Big City Living, Long Legs and other Personal Problems

Subway Dwellers

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Recently, there have been so many problems with the MTA and public transit that I don’t even feel like talking about it anymore. Check my twitter, it’s littered with tweets about the terrible trains. Examples:

https://twitter.com/LongLegsBigCity/status/1022229438333939713

https://twitter.com/LongLegsBigCity/status/1014131211869057024

Also, if you missed my post about the non-air-conditioned subway of death, check it out. Anyway, enough about the actual trains, for today, I’d like to talk about the PEOPLE I hate on the subway and in the subway station. I try not to do too many “list” posts, but it is required here. This is in no way an exhaustive list; I hate a lot more people.

  • People who don’t know how to use a Metrocard. Fine, I hate tourists, you caught me. But is it really that hard? Not too fast, not too slow, swipe it just right. It’s like the Goldilocks of the metrocard swipe. And for those of you who swipe the card with the magnetic strip up?? I have no words. Have you ever used a credit card? A debit card? A food stamps card? What good will it do if the magnetic strip is NOT IN THE READER?! If you tried twice and you haven’t figured it out, step out of the way, I’ve got places to be!
  • People asking for money. I could do a whole post on this one, but I’ll start with my least two favorite categories:
    • Special category of hatred: SHOWTIME. We know it, we’ve seen it; even the MTA has ads that try to combat these juvenile hooligans that believe the subway is their training center for acrobatics. I happen to like my eyes. Both of them. My nose too. I’d like to keep them intact, and your flying cartwheels are making me think I will not keep them that way.
    • Special category of hatred: man with a drum. This guy pulls out a massive drum, sets it on the floor and starts to retell some long history of drumming. Do I care? No. Has the long history changed since last week? Also no. Here’s the main problem with this particular busker, the drum is LOUD and it shakes the ground! I am here trying to read after a 12 hour day and I really do not need to have my head literally pulsating with each of his drum beats.
  • People who put a cigarette behind their ear the minute the train pulls into the station. I do not need to see that advertised. Also, you’re a bad influence for the children. There are a lot more fun ways to die than self-induced lung cancer via cigarettes. Is it that difficult to wait 2 full minutes until you exit the train and go up the stairs? Or will it take you 4 minutes to ascend due to decreased lung capacity? Either way, just wait. And while you’re at it, pull up an old D.A.R.E. commercial on Youtube.
  • Manspreaders. You have something between your legs. We get it. 
  • Smelly People. Do I really need to elaborate here? Shower and WEAR DEODORANT. It’s really that simple. Obviously I know there is nothing you can do about sweating. It’s 100+ degrees outside. It happens. But please do the rest of your fellow commuters a favor and shower daily. It should be a prerequisite before the subway turnstile. Not sure who would want the job of sniffer enforcer though…
  • People who try to get into the subway car before letting people out. I know, I know, you don’t want to miss your train. But where do you think you’re going to stand if you don’t let people off? Common courtesy here. And here’s a little known fact: they actually won’t leave the station if you’re still boarding the train. This is not Japan. Calm down.
  • People with baby strollers that are so large I can fit in them. Y’all. I am 5’11” and I should not be able to fit in your stroller. If your baby needs a stroller, they should be small enough that your stroller need not take up half of the car. If you can afford a $3,000 baby-mobile/miniature car, then grab a cab. Did you run out of money buying the stroller? Then trade it in. I hear ebay has a great black market.
  • People whose loose hair touches me. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. I have literally offered someone a hair tie before. It is JULY for god’s sake. Please, just tie it up. I am so happy for you that you took your biotin and niacin and your hair is silky smooth, but GET IT OFF OF ME. It is sticking to my sweaty arms and that is not fun for either of us.

That is my non-exhaustive list for now. I have many more people I hate, it depends on the day. Do you have any other particular categories you’d like to hear my thoughts on? Let me know below in the comments.

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Big City Living, Fitness

Daydream 5K with Runstreet

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Some of you may remember Art Runs from my 2017 New Year Resolution that actually worked. My resolution was to find something new that made me excited again for physical activity. I found Runstreet Art Runs, a combination of running, exploring new neighborhoods, fantastic local murals and artists, and fab photos for my social media channels, taken by the talented Marques Jackson of Filles Garcons Photography.

A few weeks ago was the first huge event with Runstreet, the “BIGGEST ART RUN OF THE YEAR,” according to all of the promo emails I was spammed with. Originally, I wasn’t going to attend because I knew I was flying in from Chicago after midnight the night before, AND I had a 10K race the next day. TBH, I deleted the first 8 emails I got about it. But I made a lot of friends at previous art runs. And I follow them all on Instagram. And they ALL were posting about it. Eventually I gave into the peer pressure and FOMO (it’s a real thing).

JK, eventually I saw Marnie, creator of Runstreet, post a code for 50% off. I couldn’t resist. I love a good deal.

This big event was called the Daydream Art Run Festival, sponsored by Clif bar and Custom Performance PT. According to the website promo, it was going to include live music, costumes, a live Art Battle, interactive art photo stations, amazing murals, giveaways, a cash bar & taco truck. Tacos? I’m in.

Although the festival went on all day, there were hourly Art Runs in different waves named for many mythical, utopian creatures.

Best part though: it was called “Daydream” because it was supposed to celebrate a “Utopian land of dreams, where you are free to be whoever you please.” The website said to dress in costume for your wave or come as “whatever you desire.”

I ran in the 11 am wave, called “Unicorn,” because duh. 2017 was the “year of the unicorn,” even the year of the unicorn Frappuccino. Also, I chose that wave because it was the easiest wave to convince myself a tutu was appropriate costuming. Unfortunately, since the event was the morning after my flight home from Chicago, I totally forgot about the costume! Luckily, a friend who I know from art runs texted me the night before, asking what I was wearing. QUICKLY I searched through my costume box for my sparkliest tutu and tiara. Is a tiara unicorn-esque? Not really, but whatevs. It’s not a horn but it’s on your head. Close enough. And as far as I’m concerned, tiaras are ALWAYS approp.

