Monday I talked to my mom 4 separate times on the phone. And that doesn’t include the one time I called her and it went to voicemail so I just hung up knowing I’d call her back later. The most surprising part of this? It’s not abnormal at all.
True life: I am 30 years old and I talk to my mom multiple times a day. Generally in 4-minute increments. On my way to the subway. On my way from the subway to work. Walking to grab lunch. Waiting in line for lunch. Even waiting for an abnormally slow elevator. Sometimes it continues into my elevator trip, much to the chagrin of the other elevator passengers.
We have become very good at selfies over the years.
She can’t quite lift me up anymore. Such a shame.
We’ve been close for years. I haven’t been this skinny in years either, though.
Strolling the High Line on a fun day trip in NYC.
Last year, I read a piece in Vogue called “I’m an Adult Woman, and I Call My Mother Three Times a Day” and I was like OMG THIS IS ME. It’s so me that I link to it in my About Me page here on the blog. The only difference is that I don’t have kids… yet. I can’t imagine how many times I will call her, then.
I was scrolling through Instagram last night and I came across a buzzfeed video of “Things We Still Ask Our Moms,” which is pretty accurate because honestly, who knows when mascara expires, or how to wash something that says “dry clean only?” Mommy does, that’s who. However, half of the time I call my mom not to ask questions, but just to give her general updates on what EXACTLY I did on that specific day. I can’t bore my boyfriend with this tedium, and my friends definitely don’t give a sh*t, but my mom? SHE HAS TO LOVE ME. And she has to pretend to care.
Back to Monday when I called my mom incessantly. Did I mention it was my dad’s birthday? I talked to him once, too, but there were SO MANY THINGS I had to tell my mom. Examples of the things that just could not wait until the next day to tell her: I got a new book out from the library (Hungry Heart by Jennifer Weiner). I went to the grocery store (has she ever heard of this new flavor of SmartPop?). My boss was being a big B (not a rare occurrence). My spin class had 29 people despite great weather (also not surprising). I clocked so many steps on my Fitbit so I knew I would beat her for the week (I’m always over 10,000, nothing new there). More on my Fitbit obsession another time.
Sometimes I feel bad because I call my mom and it goes something like this:
Me: “Hi! What’s up?”
Mommy: “You know…”
Me: “Well you won’t believe what happened to me in the past 2 hours since the last time I’ve talked to you.”
Should I wait an extra 2 seconds for her to finish her thoughts before I launch into the full saga of events that happened to me between 9 am and 11 am? PROBABLY. But I just can’t help it, I have SO MUCH TO SAY.
Last week, my friend said at dinner, “I’m so stressed about moving, don’t judge me, but I have been calling my mom every day during lunch just to vent.” I answered with “GIRL!! I have talked to my mom every day since FOREVER!” Then I started to think about when it was exactly that I started calling my mom all the time. I think the answer is: as soon as I moved out of her house. Even in undergrad, when most people are specifically trying to get away from their parents, I remember my sophomore year apartment had bad cell reception so I had to step outside on the stairwell to call my mom. About what!? NOTHING. As usual. But it was enough of an emergency that I had to use my secret back door and stand on a deserted fire escape stairwell in the winter to tell her all of that nothing.
Last week I went to Canada, and when I finally called my mom after I touched down back in NYC, she said “I missed you SO MUCH!” Despite, of course, me emailing her 3 times during my 3-day trip, and calling her from the airport right before my plane took off. Some people will read this and say “wow, you must be best friends with your mom then, huh?” And to that I would tell them that my mom always was clear that she never wanted to be my friend, just my mom. In fact, we weren’t even Facebook friends until 4 years ago! We may not be “friends,” but we are really, really, really close.
I gotta go now, I haven’t called my mom yet to tell her what I had for lunch.
In the past week I have been to two dance-cardio classes, 305 Fitness and The Dance with Amanda Kloots, and I have never had more fun. In fact, after The Dance, the instructor came up to me and told me I was “cute” and she liked all of my smiles. I couldn’t help it, I had a blast! And when I was 2 beats behind, I was still having fun laughing at myself. I even went to one of the classes FOR FREE (SEE BELOW!) So what’s the difference and which one is for you? Check out my review below of 305 Fitness, and my review of The Dance coming later this week.
305 FitnASS
Metaphor: Zumba on crack. This place is all about fun, funk, sass, feminine positivity and CARDIO. Like woah. I left that class completely drenched and feeling all of the positive vibes. 305 Fitness, named for Miami’s area code (even though it was started in NYC) is all about Miami-inspired high-intensity rhythmic cardio with a LIVE DJ, sprint intervals, sculpting, and a stretch cooldown.
I’m not going to lie, I am a bit jaded about 305, because I have a rough history with them: Two years ago, after taking 3 classes and falling in love, I interviewed to be their studio manager. At the time, I had 9 years of experience in the fitness industry, management knowledge, I’m a girl, I’m sassy, AND I’m from South Florida (5-6-1, not 3-0-5, but close enough). I was sure I was a shoo-in. Sure enough, I had three interviews, culminating in a 2.5 hour meeting with a panel of three, including the founder, Sadie Kurzban, where they insisted it be in the middle of the day so I had to take a day off of work. Ultimately, they gave the job to someone else. That alone would not have put a bad taste in my mouth, but what happened after, did.
The Director of Operations called me, left a voicemail asking for me to call back so he could speak to me in person to “talk to me about the position at 305.” I thought I got the job! But no, instead, he told me that in exchange for my time interviewing, he would gift me 2 free classes, and he offered for me to join their “work-study team,” to work FOR FREE at their front desk in exchange for free classes. BOY, PLEASE!!! I actually waited a minute to see if he was kidding. Not only am I a licensed ATTORNEY IN TWO STATES, I already have a full-time job where they pay me, I also have a part-time job, working for a gym, where they PAY ME to teach classes AND I get all the free classes I want! This is New York City, the land of the hustle, not the land of indentured servitude. I am 10 years and 3 careers past accepting an unpaid internship. Needless to say, it left a bad taste in my mouth and I did not even take advantage of those free classes. In retrospect, if they weren’t paying their front-desk people ANYTHING, they probably couldn’t have paid me enough anyway.
Fast-forward 2 years, and I was ready to pop back into their new studio (they added one in midtown), where I would hopefully not be recognized. I figured I had talked enough sh*t throughout 2 years (maybe not enough, since I’m talking more sh*t here), and plus, I was in the mood to DANCE! Classes are $32 a piece, but you can get a 2 for 1 deal if you are new, OR you can get a completely free class, compliments of a lululemon collaboration, before August with the code:305xlululemon17. I cannot turn down a free class, so I sucked up my pride, and became a “junkie” last Friday night. They call their clients junkies because they “can’t get enough.”
Walking into the studio, I already knew I would have fun. The vibe was fun and flirty, hot pink and bright orange, and even their trash cans sported their tagline “Make Sweat Sexy.” The chandeliers were made of SmartWater Bottles, and they had shirts for purchase that said “Beyoncé Tubman Ruth and Steinem.” They also had a graphic tee that said “MY BITCH FACE NEVER RESTS.” Love that.
The class itself was an epic sweat-fest, as I said before. The first 30 minutes were straight jumping and dripping, with arms flailing, DJ spinning, and heart pumping. My instructor was Destiny, and she sort of seemed pissed off when we weren’t getting all of the moves, but maybe that’s just her RBF. She was an amazing dancer, and I was not taking myself too seriously, so I disregarded the look on her face. Also, she was sick so her voice was almost gone and it was difficult to hear her. Most of the moves were easy to follow with non-verbal cues and clapping, like in Zumba, and I definitely got a good workout, even if I missed a move or two.
