ultimate guide: Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Watching Tips later today. And if you’re already too busy in transit on the biggest travel day of the year to read my blog, then HAPPY THANKSGIVING. I’ll say hi to Matt Lauer, Savannah Guthrie, and Al Roker for you!! #IBelieve
Up until this morning, I was convinced that I was slowly losing my marbles, one ambulance at a time. I am here to announce something exciting: I am NOT losing my mind.
Let me set the scene: 9 months ago, I switched apartments, but I stayed in the exact same building. My old apartment had a window in my room that faced a busy street, and I lived on the fourth floor. I heard noises constantly. I heard cars, I heard honking, I heard 3 am food deliveries as the Whole Foods trucks backed into the garage for 10 minutes straight. It was annoying at first, but I became accustomed to the noise. I had, after all, lived in New York City for 6 years.
Fast-forward to February, when I moved up to the ninth floor, and my windows now faced an interior courtyard. When I first tried to sleep in my new apartment, I could barely quiet my mind, because of the lack of background noise! I felt like I was sleeping in a suburban cocoon. I know some of you out there probably think this is a good thing. And it was… eventually. Three months passed, and I became accustomed to the lack of noise, and I was sleeping like a baby.
THEN, all of a sudden there were sirens. Sirens during my TV shows that I wasn’t sure if they were coming from the TV or not. Sirens that were waking me up in the middle of the night. Sirens on the street so loud that I had to turn up my music, or tell the person I was speaking to on the phone (probably my mom), to wait a minute until the ambulance passed. I’m not just talking about the regular, run-of-the-mill siren, I’m talking EPIC noise.
After a few weeks of this, I tested the waters and started to ask a coworker and a friend, here and there, if they were noticing these sirens. Turns out it was only me. I received a few strange looks, and a few comments like, “um yeah, there are sirens, this is New York.” Or, “Yeah, didn’t you notice you live smack in the middle of Mt. Sinai and St. Luke’s? You’ve lived in the same building for 5 years.” I felt like I was in the first scene of Mr. Holland’s Opus when he realizes his son is deaf, except everyone else in NYC was the deaf baby at the parade who couldn’t hear the fire engines.
Anyway, after a month of asking other Upper West Side-ers about the possible siren change, and a lot of fruitless googling, I decided to give up and come to terms with the fact that I was losing my sh*t, and/or maybe my hearing was improving with my old age.
Sidenote: There are a LOT of videos of sirens on YouTube. I do not recommend watching them in succession, it will only make you crazier.
Fast forward to this morning: my coworker (who I had told about my siren anxiety) told me she was listening to WNYC and that the sirens HAVE indeed changed with the times and I am actually a sane person! She linked me to the 2-minute piece, which is aptly named, “No, You’re Not Imagining It: Some NYC Ambulances Sound Different.” Sure enough, the piece specifically talks about how they have switched from a “wail” siren, to a “high-low” siren to penetrate the newer, more sound-proof cars. Both of those siren terms, BTW, I learned from my obsessive YouTubing.
Moral of this story: I am not crazy. Happy Monday.
Yesterday was the most wonderful day in NYC: the NYC Marathon. No, I didn’t run it. I am not crazy enough to pay to rip all of my toenails off and poop my pants. JK, I am crazy enough, but I’ve entered 4 times and I’ve never won the lottery. Anyway, on Marathon Sunday, the buzz in the New York air is palpable, and it is the only time when New Yorkers take their earbuds out and voluntarily speak to strangers, cheering them on in the ridiculous physical feat of traversing all 5 boroughs in rain, sleet or snow. Yesterday, it was rain. Lots of it.
My marathon day always consists of many traditions, none of which involve running: first, I wake up early to watch the start of the race on TV and listen to all of the personal interest stories. I love a good sob story early in the morning. Then, I grab my marathon sign, which I worked hours on tirelessly the night before, and I go to the east side to cheer on the semi-fast runners (not elite, not stragglers). I try to spot all of my friends running by stalking them on the TCS Marathon App, then I proceed down to Maya for brunch. I knew 15 people this year!
Brunch involves of 2 hours of unlimited drinks and unlimited tapas. I stuff myself and continue to binge drink and eat as runners stream past the windows, huffing and puffing. After I am huffing and puffing solely due to the overdrive my body is doing to digest the feast, I go back out to the street for my favorite part of the race: cheering on the stragglers. Then, I continue to drink and celebrate 50 thousand people who did amazing things, me not being one of them. Let me break down my day further.