I am used to showing up to a costume event as the most costumed person there (remember DIY costuming at Halloween?). When I showed up to the Daydream 5K I was pleasantly surprised, and incredibly underdressed. There were people in head-to-toe unitard onesies, thigh high socks, face paint, the whole 9. Luckily, they had people there doing free face-painting! Unluckily, it was the first day when the temperature reached 80, so I knew I would be stupid to put face paint on BEFORE the run. Quick flashback to my #sweatzilla posts from last summer.

Anyway, I arrived about 30 minutes early to check my metallic fanny pack at the bag check and hang out with a few friends. I even realized I recognized one of the girls who was going to run with us, and it was Hannah, one of the Peloton Instructors I like! Also, I met a girl who I had never met before, although we chat via Instagram all the time. Weird, I know. But this is the 21st century! She is another ex-lawyer in the fitness industry, although she does it full time, and my fitness is more of a fun side-hustle.

I mingled and gaped at the awesome costumes, and then at 11:15 we headed out on our 5K. I’m not gonna lie, it wasn’t the best art run I’ve been on. Usually Marnie, the creator of Art Runs leads the pack, and she is super knowledgeable about street art and artists, so she is great about talking about the murals, their history, creators, etc. However, since there were 5 runs throughout the day, she couldn’t be expected to run all of them. The two girls in charge of the wave didn’t know much about the art. They had the notes on their phones, but it took a while to stop, pull up the notes, say the stuff, and by then, people were distracted and wanted to keep running. Also, it was a bit disorganized because the group was big. Sometimes, the guides would be done talking about the mural before half of the group even rounded the corner. We were lucky enough to still get some awesome pics from Marques, so that was fun. I wish I had learned a bit more about the art, though.

When we returned to the Daydream home base at The Paper Box in Brooklyn, it was finally time to cool down, eat/drink some free stuff, and get my face painted! They had vendors from Boxed Water, Noosa Yoghurt (my absolute FAV in the world!), and Clif bar, of course. I grabbed as many nut-butter filled Clif bars and Clif blocks as my fanny pack would hold, and I hit the photo booth! I took a cute little gif with Marnie, and we posed on the back patio with the huge blow-up unicorn raft/photo prop. They had a raffle with more than 10 giveaways, but being the unluckiest person I know, I didn’t win anything. Oh well.

As we were getting ready to leave, the artists were getting ready for their art battle outside. I had to stay for another 20 minutes to watch them paint. They were on opposite sides of a white wall, so they couldn’t see each other’s work. @riiisaBoogie v. @theartalchemist, they both killed it! I prefer @theartalchemist’s style more, but it’s subjective. Check out the mini video of them on Runstreet’s page here.

Overall, I didn’t learn much of anything about art, but I got some great pics, I had fun, I had a shakeout run before my 10K, I got free food, AND I got to hang out with friends. Definitely a success.

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Big City Living, Miscellaneous

Holi in the City – Dos and Don’ts

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Over the weekend, I went to the Holi party. According to the almighty Wikipedia, Holi also known as the “festival of colors”, is an Indian and Nepali spring festival celebrated all across the Indian subcontinent as well as in countries with large Indian subcontinent diaspora populations. In case you decided to fact-check me and google the holiday yourself, you’d probably find out very quickly that it was actually a month ago, on March 20. However, New Yorkers love any excuse to party, and you can find Holi celebration all the way through May, including a supposedly epic festival on Governor’s Island on May 12. Unfortunately, I have a serious case of first world problems, and I will be in Spain for that one, so I had to celebrate early/late.

In case you got all the way through that first paragraph without actually googling this holiday, you’re probably still lost. Basically, Holi is a playful cultural event and an excuse to throw colored water at friends or strangers in jest. There is religious and cultural significance, as well as many other rituals and traditions, but in New York City, this mostly translates into partying, drinking, dancing and getting very very messy. I like all of those things.

This was my 4th NYC Holi celebration. I am not Indian or Nepali, but I consider myself a bit of an expert at this point. Here’s what I’ve learned, in a quick list of Dos and Don’ts:

  • DO Wear White. The whole point here is to throw color and be colorful. It shows up best when you’re wearing white. Makes sense.
  • Do Get a Fanny Pack. I’m not kidding. I got an awesome metallic one on Amazon for 12 dollars. Worth every penny. I’ve already used it twice. Fanny packs are trending again. You heard it here first (and everywhere else). You’ll need somewhere to stash your stuff, and you won’t want to ruin a good purse.
  • DO Take Photos Before You Arrive. It’s the last time your clothes will be white. (See next bullet below.) It’s fun to compare.
  • DON’T Wear Clothes You Plan to Wear Ever Again. I really mean this. Buy cheap white stuff, and plan to throw it away. Even with bleach, your clothes will most likely have a pinky bluey tinge to them. Another option, keep them for the next year’s Holi party! Designated white(-ish) outfit. Personally, I have a pair of capris I have kept for a few years. They are never going to be white-white again. I also purchased a 3XL tank top at Old Navy this year for $2.97 and ripped it and tied it in the back. Then I got a bralette on sale in black. It still looks black so I think I can wear it again. So fiscally savvy.
  • DO Pregame. I have talked about the almighty powers of the pregame before. It is 100% necessary for Holi for two reasons: 1. It’s way more fun to be messy and not care about being touched and dirtied by strangers when you are slightly inebriated. 2. Drinks are expensive there and I’m poor. A well drink goes for about $11. This year, I hosted my two friends at my place for a pre-party and brunch. I cooked French toast (for the very first time… and it was actually delicious!) and we had cucumber vodka & sodas. By the time we left, I was feeling fab!
    • Additional tip I snuck in there, eat something first! Bread is key to staying strong and fighting through crowds for the color bins.
  • DO Sneak in Booze. Other ways to not pay exorbitant money for booze: BYOB. After our French toast brunch & pregame, we headed to the liquor store to stock up. I hid a few mini bottles in the back pocket of my fanny pack. Warning: make sure to hide these anywhere that is NOT the main pocket. They do check bags and unfortunately a friend of mine got her bottles taken! Other option, drink them in the Uber on the way there and don’t let the driver see.
  • DO Put Your Cell Phone in A Ziploc Bag. You’ll want photos. But you’ll probably also want to use your phone again. Speaking of…
  • DO Take a Million Pics. With everyone you can find.
  • DON’T Think It’s a Good Idea to Make a Snow Angel in Colored Dye.