After 30 minutes, we switched to 6 minutes of butt-toning with ankle weights (we chose the 305 FitnASS class), and then back to 20 more minutes of partner cardio, disco lines, and twerking across the floor, including a segment on our hands and knees. I think my face got a workout as well as my body, from laughing at myself so much. At one point, Destiny came over to me and we partner twerked, butt-on-butt, for a full 20 seconds. First, I was focusing on how my sweaty butt was probably getting her legs wet since she was in tiny, tiny booty shorts, but after I got over that, it was pretty fun.
Overall, it’s a great cardio-dance class, with a strong emphasis on cardio, and I highly recommend this class for anyone, dancer or not. Maybe not recommended if you have bad knees, since we were basically jumping for 45 minutes straight! I had a lot of fun, I got a great workout, and I was sore for two days. Should you work for them for free? Definitely not. Is one class worth $32? Probably not, but there isn’t much I would spend that money on. Is it worth a subway ride and a free class code? Absolutely yes.
Extra tip: I recommend bringing a friend so you can laugh with and make fun of each other, and so you have a built-in photographer to take twerking gifs of you in the black light. #MAKESWEATSEXY!
Pro Tip: Bring friends to laugh with!!
Photographer Needed. Also, for the full boomerang action, check out my Instagram.
New York is the City that never sleeps. It’s also the city that never DRIVES. Which means we drink. A LOT. Going out with colleagues? Happy hour. Meeting some friends? Wine bar. First date? Lounge with drinks. College Football? Dive bar. Girls day Saturday? DRUNCH. REALLY have to pee and the closest Starbucks is 5 blocks away? Hop in a bar for a quick drink (and pit stop).
First, make friends with people who get work perks. My best friend happens to work in media, and I have taken her up on open bar invitations more times than I can count, and had more drinks than I can count (… literally, I could not count by the end of the night). If you are not in a field that has drink perks, find a friend that has them. I have seen the Knicks from box seats, the US Open with free-flowing sushi platters and champagne, attended a pre-party with a rented-out bar for the Sweet Sixteen… you absolutely MUST have friends with benefits. Alcoholic ones.
NBA All-Star Game.
Last-Minute US Open Tickets. I was V sick that day for work.
ALL OF THE FREE FOOD. Lobster rolls and so much sushi.
And of course, endless free bottles of champagne.
We got courtside tickets as well, for when we weren’t too hot and hiding in the suite.
Suite 16 tickets.
AMAZING seats.
More suite tickets at Barclays, back before Wade abandoned us.
If this plan does not work, then you must always find the oldest man in the bar. This is a fool-proof plan for a girl, and probably does not work the same way for a guy, but feel free to try. Old men love to buy drinks for girls. I know this is very “Samantha” from Sex and the City, but I swear it’s true. They may ask for your number, but always just say, “How about I call YOU instead.” This past St. Patrick’s Day, I had a 70-year old man tell me I was his soul mate and add me on Instagram (privacy settings are key here). Meanwhile, my tab for the night was $10 and I barely remember the subway ride home. Although I am speaking about drinking in NYC, this plan works EVERYWHERE. When I lived in Florida, we used to have contests to see who could find the oldest man in the bar. (We also had contests for who could find the sweatiest man, but that was mostly for the photo opps. I digress).
Winner Winner, Vodka Dinner.
I was single here, swear.
This was at a gay club. Gender: questionable. Age: over 60.
Happy as a clam.
WINNER.
Another fool-proof plan: drink specials. In Florida, “Ladies’ Night” meant girls drank for free. In New York, it’s rare to find a Ladies Night at all. There are so freaking many of us, why would they want us to come out in droves any more than we already do? But there are other specials to be had. I TRY not to go out during the week, but BOGO drinks on Tuesdays? Ok fine. You got me. Friday night $6 cosmos and pig in a blanket before 7? I’ll skip the apartment pregame for that.
Which brings me to my last, MOST important drinking necessity: THE PREGAME. Not just for college students anymore. What’s cheaper than having 10 drinks out? Having 6 drinks at home and 4 at the bar. It’s simple math. 5 glasses of wine while you do your hair and makeup is 5 less vodka sodas you need to ask Old McDonald for at the bar. So what’s the difference between a 21-year-old pregame and 31-year-old pregame? Nothing but the hangover.
For two long months, I have had a blog with a tab for travel, and I never once left New York City. All of that changed last weekend. I left the city. I left the state. I left the COUNTRY!! I went to Montreal, Quebec. (Not as glamorous as you thought it was going to be, I know.)
We were looking for a nearby city where we could spend a 3-day weekend with minimal airfare, minimal time zone difference, and that neither of us had visited before. By we, I mean my emoji-faced-bf, if you have not guessed yet from the feature image or the photos below. Last year, we went to Toronto in February – YUGE mistake. It was literally -25 degrees Fahrenheit with the wind chill. We made a mutual decision that we would never do that again, so we decided on a different province in a different season.
We got in late on Thursday night and headed to our Air Bnb, where our host had luckily left our keys in a masterlock on the door. The code actually worked, and the air conditioning was blasting, we were off to a good start. Some of my friends gave me suggested places to go, as did our air bnb host. Good news: I did my due diligence and downloaded my google map so I could use it offline (Canada means I had my phone on airplane mode the whole time), and I starred all of the places I wanted to see. Bad news: #BankingLifeNeverEnds so my boyfriend had work to do and we only got to go to about half of my starred places.
Our first day there, we left the apartment at noon (after he submitted his report), and did some exploring by foot. We headed toward Basilique Notre-Dame de Montréal and the Maisonneuve Monument. We didn’t go in the church, mostly because it had a long line and also because it cost money. We took some pictures and took in some sights, then continued our walking journey through beautiful streets of Old Montreal. The streets and buildings looked very European, and it helped the vibe that everyone was speaking French. We took a quick pitstop at “Café Starbucks” to charge our phones and check tips on Foursquare on where to eat lunch. We settled on Jardin Nelson and I’m pretty pissed I forgot to take photos of my food. We shared the lobster mac and cheese, which literally cannot be bad, and the duck crepe. Woah. FAMAZING. Which I believe is french for “YUM-O.”
Notre-Dame Basilica of Montreal
Monument à Maisonneuve, and my cooolll bf.
Exploring the old parts of town.
Awesome old architecture.
Exploring the old train tracks by the port.
We took the long way back to our air bnb for a siesta and came across a festival. Supposedly there are festivals every weekend during the summer, but this one was called Les FrancoFolies. It’s an annual music festival featuring over 1,000 French-language performers from all over the world. Pretty cool. We also came across a lot of random performances, exhibits, and a newly-constructed zip line at the old port of Montreal to celebrate its 375th year. According to their Bureau of Tourism, more than 175 projects and initiatives are planned throughout this year to celebrate. GO VISIT NOW!
After our nap, and after discovering there was a bodega inside our air bnb building that sold wine, #PregameEvenInCanada, we went out to Pullman Wine Bar, which was highly recommended. Get. The. Cheese. Plate. Trust me on this. Again, I’m really sad the only photo I took was of the chandelier. I’m not a very good blogger. After the wine bar, we decided to check out the epic nightlife that everyone talks about on Rue St. Laurent. Unfortunately, the nightlife consisted of children aged 18-21 and the club we waited in line for was reservation-only. Lamezilla. We ended up at Bar James, possibly named for James Dean, or maybe James Franco, where some very rich, local, middle-aged man took a liking to my BF and me. He bought us each a round and 3 shots. He also bought 20 roses for the bartender. He also told my bf that he wears the pants in our relationship, but I pick the color. Accurate.