Sunday morning, I set my alarm and woke up at the crack of dawn. Crack of dawn = 8 am, when all of the actual marathoners were already on Staten Island, but no matter. 8 am is early for a Sunday for me. I slipped on some lululemon in solidarity, then went into the living room to turn on ABC. Thankfully, I was able to get my dad’s cable login, specifically for marathon-watching purposes. He told me to test out his login by logging into Fios and trying to pay his bill. I didn’t fall for that.
Anyway, I started watching the great news anchors at their posts throughout New York City, and I watched the wheelchair race, which had already begun. Feeling a bit guilty that I wasn’t running, I did a mini workout in my living room, because 5 minutes of jumping jacks and crunches pretty much equals 26.2 miles of running, right? After about 45 minutes of intermittent squats and lunges, I took a quick shower and got back to the TV just as the commentators were telling Meb’s life story. What an inspiration. Then, just as Shalane was about to cross the finish line (TOTAL BAMF), I left the house to go watch some of the marathon IRL.
I walked ten blocks to the bus, so, basically a half-marathon, and then went across town to 1st Avenue. Then, I walked another 14 blocks, so basically a full marathon. I was trying to track so many runners this year. Unfortunately, I don’t know whether to blame the weather or my inability to use technology, but I only found one of my friends!! Extra kudos to Kerong for looking fresh-like-mile-1 at mile 16.5. You killed it!!
After unsuccessfully trying to find 8 more friends, I went in to Maya for brunch, ready to stuff myself to the gills. We had a reservation for 16 people, and 15 of us showed up. Not bad, friends. There were 4 couples in attendance, one of which is getting married next weekend. Talk about dedication to Marathon Sunday!! Also in attendance was our Marathon Sunday Long Island/Jersey crew, aka my high school best friend’s aunt and friends, who we binge drink/eat with every first Sunday in November. We love getting together to stuff ourselves and cheer on runners.
This year, my friend’s aunt brought her best friend who has a daughter who just wrote an amazing book, This is Really Happening. Ok, full disclosure: I haven’t read it yet, but I’m sure it’s great. She brought me a SIGNED copy as a thank you for organizing brunch, and I promised to read it ASAP and review it on Goodreads. I will blog about my addiction to Goodreads in the near future.
Me with my signed copy of the book!
Brunch in full swing, gluttony at its best.
The final 6 standing! (Barely)
The author of the book, Erin Chack, is ALSO a senior editor for Buzzfeed. Talk about a coincidence – my main goal on marathon day is always to get on Buzzfeed for my signs! Ever since my 15 seconds of fame, 4 years ago, when I was featured on Buzzfeed (#30!), it has been my ongoing goal to make a reappearance. You can see some of my previous signs in my post about my own Half Marathon Training from earlier this year. I owe my friend’s aunt for making that connection, or shidduch, as they say in Yiddish. It’s WHO you know, not WHAT you know, after all.
Tracking on the app while cheering!
RAINY Sunday.
Cheering on the stragglers!
We went outside after brunch and continued to cheer on runners/stragglers and take some fun photos. BUZZFEED, ARE YOU THERE!? IT’S ME, EMILY. Maybe that’ll be my sign next year.
But it’s true!!!
Thanking NYPD <3 For a safe race!
Even Emoji BF was there for the fun!
After the NYPD cleaned up the streets, told the remaining runners to proceed to the sidewalk so they could take away the road barriers (and take more photos with me, obvi), we went on to the next bar. The remaining 6 left standing from brunch went on to Pig & Whistle in midtown and chatted some more. Then, I went to the West Village to congratulate some friends from my run club who also ran/cheered all day. It was an awesome day filled with yelling, cheering, and walking. I may not have run a marathon, but I did scrape the whole back of my ankle open by wearing the wrong socks with my boots. Does that count? Check out my battle wound below. Until next year! Maybe I’ll actually win the lottery this time and lose my toenails! If so, y’all better come out strong with some signs!! And all of those who ran yesterday, Happy Medal Monday, wear that hardware with pride!
The city unites for a common cause!
Run Club Champions after party.
Amazing strength from everyone.
My injury. From no running.
And as always in NYC, you can depend on streets full of trash.
Trick or Treat!! I know it’s already the second day of November (WHAT?! When did that happen!?), but I freaking love Halloween so I am talking about it ONE. MORE. TIME.