Or do. It all depends on how long you want your body to be all the colors of the rainbow. I am currently 3 days post-Holi, innumerable minutes in the shower, and my underarms are still blue. You can see this in the photo.

  • DON’T Be Afraid to PUSH PEOPLE TO GET TO THE COLOR BINS. This is like pushing small children aside to get the best view of the Macy’s Parade. It may not be a pleasant experience, but it’s always worth it. The way the color works is, they have people working for the event, and the periodically come out of a side door carrying bins of powdered color. The first thing you MUST do when you arrive is FIND that hidden side door. This must be done even before finding the bar. The bar is unnecessary anyway, since you’ll be packin’ your own booze. Once you find the secret door, set up shop to dance around and wait. Your prep work will pay off. You’ll be the most colorful ones there. It will be PACKED. Do not be discouraged.
  • DO Wear the Sunglasses They Provide. There will be so much color dust. In your ears for days. In your nose for days. On your clothes. In all crevices you didn’t even realize were uncovered. Don’t let it get in your eyes. My friend who went with me had to throw away her contact lenses! Luckily I wear dailies. Shade your eyes.
  • DO Try to Give Your Friends Piggyback Rides, the Do Prepare to Fail. There is a lot of booze involved and the powder is slippery.
  • DO Dance All Day to Bollywood Music. I got over 10,000 steps from dancing! It’s better than the gym.
  • DO Sign Up Again Next Year. Sometimes they have discount codes for return customers! I can’t wait for next year. Now I have a handy checklist to prepare, and you do, too!
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Big City Living

Complaining About Weather

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Small Talk is easy in New York. That’s because there are two fail-safe things to talk about: the atrocity that is the MTA, and the weather. These two things are unavoidable. It is always necessary to step outside, and it’s pretty much always necessary to take public transportation. (Caveat: yes, there are some people who do not take the subway, but these are not people I find myself small-talking regularly or hobnobbing with.)

If you go to a party, it’s ALWAYS safe to talk about slow subways, or a 10-minute wait for a train during rush hour, and it’s ALWAYS safe to talk about the heat. Or the cold. Or the wind. Or the never-ending snow. If you hit the small-talk-lottery, maybe you have been lucky/unlucky, and on the day of a party you had both easy topics collide in the cosmic joke that is the Dante’s Inferno Subway Car. Heat + Subway trouble = what could be worse(/better to talk about)?

You already know why I’m writing this post today: because it’s April 2nd and yesterday was Easter and it’s SNOWING OUTSIDE. What in the world is this BS?

Am I happy about slopping through puddles of ice-cold water all day since I left all my boots, snow boots and all, at my parents’ house over the weekend? NO.

Am I happy about being splashed with slush/snow this morning by a passing truck? NO.

Am I happy about ruining my hair with falling possible-snow-possibly-something-much-worse? NO.

But am I happy about having something to talk about for another few months? YES. This late-in-the-season snow will provide small talk for months! In July, when we will no doubt be complaining about the heat, and our sweat will be traveling slowly down our backs in slow-rolling beads, we will remember this April snow, and we will have even more to complain about.

As I sit at my desk in my wet socks because I took off my wet shoes, with my wet coat hanging on a chair across the room, I am reminded of why I live in New York. JK, this is yet another thing that is terrible about New York. The good news is, the snow is supposed to stop within the hour, and then the temperature is supposed to go up. This means melting. So. Much. Melting. April Snow Brings April Melting Snow. Isn’t that how the saying goes? I hope you all have your rain boots ready. Good news is, it’ll give us something else to complain about!

See you all in about 6 weeks, when I can start to complain about the heat.

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Big City Living

Spring Has Sprung… sorta

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Spring Has Sprung!!! …Sorta. It’s the first day of Spring!! Tomorrow we are looking at the possibility of more than a foot of snow, and despite what the calendar says, this is our third straight week of nor’easters. One thing New Yorkers love to do is talk about the weather. Or rather, complain about the weather. I have barely had this blog for a year (1-year anniversary recap coming soon!), and I have already complained about Sizzlin’ Hot Summer AND Yellow Snow Winter. It’s only fair that I complain about Spring, too.

But I can’t really complain about Spring because it’s sort of the best. The only thing I can really complain about is that it usually lasts about 7 days here in New York. One thing everyone can agree about here in “the city,” is that people appreciate a good weather day. And for all 7 days of Spring, the city comes alive. Here are a few things New Yorkers do in Spring (assuming it ever comes…)