I realized the next morning that I could not hang like I used to. Jameson is not my friend. Jameson is my enemy.
FrancoFolies Stage.
Exploring by foot means discovering new street art!
Pretending to be flexible in the middle of the Place des Festivals.
We clean up nice. Bf’s face is GLOWING.
The only photo of Pullman Wine Bar.
The next morning, post-during-hangover, we started out as any good Quebeckers do: with poutine. We went to Romados Rotisserie, which is supposedly #1 in Montreal for French fries, something I clearly had to research prior to my trip. I ALMOST didn’t try poutine because I hated it in Toronto, but everyone told me only Quebec does it right, and they were correct. YUM. Also, I finally remembered to take a photo. I also got the pork sandwich, which was equally amazing, if not better. We did some walking around Plateau Mont-Royal, walked some more down Rue St. Laurent and same across a mini street fair. Also, a lululemon enchanted forest! You can’t make this sh*t up. Me, the person who shamelessly owns over 100 pieces from lulu, came across “La Forêt Enchantée présentée par lululemon.” A literal dream come true. We stopped for a quick caffeine jolt at Allô! Mon Coco, then we made the biggest mistake of the trip… renting bikes.
One of my friends from Spin class recommended renting bikes, and said Montreal was “very bike-friendly, with bike lanes completely separated from traffic with medians.” #FAKENEWS. Full disclosure: I had not been on a bike in nearly 16 years (insert jab about me teaching Spin class 3 times a week). We were attempting to get to Belvédère Camillien-Houde, but needless to say, we did not get there. The road was a STEEP hill and there was traffic coming at us from all directions. Also, we didn’t have helmets and I was terrified. Cue not-so-mini panic attack in the middle of the road. We decided to hop back into the Parc du Mont-Royal to calm my nerves and visit the Monument to Sir George-Étienne Cartier. We returned our bikes and got ready for the best part of the trip, SEGWAYS!!
POUTINE! It was amazing. Better than it looks.
Literal Enchanted lululemon forest.
Impromptu Street Fair Photoshoot.
Caffeine Jolt. Not ice cream but… pretty damn close.
The beginning of the end. Renting bikes of doom.
We discovered Segways when we went to Cleveland for a friend’s wedding, and found a Groupon for them. We had a BLAST in Montreal, as we always do. I highly recommend renting them everywhere you go. Click here to reserve them if you are going to Montreal. My sister and brother-in-law do this, too. Our tour guide was francophone, but we did not have much trouble understanding her. She explained to us how many of the buildings in Montreal dated back to the Industrial Revolution, and how salesmen commuted by horse in the winter over the ice when the St. Laurence River would freeze over. This is no longer possible due to global warming. They still believe in science in Canada. Thank goodness for air travel! We also learned that Montreal is famous for their steakhouses, dating back to an original Steak Connoisseur, and the phenomenon of economic competition. We quickly made a reservation at The Keg Steakhouse and Bar, one of the top steakhouses in Montreal. It did not disappoint. However, my blogging skills did. I forgot to take pictures. Again. We had baked brie, calamari, crab and steak, and pistachio-encrusted salmon. All amazinggg. Then we rolled ourselves to an uber and back to our air bnb. #FoodComaCommence.
They see me rollin… they hatin…
Montreal Clock Tower
Look back at it.
Clock Tower Beach, with our Francophile Photographer.
XXX-rated!
Overall, we had a great time in Montreal. I will have to go back to the other sights like the Underground City, Musée McCord Museum, and Crescent Street. Also, maybe I’ll try again to get to Belvédère Camillien-Houde, this time without the bikes. Until next time, Montreal, Au Revoir!
Je me souvien! Does it count as a selfie if it’s only my feet?
Today is my 2-year anniversary. Scratch that, my boyfriend thinks that today is our 2-year anniversary. If you ask me, it isn’t until August 1. But we can both agree that today is the 2-year anniversary of our first date. It’s in my Google calendar, which is shared with his Google calendar, and therefore, it is true.
It’s our anniversary of our first date, which also means it’s the anniversary of me meeting him since we met on OkCupid. That also means that before 2 years ago today, I had no idea that he existed. Maybe I knew a little bit through a few messages, but of course that doesn’t mean that he was who he said he was. Nev, Max, and way too many seasons of Catfish have taught us that.
On the night of our first date, I almost stood him up. Too much time watching Catfish, I guess. And To Catch a Predator. Damn you, Chris Hansen. But honestly, there are so many things that can go wrong on a first online date. You’ve never met the guy, you don’t know any of his friends to vouch for him, and you probably haven’t been able to stalk him too much online with very little information. (JK I knew this guy’s entire family tree before going out on a date with him… but I’m a pro). Anyway, point is, it’s a crap-shoot.
I was on OkCupid for 5 whole years before I met my 😊-boyfriend, which provided me with a lot of blog material. My bf won’t let me talk about him on here, and he won’t let me show his face, but he didn’t say I couldn’t talk about how I felt about him! For today, as a celebration of our anniversary/first-date-iversary, I am going to share with you a recounting of the moments on OkCupid leading up to our first date in stream of consciousness, since I was lucky enough to say “f*ck it,” and I met up with my ❤ two years ago today:
New message. And this one says more than “hey.”
*quick scan* Nothing sexually explicit, I’ll read on.
OMG he mentioned that I am a law student, did he actually read my profile? This might be good.
Sh*t what does my profile actually say? I better re-read that.
HAHA I’m funny. Ok, no wonder he messaged me.
Hmmm ok so my profile is a little bit out of date, I graduated law school two years ago. Should I tell him?
I guess I should at least write this guy back. He did read my profile.
We have written each other four times now. Maybe he just wants a pen pal?
I don’t have time for a freaking pen pal. I’m 28! Eff this guy.
But maybe I should take screen shots of his profile just in case. Then I can show my friends what he looks like without him knowing I go on his page every day.
He wrote me again! How many messages are we going to write??
He seems really nice. Should I ask him out? LOL jk def not. He’s probably a serial killer.
Yassss he asked me for my number.
Damnit but now I have to wait around and see if he texts me.
He’s probably not a serial killer. Unless he is…
Hold on, I never told him my name!!
Is he going to call me LawyerWithLegs if we meet IRL?
Ok, I usually don’t double-message but I should probably tell him my name before we meet.
He texted me! He sounded semi-normal.
He asked me out for this week. Crap. I’m busy every single day this week. I should have realized that before.
Wait, why isn’t HE busy every single day? This is NYC! Is he a loser?
I’m free Friday… but do I really want to waste a Friday night hanging out with some rando I’ve never met?
Alright fine. My dad asked me 3 years ago if I froze my eggs. I should probably try and date.
He’s free Friday. Hmmm, no grammar errors. That would have been an easy excuse for me to cancel.
Why is the subway 3 blocks from my apartment?? And why did I agree to go on a date in June?
Good thing I just spent 2 hours getting ready, I’m covered in sweat.
Ok I only spent 30 minutes getting ready. BUT STILL.
Why did I wear a dress with no back? I bet you can see the little droplets of sweat…
1 block til the subway. I should have brought extra deodorant. No wonder I’m single.