Tuesday night, I rushed home from work to hand out candy to the kiddies in my building. My apartment’s leasing office organizes Halloween every year, where residents can pick up a paper the week before Halloween to put on their doors. If you have the paper on the door, then you demarcate yourself as a candy-friendly home.
Email from my building:
Happy Halloween!
Beware… Tuesday, October 31st, the halls will be taken over by little ghosts and goblins. If you are brave enough to provide them with treats, be sure to pick up your purple door sign, beginning Saturday afternoon! The trick or treaters will be searching for the purple sign to know which haunted houses have treats inside! Don’t worry, our brave Concierge will not allow ghosts that do not live in our building to haunt the halls.
Ok, clearly I live on the upper west side. Anyway, I hurried home because the Trick or Treating was from 3 pm -8 pm, and I have a job. I figured the parents in my building lobbied for early trick-or-treating, so they could make the nannies deal with it. Anyway, I got home just before 6 and I put that sign proudly on my door.
Then, because I am a weirdo, I put my costume back on from the Pub Crawl. Am I a gumball machine? Or am I a creep-o pedophile waiting for Chris Hansen to catch me on TCAP?! Honestly, I felt like the latter because I have no kids and who in their right mind puts on a unitard for no dang reason? ME. That’s who. I will say, almost all of the parents said, “Awww a gumball machine! How cute!” This was in stark contrast to most of the millennials out drinking on Saturday, most of whom thought I was some sort of robot ballet dancer in a red tutu who would dance for 25 cents according to my coin slot. I appreciate the parents’ appreciation for creativity. Maybe my costume was more of a throwback than I intended.
I opened the door once to a 10-year-old boy in a full-face mask that was lighting up 3 alternating colors, and as soon as I opened the door all the way, two of his little hooligan friends popped out from beside either side of the door frame and said BOO. I felt lucky that my emoji-boyfriend was home to protect me from these very juvenile delinquents. I told them they were terrifying and made sure they only took one piece of candy each. That’s what they get for make me quiver in my gumballs. Overall, we had about 50 kids come to our door, which is not bad at all. However, I overbought candy and I ate way too much of the leftovers, so I brought the rest to work today.
There were 3 amazing highlights:
1. I went in my costume to Chipotle, where I got a $3 BOOrito bowl. It made for an amazing lunch yesterday.
2. I found a golden skeleton just chillin’ in the lobby of the building next door to me. I dragged emoji-boyfriend aka my Instagram boyfriend, to take photos of me with him.
Love my new friend.
Looking into each others deep eye sockets.
He’s a cradle-robber.
3. I had two girls Trick-or-Treat dressed as Cellino and Barnes. I’m talking, FULLY dressed as them. One of them even had a papier-mâché bald head with little puff balls of gray hair on the sides. Their mom asked me if I knew who they were, and I didn’t want to be rude so I just said “you guys look adorable!” Then the mom motioned for the girls to turn around, and on their backs, one said Cellino and the other said Barnes, and they had the phone number written there, too! I told them I’d give them extra candy if they could sing me the song, and one of the girls goes “5-6-7-8!” and they burst into the jingle. They won Halloween. And hopefully their night didn’t end in a vicious split-up like the real duo. WHO WILL GET THE RIGHTS TO THE JINGLE?!
What an amazing night. I know you guys are probably wondering what in the world I will talk about now that my favorite holiday is over, but fear not, the best weekend of the year in NYC is this weekend (MARATHON WEEKEND!), the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is around the corner, and better yet, ‘tis the season to start watching Elf on repeat (why can you not stream it for free anywhere?? Good thing I have the DVD).
I hope you all had amazing Halloweens, did you see any unique costumes? Let me know in the comments!
Reporting live with the 2nd day of my hangover still slammin’ in my head like a terrible rock cover band at 3 am. I can barely open my eyes in the blinding light of the sun, and a credit card is missing from wallet, which means I OBVIOUSLY had an amazing time on the annual Halloween Pub Crawl 2017.
The Halloween Pub Crawl was not my original idea, I used to be a lowly participant on my best friend’s family’s Crawl. She comes from a big Irish Catholic family with 5 brothers and sisters, and innumerable cousins, so there were always enough people for an entire pub crawl just by inviting the family. Since then, my best friend moved away, and her cousins are less likely to hang out with me without her. (I’m still hanging out with her aunt et al. this upcoming weekend for the NY Marathon, more on that coming next week). Anyway, now that all of my friends expect a Halloween bar crawl, the organizing is left up to me. This year, Facebook invitations went out in August, as is necessary with our crazy New York schedules. I invited about 85 people, and made sure the group was open for friends of friends to invite people. Overall, we ended up with 103 invited, and about 50 people showed up. Not a single member of my family. Not bad!