  • Smile. This is rare for New Yorkers. It mostly only happens the week before Christmas, when you can’t help but feel the magic of the city, and for the 7 days of spring, when we are not trying to warm our freezing numb fingers, and also not sweating through a thin layer of clothing on a sweltering subway. Which brings me to my next thing.
  • Go Outside. The 7 days of spring are when you realize just how many people are living on this tiny, 13-mile-long strip of land. The city comes alive. Central Park is BUZZING.
  • Look at Flowers. As I said above, we don’t get much good weather. A majority of our year is spent looking at dead trees and empty branches. But in spring, the city comes out to literally stop and smell the roses. There is the epic Macy’s Flower Show that fills all of Herald Square, and there are other community gardens throughout the city. When I went to the tulip festival on the Upper West Side last year, it was PACKED.
  • Work Out Outside. This goes together with the one above, but it’s different. New Yorkers are fit. Not as fit as our west-coast counterparts (or Chicago ones in this popular article from the week), but we need to keep it tight to go up and down all of those subway stairs! Spring is the perfect time to take our extremely expensive boutique fitness classes outside. You’ll find people running around Central Park like hamsters on their first hamster wheel. Also, you’re sure to find multiple boot camps on The Great Lawn, where trainers with entrepreneurial spirit charge $20/class for use of a public park.
Working out al fresco!
  • Go to Governor’s Island. This will be my 8th summer in NYC and I have yet to go. Maybe this is the year. Supposedly people love to ride bikes there. I happen to know from some friends’ experience that you need to be extra careful about their open container laws! Beware.
  • Eat Ice Cream! That’s right, The Scooper Bowl is back. Anyone up for #31Years31IceCreams?!
  • Eat Outside a.k.a. Smorgasburg. Think State Fair, but the only attraction is endless booths of food. This is the largest weekly open-air food market in America, attracting 20,000-30,000 people to Brooklyn each weekend to eat from 100 local vendors. And yes, it’s worth braving NYC trains to go to Brooklyn on the weekend for this. At least once. But be prepared to wait in lines, every booth has one.
  • Drink Outside a.k.a. Baseball. New Yorkers love their baseball. But more than the game, I think they just enjoy overpriced beers while getting sunburned. Tickets for Bleacher Creature seats start at around $10 for a bad game. And since no one is there for the game anyway, that’s what I would recommend. Be prepared to be hot, sticky and crowded.
  • Get Free Stuff. Ok, New Yorkers love free stuff all the time, mostly because we are busy paying $5,000/month in rent for a 1-bedroom apartment. Today though, there is lots of free stuff for the first day of Spring! Unfortunately, there is no Firehouse Subs in Manhattan, and only one Dairy Queen (on 14th Street), but for you suburbanites out there, hit up the freebies! Rita’s has some stuff too.

Enjoy your 12-14 inches of snow tomorrow, and fingers crossed that Spring Springs Soon!

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Big City Living, Miscellaneous

Reading in NYC (Read Across America Day – Part 2)

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Last Friday was Read Across America Day, and in honor of that, I’m in the middle of a short series on my passion for books. A few days ago, I talked about reading in general. Now, I’ll write about the challenges of reading in New York City (there are a lot). And stay tuned for the final segment coming soon about my experience with Goodreads.

Picture this: You’re inside a steel tube, traveling anywhere from 10-55 miles per hour, standing, possibly holding on to a pole nearby, or possibly just bending your knees slightly to keep from falling onto the other 180 passengers in your rush hour car that are smushed like sardines. Now imagine all of that, and add a 500-page book in your hands. What do you do when you need to flip the page? Do you wait until you’re stopped? Is it worse then, because people are pushing past you to try and exit? Do you try and flip the page while in motion and just hope the subway doesn’t screech to a halt at the exact moment you take your hand off of the wall?

Alternative situation: You actually get a seat on the train! MIRACLE! And then you look up from your book because the bass from a portable speaker wakes you from your reading reverie. And you hear the dreaded words, “IT’S SHOWTIME!!” All of a sudden, you can’t see the words on the page because some youngster’s sneakers are dangling in front of your face as he swings from the pole above your head.

These are a few of the perils of reading in NYC. It’s not easy. Yet 8 years later, I consider myself a master.

When I was in law school, I used to read textbooks on the train. This is when I honed my skills. I managed to balance enough to read, highlight, AND make margin notes. I mastered the art of finding a vertical pole, instead of a horizontal one, and hooking my elbow around it, so I could hold the case book open in one hand and make notes with the other. From that point on, I knew if I could do that, I could read anything. If I could understand corporate law, I could easily read a YA novel while in motion.

One essential key to being successful at NYC reading: earbuds. A (non-NYC resident) friend recently remarked that she couldn’t believe I read while I listen to music. It’s less about the music, and more about the blocking of other background noise. For example, the constant barrage of people begging for money. Another example, the other day I was on a train from 72nd to 14th street on a weekend, and there were announcements the entire time about service changes. I couldn’t understand half of the announcements, but the staticky sound is worse than a little background Pentatonix in my ears while I read about Hillary Clinton. Earbuds keep me in the zone. I can tune out everything around me. This may also be why I’m so bad at celebrity-spotting – I’m in my own world!

It should follow that I like audiobooks, but that is not the case. Every once in a while, you do need to take out your earbuds to hear an essential announcement. For example, your train is skipping all stops between 59th street and 125th street. This has happened multiple times. If I’m listening to an audiobook I can miss a crucial part, and it’s not easy to rewind and find the spot! I find myself staring into space, reading the subway ads (doesn’t everyone LOVE the new OKCupid campaign?), and of course, people-watching. I prefer to stick with paper books, so I can see where I left off and find my spot after observing the many colorful people and their various face tattoos.

Speaking of paper books, wouldn’t a Kindle be easier? YES. The answer is invariably, yes. First of all, New Yorkers don’t have cars to leave their stuff in. If you bring anything with you, you will be carrying it all day long. The preference is always “less is more.” A 500-page book is never the first choice. Also, it’s easier to flick to the next page than to balance and deftly page-turn. However, nothing beats the feeling of a real book. Also, it’s easier for me to focus on paper than on a screen, but that is my personal preference. To give my shoulders a rest from heavy bags, I generally switch back and forth between real books and kindle books, depending on which is available from the library. This brings me to my next point – the amazing, fantastic, best library system ever: the New York Public Library System.

The NYPL currently has 92 locations including four research centers and a network of neighborhood libraries throughout the Bronx, Manhattan, and Staten Island. The Library serves 18 million patrons who come through its doors annually; in addition, the Library’s website receives 32 million visits annually from more than 200 countries. WOAH. That needed its own paragraph.

I love the library. How else could I go through 4-5 books/month and still have money to pay astronomical rent?? There is almost nothing in this city that is completely free of charge, but the library is one of those things. Sort of. I tend to rack up overdue fees because I get carried away and check out too many books at a time. I never mind paying overdue fees, though, because I feel like I’m supporting the library, 25 cents at a time! Also, you can pay online with a credit card and get points! Love me some credit card points. The flip side of overdue fees is yet another positive part of the library – eventually you need to return the books. Some may not view this as a positive. If you think this is a negative, you must not live in New York. In 500 square feet or less. Where would I keep all of the books!? It’s great that I can keep 2 or 3 at a time and then swap them out. I feel like Matilda where she brings her books back and forth to the library in her red wagon, except it’s me on the subway.