Let me scroll through screen shots of his profile to brush up on conversation topics.
OMG I have nothing in common with this guy.
Should I text my friends for after-crash-and-burn-date-plans?
Hopefully we order drinks ASAP.
Thank goodness for those 3 glasses of wine I had while getting ready.
Maybe that’s why I’m so hot. Nvm I’m hot because it’s JUNE. I don’t date in June. This is against my cardinal rules.
I wonder if he online-stalked me. Good thing I’ve got my privacy settings on LOCK.
Obvi I online-stalked him. He doesn’t even have a Facebook. This is going to be bad. Really bad.
Did I remember to tell him I wasn’t a law student? OY VEY.
Oh well, here goes nothing. At the very least, it will make for some great Facebook statuses.
And the rest is history! Happy Anniversary to my best friend with the emoji face (see below for some punny photos). He told me he is weeks behind on my blog, even though I only post 1-2 times a week! Maybe he will see this by the end of Year #3. I’m glad I didn’t stand you up, I’m glad I double-messaged you my name, I’m glad you still met up with me even after learning I quit the practice of law (turns out I did tell him), and I’m glad you sat through an entire dinner with me without mentioning how sweaty I was when I showed up. xoxo
He makes me laugh. It must be his SUNNY demeanor. See what I did there?
I SPY some professional wedding guests!!
Sometimes we travel. He’s my knight in shining armor.
#30Years30IceCreams has finally come to a close. 35 ice creams, 30 days. I feel like we have gone on a journey together. A really long journey. A photographic journey, an expensive journey, and least importantly, a caloric journey. Perhaps it seems long because it started in spring, and it is now blazing summer. Perhaps it seems long because I am now carrying an extra 10 pounds of weight on myself.
What will I do better next time? I will NEVER do this again.
What have I learned?
Sugar causes migraines in large doses.
Rolled Ice Cream is the hibachi of the ice cream world.
Chinatown has the coolest ice cream.
It IS possible to have 5 ice creams in one day if you use your phone-a-friend lifeline.
Ice cream photographs really, really well. I have lost 25 Instagram followers since I stopped posting it daily.
I wish I could tell you this is like the MasterCard slogan and that #30Years30IceCreams was priceless, but that would be a lie. I told you I was tracking my ice cream by using mint.com, my new obsession. I tagged all of my ice cream purchases, and I ended up with 19 separate transactions, and a grand total of $142.78 spent. Again, this is where sharing came in handy. Instead of paying for each one, I traded off. Also, it helps that it was my birthday month. A few people bought ice cream for me as a present (shoutouts to Mary and my sister). This low amount of transactions is also thanks to The Scooper Bowl, where I paid $20 (plus 1.99 service fee) and got to have 7 ice cream brands, unlimited, for 5 hours. That’s just over $3/brand. Not too shabby.
I know what you really want to know is, which were my favorites!? My point system was eerily accurate *pats self on back*. I judged my ice cream in four categories: aesthetic, flavor, texture, and overall. You can find my full ratings here on this google sheet. If you order the 35 places by total points, my top five, in order, were: Brooklyn Farmacy, Taiyaki, Blossom, Carvel, and Wu Kong.
#1 Brooklyn Farmacy: 99 Problems Sundae
#2 Taiyaki: Creamy Soft Serve with delicious Instagrammable Waffle Cone
#3 Blossom: Lavender-Infused Rolled Ice Cream
#4 Carvel Cake: Because look at that #hashtag.
#5 Wu Kong: Cotton Candy Cloud Ice Cream, the thing of dreams.
Brooklyn Farmacy sundaes were out of this world. I highly highly recommend going there if you ever find yourself on the other side of the East River. Also, make sure to bring a sharing buddy. They are HUGE. Taiyaki tasted amazing, included a waffle cone, AND it makes for the BEST photos. Pro tip: Always get your nails done first to match the sprinkles. Blossom had the creamy taste you can only get from freshly rolled ice cream, PLUS it had unlimited toppings and lavender-infused flavor. Carvel had to get a high ranking; it had my hashtag #30Years30IceCreams written on it and it was the biggest! Wu Kong… I mean… Look at it. It’s a work of art.
Honorable Mentions go to #6 Sam’s Fried Ice Cream, and #8, Softswerve. In fact, if you are looking for a good-old, no-frills, DELICIOUS soft serve, my #1 choice would be SoftSwerve. It was so creamy. I’d actually go back there soon. That’s saying a lot considering the amount of ice cream I have consumed.
Overall, this has been a great experience, but I do not recommend it to anyone. I still have 8 places left on my map to visit: Amorino, Ice & Vice, Kith Treats, Mikey Likes It, Milk Bar, Milk & Cream Bar, Minus Celsius and Neuhaus. If anyone wants to accompany me, you’ll probably have to wait until next summer. Or my next life. JK I’ll probably be there the next time temperatures hit 100 degrees. Which is likely to be soon, because, New York. I hope you’ve enjoyed my journey more than I have! I still have some homemade ice cream and Carvel Cake in my freezer, so come on over. And if you have any questions about ice creams, I’m your girl.
Yesterday was approximately 1009 degrees Fahrenheit. Who knows what that is in Celsius (really… no one knows), but the point is, the second I left the house, I regretted it. And I started to count the hours until my next shower. 13. FML. If you haven’t noticed, New York City hates the heat. They also hate the cold, and love to complain about pretty much anything, but they especially hate the heat. That’s proven by our rise in violent crime in the summer. We get hot, we get angry, we literally kill each other. Seems logical.
There’s no avoiding the stifling heat. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it’s not even summer yet. That means it’s about to get EVEN WORSE. The heat is everywhere if you choose to leave home. And for some of us, due to our jobs, it’s inevitable on a Monday morning. The first sign of heat (besides the insufferable humidity and difficulty breathing) is the look on everyone’s faces. Gone are the friendly Christmas-in-New-York-Isn’t-The-Rockefeller-Tree-So-Pretty faces. New Yorkers are known for perfecting the RBF, but this version of Heat RBF is next level. Example of unspoken Heat RBF: “if you move one inch closer to me on this subway, I WILL CUT YOU.” No words are necessary. The eyes say it all.
Although the heat is undeniable and unavoidable, some places are worse than others. Here’s a list of the worst places to be in the heat:
Outside. We already covered this. Avoid at all costs. But if it’s impossible to avoid, reduce your outside time to small doses. That means if it’s more than 5 blocks away, it is now out of your “summer radius.” Enter Seamless/GrubHub/instacart. It’s worth the delivery fee. You’ll save that money in the amount of water you’ll save by not having to shower for the fourth time that day.
Rooftops. Plainly speaking, they are closer to the sun. Also, heat rises. It’s science. Some of us still believe in it. If someone asks you to grab drinks and chooses an outdoor rooftop in summer, with no air conditioning, they clearly hate you. Decline politely. Or not politely. Automatic swipe left.
Subway Stations. Now guys, I know this is unavoidable since we are already not walking more than 5 blocks. But if at all possible, avoid this. Can you take the bus? Subway stations are notoriously hot. Standing on the street in the heat and sun, though counter-intuitive, is actually much cooler than descending into this Hades-like death trap. It’s comparable to the depths of hell, I’m pretty sure. When people tell me I’m going to hell (happens a lot on the phone at the rabbi job), I generally tell them I am well prepared because I’ve been in a subway station in the summer. If it’s a subway station that has the option to wait upstairs, do that until the last possible moment. TRUST ME. Is it worth a cab? With MTA fares increasing every month, the answer is, probably yes. Or use Via. It’s only 5 bucks! (And you can get $10 free if you use my code emily5s6e #ShamelessPlug #HelpMeImPoor #InsertReminderThatIWentToLawSchoolForNoReason).