First bar with awesome outdoor space.
Emoji-bf took this, I trained him well.
The crawl grows.
For the past three years, I have been organizing the Crawl by myself and the last two years I planned it to be held on 14th Street, from west to east. This year, I decided to go old school to the Lower East Side. It’s annoying to get there on the subway from the Upper West Side, but #WorthIt because you only have to walk approximately 15 steps to get to another bar. Also, the looks we got on the subway were priceless. I was a gumball machine, but I think a little kid thought I was a clown and he had a minor breakdown when his mom told him to sit next to me.
5 days before the Crawl, I published the google map of our route, which included walking directions AND my own notes about drink specials. I tried to only pick places with major drink specials, since this was a marathon, not a sprint. I took out $100 cash and hoped for the best.
I won’t recount the whole pub crawl because it would be boring. Also because I remember less and less as the day goes on. But ultimately, we hit 11 bars over the course of 8 hours, and I had 16 drinks and bought three slices of Artichoke Pizza (LET ME LIVE!!) for $114. Not bad!!
We started at the Grayson, and as usually I was running about 30 minutes late. I knew it would be an all-day event, so I figured it would be fine. Sure enough, we arrived and we were the first ones there! Grayson is a Wisconsin bar, which I did not know (Go Badgers!), but that worked to our advantage because they had $5 well drinks and an amazing DJ spinning live during commercials and time outs. There were a lot of time outs. I originally picked this bar because it had $5 mimosas, and I thought that would be a good way to easeee into the day of drinking, but instead I had one cider and switched straight to gin, which I would continue to drink for 9 more hours. We waited for 3 more people to arrive then walked one block away to the next bar, Double Down. Drink Count: 2.
So cute.
The first to arrive! Note how bright it is outside.
Too big to fit in the slot 😉
Bar #2 and my memory already starts to fade. Why? Because the bar had 2-for-one happy hour, with well drinks = $6 (aka, $3 each), and the bartender was pregnant. Again you may ask, why does this matter? Well, because I think she was pouring all of the alcohol she couldn’t drink into our cups. But hey, I’m not complaining! We stayed at Double Down for over an hour because the drinks were incredibly cheap and because they had an awesome outdoor area and the weather Saturday was to die for! By the time we went to the next bar, we officially had 17 people on the crawl and it was in full swing. We wanted to switch to a bar with TVs so we could watch the Gator Game. HUGE mistake. Double Down has TV’s, but they only play porn. I’m not kidding. Drink Count: 5.
Anyway, we went to go to Hairy Lemon (the old Croxley’s), but we quickly found out by the overflow crowd on the sidewalk that Hairy Lemon is a Penn State Bar, and they are much better at football than UF this year. We vetoed Hairy Lemon. Luckily, this was the Lower East Side, and there was another bar literally next-door, Mama’s. And that bar next-door had 16 kangaroos in it. Again, not kidding. Only in NYC. We decided it was not an option to hang out with the kangaroos. They agreed to put the Gator game on for us, which was a mistake because we were already losing by nearly 20 points in the first 10 minutes. I decided to distract myself and put on a Kangaroo costume. Then people started to get hungry so we went in search of a bar with food. Drink Count: 6.
Found these kangaroos outside, knew we had to go in.
I put on the costume. Note how bright it is outside.
How do I look?? We swapped tutus.
We did not find a bar with food. But we DID find another bar, Ace Bar, and they DID let us bring in our own food. A few people got slices of pizza. I did not. But I did have another drink! Drink Count: 7.
More people joined us on the crawl, and my memory of the order of bars gets a bit fuzzy here. At some point we went to 11th Street Bar, we also went to Rue B, and Bua, and we headed (RAN) to HiFi because Happy Hours everywhere were about to end (it was 7:15), but HiFi said online that their happy hour was until 7:30. I clearly needed to get my butt there, since I was only at Drink Count: 12.
Well, joke was on us, the rude bartender told us that actually their website was Fake News and their Happy Hour only went until 7. LAME. We decided we did not want to be patrons for this alternative facts bar, so we left. Drink Count: Still 12.