The best part about the library, besides it being my favorite price, is their hold lists. You can go on the NYPL website, put any book you want on hold and tell them which branch you want to pick it up, and you get an email when it’s there. The book is set aside, at the front of the library, labeled with your library card number, and you are in and out in under a minute. They even have self-checkout kiosks (when they’re working). It’s so easy, I never understand when people tell me they don’t use the library. The number one comment I hear from people is that they don’t use the library because they only use e-readers. Well guess what? They have those, too. Not the actual e-reader, but the e-books! They have Kindle format, overdrive format, 3M format… everything! FO FREE. It’s amazing.

Overall, the best part of reading in NYC is the fact that you can read during your commute. I complained a lot about the subway distractions at the beginning of this post, but I remind myself often that if I drove to work, I’d never be able to read in transit. The fact that I can read, and on good days, SIT and read, while I get to where I’m going, is a luxury I must address. I remember the years of sitting in traffic to commute, trying to distract myself by listening to the corny morning radio host, but nothing beats reading a book while someone else does the driving for you. If it wasn’t for New York, I’d read a lot less. That being said, it can be a challenge, but practice makes perfect.

Stay tuned later this week for my experience using Goodreads, how I use it to find my next books, rate my favorites, and keep track of all of the ones I’ve read – there are a lot!

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Big City Living

Moving in New York

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I know you were all anxiously awaiting the denouement (SAT word!) of my Apartment Moving Saga, and I’m happy to give a quick update, but the conclusion Is still forthcoming. Long story short: we have a new apartment! And it even has wifi! I can finally post on my blog from home!

That’s the good news. Bad news: our oven doesn’t work in the new place and our old apartment has f*cked us over with our security deposit (no surprise there). Anyway, at the very least, I have learned a lot. I have learned enough to NOT MOVE EVER AGAIN. Or at least not again in the near future.

I’ve lived in New York City for 7.5 years, and miraculously I have only lived in 3 (now 4!) apartments in that span of time. However, that does not mean I have not embarked on many many more apartment hunts than that. Ultimately, I have only moved those few times (yes, every 2-3 years is few in NYC), because moving SUCKS. Not only does moving suck, but moving in New York is literally. THE. WORST.

I’ve compiled a not-so-short list of why apartment hunting in New York sucks, as well as my expert tips, gleaned from years of experience, as to how to combat the list of terribles.

  • You can only look for an apartment 2-3 weeks in advance. Yes, I said WEEKS. If you look for an apartment before this time, they will want you to move in too soon (an impossibility due to the cost of rent), or, the apartment will already be taken by the time you want it. Of course this causes anxiety levels so high that I have been self-medicating for months. I assure you, this is normal. When you need to give your current building at least 2 months of notice before vacating, yet you cannot begin searching for a place until 2 weeks prior, you have at least a month to sweat it out, thinking about all of the ways you will fit your worldly belongings into a cardboard box in Times Square.
    • How to combat this: booze. Lots of it.
  • When you go to view an apartment, you need to have at least $9,000 in your bank account ready to go, as well as a credit score over 700. No, you didn’t read that wrong, that is 3 zeros. And yes, I mean for a 1-bedroom apartment, not a house. You need at least the first month, last month, and security deposit. When a one-bedroom apartment costs $3,000 on a good day, you’re looking at close to $10K
    • How to combat this: be rich? I dunno. This is a tough one to combat. Probably just have no savings account and live paycheck-to-paycheck for months after moving.
  • You need documentation of your entire life. Most recently, the building asked for a two-page application listing bank account numbers, savings account numbers, previous building information, etc. They also required my most recent bank statement. Also, my previous two year’s tax returns. Also, my last two pay stubs. Also, a letter from my current building vouching for me. Also, a letter from my employer stating my position and salary. They also required this from my emoji-bf. My coworker recently submitted an apartment application where they asked for his college transcript. He had not been in school for years.
    • How to combat this: Be prepared. And try not to piss off your current building too much because asking them for a letter of recommendation will get very awkward. Yes, I know from experience.
  • Every apartment you see will be missing something you really wanted. How to find a diamond in the rough? Make a list of non-negotiable things you are looking for before you embark on a search. Apartments within your budget are all going to look terrible. It is possible that you need to adjust or modify this list as your search proceeds. However, it’s a good idea to know what you are looking for, so you don’t get swayed after seeing dump after dump of apartments. Example: “Yes I was looking for an elevator building with a dishwasher, and this is a 5th floor walk-up with no dishwasher… but I can actually fit a full-size bed in the bedroom as opposed to the last 5! Let’s take it!”
    • How to combat: Make a list. Stick to it. Or at the very least, exhaust your search before modifying your expectations.
  • Broker fees are the biggest waste of money ever. Don’t be a fool, do you due diligence. You can probably find a great place without paying a fee. And it may mean raising your budget by $200/month. But in the grand scheme of things, you’ll be paying your broker at least $2,500, so why not put that money into your apartment, and not to some rando you’ll never speak to again? One of the main reasons I liked the apartment I’m currently writing this from is because the broker had friendly banter with me about how brokers’ fees are useless and dumb. I liked him immediately (and I did not pay him anything).
    • How to combat: DO NOT PAY A BROKER’S FEE. SEARCH HARDER.
  • Brokers are slimy conniving pieces of crap. Oh look, a follow-up from the last bullet point. I am making a generalization because it is true. And yes, this is separate from the point above. Here I am talking about the no-fee brokers. By no-fee, I mean, you are personally not paying them. However, they are still getting paid by someone, which means they are driven solely by commissions, and not by your actual wants, needs, and stated demands. Example: Me: “Yes, our budget is $3,000/month. Elevator, possible doorman, 69th street to 97th” Broker: “Well I have a place just outside of your price range in the area you’re looking. It’s $3,400/month, 3rd floor walk-up, on 107th street.” WTF.
    • How to combat: Be firm. Be clear. Do not waver. Do not be gaslit. Remember your list of demands!
  • A security deposit is really an aspirational amount of money you hope to see again but probably won’t. They say it’s to make sure you keep your apartment nice. According to a quick google search, you should get your money back unless they need to pay for repairs for damage other than normal wear and tear. However, this is absolutely never the case. In fact, when I typed into google “New York Sec” the first populated search was “New York Security Deposit Law.” And no, I had never searched for this before.
    • How to combat: Kiss your money goodbye. The good news is, there’s an emoji created specifically for this phenomenon: dollar bills with wings. Flying away.