My Spin Class. The YMCA has been having some trouble controlling the temperature in the Spin room. 33 people. 33 bikes. 4 fans are simply not enough. So far, no one has fainted in my class but it is only a matter of time. I accidentally closed the door for 3 minutes (one song), and the mirrors in the front of the room completely fogged up. I drew a heart with my finger. But what I really wanted to draw was “KILL ME.” For some reason, nobody left before the 60 minutes of class were over. I would like to credit my amazing playlist (follow me on Spotify!), but I think these people are just SUPER-driven. If I wasn’t teaching, you can bet I would have pranced out of there by the second song.
A Subway Car with No AC. At this point, most New Yorkers have read about the epic F Train Near-Massacre last week. Everyone’s worst nightmare: the subway was between stops with no wifi, and it lost power. No power = No AC. People were stuck for almost an hour. They stripped off their clothes. They asked for help by writing on the fogged up windows like in my spin class. They screamed. They cried. Horrific. This phenomenon of subway cars with no AC requires its own blog post. For now, just know that as a rule of thumb, this is the ultimate thing to avoid.
Long story long, there’s no good place to be in New York City in the summer. It’s crowded, it’s hot, and it’s way too small. There are bad places, and there are worse places. My advice: make friends with someone who has a house in the Hamptons. Then tell me who they are, because I’ve been here 7 years and I haven’t found one yet. Godspeed, fellow New Yorkers, it’s going to be a scorcher. And please, for the love of god, do not forget deodorant.
It’s over! It’s really over!! 4 weeks down. 30 days of ice cream. Sometimes visiting 2 or 3 places/day. I have something new to add to my resume: NYC Ice Cream Connoisseur. Although I do consider myself to be a great success, and well on my way to Pre-Revenge-Body-Mama-June, I am sad to admit that there are still 8 places left on my map that I did not visit. Maybe I will give it a second go next year. But for now, no sweets, #SirachaAllDay. My ice cream posts are not finished here though, do not fret. I will be posting my final summary of my favorites and all-time winners in the 4 categories next week. I’ll also wait for that post to reveal how much money my mint.com is showing I spent on this endeavor. This post is reserved specifically for my Week 4 Ice Creams, all 13 of them.
TL;DR
This week was epic because I was behind. I knew I had to get to at least 10 ice creams within 7 days. Luckily, I had 2 days off work thanks to the cheesecake holiday (have you read about how I’m Jew-ISH and work for rabbis), so I started strong, visiting 3 places on the first day off, and 2 on the next. Then, I finally caved and bought a ticket to the Scooper Bowl (read about my experience here!), where I consumed unlimited ice cream for over 5 hours, and stuffed my face with 8 different brands of ice cream, 7 of which I had not tried yet during #30Years30IceCreams. I tried Häagen-Dazsduring Week 1, because of Free Cone Day, so I can’t count that one. As far as price goes, $20 for 5 hours of unlimited 8 brands comes pretty close to FREE, which is my favorite price, so I’d say this week was a great success. Also, it was for charity!
Week 4 included two of the prettiest, coolest-looking ice creams ever: super creamy soft serve in a waffle, fish-shaped cone at Taiyaki, AND cotton candy ice cream sitting on a literal cotton candy cloud at Wu Kong. I also got to watch some more rolled ice cream being made at I CE NY. Also, I had fried ice cream for the very first time at Sam’s Fried Ice Cream, AND I had alcohol-infused ice cream, in a flight of 4 different flavors, at the infamous, just-open, Tipsy Scoop. Then came unlimited ice cream. It was definitely a week for the books. Without further ado, Week 4 of #30Years30IceCreams!
Talk about an Instagrammable treat… this fish cone is ADORABLE and it is blowing up the internet! I love soft serve, and the cone is made of a super-secret recipe waffle-like batter, so it is soft, chewy, and amazing. Also, it is stuffed! You can choose either red bean paste or custard filling. We incorrectly chose red bean, but the rest of our choices were top notch. We got a swirl of flavors, matcha and black sesame, and topped it off with condensed milk, a stick of rainbow colored mochi, and sprinkles! My photo was so pretty, some random Instagrammer asked me if she could regram it! The best part: they add special features for different holidays: stars like Christmas Trees in December, Bunny Ears for Easter, and of course, Unicorns for this summer, the ultimate animal of the year. Unfortunately, I was 2 days early for a unicorn accessory (they were hand-painting them while I was there, see below), so I’ll have to go back!
gorgeous!
There’s a new fish in town.
#2 Taiyaki: Creamy Soft Serve with delicious Instagrammable Waffle Cone
Hand-painting the Unicorn Accessories. I have to go back!!
This was a hole in the wall that I found out about from a guy on an Art Run. People who work out always know the best, most fattening foods. Always ask them for recommendations. This was the cheapest ice cream of the week, at only $5.50. First you choose your flavor, then you choose your crust (bread crumbs, Oreos, or cornflakes), then you drizzle it with whatever drizzles and toppings you want. They pre-make the ice cream balls and make them EXTRA cold, so they don’t melt in the fryer. We chose pistachio, Oreo crumbs, whipped cream, Nutella, and more cookie crumbs. This is DECADENT. The whole place reeks of fried food, and it tastes like ice cream and funnel cake all in one. The Oreos crumbs were barely tasteable, it mostly just tasted fried, which is fine in my book. Highly recommend if you like a sweet and savory taste combo, as well as a cold/hot palette combo. Only problem: It’s hard to get a photo before the whipped cream starts melting on the fried goodness! Ice cream was a bit hard, since it must be extra frozen, but combined with the fried part, it’s amazing! As a self-proclaimed french fry enthusiast and professional fried food taster, this was a great food moment in my life.
The menu laid out the steps.
Roll that thanggg in Oreos, baby!!
FRY IT UP!
Take photos quickly before it melts.
So cute! The cups have stickers that match the walls.
This painting looked incredibly similar to what it looked like IRL.
Third stop of the day, I was hoping to get drunk and forget about all of the calories I consumed. JK. Sorta. This place had been ALL OVER THE INTERNET and I knew it was opening for a few months prior. It used to be sold only in pints (made locally in Harlem!), but a full-on “Barlour” was opening during #30Years30IceCreams so I knew I had to go. They let you taste up to 2 flavors, but no more. I assumed this was so that drunk people would not fall on the Barlour floor. There is a choice to purchase either one flavor, or a flight of 4 flavors. This was an easy choice. Plus, the flight was much better for photos, which is what matters the most. They had little cups with sprinkles around them, and they even had hashtag flags with things like #IceCreamWasted and #FoodPorn. Love it. Unfortunately, I did not end up drunk (or fortunately, since I had to teach a spin class that night), but I definitely did taste the alcohol once the ice cream started melting! We chose Tequila Mexican Hot Chocolate (cinnamon-y and YUMMY), Maple Bacon Bourbon (flavor was EH, but bacon was DEEEELISH; also the bourbon flavor definitely came out once it started melting), Red Velvet Martini (yummy, but not very red-velvet-y), and Mango Margarita (very refreshing, but not very tequila-y). Definitely recommend this as an experience!
Barlour, get it? #ISeeWhatYouDidThere
Cute (and serious) signage.
How cute are these tiny sprinkle cups??