We headed to Horsebox, where I ultimately must have decided I was not at all done drinking, because instead of paying in cash, like I had been doing all day, I decided to open up a tab. Daddy Warbucks of Gin and Gingers, apparently. This was a stupid move for 2 reasons: A. I definitely did not need drinks 13, 14 and 15. And B. I hadn’t used my card all day, so of course I forgot I had put it down and I left my credit card there. TGFFP. (Thank God For Fraud Protection). My new card should arrive tomorrow. Drink Count: 15.
Slowly, people decided they absolutely NEEDED to sing karaoke, as people always decide after 15 drinks. So began the slow exodus across the street to Planet Rose. Planet Rose is the dingiest and grossest of all karaoke bars in New York, which of course makes it the best. Apparently, you can sing songs there for free during the week, but I’ve only ever been there during the weekend, when it costs $2/song. Luckily, I had some cash left since it was clearly necessary at that point for me to croon Fiona Apple while laying on the probably-bed-bug-infested couch. Drink Count: 16. Karaoke Count: 1 song. Dignity Count: negative.
Group pub crawl fun.
Always sit on the barrel.
New profile pic?
BESTIES!
Selfies looking worse and worse.
Photoshoot!
continued…
So much silver.
Planet Rose in all its kitschy-ness.
KARAOKE!!
I managed to find my way, by myself, to Artichoke Pizza, which I had sworn all day I would end the night with. I bought three slices, one for me, one for me the next day (I’m so smart, even when highly inebriated), and one for my boyfriend. Turns out he doesn’t even like Artichoke pizza, so I still have a slice in the fridge 3 days later. If my hangover doesn’t go away by tomorrow, I think I know what I will be having for breakfast.
Overall, a major success. We had almost 50 people. A friend from high school who I hadn’t seen in 15 years came out. My costume was super fun, and comfortable, and I will be posting a DIY on how to make it tomorrow for real Halloween. And best of all, I didn’t die. For all of you New Jerseyans out there, Happy Mischief Night!!
According to the almighty Wikipedia, Oktoberfest is the world’s largest Volksfest, aka beer festival and travelling funfair. Since I don’t love beer and barely ever drink it, I turned down an invitation to go to Munich with some friends a few years ago to experience it in all its glory. However, this year my friend told me about an Oktoberfest in NYC, and SURPRISE, it was FREE. My favorite price. Beer or no beer, I am all about the free entertainment. (Third installment about my student loans coming up this week).
Oktoberfest runs from mid-September to the first weekend in October. Yes, Oktoberfest is not really an OCTOBER-fest. Germans are strange. Anyway, there are still a few weekends left of the event so if my blog below sounds fun, check out the event for yourself! General admission is free, or you can choose to buy tickets that include two hours of beer tasting for $60. Since I don’t like beer, and since I am poor, I chose the free option, duh.
The weather in NYC has been pretty gross: 80-90% humidity and 85 degrees Fahrenheit. However, last Sunday it was at least sunny and there was beer to cool down with. They didn’t accept any cash inside the event, so you had to purchase tickets to buy beer and food. The tickets were $9/piece which is hefty, but at least the beers were sizeable. Also, they had a “buy 11 tickets, get 2 free” deal, which we found out about too late. Serves us right for not reading the signs and streamlining to the bar.
The event was outside at Pier 15, with awesome views of all of the bridges, and of a few military planes landing. Some people thought they carried the President, but I personally could not care less if he’s in town, if you catch my drift.
There were ping pong tables, corn hole games, multiple “head in hole” boards, aka Cutout Boards. I tried one of them out. Not as many as this guy with 2,400, but still. And I couldn’t resist, I had two beers. I didn’t love the taste, or the carbonation, but it was very refreshing! Did I mention they had bratwursts and pretzels the size of your head? They did. They also had chicken nuggets, although I’m not sure the German connection to those. The bartenders were all wearing traditional dirndls and lederhosen, as were some of the patrons. Some of them were Halloween-costume-style, and not “traditional,” per se, as noted by my friend who has been to the real Oktoberfest. They looked real to me. And silly. Clearly we had to take a pic with one of the guys.
Out table and our beers.
Pretzels the size of two heads!
You can see the beautiful view behind our wooden cutout.
We are so legit. Sexy lederhosen and sexy dirndl.