Hopefully some of these tips will help you in the future. If not, remember, I feel you. And misery loves company. Let’s chat.

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Big City Living

Waitress the Musical

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Last night I had the opportunity of a lifetime, Not only did I see two of my all-time favorite performers in a musical on Broadway, I also had a personal backstage tour of the theater and sets, and a private Q&A with the an exec. for the Nederlander Organization, which owns 9 of the most iconic venues in New York City, including the Gershwin, currently playing Wicked, AND the Richard Rodgers Theatre, currently playing Hamilton.

Hamilton, Shmamilton, though, amirite?? JK, I know I’m not right. But I was most excited last night to go to the Brooks Atkinson Theatre to see WAITRESS, currently starring Jason Mraz and SARA BAREILLES. I don’t know how many of you have been sleeping on these amazing voices, but I will tell you, go listen to them NOW. I linked up there to their Spotify pages.

I’ve been a huge fan for AGES. When I was 20 years old, my oldest friend took me to Jason Mraz’s concert. I remember it like yesterday, when Jason Mraz had played an absolutely incredible show, but he hadn’t played one of his largest hits at the time, The Remedy. Then, as an encore, he came on and played an incredibly unique, extended acoustic version. It was mind-boggling. And Sara Bareilles… where do I begin with my love for her!? She began her musical career in a capella, and I have followed her career for years. Her voice is unreal. Also, I was addicted to The Singoff when she was a celebrity judge. Then my best friend from high school surprised me with tickets to Sara’s show at the Theater at MSG a few years ago, and I became an even bigger fan, if that’s possible. She has the clearest, most amazing voice, and it’s even better live than recorded.

Just over 8 months ago, for my sister’s and my birthdays, my mom promised to take us to a Broadway show of our choice. But when my mom had hip replacement surgery, our plans were temporarily delayed. Then 2 months ago, my friend (the one who took me to see Sara Bareilles), alerted me that Sara Bareilles herself was coming back to star in Waitress, a musical she wrote the music to. AND the tickets were going on Amex Presale THAT DAY. I knew in my bones that this HAD TO BE THE SHOW.

I quickly started a group chat with my mom and sister, and we somehow miraculously decided on a date. None of us got much work done that morning. Unfortunately, there were only two weeks when Jason and Sara (yes, we are on a first-name-basis) were going to perform together. And we couldn’t find a date in that window. But then, miracle of miracles, Jason Mraz decided to extend his run an extra two weeks and we got to see them both!

The Backstage Tour

I have a very close family friend aka family aka my sister’s godmother who lives in New York. When she heard we were going to see Waitress, she asked to come along and happened to mention having a Broadway connection. She asked if we would be interested in a backstage tour before the show. WHAT?!! DUH.

We arrived at the theater two hours before show time and met our new best friend, let’s call him Mike. He showed us inside and explained the most pressing question I had read about all over the internet: How do they get a “freshly-baked-pie” smell piped into the corridor when you enter the theater? ANSWER: THEY BAKE A PIE. EVERY NIGHT. Also, obviously we asked about who eats it (the staff) and where they keep them (in a freezer next to the jerry-rigged convection oven/cabinet).  Mike then took us into the theater and onto the stage. He explained how Waitress was a very prop-heavy show, and sure enough we saw hundreds of props and innumerable pies, which we later saw and recognized in the show!

Mike explained how each individual show brings everything with them, from lighting, to rigs, and even the FLOOR! Each show’s floor and tracking is made specific to the dimensions of a theater, and needs to be completely replaced if they change theaters, which also explains why theater changes are so rare. He explained how Hamilton has basically taken the Richard Rodgers Theater off the market for years, which is good for profits, but gives them one less venue to offer other shows. Then, he walked us underneath the stage, which is the only way to get from stage right to stage left and vice versa. He showed us the wardrobe, seamstress, and washing machines, which had a flood recently, leaving Sara Bareilles with a sopping wet dress for the performance. After the tour, Mike brought us into the auditorium and answered our questions for almost an hour. I learned how all ushers are in a union, and how to become one (be in a family of ushers, work well with people). I also learned horror stories and trends of specific shows’ demographics (A Night in Paris tends to have a problem with incontinence, and Sponge Bob is filled with millennials, and the theater always smells like weed by the end). He also answered questions about how they kick shows out of theaters if they aren’t doing well, and what happens to actors when a bigger name decides to stay on longer, like in our case with Jason Mraz (the other guy still gets paid, they have great unions).

I am now an expert in all things Broadway. Ok, maybe not an expert but I know a lot more than I knew two days ago!

Pre-Show

Our new BFF, Mike, introduced us to Chris, the house manager, during our tour. He told us to “see Chris” before proceeding to our mezzanine seats “in case Chris found some other seats available.” Well guess what? HE FOUND THEM. We got AMAZING SEATS. ROW SEVEN. We were forever indebted. Chris came to check on us and we thanked him a million times. He told us we were “where we deserved to be.” Oh Chris, you’re too sweet. But wait, speaking of sweet, he brought us mini pies of each flavor offered! FO FREE!! And they were AMAZINGLY DELICIOUS. Highly recommend the salted caramel and Oreo flavors.

The Show

OMG. I don’t even know where to start. I laughed. I cried. I smiled the entire time. Even through tears.

Sara, she takes my breath away. She is just amazing. I could sit for hours and watch her in basically anything. She could sing Mary Had a Little Lamb and I’d still be there for it.