They had “hashtag flags” which only added to my “aesthetic” rating.
They even sell adorable merch like this tank top I seriously considered getting.
We got ice cream wasted. But not really.
I CE NY – Rolled Ice Cream, Take II (@i_ce_ny) June 1, 2017
Aesthetic (9) Flavor (7) Texture (8) Overall (8)
I had rolled ice cream before in week 2, but I decided to give it another go because it was so creamy the time before! Sure enough, it did not disappoint. Incredibly creamy. Also, you get a show because you can watch them make it! I had coffee ice cream, with brownies mixed in, Nutella, strawberries and rainbow jimmies. YUM. Dinner and a show for 7 bucks! JK I had more ice cream for dinner (see below).
The presentation and show part of dinner.
How cute is this? Lady Liberty and Ice Cream: goes together like peas and carrots.
Gorgeous.
Almost too pretty to eat. ALMOST.
Wu Kong – Cotton Candy Cloud with Cotton Candy Ice Cream and Blow-Torched Marshmallows (@wukongus) June 1, 2017
Aesthetic (10) Flavor (8) Texture (7) Overall (9)
I saw this cotton candy cloud amazingness all over Instagram and it was immediately on my list of MUST-DO. I went here with emoji-bf’s sister (see below, they look so alike!), which meant we could get more because there were two of us. We got a double scoop, one of cotton candy flavored ice cream (go big or go home) and one of vanilla, to neutralize all of the sugar (with more ice cream LOL). Then we picked our flavor/color of cotton candy. Then we picked out our UNLIMITED toppings. We asked for the prettiest things, and I added two pink marshmallows, as one does when they are available. I was pleasantly surprised when they pulled out a blowtorch and roasted them, like sleepaway camp. The memories! This was the prettiest ice cream ever. It sat on the table for a full 10 minutes while we stared at it before we realized we should probably eat it before it melted more. As far as texture goes, it wasn’t the best or creamiest, but you can’t win everything. Also, the cotton candy turned my fingers and mouth blue. #WorthIt.
First Step: Bright Blue Cotton Candy.
Second Step: Literally blow-torching my marshmallows.
Third Step: Sprinkle with fairy dust sprinkles.
#5 Wu Kong: Cotton Candy Cloud Ice Cream, the thing of dreams.
Fifth Step: Zoom in, take more photos.
Sixth Step: Realize the Cotton Candy is larger than your head; take more photos.
Seventh Step: Realize Tongue is completely blue, take more photos.
I wrote about the ice cream brands from the Scooper Bowl in alphabetical order, so as not to prioritize or favor any of them. However, the very first brand alphabetically also happened to have my favorite flavors of the day. Baskin-Robbins had three flavors available and I tried them all. More than once. And with unlimited ice cream for 5 hours and so much to try, you KNOW I liked them if I went back for more! The three flavors were Golden OREO ‘n Churro, Love Potion #31 and Rainbow Sherbet. My favorite flavor ever was Love Potion #31, which is a classic flavor from 1995, white chocolate-flavored and raspberry ice creams, a raspberry ribbon, chocolate chips and raspberry-filled chocolate-flavored hearts. How can that be bad??? It wasn’t. It was amazing. Also amazing, Golden Oreo flavor… and I don’t even like Golden Oreos! I’m more of a classic Oreo girl, myself. But: cinnamon caramel-flavored ice cream with crispy churro pieces and Golden Oreo cookie pieces all wrapped together with a fried dough-flavored ribbon… come on. I can’t even say more about it, you have to try it yourself.
I have been to the B&J Factory in Vermont before, so I was familiar with their ice cream, plus, I am familiar with their current-events-style-flavors. At the Scooper Bowl, they had 4 flavors, and I tried Stephen Colbert’s AmeriCone Dream (vanilla ice cream with fudge-covered waffle cone pieces and a caramel swirl), and Bob Marley’s One Love (banana ice cream with caramel & graham cracker swirls& fudge peace signs). Personally, I love when my ice cream has stuff in it. So B&J knows the way to my heart. I loved the waffle cone pieces in Colbert’s, and I LOVED the Marley banana ice cream. I would have eaten more of it if I had more capacity in my belly. Highly recommend both if you only have access to a grocery store and not to a cotton candy machine like Wu Kong.
Breyers – Good Cookies & Cream (@breyers) June 3, 2017
Aesthetic (4) Flavor (8) Texture (8) Overall (6)
To be honest, by the time I hit Breyer’s, I was Ice Cream-ed out. I tried it because I knew I had to. You know I was #overit because I didn’t even take any photos! I had seen Breyers in the grocery store before, but there’s something to be said about ice cream that is scooped for you. Less Work = More Delicious. I tried the Cookies and Cream, and I was not disappointed. The cookies weren’t crispy like a fresh Oreo, but the ice cream was incredibly creamy for a store-bought variety! Not bad, Breyers, not bad. (Probably better without the 4 hours of ice cream prior.)
BK Ice Cream Factory didn’t have the most unique flavors (vanilla, chocolate), but what they didn’t have in flavors, they made up for in presentation! The strawberry flavor was REALLY good and I’m not usually a strawberry girl. Their most unique flavor was blueberry, which was not my favorite because the blueberry pieces stuck in my teeth! Ain’t nobody got time for that with 8 ice cream places to try! However, this place wins the Scooper Bowl for presentation. They had little mini cones, and they had chocolate cookie thingies for open-faced ice cream sandwiches. Winner Winner Ice Cream Dinner. Made for some great photos.
As I talked about in my Scooper Bowl post, I was intrigued by DF Mavens, which is vegan and completely dairy free (hence, DF). They used to have a shop in the East Village, but they closed last year! I actually loved it! I liked the nutty flavor (like the vegan flavor I had at Van Leeuwen’s in Week 2), but even more than the creamy ones, I was excited that they had a raspberry sorbet. Not my usual flavor choice, but a welcome palette-cleanser. I really disliked the red bean flavor, but I don’t like red bean in general. My favorite flavor by far was key lime with chunks of pie crust in it. YUM! You can still purchase DF Mavens in stores and online, so if you have a dairy allergy, get on it!
DF Mavens with dairy free, palette-cleansing sorbet.
Graeter’s was at the Scooper Bowl exclusively on Saturday. I love exclusive, so even though I was ice-creamed out, I knew I had to try it, and boy was I glad I did. They had three flavors available, Black Raspberry Chocolate Chip, Double Chocolate Chip, and Madagascar Vanilla Bean. OBVI I had to try the black raspberry chocolate chip. I cannot stress how good this was. If you’ve never had black raspberry ice cream, bookmark this page for later, and go get some right now. It was DELICIOUS.
I told the story of Vice Cream in my Scooper Bowl post, but basically, their flavors are based on decadence and indulgence, since their founder, Dan Schorr, started the company after being diagnosed with lymphoma. He decided to start really living his life. Their slogan is “Live Life, Dig In,” and I definitely did that. They had 6 (SIX!!) flavors available, and tried almost all of them. Bourbon Mash, Higher Grounds, Choc of Shame, Minted, Afternoon Delight and L’Orange a Trois. My favorites were L’orange a Trois (vanilla ice cream with orange ripple and three types of chocolate chunks), Afternoon Delight (vanilla ice cream with chocolate chip cookie dough, salted caramel truffles fudge and caramel), Higher Grounds (dark roast coffee with mocha fudge and chocolate cookie crumbles and espresso), AND Bourbon Mash (vanilla ice cream with chocolate and bourbon-caramel sauce). Ok, TBH I loved them ALL. Plus, they were scooped with love and everyone was so friendly!