My favorite part of the day was when a member of the event staff began speaking in a terrible fake German accent and announcing a stein-holding competition. Guys, if you didn’t know about this before, there is literally a US Steinholding Association. They have official rules and FAQ’s like,
Q: How much does the stein weigh?
A: A full one-liter stein should weigh approximately 5.5 pounds.
Q: How do you practice for a competition?
A: Everyone is different, and being in good athletic condition helps, but to put it bluntly, you basically just practice holding a stein a lot.
Q: How long should a normal person expect to last in their first competition?
A: Your typical guy can usually last somewhere in the 3-5 minute range, with ladies lasting between 1-2 minutes. If you can go longer than that, following all of the rules, you should definitely find out where to compete in masskrugstemmen so you can take a shot at qualifying for a national level competition.
Q: What is the world record for steinholding?
A: There isn’t currently a world-level competition, so we don’t know of any official world record, but the US national record is currently 19 minutes, 15 seconds, set by Deryk Lindsey at the 2016 National Masskrugstemmen Championships at the Steuben Day Parade and New York City Oktoberfest.
Anyway, the gist is, you hold a very heavy and large glass that is filled with beer and you do not tip, spill or drop it. Longest holder wins. Everyone was video-ing and cheering and the event host was heckling the guys to try and make them drop the steins. I even got a photo with the winner while he was wearing his winning hat and holding his winning beer!
No girls participated, and in hindsight I should have entered, even if I only held it 20 seconds! FREE BEER. If only I liked beer. When is the Oktoberfest for vodka?
The steinholding winner with his winning stein in hand!
It’s been a rough few weeks. We’ve got pandemonium in Washington, DACA was repealed, massive fires in the west, Hurricane Harvey and Hurricane Irma; I ALMOST forgot that today is September 11. But I didn’t forget. Because I never will.
I was reading You’ll Grow Out of It over the weekend, and the author was talking about how she knew her relationship was the real deal: they “talked about where they were on 9/11 (the deepest conversation you can have with another person).” And it’s true. For everyone in our generation, it was a defining moment. It’s like how my parents’ generation always know where they were when JFK was shot.
I don’t want to make this a long post, but I felt like I couldn’t let this day go by without paying homage to what it is and acknowledging this day, my first September 11 since I started LongLegsBigCity.
I was in my freshman year econ class when the first plane hit. I didn’t believe it when my friend said what happened. I remember laughing and hitting her on the shoulder, telling her to stop f*cking with me. I was in English when the second plane hit the other tower. This time the TV was on in the classroom so I couldn’t deny it. I will never forget how I felt that day. Stunned is probably the best word. I grew up in New Jersey until I was 10, but then I moved to Florida. I had so many friends and family in the northeast, and I had walked by the World Trade Center many times. But at the same time, I was in Florida, so far away. It didn’t seem real. The one thing I distinctly remember was watching the news all day. It had been a half day of school, so starting at 1 pm, I was glued to the news. I had so much homework to do. School was in full swing because it started mid-August in Florida, and I was in the Pre-IB program, which meant basically that I did homework or was in class all but 5 hours of every day, when I took a short nap. But I couldn’t bring myself to do any work. I remember seeing people jumping from buildings on the news, on repeat, over and over again. And I thought to myself, “these teachers can’t possibly expect me to do my homework, can they??”
I have now lived in New York for 8 September 11’s and it does not get any easier. The mood is somber. The people are quieter. I haven’t heard a single mariachi band on the subway yet today. People are on edge. My friend told me that there was an unattended baby bag in the elevator of Deutsche Bank this morning and there were police all over it in under a minute. Even with the Freedom Tower standing proudly above all other buildings in the city, something is missing. Every time I watch Sex and the City (more often than I should admit to), the opening credits show the twin towers and it reminds me of what is missing.
It has been 16 years since that day. This year marks the year that I’ve officially been alive longer without the twin towers standing than I was alive before they went down. Seems crazy. Seems like yesterday.
But there are two good things about this day: It reminds me that we have risen above and we are still here, living and thriving in the best city in the USA. And it is also a day of unity. It reminds me that there was a time that we stood together, before all of the current craziness in the world. There was a time when people talked to each other on the subway, not just out of fear, but out of solidarity.
Today, try to be nice to someone. Or to one more person than you would on any other day. Give someone (correct) directions on the subway, even if it means taking out your earbuds. Swipe someone into the train with your unlimited metrocard. Smile at a homeless person. Give someone a 25 cent banana from a street fruit seller. And of course, never forget.