And Jason Mraz. UGH. So good. The rest of the cast was amazing as well, and the show was so fun! The music was FAB, as I knew it would be. Sara was nominated for a Grammy AND a Tony for it, which is well deserved. It’s so catchy I’m listening to it right now! The original soundtrack is good, but OBVI I prefer the Sara version.

I don’t know what else to say besides that my hands hurt from the amount of clapping I did in my standing ovation I gave Sara. GO SEE THIS. You will not regret it. Try and go in the next two weeks to see Sara and Jason in action together! Dynamic duo.

What. A. Night.

Photo ON THE STAGE. Incredible.
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Big City Living

Moving Apartments: A Saga

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And a saga it has been. If you were wondering what I’ve been doing with my time while neglecting my blog, here you go. Let’s start at the beginning.

The News

Our current building has a policy stating that we must give 30 days Notice to Vacate if we do not planning on staying in the apartment. Depending on which document you look at. Some places say 60 days. They are supposed to give a renewal offer at 75 days until the end of the lease so the tenants can decide.

Our lease began on February 1st. At the beginning of December I realized we still did not have a renewal offer. I emailed our building. They said OOPS. And sent us an “offer” to stay and pay $550 more per month. Emoji bf took a screenshot of the offer and sent it to me with the caption “LOL.”

And LOL we did. We laughed so we didn’t cry. And then of course I wrote them back saying thanks but no thanks. We decided we would have to move. And by decided, I mean, we realized if we wanted to eat for the next year, we would need to find a cheaper roof over our heads. A cardboard box in Times Square was a possibility.

After informing the management company we intended to leave, they told us our lease was over on the 29th of January. SURPRISE!!! In case you’re thinking, “but aren’t there 31 days in January!?” then you’re thinking the same thing as I was. Maybe it was a mistake? NOPE. Our building company wrote our lease to go from 2/1/17 to 1/29/18. And we signed it. Our fault. Sorta. What kind of sheisty sh*t is that though? I made it very clear with a strongly worded email, signed Esq., that we would not be paying for a full month of rent if we were vacating early. They reluctantly agreed. But when our January rent charge showed on our account, do you think they prorated it as promised?? I’ll let you guys guess.

The Hunt

The Hunt was complicated by the fact that you cannot search for an apartment in New York until 3 weeks before your move date. More on this in my next blog about apartment hunting tips and tricks.

Unfortunately, 3 weeks before our mandatory evacuation of our sky-high-rent apartment, emoji-boyfriend was out of town. And then 2 weeks before our move, I was out of town (Seattle and Vancouver, remember?). We realized we would have to search for an apartment separately. Tricky, right?

Emoji-man was on the west coast and I began looking at apartments every day. I became addicted to apartment listings. I was more excited when I got a push notification from Streeteasy than when I got a text from my long-distance boyfriend. I went to sleep dreaming about square footage and the perfect apartment with an IN-UNIT WASHER DRYER. Of course I then woke up and realized that if I wanted an apartment with a good location AND a stove we would need to pay more than $3,000/month. (Yes, there are apartments I went to see that were going for $2,700, were 400 square feet and had solely a hot plate and sink as a “kitchen.”)

After visiting approximately 20 apartments of varying quality on a scale of horrible to horrendous, I finally found a diamond in the rough, IN OUR PRICE RANGE! Miracle. Literally. I took a video on my phone, and sent it over to emoji-bf. He was impressed as well. He said we should take it. I texted the broker within an hour of viewing the place and told him we were ready to move forward.

The Application

Our broker emailed me and said, “So excited you’re interested in the apartment. I now need every single document about your life ever written, plus a promissory note for your first-born child.” JK. But it was just shy of that. They asked for an application, plus pay stubs, bank statements, savings account numbers, checking account numbers, a letter from our current building, a letter from both employers, a copy of our ID’s, a credit check with an associated online payment system, and tax returns for the previous two years.

While my boyfriend attempted to get all of these documents together from the west coast, I had to act as nice as I possibly could to get a recommendation letter from my current building, who I had just gotten in a rent argument with, 3 days prior. FUN!

Finally, we got these documents together and I submitted them. We also had a minor setback when my employment verification letter did not state my salary and I had to resubmit it. Why were the pay stubs and tax documents not sufficient to show this? I will never know.

APPLICATION APPROVED!!!

The Lease

FINALLY. Approved. Done now, right? WRONG. We needed to both sign the lease, and bring them two certified bank checks, one for the first month of rent, one for the security deposit. Easy. No problem. But no.

Emoji-bf was out of town, remember? So he couldn’t sign. And I don’t have $6K+ sitting in my bank account. Also, I was leaving town on the Thursday of that week. We were approved on a Monday. I asked our broker about the lease. He said we would get it Tuesday end of day. 3 pm Tuesday: no lease. I asked again. Broker said he was sorry but the lease guy wasn’t in the office. He would be in touch Wednesday morning. Wednesday 3 pm: no lease. Again, I called the broker around 5 pm and told him I was nervous because I was leaving town the next day. He said no problem. I can sign electronically, only one signature needs to be original.

11 am Thursday, we get the lease. It is 27 pages long. This is not an exaggeration. I go through every page on my lunch break and sign in 18 places. I scan it and send it back. An hour passes. I get a phone call from our broker saying that my boyfriend needs to sign the same copy, and I “took up too much of the signature lines.” He asked me to redo it. Unfortunately, I was already on my way to the airport so I told him my boyfriend would write small. Problem solved. Finished. Right? WRONG AGAIN.

The Move

I could have started my blog here. After all that mess, my emoji bf was convinced we would be finished with the saga. Just two nights ago he said to me, “we should be good, right? We have the apartment and we have the mover booked.” And I said, “Well… a lot can still go wrong.” Guess who was right…

ME! ME! If you guessed me, you were correct!

Yesterday was the 23rd. We are supposed to move on the 27th. After weeks of chasing down the building management company for a sample Certificate of Insurance for our movers (I didn’t even make a separate section for this, but suffice it to say, it was a battle in and of itself), the management office finally wrote me back. The management guy told me that I should tell my mover to be in touch directly with him. This made me feel a lot better, since it took the building 11 days to get back to me, and we only had 4 days left until our move. JK this did not make me feel better at all. I am 99.9% sure that our movers will never hear back from this guy.

