Bucket List

Last weekend I was describing my recent trip to Australia to a friend when I said, “I’m really happy to have knocked a few things off of my bucket list.” And now I am on a plane on my way back to New York (from a different trip) and I started watching the movie The Bucket List. It’s not a new movie, but it stars Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, so I figured it had to be good. It turns out it WAS good, but it left me pondering.

The movie premise is about two older men (but not extremely old) who are diagnosed with terminal illnesses, become extremely unlikely friends, and bond over completing their “bucket lists” before they die. Not exactly an uplifting premise, but certainly one that made me think.

I am (thank god) not approaching death to my knowledge, despite the fact that my husband thinks my one sweet n low/day in my coffee is slowly causing my demise. However, I’ve always had a list like this. My problem: the list only seems to grow. I have a lot of friends who see my travels and gape at all of the places I have been. My response? “But I’ve never been to Asia!” Or “I’d really love to go to Japan.” Or “Yes I’ve been to Iceland, but I only went to Reykjavik and I can’t believe I didn’t get a chance to see the Northern Lights.”

I grew up in a relatively privileged environment. I had two parents in the home, I never worried about food insecurity, housing insecurity, I always went to great schools and had siblings and friends to play with. I was also lucky not to travel in circles like the kids I see in Manhattan. You know the types… the ones who use “summer” as a verb and have been flying Business to Switzerland since they learned how to ski. My family went on an annual family vacation, usually to the Jersey Shore. And we loved it. I fondly remember playing in the pool with my dad where he would play “Monster of the Deep,” and creep up on us in the deep end, pick us up and throw us to the other side of the pool. I remember saltwater taffy and funnel cake on the boardwalk, and “beauty pageants” by the hotel or motel pool, where I’d always win a participation prize of a retractable hair brush. The point is, I was happy, but I was sheltered. I had no idea what else was out there, and it was a blessing and a curse.

In college, I started going on cruises and getting a taste of what else was out there: mostly beautiful beaches, since the cruises from Florida mostly went to the Caribbean. Then I went to Israel twice and realized WOW, there are so many other cultures. I wanted to experience them ALL.

On my final flight back from Australia last month, there were multiple teenagers who clearly hadn’t been on a plane before. They kept opening and closing the window shade to take photos of the clouds. It was highly annoying. But it also made me think: am I not appreciating the little things anymore? I was SO tired. It was my 7^th flight of the month. (One of them I jumped out of, hence the uneven number. More on that later.) I just wanted to get home and get into my bed. But within my utter annoyance with these girls, I also realized that maybe my Ever-Growing Bucket List is clouding my vision and appreciation.

Since I didn’t write a whole blog on my Australia trip, I’ll give you a quick recap of highlights. Maybe I’ll write more another time.

Here are some things I did: traveled across the WORLD. Went on my longest flight I’ve ever been on. Visited a new continent. Saw where my friend lived after being friends for 8+ years. Spent time exploring a new city. Toured the world-famous opera house. Had food and drinks under the Sydney Harbor Bridge. Saw Luna Park. Walked the Sydney Harbor Bridge. Tried hot pot for the first time. Tried Malaysian food for the first time. Saw wild kangaroos. Fed wallabies. Touched a koala. Saw wild wombats. Visited multiple breathtaking waterfalls. Rode the world’s steepest railway car. Saw the Great Barrier Reef. Scuba dove for the first time. Ziplined for the first time. In a rainforest. Saw the only place in the world where two UNESCO World Heritage Sites abut one another. Walked paths that were once walked by dinosaurs. Jumped out of an airplane.

Every single one of those things is content enough for its own blog post, and I left things out! How is it POSSIBLE that there are still things on my “list”? I have felt a lot of tick tock time pressure lately. The pressure that comes along with being a woman who wants children and is in her mid-30s. I have a lot of intrusive thoughts about my life being over when I have kids. And don’t get me wrong, I still want them. Definitely 100% for sure I want children. But I ALSO want all of these other things.

I want to see and walk on the Great Wall. I want to ride a bullet train in Japan. I want to see the Northern Lights. I want to see the Pyramids. I want to stay in an overwater bungalow in the Maldives. I want to go glamping in Africa and I want to see giraffes in the wild. I want to go in a hot air balloon, preferably in Cappadocia.

And the list keeps growing. I have friends who follow travel accounts on Instagram, and meanwhile, I have very consciously unfollowed them all because I felt it was bad for my mental health. The FOMO is real! Sometimes I even mute my friends when they go on vacations or trips because I know I will be too jealous to be happy for them! This is by far a first world problem.

I recently had some conversations with friends of mine who are parents, and the only generalization I have been able to glean is that every family is different. There are some parents who clearly and unequivocally say, “your life isn’t over when you have kids!” But then all of their Instagram stories are of their kids, or about their kids, and their conversations and complaints are about kids, and you guessed it, their vacations are too. These are the families I used to focus on, and I think that’s what led to this “end of times” mentality around travel and exploration.

Some of my friends who have had kids admit their lives changed drastically, that nothing is the same, and that all things will revolve around their kids for at least a decade. I feel selfish to admit this but… I’m not ready for that sacrifice! To me, these people may say “well then maybe you’re not ready for kids.” But there is a third group. The elusive in-betweens. These are the friends who say, “your life isn’t over when you have kids” and they truly practice what they preach. They continue to have multifaceted lives, some activities and conversation around their kids, and some not. They have fulfilling careers. They have hobbies and interests. They sometimes even (gasp) take trips with their girlfriends and leave their kids home!

I have a feeling that my bucket list will continue to grow. The more time I live in this world, the more I realize how much more there is to see. And I think that’s ok. I need to also be appreciative of all of the things I have seen and achieved. As a woman in her mid-30’s, all of this travel and exploration was not possible or attainable for the generations before me. I am lucky to have so much content for my blog, and I am sure I will keep posting here, even if it means mining material from previous trips for a short period of time.