Follow them on insta!
This cannot be bad. It wasn’t.
Dan Schorr, founder of Vice Cream! Don’t be such a vanilla!
Hand-Made and Hand-Created-Flavor – Peanut Butter with Chocolate Ripple (@noinstagrambutitwasdelicious) June 4, 2017
When my sister heard I was doing a #30Years30IceCreams challenge, she casually mentioned that they had an ice cream maker. What?? In an NYC apartment? I knew I had to take advantage. On my birthday, I went to her house and her husband named off a litany of ingredients that could possibly go in ice cream. I was overwhelmed, but as a newly certified ice cream connoisseur, I was up for the challenge. I decided on a peanut butter ice cream base with a chocolate ripple. To make the base, we combined peanut butter and corn syrup, warmed it to soften it, added it to the base, and let the machine do its thing. Then, when it was almost completely frozen, we added the hand-made mixture of chocolate chips, cocoa powder and sugar, to make a chocolate ripple. Then, we let it freeze more for a few days. The days of freezing are unnecessary, but my schedule was so crazy with other ice cream endeavors, I didn’t have time to enjoy it before then. When I finally tasted it, I was PLEASANTLY surprised. The flavor was GREAT, but the texture was the star of the show. Sooo creamy, and the chocolate ripple added a great bonus. It was incredibly rich, though. I have shared it with 4 people so far, and I still have a lot in my freezer! I’ll be eating it all month. Turning my birthday into a lifestyle.
Mixing the Peanut Flavor for the ice cream base.
Pouting the PB mixture into the magic machine.
And then we wait.
While we wait, we make a chocolate ripple.
DIY chocolate ripple. By Do It Yourself, I mean, have your brother-in-law do it.
Frozen and ready to be devoured!
Looks delicious!!
TASTES AMAZING!!
That’s it for individual reviews. I will post my overall #30Years30IceCreams summary next week, so stay tuned! Now, off to the gym. For the rest of the summer. And forever.
Today is the 4th anniversary of my law school graduation. I figured there was no better time to start talking about my experience. If you read my About Me, you’d know that I am a recovering attorney. Short version: I graduated law school in June of 2013, passed the NY and NJ Bar, worked for a mid-size civil defense litigation firm for 11 very long months and quit. Never to look back. I haven’t practiced law in 2 years, 10 months and 20 days. That’s 1,055 days. Which is equivalent to 1,519,200 minutes. Or 91,152,000 seconds. But who’s counting.
Things I used to be able to say: I work at a law firm in the financial district. Technically I get 10 days of vacation per year, but no one takes them. And I still have to bill 180 hours/month so why bother. I drink every day. I cry when I leave work. A homeless man with tattoos on his face gave me a bottle of the water on the subway today because I was crying and he told me “things would get better.”
Things I can say now: My job does not own me. I don’t check my work email from Friday at 5 pm until Monday at 9 am. I get 20 days of vacation, plus all Jewish holidays and Federal Holidays, so basically 45 days/year. I regularly sign off on my emails with “Mazel Tov” or “Shabbat Shalom.” I know there is a such thing as a holiday that celebrates cheesecake. I hyperlink words in my blog posts to articles in Ha’aretz.
Thing I used to do and still can do: Sign my complaint emails to my leasing office/airlines/hotels/Uber/anything customer service related, with three magic letters: ESQ.
That last part is crucial. But was it worth $100K in loans? I’ve gotten a lot of money back from Delta, but the answer is still “probably not.” The American Bar Association literally published a paper entitled “The Value Proposition of Attending Law School,” which basically tells people law school is a financial burden that is often not worth the time or benefit, and that most expected salaries will not support the expected debt. More on student loans another time, though.
Have I convinced you not to go yet? If I haven’t, maybe someone else will. Nowadays, you can find someone telling you not to go to law school on almost every website. A quick google search of “don’t go to law school” will bring back “about 26,100,000 results,” not like I have done this or anything. In 2013, Business Insider published a flow chart specifically designed to convince you not to go to law school. Unfortunately, I graduated in 2013, so it was too little too late. The Boston Globe wrote about it. Even Huffington Post (Tucker Max) talked about it. Above the Law talks about it all the time. In 2015, they started a piece with “I’m a lawyer. I hate it. what now?” Unfortunately, this is more common than you would think. Judging from a very small sample size of people I went to law school with (graduating class of 478), I can tell you that I personally know 3 people who actually enjoy what they do. The rest of them? Well, they get to enjoy at least one of the only 2 great parts of being a lawyer: (1) saying you’re a lawyer, and (2) a big paycheck. Those who actually like their jobs (probably because they are “making a difference” or “helping people”) do not actually get to enjoy the money part. I probably make more money than they did when they started, and none of them get a 2-day cheesecake holiday off of work.
When I tell people that I quit law, the first thing they do (without fail) is say that they, too, know somebody, or know somebody who knows somebody, who did the exact same thing. This is not surprising, considering everything I said above. The Atlantic published an article the same month I quit my job at the firm about how the legal industry is one of the only fields that has a sub-industry helping people quit. As I read that article back in 2014 (which I rediscovered surprisingly easily with another google search), the line that stuck out to me was that a “law-firm associate consistently ranks at the top of unhappy-professions lists despite starting salaries of $160,000,” and that “law firms experience significant yearly associate attrition.” The attrition part did not surprise me at all. When I left my firm after less than a year, I was the 16th associate to put in notice in the time that I was there. I had a list of them that I kept in plain sight on my desk, asking myself every day if I was going to be the next name on the list. My firm (which will remain nameless) was known to have a revolving door, and since it was not big law, they didn’t have to pay big law money but they expected big law hours. The problem with that was, associates would leave to go anywhere else for more money since they were already putting in the time.
I learned through the grapevine that my firm was notorious. Unfortunately, my real “come to god” moment about this terrible place came from Glassdoor reviews, the first of which was posted 2 months after I quit. THANKS FOR NOTHING. But really, it did make me feel a little bit better to know that I was not alone. My firm’s average rating is currently 1.5 out of 5. A mere fourteen percent would recommend to a friend. When I quit, I put on alerts so that I would get an email every time someone posted a new review. Over the years, these have provided me with much-needed comic relief. Some of my favorite review titles include “slavery for low pay makes me cranky,” or “Are you kidding me?” or “Avoid at all costs,” or the very honest “Horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (there are really 15 exclamation points). But my all-time favorite title is “Run”. Short, sweet, leaves no room for misinterpretation. That doesn’t even touch the tip of iceberg of the actual content of the reviews. A few highlights: “Cons: Associates are overworked, underpaid, and generally miserable.” “Pros: It’s close to the train station.” “Pros: There are no pros to this place.”
My firm may have been particularly bad, but as they say, one bad apple spoils the barrel, and I wasn’t about to try my luck with another law firm and just hope that it was different. Again, I only speak from my own experience, but as you can see from all of the articles above, I am not alone. I recently had a conversation with my boyfriend about how likely it is that I will return to the legal field. I said 90% no way. He said “that’s crazy high, that’s 1 in ten chance that you will go back. I would have put it at 97% or 98%.” He is probably right. Why would I put myself through that again? I may return to the legal field someday, but most likely not as a lawyer.