Anyway, in the same email as the COI conversation, I asked about how to get the keys for the apartment. Logical question to ask, 4 days before the move., right? Should be a simple answer. But as you have learned already here today, nothing has a simple answer.

The building manager told me to be in touch with the super. The super’s name and number was on the front page of our “Welcome Packet” (really a 40 page warning packet about the dangers of lead poisoning) that came along with our 27 page lease. I found the packet and called the number on the front. A young girl picked up. She said it was the wrong number. I check the number again. Called again. Same girl. Same wrong number.

4 PM: I emailed the management company.

Me: “Hey soooo either there’s a 10 year old girl answering our super’s phone and lying about who she is, orrr the phone number is wrong.”

Building Manager: “How about you try this other number with a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT LAST 4 DIGITS.”

Me: “Ok cool, I have nothing else to do with my time at my job. I’d love to.”

Me: “Hi, are you the super? I’m moving into the building on Saturday and the management office told me to contact you about getting the keys.”

Super: “What? That’s impossible.”

Me: “Um, no. Yes. What? Yes, we are moving in on Saturday, the 27th? We signed a lease two weeks ago.”

Super: “Well that can’t be, because you can only move Mondays through Fridays. It can’t be Saturday. I knew nothing about this. No.”

Me: “Well our lease actually begins on Saturday. And we already have a mover booked and paid for, over $1,500.”

Super: “I understand but that is just not possible. Who wrote the lease, who told you that?”

Me: “Who wrote the lease? The building management company! How can I make this work? Should I contact the building manager again?”

Super: “Yes, thank you goodbye.”

Well guys, I wish I had a happy ending to this story. But this is how the story ends for now. I have called the building manager, where I got a voicemail message, because of course I was not told the super’s real number until 4 pm, so this whole exchange went down “after normal business hours.” Then I emailed the building, but there is no answer at the time of this blog’s publication. I didn’t sign my emails to the new building with an Esq. yet. I am trying to stay on their good side. We haven’t even moved in yet! Or gotten the keys…

Anyway, does someone have a place for emoji bf and me, and all of our belongings, beginning Saturday? Any roomy cardboard boxes on spacious corners near an express train? Preferably Upper West Side? All suggestions welcome.

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Big City Living

First Snow

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It’s December! That means that although we had a freaky 50-degree day yesterday, the first snow of the season is upon us! And the second… and the third…

Remember 2 weeks ago when we were wearing short-sleeved shirts and wondering when winter was going to arrive? Well I think it’s made its debut. Soon, the city will be pretty nasty and slushy, as it always gets, but nothing beats that very first snow of the season.

12 days ago, we had our first big snow. And it snowed ALL. DAY. LONG. My best friend from high school was due to fly into NYC that morning, and I was almost sure that her flight would be canceled or delayed. But… miracle of miracles, she landed on time! It took her hours to get from the airport to my house due to the #SummerOfHell continued, aka #WinterOfHell with MTA, but that’s a whole different story.

This year we have been lucky because the first few snows have completely melted, the city is dry, and we will now be gifted a SECOND FIRST SNOW. Since we have been given this rare gift, I decided to compile a list of do’s and don’t for the first snow (or SECOND FIRST SNOW) vs. the 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc. snows. These are very useful tips, so feel free to bookmark this page for future use.

FIRST SNOW:

  • DO wear cute clothes. There will be photos. Which leads me to my next point…
  • DO take photos. It will never look this pretty again. Until the next year.
  • DO make a snowman, or a snow angel. This will be the last snow you can safely touch for the year.
  • DO post about it on social media. How else will everyone know it’s snowing outside?? By looking out the window?? Who does that anymore? Also…
  • DO boomerang. Snow is made for boomerangs. Jump in it. Ball it up. Throw it. Sled in it. So many action shots.
  • DO have fun! White pretty stuff is falling from the sky and the world is your own personal children’s storybook!
  • DON’T forget how to walk. Yes, I know it’s slippery. Walk carefully, but not like a tourist. We still have places to go. Separate but related:
  • DON’T stop to take a photo in the middle of the sidewalk. Yes, def take photos, I already said that above. But go to Central Park. It’s prettier there. Or at least move to the side of the sidewalk and yield to pedestrians.
  • DON’T use an umbrella. Come on guys. It won’t help. You know. I know. Let’s stop pretending.
  • DON’T run down subway stairs. SPLAT. No train is worth that. Even if you have to wait 15 minutes for the next one (get your sh*t together, MTA). I’ve had two sprained ankles to prove this.
  • DON’T forget how beautiful it is. It won’t be like this for very long…

SECOND (third, fourth fifth etc.) SNOW:

  • DO cover your head. Things will be melting, city juice abounds. No one knows what it is, but suffice it to say you don’t want it on your head.
  • DO wear whatever layers you have, cute or not. After you’ve taken your “first snow” pics, the jig is up. The snow seems to radiate cold after a while. It’s like black concrete for heat.
  • DO wear snow boots. Duck boots. Any and all waterproof boots.
  • DO be aware of the mystery slush piles. I mentioned this in my first blog EVER about Tips for NYC Living, but remember, it may LOOK like it’s 1 inch deep, but it could be 10. Do you really want to take that risk??
  • DO complain about it social media. Yes, everyone else will be doing it, too, but misery loves company, right?
  • DON’T wear suede boots. Or suede anything for that matter. You will be splashed. It will not be pretty.
  • DON’T go into work if you are gifted a snow day. That means checking your work email from bed if there is even a 10% chance of snow for the day. DON’T risk getting ready if it is not necessary.
  • DON’T forget about scaffolding. It is your friend. There is dry, non-icy, non-slushy ground below it. Sprint to it (carefully).
  • DON’T forget to take a mid-winter vacation to a warm, beachy place. But also DON’T forget to check the weather first. Airport delays in the snow = more miserable than sitting at home in the snow.

And DON’T forget to pass this list along to a friend and keep it handy, as I am sure we will all be needing it soon.

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