I can talk about those miserable 11 months all day long, but if you are currently working for a firm, you have probably already wasted .3 hours of your billable time reading this (if you round up!), so I will save the story of why I went to law school in the first place for another time. The answer is complicated, and it’s embedded in a very complicated throne of lies that were fed to me for years. If you have gotten through this whole post and you are still considering going to law school, you are hopeless. Go spend some time on Glassdoor and google “don’t go to law school” some more. Do not pass go and do not collect $200 (or $200,000 in loans).
Yesterday I went to the Scooper Bowl for unlimited ice cream. I’ve never fancied myself to be a competitive eater, but yesterday was both a race against the clock, and a race against the physical capacity of a human stomach. I lasted more than 5 hours, and I’m pretty dang proud of myself. Also, I feel like did a great thing for the world because it was a fundraiser. Win-Win!
The Scooper Bowl is the nation’s largest all-you-can-eat ice cream festival, co-benefiting The Jimmy Fund and the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. It began in 1983 in Boston, and according to their website, thanks to generous contributions from the largest ice cream companies in the nation, the Scooper Bowl has raised more than $5 million in the past 33 years for cancer research and patient care at the world-renowned Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. The most amazing part, ice cream companies donate all the ice cream, labor, scoopers, and products needed to make the event happen each year.
I heard about this amazing event because, as you probably already know, I have been on an epic ice cream journey, #30Years30IceCreams. I officially have 2 days left out of 30. If you haven’t read about Week 1, Week 2, or Week 3 yet, get to reading! I will be posting more about the actual ice cream and flavors in my Week 4 update, but for now, more about how I managed to eat ice cream for 5 hours straight, because there WAS a method to the madness. I was a woMAN WITH A PLAN.
The Scooper Bowl is a 3-day event, Thursday through Saturday, and tickets were only 20 dollars per day in advance (plus a processing fee), or 25 dollars at the door. I honestly was not planning to go. The LAST thing I needed after 27 days of nonstop ice cream, was UNLIMITED ICE CREAM. I heard about it through creepy internet cookies; since I have been posting ice cream-related posts for weeks now, I was the prime advertising target. It was showing up in my Instagram feed, Facebook advertisements, dreams, etc. And when other people started to hear about it, they were forwarding me the link via Instagram direct messages, Facebook messages, and multiple people posted it to my Facebook wall! The writing was literally on the wall: I HAD TO GO.
The ultimate deciding factor: my cousin texted me from Washington D.C. and said that her friend who just moved to NYC was looking for a friend to go with. I can’t say no to a blind friend date. I mean hello, perfect blog material! Here’s how you should prepare for an AYCE ice cream festival: go to the gym and don’t eat anything else. Here’s how I prepared: laid in bed eating and watching Sex and the City. Oops. Mistake #1.
My blind friend date couldn’t make it to the festival until 5:45, but the festival started at 1 pm, and I wasn’t about to miss out on all of those hours of ice cream, so I met some other friends there at 3 pm. I hadn’t seen those friends in years, so we had plenty to chat about while stuffing our faces with sweets. I arrived and scoped the scene: 8 vendors, 3-4 flavors per vendor, total of about 30 flavors to try. The flavor list had been released a few days prior, so I had an idea what I was in for, but I did a quick survey to double check. Vendors: Baskin-Robbins, Ben & Jerry’s, Breyers, Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory, DF Mavens, Graeter’s, Häagen-Dazs, and Vice Cream.
I went to Haagen-Dazs first, because they had adorable mini little single-serve cups. They even had little spoons inside the tops! I was drawn to this in the same way I can spend hours in CVS looking at the mini toiletries. However, this was MISTAKE #2: there was a lot of ice cream in those thingies! I was almost full and I had ONE flavor at ONE vendor! I never went back to that stand, but I did get some great photos.
I was intrigued by DF Mavens, which is vegan and completely dairy free (hence, DF). They used to have a shop in the East Village, and they were on my original list for #30Years30IceCreams, but they closed last year! I was excited to get to try it. I actually loved it! I liked the nutty flavor, but even more than the creamy ones, I was excited that they had a raspberry sorbet and mango creamicle flavor. After approximately 15 mini cup servings of dairy, it was a welcome palette-cleanser. They also had a great key lime flavor with chunks of pie crust in it, but more on the particular flavors in my Week 4 update.
By 4 pm, my friends and I tried and/or grabbed one flavor at each of the vendors, then we decided we needed a break. There was no reentry allowed if you left, so we found a little corner to sit on the ground and digest/eat the cups we had in our hands. We made friends who had the same idea as we did, but they were better prepared with a sheet to sit on. We chatted with our new friends, and a guy who was volunteering at the event who happened to go to UF! The Gator Nation really is everywhere. Every 30 minutes or so, we got up and did another lap to try more flavors and get in some FitBit steps. Our new friends loved free swag and somehow managed to snag us Volunteer shirts from the event, Baskin Robbins 31 Flavors shirts AND awesome Yankees hats! We did a bit of volunteering, since our picnic area was by the staff exit, and we had to keep telling people it was not an exit. “Not an exit.” “Not an exit.” “This isn’t an exit.” “Where do you exit? Um, do you remember where you came in? Try there.” Totally worth the shirt. It’s a 2XL, but it was super comfy to sleep in last night. And the best part of the shirt? Even though there was technically no reentry, if you were a volunteer, you could come and go as you pleased! SCORE.
However, I didn’t leave at all. 4 hours in, it neared time for my blind friend date. I was nervous! What if the girl wasn’t cool and I was stuck with her in icecreamland? Good news, we could always not talk and just eat. Plus, by this point I was a certified ice cream connoisseur (and half-event-staff) so I knew where to show her to the best flavors. My date showed up at 6, and we spent another 2+ hours sampling and taking photos. Good news, she was awesome! Bad news, I was incredibly full. Also bad news, Brooklyn Ice Cream ran out of Blueberry ice cream and ran out of mini cones and open-faced ice cream sandwiches by the time my new friend arrived. Good thing I had taken photos before! The two rookie mistakes I saw (and was able to warn my new friend against): Do NOT take the cup with the largest scoop and do NOT waste stomach room on flavors like vanilla and chocolate! Lamezilla! Why would you do that when you could get L’Orange A Trois, vanilla ice cream with orange ripple, milk, white AND dark chocolate chunks?!
Speaking of, that flavor was from my favorite brand of the day by far: Vice Cream. I hadn’t heard of them before, since they are new to New York (sold in Key Foods!), but the best part, besides the amazing, decadent flavors, was their story! Dan Schorr, founder of Vice Cream (who I also got a photo with, score!), had a goal to reintroduce true INDULGENCE into ice cream. No vegan, gluten-free crap. Schorr didn’t always believe in indulging, but in April 2014, he was diagnosed with lymphoma and given three months to live if untreated. “I ate really well, I ran every day, and I got cancer,” he said. “We think we can bring new consumers back to indulgent super-premium ice cream and give them permission to live life,” Schorr said. Oh, and did I mention that he is now #CANCERFREE?! And hilarious! Check out his blog, Humor with a Tumor! He was wearing a shirt that said “Don’t Be Such a Vanilla.” AMEN to that. Plus, their slogan is “Live Life, Dig In.” I can’t disagree with that.
Overall, 5+ hours of ice cream eating later, one blind friend date, 2 free t-shirts and a free hat later, I would say it was a great success. Also, as I was leaving, I happened to be in the most perfect position to see Manhattanhenge! That never happens. Watch out for the Week 4 recap of #30Years30IceCreams coming at you this week!! There’s no such thing as a cheat day, it’s just calling living. But I did run 6 miles this morning to try and make up for yesterday. #Balance #Blessed 😉
